新人报道，求指导！！！

lihaolan

3.21独立
In modern society, people in growing number tend to detach themselves from the society. Some of them are addicted to the Internet and television programs to kill time. The issue whether neighbors are still indispensable parts of one's life has caused wide concern. Some teenagers argue that along with rapid development of modern science, they can interact with friends thorough the internet. Therefore, neighbors play less and less role in one's life. However, they overstate the change of the society and underestimate the value of neighbors which cannot be replaced by the modern science. Actually, neighbors are much more important than ever due to the adverse effects brought by modern technology.

First and foremost, while we enjoy the advantages and convenience produced by state-of-the-art technique, yet we are supposed to be aware of the negative impacts coming along with it. Admittedly, we can communicate with friends more easily via internet. However, you cannot fully understand the people in the internet. Maybe the person you interact with is the offender. We should not neglect dangers of the virtual worlds. Moreover, youngsters may go astray because the misleading information on the internet. Therefore, neighbors are needed especially in modern society. They can direct the right way to the teenagers when new generation is confronted with the difficulties, which exerts profound impacts on their well-rounded development.

Further, even the most advanced technology cannot help people immediately when they face the emergency. However, the neighbors always offer a hand to each other at once. Assume that you have bad cold at home without relatives accompanying with you, almost all the neighbors are will to take care of you. Also, if there is a new born in one's family, neighbors are always keen to offer help to you. Once you have to leave home, they will look after your baby for you. While all of these cannot be provides by modern science.

Last but not least, the shortage of emotional communication is a severe problem that people have to face nowadays. Because of high pace of live and lack of friends, people seldom communicate with others, which makes them suffer great lonely or even causes the psychological problem. However, if you have good relationship with neighbors, they can have meal with you in the leisure time. What's more, in the holiday, they are able to go hiking with you, which can relief you daily pressure and accommodate people's emotional needs.

All in all, admittedly, cutting edge technology brings great convenience to our life. However, the neighbors cannot be replaced by these machines, because people cannot live without the interaction with neighbors.

咩咩糖公主

来学习的 同意楼上的 我也很喜欢你的作文 句子都写得很精致 词汇也很丰富 来支持一下先 嘻嘻

lihaolan

3.22独立

In modern society, a number of people attach great significance to money. In their perspective, money is superior to society recognition because they make the illusion that money can buy everything including one's reputation. However, is this really the case? No, on the contrary, they overstate the function of money, which can only accommodate the material needs of human but is incapable of satisfying their psychological needs. In stark contrast to money, the social recognition can bring the mental contentment, which people nowadays have a carving for. Therefore, I believe people concern about the public recognition more than money.

First and foremost, along with the dramatic improvement of living quality, people have not to worry about the bread-and-butter needs of live. Therefore, there is a tendency for people to pursue the high reputation and the public recognition, which is more meaningful as they think. Although money enables people buy the commodities they like, yet it cannot bring about the public recognition, which has become one of the main objection of people' life. For instance, it is not uncommon that a number of billionaires make a will to donate their treasure after their death. The main driving force of this behavior is that they want obtain more public recognition rather than money.

Further, there is no denying that people at present society are capable of receiving high quality schooling, which places considerable emphasis on contribution to society and public recognition. In the high school, we are always taught that the vital factor to determinate one's success is not how much money they earn but how much public recognition they obtain and how much dedication they make. Under such education system, the new generation is bound to emphasize more about the society recognition. Moreover, when they truly understand the sense of achievement that public recognition can generate, they will definitely consider the public reputation as their final goal of life.

Last but not least, public recognition plays essential roles in one's life, which ensures them a happy and meaningful life. No matter how much money you make, if you have a bad reputation, you will suffer more loss than money you earn. Take the offender as an example, if he robs money from bank, once being arrest, he will be punished by the law and criticized by society. We can imagine how much he will suffer from the physics and psychology without public recognition. The suffering is ought to far outweigh the benefits coming from the money he rob. What's more, almost all the people have been aware of the adverse effects money brings, such as money worship, which makes people become impersonal and to be condemned by society, thereby being despised by others. Thus, people must cherish public recognition more than ever compared with money.

All in all, admittedly, money can satisfy people's need to some extent. However, people clearly understand that the public recognition is an indispensable part of their life while the role that money plays is comparative less vital to one's life.

