新人报道，求指导！！！

lihaolan

2.16独立写作At present society, there is a tendency that a growing number of teenagers are impolite to another person, which has caused a wide concern. Some people hold that because of the development of modern society, it is sometimes reasonable for people to be rude to other people. However, I believe that there is no good reason to behavior impolitely to others no matter what the situation is.

First and foremost, no one can deny the fact that if you perform rudely to others, it is bound to destroy the friendship. For instance, when I was a child, I had a very nice friend, Tom. However, I was rude to him one day because of his late for meeting which results in my absent of school. Although he made peccadillo in first, my imprudent behavior caused the breaking of our friendship. I am really regretful to what I did. From then, I bear in my mind that there is no reason to be rude to the friend, if you factually cherish the relationship.

Further, being rude can also lead to lower productivity. It has been widely acknowledged that collaboration contributes to a higher efficiency. But if you cannot get along well with your teammates, in another words, behavior rudely, the efficiency of whole group will reduce, which is likely to hinder your way to success. For instance, when I was in my high school, everyone in class has never been rude to others because of the discipline of our class. The outcome is that we obtained almost all the rewards of school because of solidarity which gave us a competitive edge. Therefore, being polite definitely makes people become more productive

Last but not least, it is the moral code to be polite to everyone, which is the difference between the human and the other animals. We all live in a plant, where the politeness is highly required. After the long-term evolution, we form an enlighten society which is filled with virtue, love, mercy. If there is an excuse for us to behavior rudely, the society will backward to the old days. Moreover, to be polite to others is the code of conduct which we inherited from ancestors. And we have no reason to abolish it.

All in all, although there are some people behaving rudely, there is no good reason for them to conduct like that. As far as I am concerned, everyone has obligation to conduct politely to others people, not only to the relatives but also to the passerby.

woshimind

----建议
-----向你学习
-----添加


In modern society, government is always confronted with the dilemma whether it should focus its budget on young children’s education or on universities. A great number of people are in favor of putting the university in priority for (the)sake of the development of cutting-edge technology. However, they fail to take into account other aspects which will support my perspective that government should focus its budget on young children’s education instead of on university.

First and foremost, it is natural right for human to receive equal education, which has not been realized because of the lack of investment. Take our country for example, although government always put (puts）emphasis on education, there are a considerable number of children they cannot receive fundamental（compulsory) education in village. Proper measures should be taken to combat this problem. The first step must be focusing its budget on young children’s education in order to build enough(more) schools and attract(hire） high quality teachers.

Further, government expenditure primarily on young children’s education can promote justice and reduce the conflicts between the rich and the poor. No one can deny the fact that it is injustice and discriminated to only offer the children from fluent（wealthy) family with education while ignoring the requirement of poor children. ( 这样表达？no one can deny the fact that injustice and discrimination are exposed on the poor children while some children from wealthy families can enjoy a better education)

If the situation remains unchanged, the conflicts may become unable to reconcile, which will result in the(a) backward of the society. Only by placing children’s education in priority will the society become more justice and have a lower rate of fewer criminals.

Last but not least, government focusing its budget on young children’s education is in accordance with the requirement of social efficiency. Fulfilling every children’s potential will contribute to the development of the whole country. Without the budget from government, many talent children(young talents) won’t obtain basic skills, which is also the loseof the society. Worse,（even worse) they may become the burden of society.(lose做动词的情况很多，换成  which can render invaluable asset disappeared) By improving the primary education system, an increasing number of children can realize their value and dedicate themselves into the construction of their country. Moreover, it has been widely acknowledged that the children are the future of the country. Therefore, it is the time to focus the budget on children’s education.

All in all, the advantages of focusing budget on young children’s education outweigh the benefits of spending budget on university. Therefore, as far as I am concerned, it is government obligation to focus its budget on primary education system.

深水猫

At present society, there is a tendency that a growing number of teenagers are impolite to another person, which has caused a wide concern. Some people hold that because of the development of modern society, it is sometimes reasonable for people to be rude to other people. However, I believe that there is no good reason to behavior impolitely to others no matter what the situation is.

First and foremost, no one can deny the fact that if you perform rudely to others, it is bound to destroy the friendship(it指代不明确，可以改成被动，the friendship is bond to be destroyed). For instance, when I was a child, I had a very nice friend, Tom. However, I was rude to him one day because of his late for meeting (,) which results in my absent of school. Although he (had) made (a) peccadillo in first, my imprudent behavior caused the breaking of our friendship. I am really regretful to what I did. From then, I bear in my mind that there is no reason to be rude to the friend, if you factually cherish the relationship.

