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31#
发表于 2013-2-22 14:01:22 | 只看该作者
2.21独立修改
红色建议,蓝底好


In present society, a growing number of people criticize that there is a tendency that teenagers are reluctant to help others, because coverage always focuses on the deficiency of teenagers. However, they(it,they指代什么) fail to take into(你是想用take ……into consideration吗?) other crucial facts that actually support my perspective that young people now are more likely to help others than young people in the past.

First and foremost, society puts much more emphasis on education, which can instill high moral values such as helping those who are in the poverty. For instance, when I was a child, my teachers always told me to try my best to help others within my ability. They said that only if all the people become willing to help others will the country be better. Although as a young children(child) I could not thoroughly understand what this means, I bore it in my mind and gradually understood the importance of helping others. Given more emphasis on educating students to give a hand to others, adolescents nowadays are more willing to aid others.

Further, the development of modern science also inspires teenagers to help others. Because of the improvement of the communication, if people ignore others who need help, they will be exposed by media immediately. The media acts as a supervisor in modern society. Thus, despite a number of coverages including the teenagers' misbehavior, this(which) doesn't equate that teenagers today are worse than those in the past. On the contrary, the pressure from the society promotes youngsters to help other people.

Last but not least, giving others a hand when they in adversity also brings about a wide range of benefits. No one can deny the fact that by helping others, our abilities also improve. For instance, I was volunteering in library in high school which gives me a precious opportunity to know how to look for a book in library. While helping others, we acquire many skills which cannot be obtained in daily life(感觉可以具体说一个skill)

All in all, admittedly, there are some disadvantages of teenagers nowadays. However, because of the well education and high pressure from the society, teenagers nowadays are more willing to help others than in the past.

总结:
文章整体思路相当清晰,而且读起来十分顺畅,很自然流利,赞一个。
我只有一点小建议,就是丰富一下你的举例,或者把例子和你要阐述的观点联系紧密一点。
32#
 楼主| 发表于 2013-2-23 13:43:11 | 只看该作者
2.23独立写作
In present society, a growing number of people hold the negative perspective to the human health, because they detect that diseases nowadays are more various than in the past. However, they fail to take into account other crucial aspects that contribute to physical well-being and are confuse by the superficial facts. Therefore, I firmly believe that people in modern society can keep fit easier than in the past for several tenable reasons.

First and foremost, admittedly, the ranges of the disease are increasing with the development of the technology. However, human also make extremely progress in medical technology. The most persuasive evidence is the average life span of human. A recent survey conducted by local government shows that the average life span is about 70 years compared to 55 years in the past. What's more, not only the medical technology but also the quality of medical treatment has also improved. Even if people are in poverty, they can also receive high-level medical treatment because of the rapidly economic development.

Further, along with the social development, the food is also more nutrient and safe than in the past. In the old days, people always live under exposure and starvation. Because of lack of food, many people starve to death, let alone maintain good health. In contrast, due the high productivity of modern society, people can enjoy high quality life compared with the past, which make health accessible to most of people. It totally cannot imagine in the past.

Last but not least, people today tend to care more about their health and society also provides them with a wide range of exercise options. No one can deny the fact that exercise always leads to more healthy life. For instance, when I was a child, I always get cold. But after I exercise everyday, the disease seldom interrupts my daily life. Moreover, I seem to be more energetic than ever. In addition, there are more and more gymnasiums in the city, which attract both young and old, women and men. Thus, it is more convenient for people to kip fit.

All in all, although human is facing the challenge from various diseases, it is indisputable that people are living in a society where it is much easier to maintain health than in the past.
33#
发表于 2013-2-24 20:55:16 | 只看该作者

修改2.23 独立作文

In present society, a growing number of people hold the negative perspective to the human health, because they detect that diseases nowadays are more various than in the past. However, they fail to take into account other crucial aspects that contribute to physical well-being and are confuse(confused) by the superficial facts. (fail to...和are confused by.....位置调换一下更能承接上一句)Therefore, I firmly believe that people in modern society can keep fit easier than in the past for several tenable reasons.

