新人报道，求指导！！！

sylviazhang

3.16 独立

In modern society, along with the proliferation of the television, people almost acquire knowledge and information from the TV program instead of (rather than) newspaper. But the issue is whether the television can totally replace the newspaper and offer people with sufficient information of world event. Perhaps no! (根据慎小嶷那本书，托福作文还是讲究学术客观性的，最好不要使用感叹句等太个人感情的东西)The newspaper has its own advantages, which make newspaper（it） become a more reliable resource for truly understanding the world news.



First and foremost, compared with television, newspaper tends to be more professional in providing information. There is no denying that the editors of newspaper are the experts in world event. Therefore, the newspaper can analyze the world event more deeply and thoroughly. In stark contrast to newspaper, the television prefers to just display the news without careful analysis. Sometimes, it is too absurd for audiences to fully comprehend the world event. For instance, if you don't know the background of one country, it is impossible for you to understand the event happens in its field. The newspaper actually offers you such knowledge, which promotes your grasp of the world event. (例子可以更具体点，比如哪个国家的宗教冲突等等，)



Further, it is widely acknowledged that the newspaper provides well-rounded news about world events including politics, economy, art and science. For instance, The New York Times, it contains not only the daily political events take place all over the world but also includes importance breakthrough in science, the significant economic issues and even the famous performances. On the contrary, it is arduous for television to reach to such extend(extension). What displays on television always focuses on one field. Thus, watching television to obtain a well-rounded understanding of world event seems impossible. Further(段落开始用过了，用what’s more吧), you can look through the world event efficiently because by reading the title you can obtain almost（almost不做定语修饰名词）information. However, when you watch television you have to watch the integrate program in order to be informed of the latest news.



Last but not least, the newspaper is more objective and balance than television. Taking China for example, the television is being controlled or restricted by government, having finite independence. So the reports are definitely biased into some extent. While the print media has more independence compared with the television. Many newspapers are private, which have no relation to the government, whichthus guarantees that the press reports news objectively. (the objectivity of the newspaper)



All in all, admittedly, the television offers us more vivid imagine (imagination) of the world event- we can see the vivid pictures and live videos about the world event and listen to reporter's coverage. However, the advantages of the newspaper should not be ignored, which makes it distinguished from the television. So, it is wise and efficient to read newspaper to gain the thorough understanding of world event.

我发觉我总跟你写相反观点。。。有时候有点转不过来
思路明晰，紧扣主题（这点我尤其要学习），结构例子都很好
感觉which的用法有点问题，另外就是些小语法错误

lihaolan

3.17独立In modern society, people in growing number tend to make a clear distinction between arts and sciences, arguing that University should not force students who are major in arts to take science courses. The reason they propose is that it enables students to concentrate on their own major and become more professional. However, they fail to take into account the necessity and benefits of the basic science knowledge to one's life. Therefore, I favor that university are supposed to offer the basic science course to the students.

First and foremost, a number of university students have not decided what to go about in the future. If the university does not provide such opportunity to students and require them to detect their interests, myriad of talent students may have no access or have no motivation to explore their potential. Requiring students taking basic science classes exerts positive impacts on their future career. For instance, a friend of mine was major in law. However, after one year studying he changed his mind and decided to choose physics as his major. Up to now, he does well in physics. It is the requirement from school which asks students to take basic science courses that enables him to detect his talent and interest, which ensures his promising future.

Further, it is widely acknowledged that basic science knowledge plays an indispensable role in one's life. For instance, without basic science knowledge you may live under the illusion that lightening is the anger of the God or believe that there is supernatural power. It is not uncommon that people without this knowledge often are deceived by other people and suffers great loss. Once you understand the basic knowledge of the science, you are capable of distinguishing the right from the wrong, the truth from the deception, thereby making tenable judgment.