超时，写多了。。扯得拉不回来了==

viviyl

In modern society, a number of people attach great significance to money. In their perspective, money is superior to society recognition because they make the illusion that money can buy everything including one's reputation. However, is this really the case? No, on the contrary, they overstate the function of money, which can only accommodate the material needs of human but is incapable of satisfying their psychological needs. In stark contrast to money, the social recognition can bring the mental contentment, which people nowadays havea carving for(这个用法是什么呀？). Therefore, I believe people concern about the public recognition more than money.

First and foremost, along with the dramatic improvement of living quality, people have not to worry about the bread-and-butter needs of live. Therefore, there is a tendency for people to pursue the high reputation and the public recognition, which is more meaningful as they think. Although money enables people(to) buy the commodities they like, yet it cannot bring about the public recognition, which has become one of the main objection(你想说的是objective吧)of people' life. For instance, it is not uncommon that a number of billionaires make a will to donate their treasure after their death. The main driving force of this behavior is that they want (to) obtain more public recognition rather than money.

Further, there is no denying that people at(in) present society are capable of (之前用过了，可以换个)receiving high quality schooling, which places considerable emphasis on contribution to society and public recognition. In the high school, we are always taught that the vital factor to determinate one's success is not how much money they earn but how much public recognition they obtain and how much dedication they make(前后指代不一致). Under such education system, the new generation is bound to emphasize more about the society recognition. Moreover, when they truly understand the sense of achievement that public recognition can generate, they will definitely consider the public reputation as their final goal of life. （这段话的观点是现在的教育让人更加意识到public recognition的重要性，感觉好像不太能论证题目的观点。。。）

Last but not least, public recognition plays essential roles in one's life, which ensures them a happy and meaningful life. No matter how much money you make, if you have a bad reputation, you will suffer more loss than money you earn（suffer more than what you earn, 原句有点歧义）. Take the（one） offender as an example, if he robs money from bank, once being arrest, he will be punished by the law and criticized(censured) by society. We can imagine how much he will suffer from the physics and psychology(physical and psychological being) without public recognition. The suffering is ought to far outweigh the benefits coming from the money he rob. (这个例子有点极端啊)What's more, almost all the people have been aware of the adverse effects money brings, such as money worship, which makes people become impersonal and to be condemned by society, thereby being despised by others. Thus, people must cherish public recognition more than ever compared with money.

All in all, admittedly, money can satisfy people's need to some extent. However, people clearly understand that the public recognition is an indispensable part of their life while the role that money plays is comparative less vital to one's life.



第一次改作文= =说的不对的地方请指教~

总体来说文章结构清晰、语言流畅。值得我学习~

第二段的论点有点牵强。第三段的例子不太好，用一个抢劫犯抢到钱和受惩罚的痛苦做对比太极端了，题目要论证的是就算没有钱人们也愿意为了public recognition努力工作。

最后就是个别语法错误。

lihaolan

3.23独立
In modern society, along with the dramatically economic development, there are increasing funds available to invest on the local infrastructure. Meanwhile, the issue whether authorities are supposed to focus funds on art museums and music performance center primarily has cause wide discussion. Some people contradict to this statement, they believe the recreational facilities provide citizens place to exercise which contributes to one's physical well-being. However, the value of museums and music center far outweigh the merit of building recreational facilities, especially in modern society.

First and foremost, although the recreational facilities bring about some benefits, yet the museums and music performance center can be more educational. As it is known to us, recreational facilities are mainly used for fun. On the contrary, by visiting museum, people can expand their outlook and improve the capability of appreciating arts. When we appreciate art in the museum, we can acquire a deep reflection of our life at the same time. Also, in term of relieving pressure of daily life, art and music have the same effect as the recreational facilities. Can you say that listening to the symphony composed by Beethoven does not enable us get away from daily grant or appreciating the painting drown by Da Vinci is not a stimulating experience compared with go to amusement park?

Further, art and music play an essential role on molding one's characters. There is no denying that people who usually go to museum or listen to music are more polite and gentle. A recent survey conducted by Boston University indicates that if a child expose to music and art in his early age, he tends to be more talent and creative. Indisputably, art and music promote the psychological soundness for the children. For the sake of our next generation, authorities have obligation to build more museum and music performance center for teenagers so that youngsters are able to have more access to art and music.

