新人报道，求指导！！！

lihaolan

3.3 独立写作

In the present society, a growing number of people incline to change their jobs for the sake of more promising future. Therefore, majority of people hold that it is impossible for people to work for one company or employer for all of their life. However, they fail take into account that there are several tenable reasons for people to dedicate themselves to same company during their life. Thus, I believe, even in modern society, plenty of people are still willing to stay in their primal company.

First and foremost, what exerts impact on people's decisions is their job satisfactory rather than the external impacts, such as other people's choices. Because our society has made extraordinary progress in technology and economy, corporations nowadays are capable to provide their employees with high quality working environment. For instance, the managers have their own working place and more flexible working schedule, which cannot be imagined in the past. Corporations are more will to offer the high salary to employees with distinguish abilities. There is no reason for them to skip to other companies, which will not only cause their guilt but also bring them some lose.

Further, there is no denying that by working for one company you will obtain more opportunity to be promoted. However, if you keep jumping to different corporation, it will cost you much time to prove yourself again. Even worse, what you do when you are in the previous company is in vain and you have to start once again. No employer will appreciate your ability until you make huge contribution. Therefore, the inclination to change job is far smaller than people imagine.

Last but not least, it is widely acknowledged that reputation is superior to the profits you make. Without good reputation, you will lose much more than money. Actually, once you change the job, the employer of new company will not trust you. The interpretation for this phenomenon is that they are afraid of your changing job again. Moreover, due to the efficient communicating technology, you behavior will be wide-spread immediately, which cannot be undone in a short period. Consequently, you will have no access to the central information of this company, not to mention the advancement.

All in all, the benefits of keeping one job and the severe drawback of continuous changing job make it possible for people to work for one company forever.

lihaolan

3.4独立写作

In modern society, people in growing number tend to ignore the benefits that are brought from art museums and music performance center. Instead, what they attach great importance to is the recreational facilities, because they hold that recreational facilities are much more simulating than art or music. However, they don't realize the attraction of art and music. Therefore, I still argue that it is more significant for the authorities to focus funds on constructing art museums and music performance center than building recreational facilities.

First and foremost, what the recreation facilities can bring about is the temporary happy, while the art and music can offer the mental enjoyment longer. A recent survey conducted by Peking University indicates that people who go to art museums tend to keep high spirit longer than who went to amusement park. The reason for this phenomenon is that the mental contentment is superior to physical enjoyment in most case. For instance, when you have already been tired after long day work, doing some physical exercise can just aggravate your tiredness. In contrast, by appreciating the art and music can provide you with mental tranquil, which is a proven and straightforward way for relaxation.

Further, it is widely acknowledged that art and music plays an important role in creation, which can be virtually thought-provoking. But the recreational facilities will not exert such effect. A lot of famous scientists are fond of music and art, which actually shows that the inspiration can be triggered by art and music. When we are concentrating in the art and music, we will get various feelings, such as happiness, peace, sadness and so on. There is no denying that these feeling can bring us wealth of creation and inspiration of our work.

Last but not least, it is time for the authorities to instill high moral value to citizens. The art and music can just promote the psychological well-being. We can easily detect that our society has gradually lost our identities because of money and desire. The recreational facilities can just make situation from bad to worse, because it will encourage people to enjoy the physical contentment rather than mental contentment. For the sake of social well-being, the authorities should make great effort to change this situation such as placing considerate emphasis on art and music.

All in all, for art and music have more value than recreational facilities, it is the obligation for governments to focus its expenditure on building art museums and music performance center.

yomina

In modern society, people in growing number(要我会说a growing number of people) tend to ignore the benefits that are brought from art museums and music performance center. Instead, what they attach great importance to is the recreational facilities, because they hold(hold the opinion) that recreational facilities are much more simulating(simulating是模仿，亲，stimulating刺激) than art or (and 啵) music. However (however转得有点奇怪，要是我的话就不写后面这句话，直接however I argue...逻辑感觉有些混乱), they don't realize the attraction of art and music. Therefore, I still argue that it is more significant for the authorities to focus funds on constructing art museums and music performance center than building recreational facilities.

