新人报道，求指导！！！

yomina

3.30独立 In present society, with the dramatic development of modern technology, people in growing number tend to work on different projects at the same time, because they make the illusion that the state-of-the-art technique equips them with the ability to accomplish different tasks at the same time. However, is this really the case? In my perspective, although people nowadays can operate the advance machine(用机器和完成project之间有关么？)s, yet doing different projects simultaneously exerts great adverse effects. Therefore, it is more sensible to complete different tasks one by one. First and foremost, even though modern life is saturated with myriad of cutting-edge equipments（又扯到机器，机器和一个人同时完成project对等？）, it doesn't mean that people are capable of working on different projects at the same time effectively. There is no denying that the energy of human is limited no matter to what extent the society has developed. Thus, it is impossible for people to accomplish different tasks at same efficiently, because it is time-consuming to change the mind between different tasks. For instance, you cannot use the thought of science to work on the literature papers. Take myself as an example. I can work out almost all the math problem in a short time if I only work on math. However, if I work on math and literature simultaneously, I will have difficulty with some math problem,（我同时写数学和文学，我数学就会出问题？有点别扭） which will cost me much more time. It reflects that people can accomplish works more efficiently by working on the assignment one by one. Further, it is wide（widely） acknowledged that accomplishing work separately ensures the(去掉） high quality. Because people are more absorbed in the project when working on only one project, they can acquire full understanding of the project, which enables them to prevent a number of mistakes. On the contrary, working on different assignments at the same time may distract people's attention, which always results in the low quality. A recent survey conducted by Peking University indicates that the more tasks people go about at one time, the more errors people tend to make. For the sake of a high quality assignment, I insist that people are supposed to go about only one work at one time. Last but not least, people can obtain a wealth of knowledge by working out the tasks separately. The intention for us to accomplish works is not for its own sake. We should learn from the projects regardless of success of（or） failure. When we are working only on one task, we are bound to benefit more because we have a deep thought about the assignment, which plays an essential role in improvement of people's capability. In contrast, we cannot spare enough time to analyze and learn from the tasks if we go about different tasks at one time, which（定语从句太多啦，前一句也是） means that we work just for the outcome rather than the process. This method just puts the cart over the horse. Admittedly, the science has made extraordinary progress. However, people had better to go about one project at one time for it brings great benefits compared with working different projects simultaneously.

不懂你为什么要把science和project扯在一块，觉得不是必然的联系，当然题目也没有。还有第三点稍微有点弱。
其他的挺好的！赶巴蝶~

lihaolan

3.31独立
Indisputably, computer technology is playing essential roles in modern society, which not only brings great convenience to human's life but also speeds up the development of our society. Therefore, it seems plausible for authorities to give priority to improve the computer science. However, we should not ignore to accommodate the basic needs of human, which is the most important obligation for government. The reason why governments are supposed to develop the computer science is to serve the citizens rather than for development's own sake. Compared with the computer technology, people tend to place more emphasis on the basic needs, such as education, infrastructure, social security and so on. Thus, it is more sensible for authorities to focus expenditure on satisfying citizens' basic needs instead of developing cutting-edge computer technology.
First and foremost, although the computer science enables people to communicate with each other conveniently and to spread the information more quickly, it, to some extent, just benefits a proportion of citizens. For instance, my parents and grandparents seldom use the computer, which means they do not enjoy the benefits brought by improvement of computer technology. This phenomenon is not rear. What authorities are supposed to do is to benefit all the citizens rather than just a small proportion of people. Actually, by spending more money on accommodating the basic needs of citizens, all the people can enjoy the improvement of living quality, which is more feasible and reasonable.
Further, what citizens concern is not how advanced the computer technology is but how the life is. If authorities emphasize the importance of development of computer science too much, they are bound to neglect the basic needs of citizens. It is like to put the cart before the horse. Obviously, it is not worthwhile to sacrifice the living quality in order to develop computer science. A recent survey conducted by Peking University indicates that when asking to make choice between advanced computer technology and basic needs of living, the majority choose the basic needs without hesitation. It reflects that, in their perspective, authorities are supposed to do more to satisfy people's basic needs.
Last but not least, it is the obligation for government to protect their citizen and to make sure that they can have a decent living. Computer is just a machine to assist people's life. Without human, the computer will lose its value. If authorities only focus on developing computer science, the quality of medical care will definitely decrease, which means a growing rate of death. It is absurd for governments to ignore the basic needs of their citizens' basic needs and the citizens’ life. The governments ought to represent the benefits of their citizens. In other words, the primary objection of their work is to accommodate the citizen's basic needs.
Admittedly, the computer science greatly improves the living quality, which enables people to interact with people readily and acquire information swiftly. However, the basic needs of human are obviously superior to the need of development of computer technology, because the goal of the social development is to make people to live more happily.

