新人报道，求指导！！！

深水猫

People with（in） growing number believe that because of the drastic development of modern society, it is not necessary to understand the past in order to address the problems of the present and future. However, they fail (fail to) take into account many crucial fact(facts), such as the nutrient that we can obtain from past, the eternal truth and similar situation. Therefore, I am totally convinced that it is an essential process to tackle the trouble by understanding the past.

First and foremost, the nutrient that we can gain from the pat has never changed. We can understand the wisdom of ancestors (,) which is indispensable for nowadays’ successby knowing the past.(似乎多余了) No one can deny the fact that we all live in a society （，） which is built on the knowledge inherited from the past. For instance, the medical science, (the medical science is a case in point, since) (这应该是一个残缺句吧，姑且这样改）we cannot develop the modern medical industry without the comprehension of the past.

Further, the adversities are always the same as（in concert with those in the past）(将adversities与past 比较不对称）in spite of the dramatic development. Economic crisis has taken place every few years. The method that formal president Roosevelt used to combat the Great Depression is bound to help（be helpful for） the present president Obama to face the economic crisis since 2008. In addition, many criminal problems also happened in the past. (, so )(似乎有因果关系) There are many great experience of the past we can draw on. Once we insolate ourselves from the past , we will lose the most reliable supporter.

Last but not least, although the society has changed greatly, there is something unchangeable. Many people are misguided by the appearance of the city. Admittedly, there are more skyscrapers and modern transportations as well as the high-speed internet. However, the nature of the society doesn’t change. We all have carving for justice, equality and discipline, which is the long-term goal of human. The conflicts between the rich and the poor, also remain constantly（constant） from the past between the rich and the poor, the governments and the residents. Only by understanding the past will we thoroughly solve these problems. （这段很好，我没发现什么语法问题）

All in all, we must realize that the present cannot be separated from the past. A great number of troubles have taken place over and over again. Therefore , it is no doubt that in order to handle the problems nowadays we must turn to the past.

lihaolan

2.11独立写作
Many parents nowadays oppose their children to have part-time job while they are attending university, because they are concerning that taking part-time job can distract children’s attention, which may lead to a terrible academic performance. However, what I want to reply is that their children are old enough to deal with the conflicts between schoolwork and part-time jobs. Moreover, part- time jobs can provide a wide range of benefits, which cannot be obtained from campus. Therefore, I refuse to accept the argument that students should not take part-time jobs when they are attending university.

First and foremost, It is crucial to put theories which they learn from university into practice. As a university student, practice is superior to learning theories. The world is more flexible than the senor imagine. Detaching children from practice is a dully decision. For instance, I have ever seen someone who is diligently learning but separated from the reality by his parents. The result is that he cannot communicate with others well and therefore is refused by many big international companies. Part-time jobs provide us with a precious opportunity to practice ourselves and connect what we learn from school to the reality, which also make us have a deep understanding of what we learn from the class.

Further, doing part-time jobs will enable children to broaden their horizon and lay a solid foundation for their future careers. During taking the part-time jobs, children are learning to interact with the customers. What is more, they can form a broader interpersonal network, which offers them with more chances to success in the complex society. In the campus, our friend circles are limited, while by taking part-time jobs we can make friends with various people. A successful career not only depends on your abilities but also your friends and your interpersonal skills. Therefore, taking part-time jobs is more beneficial than you can imagine.

Last but not least, students in university have already had their own perspectives about their life. They are capable to combat the problems brought by part-time jobs. Overprotective may result to inabilities of their children. I cannot conceive that a university student never does a part-time job. We should be confident in our teenagers. The earlier they get in touch with the society, the more brilliant their future will be.