Further, being rude can also lead to lower productivity. It has been widely acknowledged that collaboration contributes to a higher efficiency. But（应该不存在转折的逻辑关系吧，可以用consequently） if you cannot get along well with your teammates, in another words, behavior rudely, the efficiency of whole group will reduce, which is likely to hinder your way to success. For instance, when I was in my high school, everyone in class has never been rude to others because of the discipline of our class. The outcome is that we obtained almost all the rewards of school because of(that) solidarity whichgave us a competitive edge. Therefore, being polite definitely makes people become more productive

Last but not least, it is the moral code to be polite to everyone, which is the difference between（that distinguish强调句不能用which）the human and the other animals. We all live in a（one）强调同一个星球这样说似乎好一些 plant, where the politeness is highly required. After the long-term evolution, we form an enlighten society which is filled with virtue, love, mercy. If there is an excuse for us to behavior rudely（the excuse for us to behavior rude is widly accepted,个人觉得这样说好一些）, the society will backward to the old days. Moreover, to be polite to others is the code of conduct which we inherited from ancestors.（，） And we have no reason to abolish it.

All in all, although there are some people behaving rudely, there is no good reason for them to conduct like that（that way）. As far as I am concerned, everyone has obligation to conduct politely to others people, not only to the relatives but also to the passerby

lihaolan

2.18独立写作
In present society, a growing number of teenagers prefer to do several projects simultaneously. They argue that with the advanced technology, people are able to do different things at the same time. However, they fail to take into account several crucial aspects which will support my perspective that people should complete task separately.

First and foremost, although with the dramatically development of modern science, people are able to achieve different tasks, it isn’t the same as it is beneficial to accomplish assignment at same time. Working on different works simultaneously may lead to a number of problems. For instance, I used to watch TV, when I was doing my homework in my childhood. However, because of doing different thing at same time, my homework usually was full of mistakes. It actually shows the drawback of accomplish different things simultaneously.

Further, dedicating into one project always contributes to high efficiency. A recent survey shows when people fully concentrate on one thing, the productivity is several times than being distracted by different projects. Moreover, no one can deny the fact that because of limit of energy, we cannot work on different things effectively. We seldom see that some people are successful in different fields, which indicates that most people cannot effectively work in different fields at the mean time. Therefore, the best choice for them is to accomplish assignment one by one instead of simultaneously.

Last but not least, it is wildly acknowledged that focusing on one project tends to generate high quality work. Because of full dedication, many mistakes can be prevented. Moreover, when you concentrate on only one work, you can have a thorough comprehension of your assignment, which will make you aware of where the fault is likely to appear and avoid such mistaken. In reality, there are few successful international companies focusing in different projects. Because of the low quality, the more you want to achieve in the meanwhile, the less competitive you are. Thus, it is no doubt that achieving projects separately is a practical approach to pursue high quality.

Admittedly, there are some advantages of accomplish different projects simultaneously. However, its disadvantages outweigh its advantages. On the contrast, focusing on one project can bring about several benefits while have no adverse effect. Therefore, I hold that it is better to accomplish project separately.

woshimind

------添加
----suggestion
In present society, a growing number of teenagers prefer to do several projects simultaneously. They argue that with the advanced technology, people are able to do different things at the same time. However, they fail to take into account several crucial aspects which will support my perspective that people should complete task separately.

First and foremost, although with the dramatically development of modern science, people are able to achieve(undetake) different tasks, it isn’t the same as it is beneficial to accomplish assignment at same time. Working on different works simultaneously may lead to a number of problems. For instance, I used to watch TV, when I was doing my homework in my childhood. However, because of doing different thing at same time, my homework usually was full of mistakes. It actually shows the drawback of accomplish(ing) different things simultaneously.

Further, dedicating into one project always contributes to high efficiency. A recent survey shows when people fully concentrate on one thing, the productivity is several times than being distracted by different projects. Moreover, no one can deny the fact that because of limit of(limited) energy, we cannot work on different things effectively. We seldom see that some people are successful in different fields, which indicates that most people cannot effectively work in different fields at the mean time(in the mean time). Therefore, the best choice for them is to accomplish assignment one by one instead of simultaneously.(instead of后不接副词.instead of doing at the same time）

Last but not least, it is wildly acknowledged that focusing on one project tends to generate high quality work. Because of full dedication, many mistakes can be prevented（avoided）. Moreover, when you concentrate on only one work, you can have a thorough comprehension of your assignment, which will make you aware of where the fault is likely to appear and then can avoid such mistaken（绝对笔误啊，大牛）. In reality, there are few successful international companies focusing in different projects at the same time. Because of the low quality, the more you want to achieve in the meanwhile, the less competitive you are. Thus, it is no doubt that achieving projects separately is a practical approach to pursue high quality.

