asd 的作文贴，希望互相提高

xiumu2280

伴随状语那个, 2个句子必须是同一个主语,endanger 那句的主语是he的话意思很牵强，应该是public recognition，我只是感觉这两句话应该有个先后递进关系，。那个do good to 和 我看错了 ，当成be good to 想了。
earn 那个你是对的

45573asdasd

伴随状语那个, 2个句子必须是同一个主语,endanger 那句的主语是he的话意思很牵强，应该是public recognition，我只是感觉这两句话应该有个先后递进关系，。那个do good to 和 我看错了 ，当成be good to 想了。
earn 那个你是对的

-- by 会员 xiumu2280 (2012/12/26 16:30:42)

伴随形状与的用法是很灵活的，仁兄说的是对的，指代he是不对的，但是还有一种重要的用法是修饰前面整个句子，做前半句整个的伴随。这样的话意思是不是就通顺了许多呢？gmat的经验告诉我 其实伴随能出错的时候很少。一点拙见。互相提高。

1369179610

asd君，你再接着写两天怎么样？个人觉得，你若可以简化例子，增加较长的形容词，就能增加满分的胜算~强烈推荐梨花海棠君的作文，你去看看吧~

lizchang1990

Recently, a controversial issue has been brought into our eye-sights that whether should company use public recognition to reward diligent working rather than the financial rewarding(这个表达不错)? Different people would hold different opinion(建议加s). Needless to say it is indeed a very hard-to-decide choice. For me,however, I hold the definite view point （这个词其实是搭在一块的！）that company should use money to reward hard-working staff.

To begin with,to general people, the money is the most important. Just as the saying from Shakespeare goes that only people who are full will take time to consider poems, reputation and confidence. Hungry men only care about how to make them full. It requires less intelligence to acknowledge that people in the poor area or less developed countries are confronted with great pressure such as debt of housing, high-quality milk for their babies(你这个其实要表达的意思跟你的文字不搭，有出入，换：expenses of high- quality milk for their babies哦，一字之差，意思不一样了),the list will go on. If the company rewards them in the form of public recognition. (不要句号，你话都没完就不要结束它)It does no good to improving their daily life. So I think company should focus on staff's living condition and reward them with money.

In addition, for some certain jobs. （你喜欢断句噢，其实这话还没完呐~~~）Public reputation does no good but threat to people. It is universially(小错误哦) acknowledged that some jobs should be non-splashing such as the spy job(去掉job,中式了,换such as working as a spy).If a spy is rewarded in the public with reputation and recognition, he will probably be noticed by enemy, endangering himself and his country. Moreover, some people does (时态错误)not like to be reawrded（小错误）by public reputation for they just want to chase peaceful life. They just want to earn more money to buy their kids some new clothes. I think my father is an epitome(重点级别词汇，感谢让我开眼了，哈哈) of this kind of people. He does not like talking too much, he just want （单三噢）to earn more money to support me to (换my study 就OK，你这个表达有点累赘)study in fucking(严肃地批评你，死穴词汇不要丢来挑战评委的耐力了) USA. If he was rewarded with some unpractical reputation instead of money, he will surely be disappointed. In terms of different careers and characters. (不要乱断句噢，话没完)Money enjoy a higher level than the public recognition.
你的spy这个例子真心地赞扬一下，很好噢~~~立意很新，不错~


From what have been taken into consideration above, I can draw the very conclusion that company should not use public recognition instead of money to reward hard working staff.Some one may disagree with me, arguing that the public recognition will boost one's confidence in the work and draw more attention. I have to admit that the reputation is, to some extent, good for long-term career. but I think in the society which is full of financial pressure to people,real money rewarding is more practical.



看得出你功底还是很不错的，但唯一缺点就是喜欢断句，你不觉得你话没说完么？

你这作文注意下下就perfect了，学习了，很棒!!!!