All in all, the advantages of taking part-time jobs outweigh its disadvantages. Children can not only obtain salaries from the jobs but also develop a wide variety of abilities. Therefore, I am not convinced that university students should not take part-time job at all. On the contrary, as far as I am concerned, the students should take part-time jobs in their spare time.

lihaolan

a great number of people at present society tend to believe that the they can success without the help from the outside world. However, they fail to take into account that there are various aspects that contribute to one’s accomplishment, including others knowing your advantages. Although the statement that if others don’t know your strength and accomplishment, you will never succeed in life seems so what absolute, I believe it is still rational for several reasons.

First and foremost, being not understood by others shows that you are lack of interpersonal skills, which, as far as I am concerned, is vital for one’s success. Only if you can fully express yourself will you be memorized by others. If you are too shy to show your advantages in front of others, you will let a considerate number of opportunities slip away. There are various example shows the importance of letting others know your strength and accomplishment. I have ever seen some of my friends have excellent performance in academic, however lack interpersonal skill. Finally, when they are being interviewed by huge international company, they are alwaysrefused by them for shortage of abilities to get along with others.

Further, you will obtain more chance to fulfill your potentials in certain platform if others know your strength and accomplishment. They will not despise you because of your age. On the contrary, if you prefer to be silence, others may consider that this person is inability no matter how distinguished you are in fact. Worse, being put in a worry department not only leads to a low productivity but also deepen your enthusiasm about the career, which may even stifle your creativity.

Last but not least, there are varieties of aspects which are both essential ingredients of a successful occupation. The ability of your own professional skill is only one aspect. No one can deny the fact that nobody can accomplish without others’ help. The modern society is different from what it used to be-one can live well without interacting with others. Nowadays, with the development of technology, it is more and more important to let others know your strength especially your employer, which is bound to shorten your way to success.

All in all, despite of the undeniable fact of the importance of one’s professional skills, enabling others know your advantages is also an indispensable part of success. Therefore, it is safe to say that if others don’t know your strength and accomplishment, you are less likely to success.

libertine

A great number of peopleat present society tend to believe that the (笔误？) they can success (这里应该是动词形式，改成succeed) without the help from the outside world.However, they fail to take into account that there are various aspects thatcontribute to one’s accomplishment, including others knowing your advantages.Although the statement that if others don’t know your strength andaccomplishment, you will never succeed in life seems so what (这个what表示什么意思？) absolute, I believe it is still rational for severalreasons.
感觉首段中出现的without the help from the outside world和接下来的including others knowing your advantages没有必然联系，我的意思是得到帮助和别人知道你的优点似乎说的不是同一件事，感觉有点小跑题。

First and foremost 好！, being not understood by others shows that youare lack of interpersonal (感觉这里加一个communicative会比较合适，直接写成interpersonal skills人际间的技能会读不通) skills, which, as far as I am concerned, is vital forone’s success. Only if you can fully express yourself will you be memorized byothers. (感觉这里的逻辑有点小问题，我觉得别人能否记住你并不是因为你是否能够完整地表达你的思想，而是你表达的思想是否足够优秀或者独特) If you are too shy to show your advantages in front ofothers, you will let a considerate (改成considerable) number of opportunities slip away. There arevarious example shows (改成showing) theimportance of letting others know your strength and accomplishment. I have everseen some of my friends (+who) haveexcellent performance in academic (改成academy), however lack interpersonal (感觉这里加一个communicative会比较合适，直接写成interpersonal skills人际间的技能会读不通) skill. Finally, when they are being interviewed by hugeinternational company (改成companies), theyare always refused by them for (+a) shortage ofabilities to get along with others.
感觉这一段有点跑题，题干说的是别人是否知道你的综合能力，而这里变成了你是否有沟通能力。但是两者有时候并不完全相同。

Further, you will obtain more chance (+s) to fulfill your potentials in (+a) certain platform if others know your strength andaccomplishment. They will not despise you because of your age. (这句话感觉有点突兀) On the contrary, if you prefer to be silence, others mayconsider that this person is inability (这里需要一个adj.改成unable) no matter how distinguished you are in fact. Worse, beingput in a worry department not only leads to a low productivity but also deepen(deepen是加剧的意思，建议换成dampen) your enthusiasm about the career, which may even stifleyour creativity.
如果能来个例子就更好了~