lihaolan

4.1独立
The fresh air, the beautiful landscape and the clean water feature the small town, which attract a number of seniors to settle down to enjoy their retirement. The rapid development of the big city actually brings some adverse effects, while we should not neglect the advantages of the big city, such as the high quality education, more opportunities and the advanced infrastructure. Personally, as a youngster, I really enjoy living in the big city because it provides me with a broader platform to fully exploit my ability.
First and foremost, there is no denying that everyone has a carving for entering the famous university, which not only gives them a competitive edge in the job markets but also exerts profound impacts on their well-rounded development. Take my country for example. almost all the famous universities are in the big city. Peking University, the most famous university in china, is located in Beijing. In contrast, the education system in small town is disappointed. Myriad students living in countryside cannot have the opportunity to enter the university in order to receive tertiary education. What's more, the scholarship in big city is several times as that in the small town, which enables the talent students who cannot afford the tuition to continue the study. Thus, the big city is more preferable for students like me.
Further, it is widely acknowledged that the opportunities in the metropolitan are much more valuable and accessible than those in the small town. The information in big city spreads swiftly in the big city, which equips people with the ability to detect the opportunities immediately. On the contrary, in the small town, people usually are incapable of acquiring thorough information of the world, which makes precious opportunities slip away. A recent survey conducted by Boston University indicates that people in big city are more likely to success in their career because of the advantages of the metropolitan, especially the quick dissemination of the information.  
Last but not least, the big city has more advanced infrastructure, which brings great convenience to people's life. For instance, there are few gyms in small town, thereby constraining the choices of exercise. In stark contrast to small town, the big city not only equips advanced gyms but also has the professional instructors who can offer you some reasonable suggestions about how to keep fits. I would hard-pressed to imagine that I can enjoy such service in small town.
Admittedly, the environment in small town is better than in big city. However, governments have taken steps to preserve the environment in the big city. Moreover, the big city affords us with numerous benefits which the small town cannot provide. Therefore, it is sensible for teenagers like me to live in the big city.

yomina

你今天的字数略多啊~
3.31独立
Indisputably, computer technology is playing essential roles in modern society, which not only brings great convenience to human's life but also speeds up the development of our society. Therefore, it seems plausible for authorities to give priority to improve the computer science. However, we should not ignore to accommodate the basic needs of human, which is the most important obligation for government. The reason why governments are supposed to develop the computer science is to serve the citizens rather than for development's own sake(什么意思？). Compared with the computer technology, people tend to place more emphasis on the basic needs, such as education, infrastructure, social security and so on. Thus, it is more sensible for authorities to focus expenditure on satisfying citizens' basic needs instead of developing cutting-edge computer technology.

First and foremost, although the computer science enables people to communicate with each other conveniently and to spread the information more quickly, it, to some extent, just benefits a proportion of citizens. For instance, my parents and grandparents seldom use the computer（computers）, which means they do not enjoy the benefits brought by improvement of computer technology. This phenomenon is not rear. What authorities are supposed to do is to benefit all the citizens rather than just a small proportion of people. Actually, by spending more money on accommodating the basic needs of citizens, all the people can enjoy the improvement of living quality, which is more feasible and reasonable.