Admittedly, there are some advantages of accomplish different projects simultaneously. However, its disadvantages outweigh its advantages. On the contrast, focusing on one project can bring about several benefits while(and,while 后面接句子）have（has) no adverse effect. Therefore, I hold that it is better to accomplish project separately.

lihaolan

2.20独立写作
A great number of people argue that their jobs are so tedious that has less happiness than social work, while other people consider their jobs are full of happiness. As an old saying goes, different strokes for different folks. As far as I am concerned, social work is more simulating than my jobs for tenable reasons.

First and foremost, by doing social work I can communicate with a wide range of people, the elder or the young, the poor or the rich , which can bring me a previous experience. While in daily job, what I always face is the computer which not only cause healthy problem but also make me solitary. Moreover, interacting with different people enable me to expend my outlook, which promote my mental well-being. Personally, I prefer to working with people rather than with computer. Therefore, it is far more simulating to do social work for me.

Further, I can fulfill my potential when doing social work. It is wide acknowledged that social work is one of the most challenge tasks. Thus, it can inspire me and motivate me to do a better work. On the contrast, working with computers sometimes is so boring for me. Worse, it can dampen your passion, which definitely generates adverse effects on your future career. No one can deny the fact that nobody can be happy with the similar works everyday, such as the computer engineer. What the social work most attracts me is we can do different work everyday.

Last but not least, doing social work can generate a sense of achievement. We usually help the people who face the injustice or discrimination, which make us have a comprehensive understanding of our role in modern society. And this experience is my job cannot afford me. In addition, the social work also promotes the development of society not in economy but in social well-being. Doing such meaningful things must promote our self-assertive, which has much more value than just work out some problem in front of computers.

All in all, the advantages of social work far outweigh the benefits of my jobs. It not only bring a sense of achievement but also promote social development. Therefore, I don't believe my job has more happiness than social work.

lihaolan

2.19 独立写作
In present society, a growing number of people argue that school funds should be spent on social activities instead of meal for students, because it contributes to students' well-rounded development. However, they fail to take into account some other crucial aspects which are actually in favor of my perspective that school should focus its expenditure on the basic needs of students such as meals.

First and foremost, how can a hungry student perform well and learn from the social activities. No one can deny the fact that a well physical condition lays a solid foundation for social activities. In contrast, starving students always cannot concentrate on the social activities, which definitely cannot reach the expectation of the purposes of social activities. Moreover, the starvation is widespread in my country where many university students are usually in hunger. Therefore, focusing funds on meals is superior to focusing funds on the social activities.

Further, during schooling, the students are in the period which is crucial for one's physical well-being in the future. A recent research conducted by Peking university indicates that when people starving in their childhood, they are more likely to have a shorter life spin than those can eat fully. In addition, it is wide acknowledged that the lack of nutrient during childhood cannot be made up in the later life. In other words, once adolescents get starvation, the adverse effect cannot be reversed. Thus, expenditure on meal for students is an emergency and no one can afford to ignore it.

Last but not least, spending money in order to make better meals for students can always promote their academic performance. Better breakfast, lunch and dinner can provide us with enough energy to combat the difficulties in studying. What is more, it can also contribute to a better memory, which will make you study more productively. For instance, I used to not eat breakfast because I want to save my time in order to sleep a lot. However, when I had class, I found I cannot grasp what teachers taught which result from the hunger. From then, I realize the importance of the meals, which make me confirm that it is right that school should offset the expenditure of the meals for students in poverty.

All in all, the benefits that bring about from contribute funds to meals is several times than those generated by providing funds to social activities. Consequently, as far as I am concerned, school has obligation to place compensation for expenditure of meals in priority.

woshimind

----建议
-----添加
------删除
In present society, a growing number of people argue that school funds should be spent on social activities instead of meal for students, because it contributes to students' well-rounded development. However, they fail to take into account some other crucial aspects which are actually in favor of my perspective that school should focus its expenditure on the basic needs of students such as meals.

First and foremost, how can a hungry student perform well and learn from the social activities. No one can deny the fact that a well physical condition lays a solid foundation for social activities. In contrast, starving students always cannot concentrate on the social activities, which definitely cannot reach the expectation of the purposes of social activities. Moreover, the starvation is widespread in my country where many university students are usually in hunger. Therefore, focusing funds on meals is superior to focusing funds on the social activities.