Last but not least, there is no denying that basic knowledge of science contributes to one's creativity. As it is known to us, creativity facilitates the development of modern society. Without it, we could not have made such extraordinary progress. Science equips us with the valuable and precious abilities and skills, which lays a solid foundation for our novel invention. I would be hard-pressed to imagine that Edison could have invented electric lamp without the knowledge of physics and chemistry. Also, if the Watt hadn’t grasped the basic knowledge of machine, it would have been impossible for him to product the stream engine. Thus, we cannot emphasize the significance of basic knowledge of science too much.

All in all, the basic science is the cornerstone for one's accomplishment. Therefore, it is the obligation for university to require their students to take fundamental science courses.

lihaolan

3.18独立
In present society, along with the significant change, the issue whether young people are supposed to acquire the ability of organizing and planning has caused wide discussion. Some people hold that with the help of state-of-the-art equipment and technology, young people can work efficiently without making a plan. However, these people overstate the function of modern science and underestimate the difficulties people are confronted with. Therefore, it is still essential for youngsters to obtain the ability of planning and organizing.

First and foremost, there is no denying that the capability of make a plan exerts positive impacts on youngsters' future career. Modern society has place considerable emphasis on this ability, because it enables people work more productively. The people without such ability are unlikely to be promoted. For instance, a friend of mine is excellent in academic field, but cannot become a manager because he is devoid of such important ability. The ability of organizing and planning can bring company a large profits, so companies are will to employ the managers with the organization ability, which enables they to avoid the unnecessary waste due the disorientation. So we cannot emphasize the significance of organization ability too much, especially to the youngsters.

Further, the society is becoming increasingly complex while the energy of a person is limited. Thus, it is time to put the ability of planning in priority. People, especially teenagers, have faced a number of tasks. Taking university students as an example, they have to make an organization of their daily life such as when to study, when to sleep and so on. Also, they have to plan their future career or study. If they cannot make a reasonable and efficient plan for their life, it is impossible for them to be distinguished in such fierce competition.

Last but not least, the ability to plan and organize also plays an important role in personal relationship. I would be hard-pressed to imagine that people would like to make friend with those who are always late for meeting because deficiency of planning time. A recent survey conducted by Peking University indicates people who cannot organize their life efficiently are less likely to be valued by others. As it is known to us, a broad network is an indispensable part for one's career. Therefore, if you want to make your life more successful, you should be equipped with the ability of dealing and organizing the different tasks well.

All in all, admittedly, the modern technology makes our life easier and more comfortable. However, it is wrong to make an illusion that people no longer need the ability to plan and organize, which still is the cornerstone for one's success.

yomina

3.17独立In modern society, people in growing number tend to make a clear distinction between arts and sciences,（science） arguing that University(小写) should not force students who are major（majoring） in arts to take science courses. The reason they propose (加个宾语 propose 什么） is that it enables students to concentrate on their own major and become more professional. However, they fail to take into account the necessity and benefits of the basic science knowledge to one's life. Therefore, I favor that university are（is） supposed to offer the basic science course to the students.

First and foremost, a number of university students have not decided what to go about in the future. If the university does not provide such opportunity to students and require them to detect their interests, myriad of talent（talented） students may have no access or have no motivation to explore their potential. Requiring students taking（to take） basic science classes exerts positive impacts on their future career. For instance, a friend of mine was major in law. However, after one year studying he changed his mind and decided to choose physics as his major. Up to now, he does well in physics. It is the requirement from school which asks students to take basic science courses that enables him to detect his talent and interest, which ensures his promising future.（注意时态，部分动词是过去时）

Further, it is widely acknowledged that basic science knowledge plays an indispensable role in one's life. For instance, without basic science knowledge you may live under the illusion that lightening is the anger of the God or believe that there is supernatural power. （例子有点扯，这是远古人的想法，现在的人有common sense的都不会这么想）It is not uncommon that people without this knowledge often are deceived by other people and suffers（suffer） great loss. Once you understand the basic knowledge of the science, you are capable of distinguishing the right from the wrong, the truth from the deception, thereby making tenable judgment.