45573asdasd

asd君，你再接着写两天怎么样？个人觉得，你若可以简化例子，增加较长的形容词，就能增加满分的胜算~强烈推荐梨花海棠君的作文，你去看看吧~

-- by 会员 1369179610 (2012/12/26 22:36:45)

好的，今晚有些事情耽误了。连座位都没占。我会连着写的。

45573asdasd

Recently, a controversial issue has been brought into our eye-sights that whether should company use public recognition to reward diligent working rather than the financial rewarding(这个表达不错)? Different people would hold different opinion(建议加s). Needless to say it is indeed a very hard-to-decide choice. For me,however, I hold the definite view point （这个词其实是搭在一块的！）that company should use money to reward hard-working staff.

To begin with,to general people, the money is the most important. Just as the saying from Shakespeare goes that only people who are full will take time to consider poems, reputation and confidence. Hungry men only care about how to make them full. It requires less intelligence to acknowledge that people in the poor area or less developed countries are confronted with great pressure such as debt of housing, high-quality milk for their babies(你这个其实要表达的意思跟你的文字不搭，有出入，换：expenses of high- quality milk for their babies哦，一字之差，意思不一样了),the list will go on. If the company rewards them in the form of public recognition. (不要句号，你话都没完就不要结束它)It does no good to improving their daily life. So I think company should focus on staff's living condition and reward them with money.

In addition, for some certain jobs. （你喜欢断句噢，其实这话还没完呐~~~）Public reputation does no good but threat to people. It is universially(小错误哦) acknowledged that some jobs should be non-splashing such as the spy job(去掉job,中式了,换such as working as a spy).If a spy is rewarded in the public with reputation and recognition, he will probably be noticed by enemy, endangering himself and his country. Moreover, some people does (时态错误)not like to be reawrded（小错误）by public reputation for they just want to chase peaceful life. They just want to earn more money to buy their kids some new clothes. I think my father is an epitome(重点级别词汇，感谢让我开眼了，哈哈) of this kind of people. He does not like talking too much, he just want （单三噢）to earn more money to support me to (换my study 就OK，你这个表达有点累赘)study in fucking(严肃地批评你，死穴词汇不要丢来挑战评委的耐力了) USA. If he was rewarded with some unpractical reputation instead of money, he will surely be disappointed. In terms of different careers and characters. (不要乱断句噢，话没完)Money enjoy a higher level than the public recognition.
你的spy这个例子真心地赞扬一下，很好噢~~~立意很新，不错~


From what have been taken into consideration above, I can draw the very conclusion that company should not use public recognition instead of money to reward hard working staff.Some one may disagree with me, arguing that the public recognition will boost one's confidence in the work and draw more attention. I have to admit that the reputation is, to some extent, good for long-term career. but I think in the society which is full of financial pressure to people,real money rewarding is more practical.



看得出你功底还是很不错的，但唯一缺点就是喜欢断句，你不觉得你话没说完么？

你这作文注意下下就perfect了，学习了，很棒!!!!

-- by 会员 lizchang1990 (2012/12/26 23:21:58)

谢谢，谢谢你啊~~Liz你的作文才真是神作。我会注意你的宝贵意见，哈哈，还有，哪个骂人的词语我是故意写的。写着写着突然觉得去美国好痛苦，就赌气写上了， 考试时候不会那么傻的~

45573asdasd

It is universally acknowledged that the affection and the help from family members oe even strangers are valuable. They are like the spring breezes tapping into our heart. Recently, however, some people say that the help of the people and their family can take the government's place. For my part, no matter how important the help form family members is, by no means can we ignore the indispensable role played by government.My reasons following will substantiate my viewpoint.

To begin with, government is in control of some public resources such as medical care, public transportation and the society ware-fare system. All these are vital to people's daily live, and the family members can not provide these kinds of help. Common sense informs us that the power of the government is always greater than that of individuals. It is most obvious when mention the catastrophe such as earthquicks or hurricane. I might cite a recent example of the huge hurican Sandy in America. When this nightmare came into Boston,many people died from this, and myriads of houses were destroyed. People even can not take care of themselves, not to mention helping others. It is the government that help the citizens carry through the Sandy, distributing food, providing places to live. So When people are involved some great disasters, the government is their strong anchor.