First and foremost, admittedly, the ranges of the disease are increasing with the development of the technology.(咦..这个因果关系?) However, human also make extremely(extreme修饰progress吧?) progress in medical technology. The most persuasive evidence is the average life span of human. A recent survey conducted by local government shows that the average life span is about 70 years compared to 55 years in the past. What's more, not only the medical technology but also the quality of medical treatment has also improved. Even if people are in poverty, they can also receive high-level medical treatment because of the rapidly economic development.

Further, along with the social development, the food is also more nutrient and safe than in the past. In the old days, people always live under exposure(好像不妥,但没想到合适的词表达相同意思) and starvation. Because of lack of food, many people starve to death, let alone maintain good health. In contrast, due (to) the high productivity of modern society, people can enjoy high quality life compared with the past, which make health accessible to most of people. It totally cannot (be) imagine (imagined) in the past.

Last but not least, people today tend to care more about their health and society also provides them with a wide range of exercise options. No one can deny the fact that exercise always leads to more healthy life(healthier life). For instance, when I was a child, I always get  cold. But after I exercise everyday, the disease seldom interrupts my daily life. Moreover, I seem to be more energetic than ever. In addition, there are more and more gymnasiums in the city, which attract both young and old, women and men. Thus, it is more convenient for people to kip fit.

All in all, although human is facing the challenge from various diseases, it is indisputable that people are living in a society where it is much easier to maintain health than in the past.

论据充分,只需要注意部分词语搭配
34#
 楼主| 发表于 2013-2-25 11:33:36 | 只看该作者
2.25 独立写作
In present society, a growing number of people tend to focus on academic studies, because they hold fast that they can get more benefits from the classroom compared with the organization or club activities. However, they fail to take into account of the wealth of benefits that can be brought from club activities and organization and overstate the advantages of academic study. Therefore, it is no doubt that students can acquire as much nutrient from the extra curricular activities as from the schooling.

First and foremost, extra curricular activities enable students improve a wide variety of abilities such as interpersonal skills. There is no denying that interpersonal skills play an indispensable role in one's career development. Without interpersonal skill, it is impossible to be distinguished, no matter how competent you are. I have ever seen a number of people who are genuine talent and skillful, however, struggle to find a satisfactory job. The reason is that they lack interpersonal skills. Organization and club activities actually provide us with precious opportunity to acquire such abilities that may not be obtained from class.

Further, it is crucial to put theories that we learn from school into practice. When we take part in the club activities or organize a ceremony, we can have thorough understanding of what we learn from teachers. Theories sometimes are too abstract for students to understand, so practice can promote students' grasp of knowledge. It is widely acknowledged that learning by rote is a terrible way for studies, although majority of students nowadays are accustomed to this. Thus, it is the time to encourage student to undertake some extra curricular activities, which can ensure them a promising future.

Last but not least, by participating extra curricular activities, students can escape from daily pressure, which contributes to more efficient studies. As an old saying goes, all work, no play, makes Jack a dull boy. On no account will someone tolerant the constant studies, which may even cause severe mental problem. Also, longtime studies may cause the physical harm. Take short-sightedness for example, a recent survey conducted by Peking university school of medicine indicates that teenagers with longtime studies and lack of activities are more likely to be short-sighted. In term of keeping health, we should place considerate emphasis on club activities.

All in all, it is the time to change the old opinion about extra curricular activities, which is definitely as beneficial as academic studies.
35#
发表于 2013-2-26 06:45:01 | 只看该作者

2.25 独立写作
In present society, a growing number of people tend to focus on academicstudies, because they
hold fast(fast? 笔误吧) that they can get more benefits from the classroomclasses 更好吧?) compared with the organization or club activities. However,they fail to take into account of the wealth ofthe value o benefits that canbe brought from club activities and organization and overstate(有时候我一直觉得这种用法不太好 因为多个and连在一起容易产生歧义 不知道如何断 但是有时候自己也会用 一直没有好的解决办法) the advantages of academic study(studies). Therefore, it is no doubt that students can acquire asmuch nutrient from the extra curricular(是一个单词吧 extracurricular) activitiesas from the schooling.