Last but not least, there are varieties of aspects whichare both (这个貌似是多余的) essentialingredients of a successful occupation. The ability (ability和skill表意重复了，改成level会好一点) of your own professional skill is only one aspect. No onecan deny the fact that nobody can accomplish without others’ help. The modernsociety is different from what it used to be-one can live well withoutinteracting with others. (我觉得过去社会也需要与别人合作，只不过范围大小而已) Nowadays, with the development of technology (这里最好用复数形式), it is more and more important to let others know yourstrength especially your employer, which is bound to shorten your way tosuccess.感觉这里和首段的问题一样，题干说的是别人是否知道你的能力，而这里说的是能否得到帮助

All in all, despite of the undeniable fact of theimportance of one’s professional skills, enabling (enable在这里不太通顺，改成letting可能会好一点) others know your advantages is also an indispensable partof success. Therefore, it is safe to say that if others don’t know yourstrength and accomplishment, you are less likely to success.
题干中说的是you will never succeed, 这里写的是less likely to succeed, 感觉有点小跑题。

lihaolan

A growing number of people nowadays believe that teachers’ performance shouldn’t be evaluated by students but by other teachers. They argued that the teachers have a better understanding of the deficiency of the teaching methodology. However, what they fail to take into account is that the students are the people who can closely appraise their teachers’ performance in daily life. Therefore, I am totally convinced by the argument that teachers’ performance should be evaluated by students for several tenable reasons.

First and foremost, in term of teleology, the purpose of education is to teach students. The evaluation from other teachers has a little effect in improving the pedagogical method. The preferences of the teachers don’t mean the preferences of students. The gap between the generations is wider than we can imagine. Therefore, teachers sometimes don’t know what students actually need. On the other hand, by obtaining evaluation from students, we can comprehend what teenagers think about. Moreover, it also builds a bridge between the teachers and student, which will promote their interaction outside the class.

Further, evaluation from teachers sometimes cannot reflect the fact that what the actual level of teaching skill is. For instance, in my country, we have an evaluation by school every year. However, the effect turns out to be feeble, because most of teachers always perform well during observation. While the fact is that their lessons are tedious in ordinary times. In contrast, the students always observe their performance so that they have well-rounded perspective of their teachers. Consequently, their assessment tends to be more objective.

Last but not least, teachers tend to place students into priority. The advice from students can be more inspiring than those from colleagues, which is less likely to be seriously considered by teachers. In addition, there are many conflicts between teachers such as the different academic perspective, the teaching methodology, which can exert negative impact on the value of their suggestion. But conflicts seldom exist between teachers and students. Therefore, the evaluation from students is more likely to be accepted.

All in all, estimation made by students is not only objective but also more easily to be accepted. Thus, it is obvious that the teachers’ performance should be evaluated by students instead of other teachers.

深水猫

A growing number of people nowadays believe that teachers’ performance shouldn’t（最好不用缩写） be evaluated by students but by other teachers. They argued that the teachers have a better understanding of the deficiency of the teaching methodology. However, what they fail to take into account is that the students are the people who can closely appraise their teachers’ performance in daily life. Therefore, I am totally convinced by the argument that teachers’ performance should be evaluated by students for several tenable reasons.

First and foremost, in term of teleology, the purpose of education is to teach students. The evaluation from other teachers has alittle effect(influence, effect是可数名词) in improving the pedagogical method(pedagogy). The preferences of the teachers don’t mean the preferences of students. The gap between the generations is wider than we can imagine. Therefore, teachers sometimes don’t know what students actually need. On the other hand, by obtaining evaluation from students, we can comprehend what teenagers think about. Moreover, it also builds a bridge（a bridge could be built, it 无指代对象，可以用被动） between the teachers and student, which will promote their interaction outside the class.