First and foremost, what the recreation facilities can bring about is the temporary happy, while the art and music can offer the（不要了吧） mental enjoyment longer. A recent survey conducted by Peking University indicates that people who go to art museums tend to keep high spirit longer than who(whom?) went to amusement park. The reason for this phenomenon is that the mental contentment is superior to physical enjoyment in most case. For instance, when you have already been tired after (a) long day work, doing some physical exercise can just aggravate your tiredness. In contrast, by appreciating the art and music can provide you with mental tranquil (好，但用错了tranquilization), which is a proven and straightforward way for relaxation.（你发现我喜欢用and了，我发现你喜欢用tend to，just 和 , which了...）

Further, it is widely acknowledged that art and music plays（play） an（删） important role（roles） in creation, which can be virtually thought-provoking. But the recreational facilities will not exert such effect. A lot of famous scientists are fond of music and art, which actually shows that the inspiration can be triggered by art and music. When we are concentrating in（on） the art and music, we will get various feelings, such as happiness, peace, sadness and so on. There is no denying that these feeling can bring us wealth of creation and inspiration of our work.

Last but not least, it is time for the authorities to instill high moral value to citizens. The art and music can just promote the psychological well-being. We can easily detect that our society has gradually lost our identities because of money and desire. The recreational facilities can just make situation from bad to worse, because it will encourage people to enjoy the physical contentment rather than mental contentment（不是很有说服力，because后面的话）. For the sake of social well-being, the authorities should make great effort to change this situation such as placing considerate emphasis on art and music.

All in all, for art and music have more value than recreational facilities, it is the obligation for governments to focus its expenditure on building art museums and music performance center.


总之，
lihaolan同学有很多漂亮的词组，譬如重视，还有精彩的动词以及词的变换。我觉得我写得相比于你来说显得 比较平淡，需要向你学习~
要注意逻辑的结构，尤其是第一段的时候有些许混乱。
btw，你不是第一次考托福吧，八卦一下上次托福多少？作文多少？

lihaolan

In modern society, people in growing number attach more importance to friendship when talking about career success, which results in neglecting the significant of knowledge. As far as I am concerned, admittedly, the personal relationship exerts positive impacts on one's career. However, the knowledge you learn from school is much superior to the personal relationship. Therefore, I disagree to put the personal relationship in priority. Instead, we are supposed to place considerate emphasis on studying diligently at school.

First and foremost, personal relationship is based on knowledge. There is no denying that celebrities prefer to make friends with people who are knowledgeable. If you don't endeavor to study, you cannot acquire a wealth of knowledge. It is difficult to make truly friends, if you lack knowledge. Thus, the knowledge is the cornerstone of friendship. A recent survey indicates that people have a tendency to make friends with the person who has similar characters with him. Knowledgeable people are more likely to gather with each other, which means that an illiteracy is unlikely to have access to interact those people, not to mention having a good relationship with them or promoting you career.

Further, studying hard at school enables us to have a better understanding of the world. In contrast, once you focus your whole attention to interpersonal skills, you will not only miss many precious opportunities but also may go astray. In present china, there are numerous officers who consider that relationship is much more crucial than knowledge for his career, which results in their misbehaviors or even committing crimes. Placing too much emphasis on relationship always has adverse effects. However, we cannot emphasize the importance of knowledge too much.

Last but not least, many friends are fair-weather friends nowadays. In the other words, once you are facing difficulty, they will immediately leave you. But if you make a splash, they will be around you. Making friends with these people have not effect to your career success. On the other hand, the knowledge is more reliable. For instance, the skills you acquire will follow you all your life, which are the indispensable parts of one's accomplishment. It is unimaginative that a person succeeds only with the well relationship. The society is undergoing great change that people no longer evaluate others based on their relationship but on knowledge.

Consequently, only if you study hard at school will you obtain enough skills and techniques.

All in all, although interpersonal skills and personal relationship play some roles in one's achievement, we should not to overstate their value. What is most vital is how much knowledge you have. So it is time to work industriously at school in order to pursue a successful career.

第一二三只

In modern society, people in growing number attach more importance to friendship when talking about career success, which results in neglecting the significant (significance) of knowledge. As far as I am concerned, admittedly,(用一个admittedly就可以了，再加上前面的短语会感觉累赘) the personal relationship exerts positive impacts on one's career. However, the knowledge you learn from school is much superior to the personal relationship. Therefore, I disagree to put the personal relationship in priority. Instead, we are supposed to placeconsiderate (应该是considerable)emphasis on studying diligently at school.