Further, what citizens concern is not how advanced the computer technology is but how the life is. If authorities emphasize the importance of development of computer science too much, they are bound to neglect the basic needs of citizens.（或者说他们就没空管basic need了） It is like to put the cart before the horse. Obviously, it is not worthwhile to sacrifice the living quality in order to develop computer science. A recent survey conducted by Peking University indicates that when asking to make choice between advanced computer technology and basic needs of living, the majority choose（过去式） the basic needs without hesitation. It reflects that, in their perspective（复数）, authorities are supposed to do more to satisfy people's basic needs.

Last but not least, it is the obligation for government to protect their citizens and to make sure that they can have a decent living观点有点重复哎. Computer is just a machine to assist people's life. Without human, the computer will lose its value. If authorities only focus on developing computer science, the quality of medical care will definitely decrease, which means a growing rate of death（这也太夸张了吧）. It is absurd for governments to ignore the basic needs of their citizens' basic needs and the citizens’ life. The governments ought to represent the benefits of their citizens. In other words, the primary objection of their work is to accommodate the citizen's basic needs.
这段需要再斟酌一下
Admittedly, the computer science greatly improves the living quality, which enables people to interact with people readily and acquire information swiftly. However, the basic needs of human are obviously superior to the need of development of computer technology, because the goal of the social development is to make people to live more happily（有点片面）

看一下第三个论点吧，感觉太强调computer了，而basic need的观点有点重复，除了人们生活好之外还有什么？
其他很好，加油

yyjfantasy

The fresh air, thebeautiful landscape and the clean water feature(feature在这里是起什么作用？琢磨半天没琢磨明白~~) the small town, which attract a number of seniors to settle downto enjoy their retirement. The rapid development of the big city actuallybrings some adverse effects, while we should not neglect the advantages of thebig city, such as the high quality education, more opportunities and theadvanced infrastructure. Personally, as a youngster, I really enjoy living inthe big city because it provides me with a broader platform to fully exploit myability.
First and foremost, there is no denying that everyone has a carving（？啥意思） for entering the famous university, which not only gives them acompetitive edge in the job markets but also exerts profound impacts on theirwell-rounded development. Take my country for example.， almost all the famous universities are in the big city. PekingUniversity, the most famous university in china, is located in Beijing. Incontrast, the education system in small town is disappointed（disappointing）. Myriad students living in countryside cannothave the opportunity to enter the university in order to receive tertiaryeducation. What's more, the scholarship in big city is several times as that inthe small town, which enables the talent students who cannot afford the tuitionto continue the study. Thus, the big city is more preferable for students likeme.
Further, it is widely acknowledged that the opportunities in the metropolitan(metropolis)are much more valuable and accessible than those in the small town. Theinformation in big city spreads swiftly in the big city, which equips peoplewith the ability to detect the opportunities immediately. On the contrary, inthe small town, people usually are incapable of acquiring thorough informationof the world, which makes precious opportunities slip away. A recent surveyconducted by Boston University indicates that people in big city are morelikely to success in their career because of the advantages of the metropolitan(还是直接city得了), especially the quick dissemination of theinformation.  
Last but not least, the big city has more advanced infrastructure, which bringsgreat convenience to people's life. For instance, there are few gyms in smalltown, thereby constraining the choices of exercise. In stark contrast to smalltown, the big city not only equips advanced gyms but also has the professionalinstructors who can offer you some reasonable suggestions about how to keepfits. I would hard-pressedto imagine that I can enjoy such service in small town.
Admittedly, the environment in small town is better than in big city. However,governments have taken steps to preserve the environment in the big city.Moreover, the big city affords us with numerous benefits which the small towncannot provide. Therefore, it is sensible for teenagers like me to live in thebig city.