First andforemost, extracurricular (extracurricular)activities enable students improve a wide variety ofabilities such as interpersonal skills. There is no denying that interpersonalskills play an indispensable role in one's career development. Withoutinterpersonal skill, it is impossible to be distinguished觉得换成主动更好一些 people is impossible to distinguished, no matter how competent you are. Ihave ever seen a number of people who are genuine talent and skillfuland前后不是很对称 talented and skillful, however, struggle to find a satisfactory job. The reasonis that they lackinterpersonal skills.(自己总用错lack vt) Organization and club activities actually provideus with precious opportunity(opportunities) to acquire such abilities that may not be obtained fromclass(classes).

Further, itis crucial to put theories that we learn from school into practice. When wetake part in the club activities or organize a ceremony, we can(will) havethorough understanding of what we learn from teachers(这两句之间感觉少了点什么东西 中间加上一个 That’s the time when extracurricularactivities play a role). Theories sometimes(Sometimes, theories这样较为常见吧) are too abstract for students tounderstand, so practicepractices can promote students' grasp of knowledge. It is widelyacknowledged that learningby rote(好词)is a terrible way for studies, although majority of students nowadays are accustomed tothis. Thus, it is the time to encourage student (students)to undertake some extra curricular(extracurrilar)activities,which can ensure them a promising future.

Last butnot least, by participating extra curricular(extracurrilar) activities, students can escape from(escape 这个词不太合适吧 relief) daily pressure, which contributes tomore efficient studies. As an old saying goes, all work, no play, makes Jack a dull boy.(用的好 我怎么没有想到) On no accountwill someone tolerant (tolerant adj. tolerate 应该才对)the constant studies, which may even cause severe mentalproblem. Also, longtime studies may cause the physical harm. Takeshort-sightedness for example, a recent survey conducted by Peking universityschool of medicine indicates that teenagers withoften with longtime studies and lack of activities are more likely tobe short-sighted. In term of keeping health, we should place considerateemphasis on club activities.

All inall, it is the time to change the old opinion about extra curricular extracurricularactivities, which is definitely asbeneficial as academic studies.

加油 感觉写的挺好的 观点很明确 我自己写的时候总是有点连自己都说服不了 观点之后总是感觉有交叉 但是你的感觉3个观点很清晰 加油!
36#
 楼主| 发表于 2013-2-26 18:56:08 | 只看该作者
2.26独立写作
In present society, a growing number of people prefer to work at home rather than at company, because they think it is more enjoyable to have a flexible working schedule. However, they fail to take into account some persuasive reasons for working at workplace. Therefore, I believe that people had better to working at company.

First and foremost, it is widely acknowledged that working at home results in the low productivity, which may cut down the profits of corporation. In contrast, by working at workplace employees can reach much higher efficiency compared with those work at home. The reason is that in the workplace, the pressure brought by supervisors contributes to diligent working. In addition, the circumstance of the workplace enables employees to entirely concentrate on daily work. Also, the instruction from managers can be imparted to the employees more easily in workplace than at home, by which employees can react swiftly. Thus, it is the high efficiency that working in company can achieve but working at home cannot.

Further, working at company can promote the team spirit between the colleagues which plays an important role in the success of a company while working at home just makes team spirit unattainable. Company or a group who ignores the team sprit will pay a heavy price. For instance, I have ever experienced such things. In my high school, because our class lacks team spirit, everyone only cares about themselves. Consequently, we lose on the almost all the competition. From then, I have realized the important of team spirit. When people work at home, the company is just like my class. Everyone just focuses on their own work and seldom communicates with each other, which definitely makes the whole company incompetent.

Last but not least, working in the workplace also contributes to a good health. Maybe it is absurd to understand, but it is the truth. Because when we work at home, we always get up late and may stay up all night, which obviously exerts negative impact on our body. On the contrary, by working in the company, we have more regular schedule which leads to healthy life. Moreover, a survey conducted by Peking University indicates that people who work at home are more likely to suffer a wide variety of diseases. Therefore, for the sake of health, it is the time to work in the company.

Admittedly, it is the fact that working at home makes people more creative. However, because of various disadvantages of working at home and a wealth of benefits of working in the workplace, it is still advisable to work in the workplace.

37#
发表于 2013-2-27 12:11:03 | 只看该作者
In present society, a growing number of people prefer to work at home rather than at company, because they think it is more enjoyable to have a flexible working schedule(感觉不怎么流畅,没想到怎么改). However, they fail to take into account some persuasive reasons for working at workplace. Therefore, I believe that people had better to working at company.


