asd 的作文贴，希望互相提高

45573asdasd

Recently, a controversial issue has been brought into our eye-sights that whether cars have a greater influence on society than airplanes do. it is quite a hard cohice->choice because different people will have different opinions. For me, I think airplanes have an even greater influence on society. My reasons will substantiate my opinion following.

To begin with. cars as one of the most important (宾语呢)have dominated the transportation system years. While in these days, as the technology develops, cars' unshakable place has been affected by many kinds of new transportation-> (记得多替换，要么改形容词加个tools，要么用vehicle代替). As is known to all. China
has established an advanced train system in recent years. Train has become the most economical and fast way of travelling because of the skyrocket of the gas price. But the planes is still an unchangable method->(飞机是…的方法？solution是这里最好替换). How can we get from China to America? Yes->(这文章中最好少用yes. definitely , No doubt ,of course来替换), we have to take planes. Because cars which can be driven in the ocean have not been invented.->(不知你怎么想，我觉得如果是我我不会这样表达‘汽车不能做到从中国到美国’我想我会用 that is what motorcar unable to do)If we want a long journey, taking plane is the best choice.

In addition,cars are the most dangerous way of travelling. A survey conducted by Chinese Traffic Agency(CTA)->(对organzation的熟悉彰显专业，必须学习) indicates that cars accidents account for more accidents->(老问题，替换啊tragedies 等等)than all other transportations together->(你是不是想说car造成的事故比其他各种交通工具所造成的事故都多？用 a 是 b的多少倍来表达更灵活: a will be 6 times as much as b). The statistic is very crule->cruel. Have you ever hearded that an old couple lost their only child->(加个不定冠词吧) in a car accident? If you have ->(if the answer is true), I think you might stand on my side that cars are,->(又没宾语？)to some degree, destorying our life rather than making it convenient. By contrast, the accident rate ->(rate of accident) of plane accidents is the lowest among all transportations. So in term of the satety, airplanes outweigh cars.

Last but not the least, as the prices->(去掉s) of cars is getting lower and lower.An advantage of this situation is that people will benefit from this trend by saving money. But the decreasing price also give rise ->(替换 enhance) to a bad environment. The more cars are on street, the worse is our living condition->(这句子对吗？我不太确定). Gas from the cars affect people's lungs. Moreover, many women in big cities can not have a baby. Also, cars are to blame. But planes can convey people more efficiently. One plane can carry hundreds of people. While many cars only have only one passenger in it.

From all aspects taken into consideration carefully, I can draw the conclusion that planes has a greater influence on society confidently. Even though cars make people's life more convenient. it also pose great harm to our lives. In oppsite, airplanes are more safe, and no other public traffic->(自己替换，不说了，别美中不足好吗) service can replace it.


流畅度不说了，逻辑也不错，也有诸如 pose great harm to ....的精彩短语，必须学

此篇文章的问题：
1   依然表达问题，体育兄一定要养成习惯：作文中某段或者全文中主要讨论的某个关键词（一般是名词），一定要再脑海中多储备几个同义词进行替换
   张宏岩的词以类记 可以帮到你
2   看得出来有一些粗心的错误，要避免
3   这篇文章417字数稍微偏少

-- by 会员 cooperdw (2012/12/17 9:27:42)