Last but not least, there is no denying that basic knowledge of science contributes to one's creativity. As it is known to us, creativity facilitates the development of modern society. Without it, we could not have made such extraordinary progress. Science equips us with the valuable and precious abilities and skills, which lays a solid foundation for our novel invention. I would be hard-pressed to imagine that Edison could have invented electric lamp without the knowledge of physics and chemistry. Also, if the Watt hadn’t grasped the basic knowledge of machine, it would have been impossible for him to product the stream engine. Thus, we cannot emphasize the significance of basic knowledge of science too much.
这一段我认为creativity如果换一个观点比较好，不然就换一些例子，例子本身很好但是细想basic knowledge就够了吗？显然他们不是只知道basic的。

All in all, the basic science is the cornerstone for one's accomplishment. Therefore, it is the obligation for university to require their students to take fundamental science courses.


今天好像错误比之前两次多一点，写的时候要注意~

yomina

3.18独立 太喜欢改你的作文了~~~ 开始 d In present society, along with the significant change, the issue whether young people are supposed to acquire the ability of organizing and planning has caused wide discussion. Some people hold that with the help of state-of-the-art equipment and technology, young people can work efficiently without making a plan. However, these people overstate the function of modern science and underestimate the difficulties people are confronted with. Therefore, it is still essential for youngsters to obtain the ability of planning and organizing. 这段逻辑这次很棒哎，越来越成熟了。 First and foremost, there is no denying that the capability of make（making） a plan exerts positive impacts on youngsters' future career. Modern society has place considerable emphasis on this ability, because it enables people work more productively. The people without such ability are unlikely to be promoted. For instance, a friend of mine is excellent in academic field, but cannot become a manager because he is devoid of such important ability. The ability of organizing and planning can bring company a large profits, so companies are will（willing） to employ the managers with the organization（organizational） ability, which enables they to avoid the unnecessary waste due the disorientation. So we cannot emphasize the significance of organization ability too much, especially to the youngsters. Further, the society is becoming increasingly complex while the energy of a person is limited. Thus, it is time to put the ability of planning in priority. People, especially teenagers, have faced a number of tasks. Taking university students as an example, they have to make an organization of their daily life such as when to study, when to sleep and so on. Also, they have to plan their future career or（and） study. If they cannot make a reasonable and efficient plan for their life, it is impossible for them to be distinguished in such fierce competition. Last but not least, the ability to plan and organize also plays an important role in personal relationship. I would be hard-pressed to imagine that people would like to make friend with those who are always late for meeting because deficiency of planning time（是句子么）. A recent survey conducted by Peking University（真会瞎编，北大到底有多少survey啊。不会你就是北大做这个survey的吧，承让！） indicates people who cannot organize their life efficiently are less likely to be valued by others. As it is known to us, a broad network is an indispensable part for one's career. Therefore, if you want to make your life more successful, you should be equipped with the ability of dealing and organizing the different tasks well. All in all, admittedly, the modern technology makes our life easier and more comfortable. However, it is wrong to make an illusion that people no longer need the ability to plan and organize, which still is the cornerstone for one's success. 很好，没什么错误，继续高级下去~

lihaolan

3.19独立
In modern society, it is not uncommon to hear that the youngsters complain about the rules imposed on them. They think it is too stringent to conform. However, is this really the case? No. Youngsters nowadays are enjoying much more freedom compared with their parents. Society has already become much more open-minded to their behavior. The behavior that is not in accordance with the mainstream is also be admitted by society. Therefore, I think the rules that teenagers conform to are not intolerant strict.

First and foremost, the reason why youngsters complain about the rules is that they want more freedom, which has not relation to the rules themselves. It is the instinct for human to pursue more freedom, especially for the teenagers who possess the advanced thought. However, the rules they conform to are almost consistent with the common sense. I would be hard-pressed to imagine that people who break the laws can evade the punishment. Also, the rules requiring teenagers to respect the seniors are also reasonable. Because of their contribution, the society nowadays is so prosperous. These rules are the cornerstones for one society. Without them, the society cannot exist. Therefore, the basic rules that restrict people's behavior are not arbitrary or unbearable.