感觉这回没有前几回认真啦？还出现了几处用词错误~不过行文还是很流畅，细节引入得灰常自然，时不时来个好句子~~边学习边加油！

lihaolan

4.3独立
Everyone nowadays is bound to face a number of choices, big or small, important or subtle. When people are confronted with the dilemma, they always resort to friends. However, the problem arises- who should people lean on, the peers or the older friends? Some people prefer to take advice from the friends at the similar age, because they consider peers as more open-minded and intimate. But, personally, I don't like to ask suggestions from peers, who are always negligent and inexperienced. On the contrary, the advice from the older friends is always persuasive and thought-provoking. Therefore, I agree that the advice from older friends is more valuable than that from the peers.
First and foremost, admittedly, people at similar age can have more common topic, thereby having more efficient communication with each other. Nevertheless, when facing the trouble, peers seldom provide useful and feasible solution towards problems due to their inexperience. It is not uncommon that when people sink in troubles, peers always just reassure them without affording any suggestions. In contrast, the older friends are more experienced and skilled in combatting different problems, because older friends have gone through numerous dilemmas, which makes their advice valuable. Also, they not only can comfort people from mental state but can offers useful suggestions.
Further, there is no denying that older friends acquire more knowledge than the friends at similar age. For instance, the students in the university always equip more knowledge than those in the high school. Because of the advantages in knowledge, older friends usually put forwards some wise advice. For instance, when I was in high school, I had to make a decision between sciences and arts as my major. I just don't know what to do and ask one elder friend for help who studied in university. He informed me with the knowledge of what arts students will learn in university and what science students will study in the university, which enables me to make a reasonable decision. Knowledge plays an important role in the merit of one suggestion.
Last but not least, friends who are older than you can keep patient and calm when analyzing the problems for you. They have experience myriad of difficulties, which equips them with the ability to maintain a clear mind towards the emergency. However, the peers are ready to excited and incapable of evaluating situation objectively, which makes their advice fully of mistakes. A recent survey conducted by Peking University indicates that when being asked suggestion, peers have great tendency to bring their own perspective into the solution towards the problems, making their suggestions vulnerable and biased.
Although advice from peers sometimes is feasible, the suggestions provided by older friends are more reasonable and with higher quality. Therefore, suggestions offered by elder friends are valuable than those from the people at the similar age.

Endies

Everyone nowadays is bound to face a number of choices, big or small, important or subtle. When people are confronted with the dilemma, they always resort to friends. However, the problem arises- who should people lean on, the peers or the older friends? Some people prefer to take advice from the friends at the similar age, because they consider peers as more open-minded and intimate. But, (but后不可跟逗号)  personally, I don't like to ask for suggestions from peers, who are always negligent and inexperienced. On the contrary, the advice from the older friends is always persuasive and thought-provoking. Therefore, I agree that the advice from older friends is more valuable than that from the peers.

First and foremost, admittedly, people at similar age can have more common topic, thereby having more efficient communication with each other. Nevertheless, when facing the trouble, peers seldom provide useful and feasible solution(s) towards problems due to their inexperience(不可以做宾语). It is not uncommon that when people sink in troubles, peers always just reassure them without affording any suggestions. In contrast, the older friends are more experienced and skilled in combatting different problems, because older friends have gone through numerous dilemmas, which makes their advice valuable. Also, they not only can comfort people from(from是表示从精神状态上么，但是个人觉得的这个介词不是很适合) mental state but also can offers useful suggestions.