是的，我也发现了我的问题，我确实要看看替换词，我就是粗心，这还是27分钟写完检查一轮的结果呢。哈哈

45573asdasd

12月17日
For a long time, the topic that whether or not to listent to team members' advises in a team has not got an settled answer. As the saying goes, one hundred people will have one hundred Hamlets in their minds. It also applies to this controversial issue. For me, anyway, I hold the strong opinion that it is not only helpful but also necessary to consider others' points in a team, because it will enhance the efficiency and the possibilities of succeeding.
To begin with. When I was a child I heard the saying that exchanging your apple with others ,you will still have only one apple, but if you exchange your idea with others, both of you have two. It is until I attended college that I realized it is far-reaching.I assume myself a clever man.But when I work with my team members,however, I found that no matter how clever I am, I still can not come up with some good ideas as my work mates do. Indeed, I faced difficulties, some of which can not be solved by myself both in jobs and life. Others' advices always can provide an answer from other angles. These ideas may probably get us out of the stagnation. So if we want to get more possibile ideas, we better listen to others, at least consider them.
In addition. a good listener sometimes acts as key point in a team. It not only makes a good atmosphere in the team work but also avoides some conflicts in the team. I might cite an example from my team in college and my friend Tom. Four people were assigned a certain task, including me and Tom in our sophomore. Most of us did researches alone and seldom communicated with others. Soon problems occured. We often did the same part of task owing to a bad communication. Because of the delay which caused by the poor communication. We complained with each other. Finally, it was Tom who helped us. He compiled our opinions and tried to summarize our researches. Soon it made sense. We started to talk with each other, and the researches were getting more smooth. Thanks to Tom, I know the importance of the ability to consider others' opinion.
From what have been taken into consideration carefully. I can draw thew conclusion that listening to others will be an advantage since it creates more ideas transmitions and a hospitable work environment. Even though doing things alone may enjoy the peaceful feeling brought by isolation. I think in this society, jobs,more often than not,have to be done by well-communicating teams.

Yeeisstrong

Recently, a controversial issue has been brought into our eye-sights that whether cars have a greater influence on society than airplanes do. It is quite a hard choice because different people will have different opinions. For me, I think airplanes have an even greater influence on society. My reasons will substantiate my opinion following.

To begin with, cars as one of the most important (vehicles) have dominated the transportation system years. While in these days, as the technology develops, cars' unshakable place has been affected(wavered) by many kinds of new transportation. As is known to all, China has established an advanced train system in recent years. Train has become the most economical and fast way of travelling because of the skyrocket of the gas price. But the planes is still an unchangeable method. How can we get from China to America? Yes, we have to take planes. Because cars that can be driven in the ocean have not been invented. If we want a long journey, taking plane is the best choice. (建议开头就表明你的论点吧，这样看的云里雾里的~)

In addition, cars are the most dangerous way of travelling. A survey conducted by Chinese Traffic Agency(CTA) indicates that cars accidents account for more accidents than all other transportations together. The statistic is very crule. Have you ever hearded that an old couple lost their only child in a car accident? If you have, I think you might stand on my side that cars are, to some degree, destroying our life rather than making it convenient. By contrast, the accident rate of plane accidents is the lowest among all transportations. So in term of the safety, airplanes outweigh cars.

Last but not the least, as the prices of cars is getting lower and lower. An advantage of this situation is that people will benefit from this trend by saving money. But the decreasing price also gives rise to a bad environment. The more cars are on street, the worse is our living condition. Gas from the cars affects people's lungs(the gas of cars have adverse effect on people’s lungs)Moreover, so that many women in big cities can not have a baby. Also, cars are to blame. But planes can convey people more efficiently. One plane can carry hundreds of people. While many cars only have only one passenger in it.

From all aspects taken into consideration carefully, I can draw the conclusion that planes has(have) a greater influence on society confidently. Even though cars make people's life more convenient,it also poses great harm to our lives. In opposite, airplanes are more safe than airplanes and no other public traffic service can replace it.





上次也看过你的文章，但是这次感觉不如上次的，建议在文章整体结构、论点和论据上要把握好。还有一些常用的表达有点问题，我就是基本功不扎实。建议多看看满分作文比如老妹185~