First and foremost, personal relationship is based on knowledge. There is no denying that celebrities prefer to make(making)friends with people who are knowledgeable. If you don't endeavor to study, you cannot acquire a wealth of knowledge. It is difficult to make truly friends, if you lack knowledge(换成 without knowledge 有没有好一些？). Thus, the knowledge is the cornerstone of friendship. A recent survey indicates that people have a tendency to make friends with the person who has similar characters with him. Knowledgeable people are more likely to gather with each other, which means that an illiteracy is unlikely tohave(has no) access to interact (with)those people, not to mention having a good relationship with them or promoting you career(developing career 可能更搭一些).

Further, studying hard at school enables us to have a better understanding of the world. In contrast, once you focus your whole attention to interpersonal skills, you will not only miss many precious opportunities but also may go astray. In present China, there are numerous officers who consider that relationship is much more crucial than knowledge for his(their) career, which results in their misbehaviors or even committing crimes.Placing too much emphasis on relationship always has adverse effects.(这一句放在In present China 前，逻辑会更好些。)However(这里的转折有点别扭啊), we cannot emphasize the importance of knowledge too much.
Last but not least, many friends are fair-weather friends nowadays. In the other words, once you are facing difficulty, they will  leave you immediately（换个位子）. But if you make a splash, they will be around you. Making friends with these people have not effect to your career success. On the other hand, the knowledge is more reliable. For instance, the skills you acquire will follow you all your life, which are the indispensable parts of one's(your) accomplishment. It is unimaginative(impossible 就可以了吧，unimaginative不是缺乏想象力的意思，这里可以作为无法想象的 么？) that a person succeeds only with the well relationship. The society is undergoing great change that people no longer evaluate others based on their relationship but on knowledge.

Consequently, only if you study hard at school will you obtain enough skills and techniques.

All in all, although interpersonal skills and personal relationship play some roles in one's achievement, we should not to overstate their value. What is (the)most vital is how much knowledge you have. So it is time to work industriously at school in order to pursue a successful career.

1，总体写的挺好的，很多动词和词组还有句式都特别好，我要向你学习！
2，文中有涉及到人称的时候，you he they one's 等用的有些多，我记得有老师说过人称用太杂，会显得结构有点乱，第二人称you尽量少用，会显得议论的更客观些。
3，你的第二个论点， have a better understanding of the world 论证的不是很到位，如果点出官员腐败是因为缺乏法律知识和没有在学校接受完整的伦理、道德之类的教育，应该会更切题些。

这些都是我自己的想法，如果你觉得有什么不对的话，一定要告诉我呀~~我也好改正！

lihaolan

3.7独立
In modern society, people in increasing number prefer to watch movies and reading books for relaxation rather than to do some exercise, because they consider that it is much more comfortable to just sit and enjoy the leisure time. However, the benefits of physical exercise far outweigh the merits of watching movies or reading books in terms of both mental and physical well-being. Thu, I hold fast that physical exercise is superior to going to films and reading books.

First and foremost, it is widely acknowledged that modern people are more likely to suffer a wide range of diseases because of lack of exercise. The experts have pointed out that in order to pursue a high quality life, we are supposed to do exercise. Take my own experience for example, when I was facing the pressure of college entrance exam, I used to study all the day without doing exercise. However, the outcome is not satisfactory. Then, the doctor suggested me to do some exercise and I followed his advice. After few weeks, I detected that the efficiency of study was increasing by leaps and bounds. This just shows the significant of doing exercise, which the movies and books cannot afford you.

Further, physical exercise also plays an essential role in release pressure. In contrast, the movies and books cannot provide you such effects. With the rapid development of society, people are always confronted with myriad of stress from the works, family and friends. It is urgent to find an outlet to these pressure. Actually, there is no better approach than exercise to release the pressure. The feedback from people who frequently do exercise reflects that they are more successful in handle the stress.