First and foremost, it is widely acknowledged that working at home results in the low productivity, which may cut down the profits of the corporation. In contrast, by working at workplace employees can reach much higher efficiency compared with those work at home. The reason is that in the workplace (the reason why working at workplace is that), the pressure brought by supervisors contributes to diligent working. In addition, the circumstance of the workplace enables employees to entirely concentrate on daily work. Also, the instruction from managers can be imparted to the employees more easily in workplace than at home, by which employees can react swiftly. Thus, it is the high efficiency that working in company can achieve but working at home cannot.


Further, working at company can promote the team spirit between the colleagues which plays an important role in the success of a (successful) company while working at home just makes team spirit unattainable. Company or a group who ignores the team sprit will pay a heavy price. For instance, I have ever experienced such things. In my high school, because our class lacks team spirit, everyone only cares about themselves. Consequently, we lose on the almost all the competition(竞争?). From then, I have realized the important of team spirit. When people work at home, the company is just like my class. Everyone just focuses on their own work and seldom communicates with each other, which definitely makes the whole company incompetent.


Last but not least, working in the workplace also contributes to a good health. Maybe it is absurd to understand, but it is the truth. Because when we work at home, we always get up late and may stay up all night, which obviously exerts negative impact on our body. On the contrary, by working in the company, we have more regular schedule (living habits) which leads to healthy life. Moreover, a survey conducted by Peking University indicates that people who work at home are more likely to suffer a wide variety of diseases. Therefore, for the sake of health, it is the time to work in the company.


Admittedly, it is the fact that working at home makes people more creative. However, because of various disadvantages of working at home and a wealth of benefits of working in the workplace, it is still advisable to work in the workplace.

写的真好,学习对象  ~~加油
38#
 楼主| 发表于 2013-2-27 22:07:05 | 只看该作者
2.27独立写作
In present society, a growing of people tend to learn a foreign country by reading newspaper and magazines from that country, because they think these materials are attainable and can reflect the culture and moral value of that country. However, they fail to take into account the drawback of the newspaper and magazines as well as the other approaches to understanding the foreign culture. Therefore, I disagree with the argument that the best way to learn a foreign country is from the newspaper and magazines.





First and foremost, although the foreign magazines and newspaper are attainable, that doesn't equate with it is the best way to understand a foreign country. There is no denying that the magazine and newspaper from one country may be not objective and even be filled with the bias perspective. The reason for this phenomenon is that the profits of different country. We seldom see the opposite opinion on the newspaper toward our own country. Therefore on no account will you totally understand a country from only newspaper or magazines. Even worse, the press may sway our overview about that country. For instance, nowadays in China, there is a tendency that the commodities from foreign country are superior to the domestic due to the foreign newspaper and magazines. While the fact is not absolute, there still some commodities in our country are high quality. In term of balance and objective, we should not regard newspaper and magazines as best way to learn a foreign country.

Further, there are some more admirable methods for us to get well-acquainted with foreign countries. For instance, we can communicate with the foreigners, which seems to be difficult in the past. However, with the dramatic development of communication technology, such as facebook, skype, QQ, it is convenient to interact with foreigners. The natives of that country always have more direct experience of that country, which enables us to have a better and well-rounded understanding of their culture. Also, we can take a summer school in that country which is prevalent in modern society in order to obtain more information of that country. These methods are definitely better than only reading newspaper and magazines at home.

Last but not least, it is widely acknowledged that there is no best way for us to understand foreign culture, because each method is not without its problem. Only by combining them together will we have a comprehensive knowledge of that country. For instance, if you only make a trip to that country, you can say you thoroughly learn the culture of that country because the time is too short. Even though you read their magazines and newspaper for a long period, you cannot fully comprehend this country because you never have personal experience of that country.