PS:今天图书馆网有点问题，所以只好晚上回来改了，改晚了，不好意思~ SRY~

1369179610

For a long time, the topic that whether or not to listent to team members' advises in a team has not got an settled answer.（asd君换开头啦~） As the saying goes, one hundred people will have one hundred Hamlets in their minds. It also applies to this controversial issue. For me, anyway, I hold the strong opinion that it is not only helpful but also necessary to consider others' points in a team, because it will enhance the efficiency and the possibilities of succeeding.
To begin with. When I was a child I heard the saying that exchanging your apple with others ,you will still have only one apple, but if you exchange your idea with others, both of you have two. It is until I attended college that I realized it is far-reaching（这个词是修饰重大科技突破还有行业变革的，用大了。）.I assume（假定的意思，但这里是要翻译成认为，用regard... as吧~） myself a clever man.But when I work with my team members,however, I found that no matter how clever I am, I still can not come up with some good ideas as my work mates do. Indeed, I faced difficulties, some of which can not be solved by myself both in jobs and life. Others' advices always can provide an answer from other angles. These ideas may probably get us out of the stagnation(这个是修饰工业不景气的). So if we want to get more possibile ideas, we better listen to others, at least consider them.
In addition. a good listener sometimes acts as key point in a team.（非常好的观点~） It （because he can）not only makes a good atmosphere in the team work but also avoides some conflicts in the team. I might cite an example from my team in college and my friend Tom. Four people were assigned a certain task, including me and Tom in our sophomore. Most of us did researches alone and seldom communicated with others. Soon problems occured. We often did the same part of task owing to a bad communication. Because of the delay which caused by the poor communication. We complained with each other. Finally, it was Tom who helped us. He compiled our opinions and tried to summarize our researches. Soon it made sense.Afterwards， We started to talk with each other, and the researches were getting more smooth. Thanks to Tom, I know the importance of the ability to consider others' opinion.（这段不错哦~）

From what have been taken into consideration carefully. I can draw the conclusion that listening to others will be an advantage since it creates more ideas transmitions and a hospitable （harmonious）working environment. Even though doing things alone may enjoy the peaceful feeling brought by isolation. I think in this society, jobs,more often than not,have to done by well-communicating teams.



这篇很不错呀~逻辑上进步很明显~下次注意一下词语的正确使用。     只是我觉得题目中的工作小组好像是说工作……这个是个人看法啦。这篇真的很好，加油！

45573asdasd

For a long time, the topic that whether or not to listent to team members' advises in a team has not got an settled answer.（asd君换开头啦~）As the saying goes, one hundred people will have one hundred Hamlets in their minds. It also applies to this controversial issue. For me, anyway, I hold the strong opinion that it is not only helpful but also necessary to consider others' points in a team, because it will enhance the efficiency and the possibilities of succeeding.
To begin with. When I was a child I heard the saying that exchanging your apple with others ,you will still have only one apple, but if you exchange your idea with others, both of you have two. It is until I attended college that I realized it is far-reaching（这个词是修饰重大科技突破还有行业变革的，用大了。）.I assume（假定的意思，但这里是要翻译成认为，用regard... as吧~） myself a clever man.But when I work with my team members,however, I found that no matter how clever I am, I still can not come up with some good ideas as my work mates do. Indeed, I faced difficulties, some of which can not be solved by myself both in jobs and life. Others' advices always can provide an answer from other angles. These ideas may probably get us out of the stagnation(这个是修饰工业不景气的). So if we want to get more possibile ideas, we better listen to others, at least consider them.
In addition. a good listener sometimes acts as key point in a team.（非常好的观点~） It （because he can）not only makes a good atmosphere in the team work but also avoides some conflicts in the team. I might cite an example from my team in college and my friend Tom. Four people were assigned a certain task, including me and Tom in our sophomore. Most of us did researches alone and seldom communicated with others. Soon problems occured. We often did the same part of task owing to a bad communication. Because of the delay which caused by the poor communication. We complained with each other. Finally, it was Tom who helped us. He compiled our opinions and tried to summarize our researches. Soon it made sense.Afterwards， We started to talk with each other, and the researches were getting more smooth. Thanks to Tom, I know the importance of the ability to consider others' opinion.（这段不错哦~）

From what have been taken into consideration carefully. I can draw the conclusion that listening to others will be an advantage since it creates more ideas transmitions and a hospitable （harmonious）working environment. Even though doing things alone may enjoy the peaceful feeling brought by isolation. I think in this society, jobs,more often than not,have to done by well-communicating teams.



这篇很不错呀~逻辑上进步很明显~下次注意一下词语的正确使用。     只是我觉得题目中的工作小组好像是说工作……这个是个人看法啦。这篇真的很好，加油！

-- by 会员 1369179610 (2012/12/17 22:19:30)

兄台说的极是，我的词语量也足够，但是有些不敢用，明天开始精背一边单词~

1369179610

asd君，今天我有事，我尽量按时改你的作文。

abbyseven

Fora long time, the topic that whether or not to listent to team members' advises in a team has not gotan settled answer. As the saying goes, one hundredpeople will have one hundred Hamlets in their minds. It also applies to thiscontroversial issue. For me, anyway, I hold the strong opinion that itis not only helpful but also necessary to consider others' points in a team,because it will enhance the efficiency and the possibilities of succeeding.