Further, there is no denying that older friends acquire more knowledge than the friends at similar age. For instance, the students in the university always equip more
knowledge than those in the(删去the) high school. Because of the advantages in knowledge, older friends usually put forwards some wise advices. For instance, when I was in high school, I had to make a decision between sciences and arts as my major.( I just don't know what to do and ask one elder friend for help who studied in university. 这句时态有些问题 I just didn't know what to do and asked one elder friend for help who had studied in the university)He informed me with the knowledge of what arts students will learn in university and what science students will study in the university, which enables me to make a reasonable decision. Knowledge plays an important role in the merit of one suggestion.(最后一句单独放在这有点突兀的感觉)

Last but not least, friends who are older than you can keep patient and calm when analyzing the problems for you. They have experience（experienced） myriad of difficulties, which equips them with the ability to maintain a clear mind towards the emergency. However, the peers are ready to excited and incapable of evaluating situation objectively, which makes their advice fully of mistakes. A recent survey conducted by Peking University indicates that when being asked suggestion, peers have great tendency to bring their own perspective into the solution towards the problems, making their suggestions vulnerable and biased.

Although advice from peers sometimes is feasible, the suggestions provided by older friends are more reasonable and with higher quality. Therefore, suggestions offered by elder friends are valuable than those from the people at the similar age.

字数好多，错误也不多啦~
今天刚好有作文课，也拿给老师看了一下，老师的建议就是，不要大量的堆砌华丽的句式和词汇。。说理有力就好。
还有就是，老师说段和段之间的逻辑还不是很清楚。
加油啦！

lihaolan

4.3独立
People nowadays have to face the shortage of the energy, thereby conserving energy becoming urgent. But what is the effective way to combat the energy crisis or motivate people to save the energy? Increasing price of gasoline and electricity may be a feasible method, because the price often influences people's behaviors. However, it is cannot be the only effective way to encourage energy conservation. There are a number of effective ways to inspire people to be aware of the energy crisis so that they are more willing to save the energy in their daily life.
First and foremost, although the price plays an essential role in people's decision, yet the effect may be limited. Because when the price soars up, more manufacturers will go about exploiting gasoline and electricity due to the high price. Once the manufacturers act like this, the price will decrease because of the sufficient supply. Also, the rich is seldom influenced by the price while the poor may be dramatically influenced, which makes their life become harder. Therefore, driving up the price of gasoline and electricity may not have as much effect as what people previously thought.
Further, there is no denying that authorities can focus the expenditure on the energy-saving technology, which also encourages energy conservation. It is not uncommon that people are reluctant to use those eco-friendly or energy-saving machines because of the high price and poor quality of the commodities. Only if governments invest a large number of money on these projects will the price be low enough that people can afford it. Meanwhile, with more advanced and mature technology, people are able to utilize it safely. A recent survey conducted by Peking University indicates that when asking whether they will buy the energy-saving products if the technology is well-developed and the price is affordable, majority of people express the willingness.
Last but not least, governments can inform people with the importance of energy conservation and how to preserve energy. Nowadays, schools place considerable emphasis on preserving energy, which have generated great effects. It is not uncommon that students in primary school are taught to turn off the light when leaving the school or home, which, in my perspective, is one of the most efficient ways to inspire people to preserving energy. A number of people lack the awareness of protection environment or saving the energy because they receive little education. The method that telling people the importance and necessity of saving the energy may be more effective than rising the price, for in this way people will save energy from the within instead of being forced by the price.
Admittedly, a higher price can exerts some impacts on the energy preservative. However, there are numerous ways to encourage and motivate people to saving the energy, which contradicts the argument that the only effective way to encourage energy conservation is by increasing price.
最近越写越差怎么破。。