In addition, when the country is involved in the international issues such as the internal trades or wars, individuals' effect seems ignorable in that people's intelligence and power are too limited to have a positive effect on certain issues. to make my induction more convincing, I want to mention the story of the World War Two which caused millions of people's death. At the threshold of the war, The axis alliance swept the whole world, and people suffered a lot. At this time, many countries sticked together and fought bace the axis countries. The history informs us that some issues have to be solved by government.

From what have been taken into consideration carefully, I can draw the conclusion that help from government is of great importance, some might disagree with me, saying that in modern time, people can solve most of peoblems.But I think when it comes to the catastrophe or the military conflicts. Only the government can solve these problems.

1369179610

Recently, however, some people say that the help of the people and their family can take the government's place. For my part,Although It is universally acknowledged that the affection and the help from family members oe even strangers are valuable. They are like(similar to) the spring breezes tapping into our heart.（这句话压缩一下，放在这里更好~） no matter how important the help form family members is, by no means can we ignore the indispensable role played by government.My reasons following will substantiate my viewpoint.

To begin with, government is in control of some public resources（crucial departments） such as medical care, public transportation and the society ware-fare（welfare） system. All these are vital to people's daily life, and the family members can not provide these kinds of help. Common sense informs us that the power of the government is always greater than that of individuals. It is most obvious when mention the catastrophe such as earthquicks（earthquakes） or hurricane. I might cite a recent example of the huge hurricane Sandy in America. When this nightmare came into Boston,many people died from this, and myriads of houses were destroyed.（其实没什么用，去掉吧~） People even can not take care of themselves, not to mention helping others. It is the government that help the citizens carry through the Sandy, distributing food, providing places to live. So When people are involved some great disasters, the government is their strong anchor.（注意你的逻辑，先说然而政府非常冷静，帮助运送食物，提供临时住处 temporary housing，直至人们度过难关。 再说所以 这就是为什么我强调政府存在的必要。）

In addition, when the country is involved in the international issues such as the internal trades or wars, individuals' effect seems ignorable in that people's intelligence and power are too limited to have a positive effect on certain issues. to make my induction（这个词是总结，你没有总结，只是提出一个新的观点~perspective不也挺好的嘛~） more convincing, I want to mention the story of the World War Two which caused millions of people's death. At the threshold of the war, The axis alliance swept the whole world, and people suffered a lot. At this time, many countries sticked together and fought bace the axis（Nazi） countries. The history informs us that some issues have to be solved by government.（我觉得如果可能，避免谈政治是上策~）

From what have been taken into consideration carefully, I can draw the conclusion that help from government is of great importance, some might disagree with me, saying that in modern time, people can solve most of peoblems.But I think when it comes to the catastrophe or the military conflicts. Only the government can solve these problems. （结尾考虑一下升华，例如：But I strongly believe that with government,people can feel more safe and live happier.）

asd君，例子可以用来引导人们去想象一个情景，点到即止。你可以提供更多的政府与个人之间关系的细节来填充被压缩了的例子。语言上，在动词和动词的衔接上下功夫收效会更快，比如第二段可以这么写：Budget should be assigned to medical care,welfare and public transportation to guarantee that people would have support when they are in trouble.While individuals don't have the power to make and balance such big budget.


hope I helped a little~  keep moving on!

45573asdasd

Recently, however, some people say that the help of the people and their family can take the government's place. For my part,AlthoughIt is universally acknowledged that the affection and the help from family members oe even strangers are valuable. They are like(similar to) the spring breezes tapping into our heart.（这句话压缩一下，放在这里更好~）no matter how important the help form family members is, by no means can we ignore the indispensable role played by government.My reasons following will substantiate my viewpoint.