Further, evaluation from teachers sometimes cannot reflect the fact that what the actual level of teaching skill is. For instance, in my country, we have an evaluation by school every year. However, the effect turns out to be feeble, because most of teachers always perform well(better) during observation.(,) While the fact is that their lessons are tedious in ordinary times. In contrast, the students always observe their performance so that they have well-rounded（全面发展这个词可以用来形容观点么？我不知道，用overall也可以吧)perspective(s) of their teachers. Consequently, their assessment tends(assessments tend) to be more objective.

Last but not least, teachers tend to place students into priority(give  priority to students,词组好像). The advice（s） from students can be more inspiring than those from colleagues, which is(are) less likely to be seriously considered by teachers. In addition, there are many conflicts between teachers such as the different academic perspective, the teaching methodology, which can exert negative impact on the value of their suggestion. But conflicts seldom exist between teachers and students. Therefore, the evaluation(s) from students is(are) more likely to be accepted. 你所有的学生评价，观点都用的单数，是有什么原因么？如果有的话可以无视我

All in all, estimation made by students is not only（more） objective but also more easily（easier） to be accepted. Thus, it is obvious that the teachers’ performance should be evaluated by students instead of other teachers.



这位同学写的很好，读起来很流畅很舒服，语法也没什么问题，如果能在半小时内写出这样的文章我认为就很好了，加油吧，大有前途哦！

lihaolan

我不知道evaluation是不是可数的=0=很纠结呀！

lihaolan

2.14 独立写作
With the dramatic development of modern society, a growing number of people prefer working five days a week with shorter hours to working three days a week with long hours, because they think it will be less stressful. However, they fail to take into account the fact that working few hours may be more stressful because of procrastination. Therefore, I am in favor of working long hours while working few days for several tenable reasons.

First and foremost, working only three days means that you have four day totally free from the working pressure. In contrast, if you choose to work five days with less hour per day, you have to worry about your next day assignment, which may lead to insomnia. And it is like a vicious circle, being deprived of sleep prevents you accomplishing job on time, which will add to your next day assignment. Moreover, with more complete free time, you can go hiking distantly. While working five days, you have only two day left, which will restrict your options of entertainment. So it is more advisable to work long hours but only three days.

Further, working three days with long hours enables you work more efficiently. A recent survey shows that people under pressure tend to be more efficient than those without stress. For instance, if the deadline is almost coming while my job is not complete, I will work extremely productively. In addition, with a long hours work, you can dedicate yourself into work entirely, which will also results to higher efficiency. However, if you work five days a week, you may consider that there are many time left, which is usually your own illusion. Consequently, you have to work overtime to make up the waste time.

Last but not least, having more complete days to relax contributes to physical well-being. In working day, after work, we seldom go to exercise because of the tiredness of whole day work. However if you have four day free, it is the perfect period for you to exercise. There are a wide variety of choices for you, such as hiking, biking, or go to gymnasium. No one can deny that it is more enjoyable to have a healthy life.

All in all, the advantages of working long hours and few days outweigh its disadvantages. It not only promotes your efficiency but also leads to a healthy lifestyle. Therefore it is definitely more enjoyable to work only three days a week with long hours.

libertine

With the dramatic development of modernsociety, a growing number of people prefer working five days a week withshorter hours to working three days a week with long hours, because they thinkit will be less stressful. However, they fail to take into account the factthat working few hours may be more stressful because of procrastination.Therefore, I am in favor of working long hours while working few days forseveral tenable reasons.
我觉得首段中，像less stressful 和 procrastination这样的很细节的原因，我觉得最好不要出现。直接给出自己的观点就好，然后接下来再详细论述。句子还是蛮通顺的。~