viviyl

People nowadays have to face theshortage of the energy, thereby conserving energy becoming urgent. But what isthe effective way to combat the energy crisis or motivate people to save theenergy? Increasing price of gasoline and electricity may be a feasible method,because the price often influences people's behaviors. However, it is cannot bethe only effective way to encourage energy conservation. There are a number ofeffective ways to inspire people to be aware of the energy crisis so that theyare more willing to save the energy in their daily life.
First and foremost, although the price plays an essential role in people'sdecision, yet the effect may be limited. Because when the price soars up, moremanufacturers will go about exploiting gasoline and electricity due to thehigh price(跟前面when theprice soars up重复了). Once the manufacturers act likethis, the price will decrease because of the sufficient supply. Also, the rich is seldominfluenced by the price while the poor may be dramatically influenced, which makes their life become harder.(这个好像没什么论证意义) Therefore, driving up the price of gasoline and electricitymay not have as much effect as what people previously thought.
Further, there is no denying that authorities can focus the expenditure on theenergy-saving technology, which also encourages energy conservation. It is notuncommon that people are reluctant to use those eco-friendly or energy-savingmachines because of the high price and poor quality of the commodities. Only ifgovernments invest a large number of money on these projects will the price below enough that people can afford it. Meanwhile, with more advanced and maturetechnology, people are able to utilize it safely. A recent survey conducted byPeking University indicates that when asking whether they will buy theenergy-saving products if the technology is well-developed and the price isaffordable, majority of people express the willingness.
Last but not least, governments can inform people with the importance of energyconservation and how to preserve energy. Nowadays, schools place considerableemphasis on preserving energy, which have generated great effects. It is notuncommon that students in primary school are taught to turn off the light whenleaving the school or home, which, in my perspective, is one of the most efficientways to inspire people to preserving(preserve)energy. A number of people lack the awareness of protection(protecting) environment or saving the energy becausethey receive little education. The method that telling people the importanceand necessity of saving the energy may be more effective than rising the price,for in this way people will save energy from the within instead of being forcedby the price.
Admittedly, a higher price can exerts(exert)some impacts on the energy preservative(preservation).However, there are numerous ways to encourage and motivate people to saving(save) the energy, whichcontradicts the argument that the only effective way to encourage energyconservation is by increasing price.

个人觉得第三个论点太间接了。语法细节问题注意一下~

lihaolan

4.4独立
When facing the dilemma, people always resort to friends, who are capable of offering reasonable and feasible solutions to them. Indisputably, because of the increasingly fierce competition that people have to grapple with today, listening to others' advice becomes an indispensable part of one's success. However, does it mean that most people often let others make decisions for them? Personally, people still make the final decisions by themselves nowadays for almost everyone is aware of the significance of the independence.
First and foremost, although people usually ask friends or the seniors for advice, it does not equate with letting others make decisions for them. The main driving force behind this behavior is to make reasonable decisions. It is the people themselves that make the final decision whether or not to take others' advice. Nobody is willing to give other people right to decide their private business. For instance, when I was in high school, I have to make a choice between arts and sciences as my major. I just asked the suggestion from my parents, who tried to persuade me to go about sciences. However, the reason they offered cannot convince me, so finally I follow my interests to choose the arts, which in my perspective is in tune with my character. This example reflects that asking others for advice does not mean that giving others right to make a decision for themselves.
Further, there is no denying that the schooling places considerable emphasis on one's independence, which is the essential character for one's well-rounded development. I would be hard-pressed to imagine that people who lack the independence can be distinguished in modern society. The awareness of independence inspires people to make decisions on their own. Giving other right or authority to decide your future is unbelievable in such society, where people are all aware of their human rights, especially the freedom. A recent survey conducted by Boston University indicates that when asking whether they are willing to let others make decisions for them, majority of people clearly refuse to give others such right.
Last but not least, indisputably, people are equipped with the ability to make decisions by themselves thanks to the dramatic development of modern technology. It is not uncommon that people are able to contract with the outside world through the internet, which not only expands their outlook but also enables them to make reasonable and feasible decisions on their own. When being confronted with trouble, people can search it on the internet, which is really efficiently and reliable. For instance, when people have to make a choice for their careers, they can obtain sufficient materials from the internet, which are both objective and versatile.
Admittedly, listening to others advice is necessary, which prompts people to take into account of a wide range of aspects while making choices. However, nowadays people are reluctant to let other make decisions for them because of the raising awareness of independence and increasing ability to handle the problems.