Last but not least, the deficiency of national identity in present society has caused grave concerns. People are dedicating to find out the solution. Actually, the music and art can reinforce people's national identity, which exert profound influence on a nation's surviving. If a nation is devoid of music and art, it is bound to die out soon. In contrast, without the recreational facilities, the country can also survive and still make progress. Therefore, government should place considerable emphasis on art and music in order to keep the nation alive rather than put the entertainment in priority.

All in all, admittedly, recreational facilities have their own advantages. However, it is urgent for authority to spend its expenditure on arts and music because they have become indispensable parts to both people's life and a country.

xeyyxzty

本人水平有限~真心觉得你写的很好
没什么问题吧，就是觉得你很少用the之类的啊~名词啊怎么都单独出现了呢~不知道这样行不行哈，如果没问题就忽略我好了........
还有就是觉得最后一点有点牵强，当然也是personally speaking哈~关系到国家兴亡这个，果然有高度........
anyway,写的真棒！！！！！！！！！

In modern society, along with the dramatically economic development, there areincreasing funds available to invest on the local infrastructure. Meanwhile,the issue whether authorities are supposed to focus funds on art museums andmusic performance center primarily has cause wide discussion. Some peoplecontradict to this statement, they believe the recreational facilities providecitizens place to exercise which contributes to one's physical well-being.However, the value of museums and music center far outweigh the merit of building recreationalfacilities, especially in modern society.

First and foremost, although the recreational facilities bringabout some benefits, yet the museums and music performance center can be moreeducational. As it is known to us, recreational facilities are mainly used forfun. On the contrary, by visiting museum, people can expand their outlook andimprove the capability of appreciating arts. When we appreciate art in themuseum, we can acquire a deep reflection of our life at the same time. Also, interm of relieving pressure of daily life, art and music have the same effect asthe recreational facilities. Can you say that listening to the symphonycomposed by Beethoven does not enable us get away from daily grant or appreciatingthe painting drown by Da Vinci is not a stimulating experience compared with goto amusement park?

Further, art and music play an essential role on molding one'scharacters. There is no denying that people who usually go to museum or listento music are more polite and gentle. A recent survey conducted by BostonUniversity indicates that if a child exposeàis exposedto music and art in his early age, he tends to be more talented and creative. Indisputably,art and music promote the psychological soundness for the children. For thesake of our next generation, authorities have obligation to build more museumand music performance center for teenagers so that youngsters are able to havemore access to art and music.

Last but not least, the deficiency of national identity in presentsociety has caused grave concerns. People are dedicating to find out thesolution. Actually, the music and art can reinforce people's national identity,which exert profound influence on a nation's surviving. If a nation is devoidof music and art, it is bound to die out soon. In contrast, without therecreational facilities, the country can also survive and still make progress.Therefore, government should place considerable emphasis on art and music inorder to keep the nation alive rather than put the entertainment in priority.

All in all, admittedly, recreational facilities have their ownadvantages. However, it is urgent for authority to spend its expenditure onarts and music because they have become indispensable parts to both people'slife and a country.

xeyyxzty

同学~高亮的内容无法显示了...所以~所以~本来就没有什么修改的就更显简陋了...不好意思哈......

lihaolan

3.25独立
In present society, along with the dramatically economic development, people will be confronted with a wide variety of opportunities. Meanwhile, the issue whether people are supposed to act immediately once coming into opportunities has caused wide discussion. Some people support this argument because, in their perspective, the opportunities always slip away quickly. However, they fail to take into account the adverse effects of reckless behaviors and the merits of patience. Therefore, I believe that people should be patient and keep a clear mind even facing the precious opportunities.
First and foremost, although the opportunities may slip away fast, not all the opportunities are beneficial and suitable to everyone. Being patient equips people with the ability to make a deliberate evaluation. Only after a deliberate evaluation which plays vital roles in people's future are we able to decide whether to undertake this project sensibly.  In the contrast, action without consideration will beget undue loss. For instance, when a person comes into valuable chances, he should make a judgment whether his ability can grapple with this assignment. If he just acts without evaluation, his ability may be finite and cannot handle the problem, which means his effort is just in vain.
Further, there is no denying that patience exerts significant impacts on the efficiency. After careful planning, people are capable of acquiring thorough overview about the task that they will go about. A recent survey conducted by Boston University indicates that the more thoughtful a plan is, the more efficient the person is. The reason for this phenomenon is that people have already detected the potential difficulties and found out the solution towards these troubles. After well-rounded preparation, when facing the problems, people will be more confident and solve the problems more smoothly.
Last but not least, it is widely acknowledged that patient people are inclined to make few mistakes. People acting immediately when they see the opportunities tend to be careless which always results in low productivity and a number of errors. Even with the precious chance, without patience, people cannot fully utilize the opportunities. Worse ever, the failure due to rash behaviors also dampens people's enthusiasm towards the work, which discourages people to take risk next time.
All in all, admittedly, acting at once has its own advantages such as catch the fleeting chances. However, the disadvantages far outweigh its advantages. Thus, there is no doubt that patient is a good strategy, which ensures you distinguished behavior.