Further, society respects the individual right much more than past and grants them right to decide which rule to obey. The rules that are imposed to people, therefore, are decided by people themselves, of course, including youngsters. We cannot regard the rules we establish as strict or unbearable. The strict rules refer to those rules enacted by the governor without consensus. However, this situation is quiet rare in modern society. Nearly every rule which wants to have effects has to be agreed by people, including the teenagers. If the rules are too strict, youngsters are bound to resist it.

Last but not least, for the sake of creativity, society has placed considerable emphasis on one's freedom. The society is aware that the freedom is the resource for invention and imposes few rules to new generation. In the past, people under the strict rules are unlikely to have novel invention. However, the society now has changed and is more open-minded to the youngsters' conducts and decisions. For instance, youngsters nowadays can choose their majors according to their preferences, which is impossible in the past.

All in all, admittedly, youngsters nowadays are still restricted by rules. However, they are bearable and necessary. Without the basic rules, society cannot make extraordinary progress.

咩咩糖公主

我是新手报到哦，觉得你词汇挺丰富的，句型也很多变化，很值得我学习。（我都是些高中词汇翻来覆去的随手乱编。。囧）我就主要改了些语法问题。有不对的地方，欢迎讨论噢~
另外，请教一下是否有什么学习写作的书或者资料推荐呢？：）
In modern society, it is not uncommon to hear that the youngsters complain about the rules imposed on them. They think it is too stringent to conform. However, is this really the case? No. Youngsters nowadays are enjoying much more freedom compared with their parents. Society has already become much more open-minded to their behavior. The behavior that is not in accordance with the mainstream is also be(语法错误 去掉be） admitted by society. Therefore, I think the rules that teenagers conform to are not intolerant（改为intolerably） strict.

First and foremost, the reason why youngsters complain about the rules is that they want more freedom, which has not (改为no) relation to the rules themselves. It is the instinct for human to pursue more freedom, especially for the teenagers who possess the advanced thought. However, the rules they conform to are almost consistent with the common sense. I would be hard-pressed to imagine that people who break the laws can evade the punishment. Also, the rules requiring teenagers to respect the seniors are also reasonable. Because of their contribution, the society nowadays is so prosperous. These rules are the cornerstones for one(the或者去掉) society. Without them, the society cannot exist. Therefore, the basic rules that restrict people's behavior are not arbitrary or unbearable.

Further, society respects the individual right much more than（加上that in the )past and grants them（指代不清，改为citizens) right to decide which rule to obey(不太明白这句话想表达什么？给人民权利来决定他们要遵守哪些规则？是制定法律的意思吗？）. The rules that are imposed to（改为on） people, therefore, are decided by people themselves, of course, including youngsters. We cannot regard the rules we establish as（去掉，regard as后面接名词） strict or unbearable. The strict rules refer to those rules enacted by the governor without consensus. However, this situation is quiet（拼写错误 quite） rare in modern society. Nearly every rule which wants to have effects （这个which指代rule，那么rule wants to have effects就主谓搭配不当，我觉得这个从句意思也有点不是很准确，是不是该用put into effect）has to be agreed by people, including the teenagers. If the rules are too strict, youngsters are bound to resist it(前面是rules，这里不应该是it）.

Last but not least, for the sake of creativity, society has placed considerable emphasis on one's freedom. The society is aware that the（去掉） freedom is the resource for(改为source of) invention and imposes few rules to new generation. In the past, people under the strict rules are unlikely to have novel invention（这样说是不是有点太绝对）. However, the society now has changed and is more open-minded to the youngsters' conducts and decisions. For instance, youngsters nowadays can choose their majors according to their preferences, which is(改为was) impossible in the past.

All in all, admittedly, youngsters nowadays are still restricted by rules. However, they are bearable and necessary. Without the basic rules, society cannot make extraordinary(去掉） progress.

lihaolan

regard。。as 可以接形容词后面。
我是想说因为给青年人更多权力决定遵守什么样的规则，所以不是很严格。

lihaolan

3.20独立
Currently, a number of people doubt that youngsters are willing to spend time contributing to the society, because, in their perspective, teenagers always waste their time in computer games rather than facilitating development of country. However, they are confused and misled by a small proportion of teenagers. Overall, youngsters spend much more time nowadays on improving the world compared with the past.