Further, during schooling, the students are in the period which is crucial for one's physical well-being（fitness) in the future. A recent research conducted by Peking university indicates that when people starving in their childhood, they are more likely to have a shorter life spin than those can eat fully. In addition, it is wide acknowledged that the lack of nutrient during childhood cannot be made up in the later life. In other words, once adolescents get starvation, the adverse effect cannot be reversed. Thus, expenditure on meal for students is an emergency and no one can afford to ignore it.

Last but not least, spending money in order to make better meals for students(in order to 用法奇怪，建议这样写：spending money on students’ nutrient food) can always promote their academic performance. Better breakfast, lunch and dinner can provide us with enough energy to combat the difficulties in studying. What is more, it can also contribute to a better memory, which will make you study more productively. For instance, I used to not eat breakfast because I want to save my time in order to sleep a lot. However, when I had class, I found I cannot grasp what teachers taught which result from the hunger. From then, I realize the importance of the meals, which make me confirm that it is right that school should offset the expenditure of the meals for students in poverty.

All in all, the benefits that bring about from contribute funds to meals is several times than those generated by providing funds to social activities. Consequently, as far as I am concerned, school has an obligation to place compensation for expenditure of meals in priority.

sunchou

2.20 独立修改
红色改正，浅绿色背景是我感觉对我有帮助的词汇。


A great number of people argue that their jobs are so tedious that has（ they have） less happiness than social work, while other people consider their jobs are full of happiness. As an old saying goes, different strokes for different folks. As far as I am concerned, social work is more simulating(stimulating) than my jobs for tenable reasons.

First and foremost, by doing social work I can communicate with a wide range of people, (可以考虑用no matter)the elder or the young, the poor or the rich , which can bring me a previous experience. While in daily job, what I always face is the computer which not only cause(causes) healthy problem but also make(makes) me solitary. Moreover, interacting with different people enable(enables) me to expend(expand) my outlook, which promote(promotes) my mental well-being. Personally, I prefer to working with people rather than with computer. Therefore, it is far more simulating to do social work for me.

Further, I can fulfill my potential when doing social work. It is wide(widely) acknowledged that social work is one of the most challenge(challenging) tasks. Thus, it can inspire me and motivate me to do a better work. On the contrast(contrary), working with computers sometimes is so boring for me. Worse(感觉省略得有点多), it can dampen your passion, which definitely generates adverse effects on your future career. No one can deny the fact that nobody can be happy with the similar works everyday, such as the computer engineer. What the social work most attracts me is we can do different work everyday.

Last but not least, doing social work can generate a sense of achievement. We usually help the people who face the injustice or discrimination, which make（makes） us have a comprehensive understanding of our role in modern society. And this experience is what my job cannot afford me. In addition, the social work also promotes the development of society not in economy but in social well-being. Doing such meaningful things must promote our self-assertive, which has much more value than just work out some problem in front of computers.

All in all, the advantages of social work far outweigh the benefits of my jobs. It not only brings a sense of achievement but also promotes social development. Therefore, I don't believe my job has more happiness than social work.

总结：整体文章的结构还是很清晰的，语法什么的都没有问题。
但是要注意第三人称单数加s呀，亲~。如果句型能够再多样化些，词汇再丰富些就更好了。这个问题也是一直困扰我的问题。

lihaolan

2.21独立写作
In present society, a growing number of people criticize that there is a tendency that teenagers are reluctant to help others, because coverage always focuses on the deficiency of teenagers. However, they fail to take into other crucial facts that actually support my perspective that young people now are more likely to help others than young people in the past.

First and foremost, society puts much more emphasis on education, which can instill high moral values such as helping those who are in the poverty. For instance, when I was a child, my teachers always told me try my best to help others within my ability. They said that only if all the people become willing to help others will the country be better. Although as a young children I could not thoroughly understand what this means, I bore it in my mind and gradually understood the importance of helping others. Given more emphasis on educating students to give a hand to others, adolescents nowadays are more willing to aid others.

Further, the development of modern science also inspires teenagers to help others. Because of the improvement of the communication, if people ignore others who need help, they will be exposed by media immediately. The media acts as a supervisor in modern society. Thus, despite a number of coverage including the teenagers' misbehavior, this doesn't equate that teenagers today are worse than those in the past. On the contrary, the pressure from the society promotes youngsters to help other people.

Last but not least, giving others a hand when they in adversity also brings about a wide range of benefits. No one can deny the fact that by helping others, our abilities also improve. For instance, I was volunteering in library in high school which gives a precious opportunity to know how to look for a book in library. While helping others, we acquire many skills which cannot be obtained in daily life

All in all, admittedly, there are some disadvantages of teenagers nowadays. However, because of the well education and high pressure from the society, teenagers nowadays are more willing to help others than in the past.