咩咩糖公主

太喜欢你的作文了 几乎每天都要来看一下 学习学习，虽然自己经常懒得写。。但是学学也总是好的嘛。。（好吧，我承认这是阿Q精神。。）
看了之后就有一些小小的想法 想跟你讨论学习一下，并且我把你的作文都copy到我的作文收集本里了，以便学习模仿：）所以很手痒的改了一下。。xeyyxzty对不起啊，没有冒犯的意思，就是想一起学习一下~
3.23独立In modern society, along with the dramatically economic development, there are increasing funds available to invest on the local infrastructure. Meanwhile, the issue whether authorities are supposed to focus funds on art museums and music performance center primarily has cause wide discussion. Some people contradict to this statement, they believe the recreational facilities provide citizens place（places）to exercise which contributes to one's physical well-being. However, the value of museums and music center far outweigh the merit of building recreational facilities, especially in modern society.
First and foremost, although the recreational facilities bring about some benefits, yet the museums and music performance center can be more educational. As it（去掉it，以前有个语法老师跟我说这个句子实际上是不要it的） is known to us, recreational facilities are mainly used for fun. On the contrary,（连词用得好，此处用对比丰富了文章的内容） by visiting museum, people can expand their outlook and improve the capability of appreciating arts（拓展视野和提高艺术鉴赏力，翻译得真好）. When we appreciate art in the museum, we can acquire a deep reflection of our life at the same time. Also, in terms of relieving pressure of daily life, art and music have the same effect as the recreational facilities. Can you say that listening to the symphony composed by Beethoven does not enable us get away from daily grant（？这里grant是什么意思啊？小白求教） or appreciating the painting drown by Da Vinci is not a stimulating（我一直以为stimulate只有刺激的意思。。原来还有令人兴奋的，起激励作用的意思） experience compared with going to amusement park?
Further, art and music play an essential role on（是in吧？用on可以吗？） molding one's characters（character单数就可以了吧）. There is no denying that people who usually go to museum or listen to music are more polite and gentle. A recent survey conducted by Boston University indicates that if a child expose（这个词是使动词，好像要用被动is exposed to，这个词用在这里不知道准确不？我不sure。。） to music and art in his early age, he tends to be more talent（talented） and creative. Indisputably, art and music promote the psychological soundness for the children. For the sake of our next generation, authorities have obligation to build more museum and music performance center for teenagers so that youngsters are able to have more access to art and music.
Last but not least, the deficiency of national identity in present society has caused grave concerns.（这个论点很有高度！） People are dedicating to find out the solution. Actually, the music and art can reinforce people's national identity, which exert profound influence on a nation's surviving. If a nation is devoid of music and art, it is bound to die out soon（个人很吹毛求疵的想，sooner or later是不是更恰当？还不至于没有音乐艺术就马上灭绝了吧。。）. In contrast, without the recreational facilities, the country can also survive and still make progress.（我觉得这个好像说得太绝对了点，完全没有娱乐应当也是很糟糕的吧。。） Therefore, government should place considerable emphasis on art and music in order to keep the nation alive rather than put the entertainment in priority.All in all, admittedly, recreational facilities have their own advantages. However, it is urgent for authority to spend its expenditure（这个词用得非常准确，赞） on arts and music because they have become indispensable parts to both people's life and a country.

lihaolan

咩咩糖公主 发表于 2013-3-26 11:23
太喜欢你的作文了 几乎每天都要来看一下 学习学习，虽然自己经常懒得写。。但是学学也总是好的嘛。。（好吧 ...

daily grint。打错了！！日常琐事