First and foremost, along with the dramatic improvement of life quality, youngsters have not to worry about the bread-and-butter needs, which enables them to attach much more energy to changing our society. In the past, teenagers have to shoulder the livelihood of whole family in the early age. It is impossible for them to squeeze time to contribute to the society. However, the situation has been significantly changed. Youngsters have much more free time to do what them like, which is the prerequisite for young people to dedicate to the development of world.

Further, there is no denying that youngsters are capable of receiving higher education in present society, which place considerable emphasis on personal contribution to society. Teachers no longer encourage students only to focus on academic study but require them to spare more time to participate in social activities, which exerts profound impacts on improvement of society. I would be hard-pressed to imagine that students under such education system are reluctant to contribute to world. A recent survey conducted by Boston University indicates the schooling children receive in their childhood plays an essential role in their moral value and code of conduct. Therefore, new generation is bound to concern more about improvement of modern world.

Last but not least, it is widely acknowledged that state-of-the-art technique offers them more access to make a change to the world, which inspires youngsters to spare more time to the social development. For instance, with the proliferation of the internet, youngsters can acquire the information of the world easily, which makes it possible for them to provide the suggestion the arduous problems human is confronted with. Also, advanced communication technology makes authorities to listen to citizens opinions readily, which motivates youngsters to contribute more time on world change because they know that their suggestions will be deliberately considered.

All in all, admittedly, there are some teenagers addicted to computer games and succumbing to myriad of temptation. However, as they receive higher education and enjoy more advanced technology, the majority of youngsters will dedicate more time on improving the world.

Tancyfox

Currently, a number of people doubt that youngsters are willing to spend time contributing to the society, because, in their perspective, teenagers always waste their time in computer games rather than facilitating development of country+冠词. However, they are confused and misled by a small proportion of teenagers这里可以再斟酌下用词. Overall, youngsters spend much more time nowadays on improving the world compared with the past.

First and foremost, along with the dramatic improvement of life quality, youngsters have not to worry about the bread-and-butter needs, which enables them to attach这个有点怪，是contribute或者devote的意思么 much more energy to changing our society. In the past, teenagers have to shoulder the livelihood of whole family +冠词in the early age. It is impossible for them to squeeze time to contribute to the society. However, the situation has been significantly changed. Youngsters have much more free time to do what them like, which is the prerequisite for young people to dedicate to the development of world（dedicate+宾语+to+名词）.这里好像也应该有冠词的

Further, there is no denying that youngsters are capable of receiving higher education in present society, which place considerable emphasis on personal contribution to society. Teachers no longer encourage students only to focus on academic study but require them to spare more time to participate in social activities, which exerts profound impacts on improvement of society. I would be hard-pressed to imagine that students under such education system are reluctant to contribute to world+冠. A recent survey conducted by Boston University indicates the schooling children receive in their childhood plays an essential role in their moral value and code of conduct. Therefore, new generation is bound to concern more about improvement of modern world+冠.

Last but not least, it is widely acknowledged that state-of-the-art technique offers them more access to make a change to the world, which inspires youngsters to spare more time to the social development. For instance, with the proliferation of the internet, youngsters can acquire the information of the world easily, which makes it possible for them to provide the suggestion the arduous problems human is confronted with. Also, advanced communication technology makes authorities to listen to citizens opinions readily, which motivates youngsters to contribute more time on world change because they know that their suggestions will be deliberately considered.

All in all, admittedly, there are some teenagers addicted to computer games and succumbing to myriad of temptation. However, as they receive higher education and enjoy more advanced technology, the majority of youngsters will dedicate more time on improving the world.

我一直在向你学习的吖，基本上你每篇文章我都看过的，拼写很棒；能够很好的使用长难句且句法很棒；全文结构较为严谨，有几个地方的冠词漏掉了，可以再注意一下，我的水平不高的，其他的地方也检查不出来什么了，要不再找其他人帮你看看吖~
加油咯~