Firstand foremost, working only three days means that you have four day (days, 复数) totally free from the working pressure. In contrast, ifyou choose to work five days with less hour (hours, 复数) per day, you have to worry about your nextday (变成adj, next-day) assignment, which may lead to insomnia. And itis like a vicious circle, being deprived of sleep prevents you (+from) accomplishing job on time, which will add toyour next day (变成adj, next-day) assignment.Moreover, with more complete free time, you can go hiking distantly (感觉这个词放在这里，意思不太恰当). While working five days, you have only two day(days, 复数) left, which will restrict your options ofentertainment. So it is more advisable to work long hours but only three days.
这段中，其实包含了两个观点，第一个是压力的大小，第二个是娱乐选择的多少，这样必然会导致论述的不充分，建议下次写的时候，一个段落最好只包含一个观点。而且如果有一个例子就会更好了~


Further,working three days with long hours enables you (+to) work more efficiently. A recent survey showsthat people under pressure tend to be more efficient than those without stress.For instance, if the deadline is almost coming while my job is not complete, Iwill work extremely productively. In addition, with a (去掉a, work是不可数的) long hours work, you can dedicate yourself into workentirely, which will also results to (改成in，固定搭配) higher efficiency. However, if you work fivedays a week, you may consider that there are (改成is, time不可数) many time left, which is usually your own illusion.Consequently, you have to work overtime to make up (+for) the waste (改成wasted) time.
这段中，同样包含了两个观点，问题与上一段相同。而且上一段讲和这一段都提到了pressure这个问题，一段说压力小，一段说压力大，自相矛盾。

Lastbut not least, having more complete days to relax contributes to physicalwell-being. In working day, after work, we seldom go to exercise because of thetiredness of (+a) whole day (变成adj, whole-day) work. However if you have four day (变成adj, four-day) free, it is the perfect period for you toexercise. There are a wide variety of choices for you, such as hiking, biking,or go (going) to (+the) gymnasium. No one can deny that it is moreenjoyable to have a healthy life.
论述很简略，建议多充实一下内容。

Allin all, the advantages of working long hours and few days outweigh itsdisadvantages. It not only promotes your efficiency but also leads to a healthylifestyle. Therefore it is definitely more enjoyable to work only three days aweek with long hours.


1.   楼主下次写作时应少提出观点，多花一些文字详细论述已经提出的观点。
2.   注意自己提出的观点是否自相矛盾。
3.   一些小错误应注意。




Fighting~

lihaolan

2.15 独立写作
In modern society, government is always confronted with the dilemma whether it should focus its budget on young children’s education or on universities. A great number of people are in favor of putting the university in priority for sake of the development of cutting-edge technology. However, they fail to take into account other aspects which will support my perspective that government should focus its budget on young children’s education instead of on university.

First and foremost, it is natural right for human to receive equal education, which has not been realized because of the lack of investment. Take our country for example, although government always put emphasis on education, there are a considerable number of children cannot receive fundamental education in village. Proper measure should be taken to combat this problem. The first step must be focusing its budget on young children’s education in order to build enough schools and attract high quality teachers.

Further, government expenditure primarily on young children’s education can promote justice and reduce the conflicts between the rich and the poor. No one can deny the fact that it is injustice and discrimination to only offer the children from fluent family with education while ignoring the requirement of poor children. If the situation remains unchanged, the conflicts may become unable to reconcile, which will result in the backward of the society. Only by placing children’s education in priority will the society become more justice and have fewer criminals.

Last but not least, government focusing its budget on young children’s education is accordance with the requirement of social efficiency. Fulfilling every children’s potential will contribute to the development of the whole country. Without the budget from government, many talent children won’t obtain basic skills, which is also the lose of the society. Worse, they may become the burden of society. By improving the primary education system, an increasing number of children can realize their value and dedicate themselves into the construction of their country. Moreover, it has been widely acknowledged that the children are the future of the country. Therefore, it is the time to focus the budget on children’s education.

All in all, the advantages of focusing budget on young children’s education outweigh the benefits of spending budget on university. Therefore, as far as I am concerned, it is government obligation to focus its budget on primary education system.