Last but not least, when doing exercise we can come into with a wide variety of people which enables us to form a broader network. On the contrary, by watching films and reading books we are always cut off from the society, which makes us solitary and exert negative impacts on career prospect. There is no denying that people who are accustomed to exercise have a better relation with others. Doing sports is regarded as one of the most admirable method to reinforce the friendship and promote mutual understanding.

All in all, although preferences of methods for relaxation are varied from person to person, which is as an old saying goes that different strokes for different flocks, yet doing exercise is bound to bring you more benefits.

woshimind

尽力改别人作文对自己也是无比大的提升！

lihaolan

3.8独立
In the modern society, people in increasing number worried that foods nowadays are not as healthy as in the past, because some businessmen without conscience are producing something with lower quality. Admittedly, this phenomenon actually exists. However, the regulation is also keeping in pace with the development of society to protect human from unhealthy food. In addition, I have sufficient reasons to believe that what we eat in the present time is healthier than in the past.

First and foremost, the standard of the foods is increasingly stringent because human has made extraordinary progress in technology and science. It is not uncommon that the department who shoulder the responsibility to ensure the quality of foods is equipped with cutting-edge machines. Because of these advanced equipments, it is easy for government to detect the poor quality foods. Moreover, the legislation about food security is much stricter than in the past, which exerts positive impacts on protecting residents from foods with poison.

Further, there is no denying that people have obtained comparative well-rounded knowledge of foods. In the past, people almost lack methods and knowledge to make comprehensive understanding of foods. In contrast, nowadays education that people receive plays an important role in the capability of distinguishing poisonous foods from ordinary foods. For instance, people are unaware of the dangerous of many ingredients that can result in cancer such as those in fried foods. However people in present society almost are able to realize the adverse effects of these ingredients.

Last but not least, as the society develops by leaps and bounds, the awareness of food hygiene and security has also increased. A recent survey conducted by Peking University indicates that people are concerned about their health much more than in the past. I usually detect that my relatives often go to hospital once they have some subtle discomforts, not to mention eating healthy foods. Because of improvement of this awareness, people are more likely to choose those foods without pesticide. Thus, the foods they eat are bound to be healthier than in the past.

All in all, although there are still some poisonous foods in market, it is difficult to persuade modern citizens to buy these foods. More important, the authorities are undergoing more stringent rules towards foods market. Consequently, what people now put in their mouth and on dishes is definitely healthier than in the past.

woshimind

----建议
-----删除


In modern society, people in increasing number prefer to watch movies and reading（read) books for relaxation rather than to do some exercise, because they consider that it is much more comfortable to just sit and enjoy the leisure time. However, the benefits of physical exercise far outweigh the merits of watching movies or reading books in terms of both mental and physical well-being. Thu(thus，大牛笔误哈), I hold fast that physical exercise is superior to going to (watch)films and reading books.

First and foremost, it is widely acknowledged that modern people are more likely to suffer a wide range of diseases because of lack of exercise(exercises). The experts have pointed out that in order to pursue a high quality life, we are supposed to do exercises. Take(taking) my own experience for example, when I was facing the pressure of college entrance exam, I used to study all the day without doing exercises. However, the outcome is not satisfactory. Then, the doctor suggested me to do some exercises and I followed his advice later. After few weeks, I detected that the efficiency of study was increasing by leaps and bounds. This just shows the significant(significance) of doing exercises, which the movies and books cannot afford you(which the movies and books cannot be compared to going-out）

Further, physical exercise also plays an essential role in release(releasing) pressure. In contrast, the movies and books cannot provide you such effects. With the rapid development of society, people are always confronted with a myriad of stress from the works, family and friends. It is urgent to find an outlet to let go of these pressure. Actually, there is no better approach than exercise to release the pressure. The feedback from people who frequently do exercises reflects that they are more successful in handle（handling) the stress.

Last but not least, when doing exercise we can come into with a wide variety of people which enables us to form（establish） a broader network. On the contrary, by watching films and reading books we are always cut off from the society, which makes us solitary and exerts negative impacts on career prospect. There is no denying that people who are accustomed to exercise have a better relation with others. Doing sports is regarded as one of the most admirable methods to reinforce the friendship and promote mutual understanding.

All in all, although preferences of methods for relaxation are varied from person to person, which is as （likes)an old saying goes that different strokes for different flocks, yet doing exercise is bound to bring you more benefits.