Admittedly, the newspaper and magazines provide us a way to learn a foreign country. However, it is not without it problem. Only if we combine the variety of approaches will we acquire a more objective and well-rounded perspective of that country. In conclusion, I am not convinced the magazines and newspaper is the best way for us to know a foreign country.
39#
发表于 2013-2-28 11:05:03 | 只看该作者
In present society, a growing of people tend to learn a foreign country by reading newspapers and magazines from that country, because they think these materials are attainable and can reflect the culture and moral value of that country. However, they fail to take into account the drawback of the newspapers and magazines as well as the other approaches to understanding the foreign culture. Therefore, I disagree with the argument that the best way to learn a foreign country is from the newspapers and magazines.

First and foremost, although the foreign magazines and newspapers are attainable, that doesn't equate with it is the best way to understand a foreign country. There is no denying that the magazine and newspaper from one country may be not objective and even be filled with the bias perspective. The reason for this phenomenon is that the profits of different country. We seldom see the opposite opinion on the newspaper toward our (its) own country. Therefore on no account will you totally understand a country from only (only from) newspapers or magazines. Even worse, the press may sway our overview about that country. For instance, nowadays in China, there is a tendency that the commodities from foreign country are superior to the domestic due to the foreign newspapers and magazines. While the fact is not absolute, there still some commodities in our country are high quality. In term of balance and objective, we should not regard newspapers and magazines as the best way to learn a foreign country.

Further, there are some more admirable methods for us to get well-acquainted with foreign countries. For instance, we can communicate with the foreigners, which seems(不一致) to be difficult in the past. However, with the dramatic development of communication technology, such as facebook, skype, QQ, it is convenient to interact with foreigners. The natives in that country always have more direct experience of that country, which enables us to have a better and well-rounded understanding of their culture. Also, we can take a summer school in that country which is prevalent in modern society in order to obtain more information of that country. These methods are definitely better than only reading newspaper and magazines at home.

Last but not least, it is widely acknowledged that there is no best way for us to understand foreign culture, because each method is not without its problem. Only by combining them together will we have a comprehensive knowledge of that country. For instance, if you only make a trip to that country, you cannot say you thoroughly learn the culture of that country because the time is too short. Even though you read their magazines and newspapers for a long period, you cannot fully comprehend this country because you never have personal experience of that country.

Admittedly, the newspapers and magazines provide us a way to learn a foreign country. However, it is not without it problem. Only if we combine the variety of approaches will we acquire a more objective and well-rounded perspective of that country. In conclusion, I am not convinced the magazines and newspapers is the best way for us to know a foreign country.

内容很丰富,学习中~~~加油
40#
 楼主| 发表于 2013-2-28 19:47:09 | 只看该作者
2.28独立写作
In present society, some governments tend to focus its funds primarily on economic development, because they hold the perspective that the economic development is superior to everything, which exerts positive impacts on improving the quality of human life. However, due to their neglect of environmental protection, a great number of serious problems have arisen. Therefore, as far as I am concerned, it is much more crucial for governments to place great emphasis on environmental protection.

First and foremost, admittedly, economic development can bring the wealth of benefits. However, if the development is at the cost of the environment like many developing countries nowadays, it is not worthwhile. For instance, in recent decades, China has explored most of its natural resources, such as oil, trees. Meanwhile, the environment is getting worse. Some cities even experienced the severe weather condition, which brings a great risk of human's life. Is it worthwhile? The answer is obvious. Therefore, once governments put economic development in priority and destroy the environment, our life quality doesn't improve but indeed decrease. So it is the time for authorities to dedicate its funds in environmental protection.

Further, there is no denying that environment is the foundation of the economic development and business activities. Nobody is willing to work in the desert and the majority of international corporations are reluctant to set its institution in the countries with severe environmental condition. In addition, if we continue to destroy environment rather than protect it, soon the human will face disasters. At that time, even the human's survival is the big question, not to mention the economic development. In contrast, if government expenditure is spent on preserving environment, there will be virtuous circle between economic development and environmental protection.

Last but not least, preserving environment is the moral obligation of human. Not only human but also a wide range of creatures live in this planet. Animals are the best friends of human, who provide us with various materials for our living. We have no right to threaten their habitats. Although we have high-level intelligence, it doesn't equate to that we are the god of the world. Every creature has equal right to survive. Therefore, on no account will we ignore preserve environment for the sake of our own economic profits.

All in all, in spite of the importance of economic development, environmental protection is much more urgent and meaningful. Thus, authorities still are supposed to focus its funds on environmental protection.
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