To begin with, government is in control of some public resources（crucial departments） such as medical care, public transportation and the society ware-fare（welfare） system. All these are vital to people's daily life, and the family members can not provide these kinds of help. Common sense informs us that the power of the government is always greater than that of individuals. It is most obvious when mention the catastrophe such as earthquicks（earthquakes） or hurricane. I might cite a recent example of the huge hurricane Sandy in America. When this nightmare came into Boston,many people died from this, and myriads of houses were destroyed.（其实没什么用，去掉吧~）People even can not take care of themselves, not to mention helping others. It is the government that help the citizens carry through the Sandy, distributing food, providing places to live. So When people are involved some great disasters, the government is their strong anchor.（注意你的逻辑，先说然而政府非常冷静，帮助运送食物，提供临时住处 temporary housing，直至人们度过难关。 再说所以 这就是为什么我强调政府存在的必要。）

In addition, when the country is involved in the international issues such as the internal trades or wars, individuals' effect seems ignorable in that people's intelligence and power are too limited to have a positive effect on certain issues. to make my induction（这个词是总结，你没有总结，只是提出一个新的观点~perspective不也挺好的嘛~） more convincing, I want to mention the story of the World War Two which caused millions of people's death. At the threshold of the war, The axis alliance swept the whole world, and people suffered a lot. At this time, many countries sticked together and fought bace the axis（Nazi） countries. The history informs us that some issues have to be solved by government.（我觉得如果可能，避免谈政治是上策~）

From what have been taken into consideration carefully, I can draw the conclusion that help from government is of great importance, some might disagree with me, saying that in modern time, people can solve most of peoblems.But I think when it comes to the catastrophe or the military conflicts. Only the government can solve these problems. （结尾考虑一下升华，例如：But I strongly believe that with government,people can feel more safe and live happier.）

asd君，例子可以用来引导人们去想象一个情景，点到即止。你可以提供更多的政府与个人之间关系的细节来填充被压缩了的例子。语言上，在动词和动词的衔接上下功夫收效会更快，比如第二段可以这么写：Budget should be assigned to medical care,welfare and public transportation to guarantee that people would have support when they are in trouble.While individuals don't have the power to make and balance such big budget.


hope I helped a little~  keep moving on!

-- by 会员 1369179610 (2012/12/27 13:04:43)

you did not help a little. you help a lot

45573asdasd

Recently, a controversial issue has been brought into our eyesights that whether the experience of the school activitiess enjoys the same level of importance as the academic courses? Different people would hold different opinions. for my part, however, I strongly believe that the experiences in the school clubs is as significant as the academic subjects for students' long-term development. My reasons will substantiate my viewpoint below.

To begin with,an active participation in the school clubs is undoubt an excellent way for the young to keep and expand their social cycle in which they can make friends. There is an old saying in China goes that" one more friend, one more way." The saying is simple but it makes sense in that study, in this society, is no longer the only thing that affects one's future. A good social cycle also plays an indispensable role in making people successful. Many famous individuals' examples can prove my opinion. For instance. Bill Gates, the EX CEO of Microsoft Company. He droped his study and found many of his friends to make their own business, finally building the huge business kindom. Similar examples happen everyday around us.So a wide-range social cycle is good for students' success. Activities can help people achieve this goal.

In addition, students' participating in the school clubs also anneals their abilities to handle problems, since there might be all kinds of things for them to organize and cope with during the activities. To make my opinion more convincing, I would like to cite my brother Tom as an example. Tom once was a spoiled child, he did what he lieks and never minded others' feelings. While after the he joined an interest club and took the leadering position,all of the family saw his shift. He became to care about others and talked in manner. We are all amazing at his change.So I think Tom's example is compelling that the experiences in the club is important.

From what have been taken into consideration carefully, I can draw the conclusion that the students should take organization in school clubs, in that they can not only make more friends but also anneal themselves. These two factors both enjoys great importance. While someone will disagree with me, saying that academic subjects is more vital to students because the good GPA is the cornerstone in applying an university which can ensure a good job. But I think the the activities and clubs also can prepare them better if they step in the society.