To begin with. When I was a child I heard thesaying that exchanging your apple with others ,you will still have only oneapple, but if you exchange your idea with others, both of you have two. It isuntil I attended college that I realized it is far-reaching.I assume（感觉不是很好） myself a clever man. But when I work with my team members, however,I found that no matter how clever I am, (There always has somebody exist who is more excellent thanme and some good ideas put forwarded by her/him mean a challenge for me.)I still can not come up with some good ideas as my work mates do. Indeed, Ifaced difficulties, some of which can not be solved by myself both in jobs andlife. Others' advices always can provide an answer from other angles. Theseideas may probably get us out of the stagnation. So if we want to get more possible better ideas, we better listen toothers, at least consider them their suggestions.(taketheir suggestion into consideration)

In addition. a good listener sometimes acts as keypoint in a team. It not only makes a good atmosphere in the team work but also avoidssome conflicts in the team. I might cite an example from my team in college andmy friend Tom. Four people were assigned a certain task, including me and Tomin our sophomore. Most of us did researches alone and seldom communicated withothers. Soon problems occurred. We often did the same part of task owing to abad communication. （and we couldn’t able to hand in our final work before the deadlinebecause of the poor communication）Because of the delay which is causedby the poor communication. We complained with each other. Finally, it was Tomwho helped us. He compiled our opinions and tried to summarize our researches.Soon it made sense. We started to talk with each other, and the researches weregetting more smooth. Thanks to Tom, I know the importance of the ability toconsider others' opinion.

From what have been taken into considerationcarefully. I can draw the conclusion that listening to others will be anadvantage since it creates more ideas transmitions and a hospitable work environment.Even though when you aredoing things alone you mayenjoy the peaceful feeling brought by isolation. I think in this society, jobs,more often than not, have to be done by well-communicating teams.

红色是有错误的，黄色的好的，蓝色是我想修改下的地方，嘿嘿~ 一些小建议觉得你的文章一直写的很不错，哈哈~

共勉之哦~！！！

abbyseven

主页君记得帮我修改下我17的号呢，期待你的狠批啊， 哈哈哈~

45573asdasd

asd君，今天我有事，我尽量按时改你的作文。

-- by 会员 1369179610 (2012/12/18 18:43:51)

正好昨天我也有事~

45573asdasd

Recently，a very controversial issue has been brought into our eye-sights that whether the job has a more effect on people's happiness than social life does. As the saying goes, one hundred people will have one hundred Hamlets in their minds. This proverb also applies to this issue. For me, however, I hold the definite opinion that job indeed has a greater influence on people's life than social life. My reasons following will substantiate my opinion.

To begin with, people live in today's society have to be confronted many problems such as the debt for housing, cost to the food .The list will go on. All these problems can be solved by a decent job. Undeniablly, a fat-paying-job,to some extent, can bring joyfulness to people. people can make full advantage of the money brought by the job to meet their need. Moreover, I think it is the most delight thing for me to buy things for people whom I love. For instance, once I bought my little brotyher Tom a toy car. Even if is was not cheap, when I saw the shining eyes of Tom, I was sure it was worthy. At this point,a decent life without worrying basic need, I think a job oughtweigh the social life.

In addition, job itself can bring friendship. In a big company, all the staff are just like a big family. Colleagues work together and live together.A famous Chinese saying describ this subtle relationship that the people you fight with will never slip out of your memory. I might cite my own story to illustrate this relationship. When I was at sophomore at college, I found a part-time job. I am too unexperienced to handle some certain problems which might lead to boos to fire me. Thanks to my predecessor Tom, he taught me a a great deal of experiences so that I can keep the job. At that time, I really fell happy.WE finally become best friends. To this point ,social life can not provide this kind of happiness.

From what have have been taken into consideration carefully, I can draw the conclusion that the happiness brought by job outweigh that brought by social. admittly, social life can indeed expand one's eye-sight, but the the finacial advantage and the real friendship created by job is of greater importance.