asd 的作文贴，希望互相提高

tengawaakito

真的啦~这次没有戴高帽哦

-- by 会员 1369179610 (2012/12/23 22:23:14)

猫猫啊，看运动员哥哥越写越好了哦，我最近写来写去都是那么几句句式，感觉很傻，请问有什么办法提高啊？看看老美的185题范文有没有帮助？

tengawaakito

真的假的兄台？你老是给我戴高帽

-- by 会员 45573asdasd (2012/12/23 22:22:20)

感觉体育哥哥的文章越写约好了！句子也很丰富，想请教下试怎么提高的？我最近想看老美的185篇作文范文，不知道有没有帮助？

-- by 会员 tengawaakito (2012/12/24 12:05:49)

我的结构是固定的。观点+论证+总结就是一段，还有开始的时候逼着自己用一些好句。慢慢练就顺手点了。我还差的源远。共同努力

-- by 会员 45573asdasd (2012/12/24 12:09:52)

请问如何学习好句子啊？我一开始看老美的文章，句子变化是很多样，但就怕到了考场记不起来怎么用，反而弄巧成拙。。。

brace1016

我昨天分组和你一组，你的文章是那篇？我的文章贴了，我写的是21号的那篇。之前没有写哦。谢谢了啊

45573asdasd

我昨天分组和你一组，你的文章是那篇？我的文章贴了，我写的是21号的那篇。之前没有写哦。谢谢了啊

-- by 会员 brace1016 (2012/12/24 12:35:23)

你得一天一天挨着写啊，你不能拿21号的作业当23号的，这样给你改的队友才能跟你思路保持一致。

45573asdasd

真的假的兄台？你老是给我戴高帽

-- by 会员 45573asdasd (2012/12/23 22:22:20)

感觉体育哥哥的文章越写约好了！句子也很丰富，想请教下试怎么提高的？我最近想看老美的185篇作文范文，不知道有没有帮助？

-- by 会员 tengawaakito (2012/12/24 12:05:49)

我的结构是固定的。观点+论证+总结就是一段，还有开始的时候逼着自己用一些好句。慢慢练就顺手点了。我还差的源远。共同努力

-- by 会员 45573asdasd (2012/12/24 12:09:52)

请问如何学习好句子啊？我一开始看老美的文章，句子变化是很多样，但就怕到了考场记不起来怎么用，反而弄巧成拙。。。

-- by 会员 tengawaakito (2012/12/24 12:24:27)

不是有个什么35好句子，你在论坛里找找

45573asdasd

It seems that people today like comparing everything. Is big classroom better than small ones ? Is high-tech bringing more advantages than disadvantages? And as the question goes, is it easier to keep a healthy body today than in the past? We can not get an definite answer in that different people will hold different opinions. For me,however,I totally disagree with this statement. By contrast I think it is even harder, to some degree, for people to have a good health today. My reasons following will substantiate my opinion.

To begin with, people live nowdays suffer from numerous pollution, such as the wasted water which contains heavy metal and dusty air.It does require much intelligence for us to found that people get weaker as the economy develops faster.Have you ever heard a rich man had cancer because of the bad air? If you have, I think you might stand on my side that the bad environment leads to many dieases. Moreover, A recent survey conducted by the Chinese Citizen Health Agency (CCHA) indicated that Chinese people's average life span is 68 now. While the average life span in the 1980 is 70 years old. One would ask why does this happen.I think the bad environment brought by unlimited economic development is to blame. So I think we can say it is easier to maintain a health than in the past justifiably.

In addition. common sense informs us that one key point for us to have a good health is exercise. But the reality is that modern society poses too much pressure on people. People have to earn money for their debt of housing, and they have to attend many activities to keep their social cycle. people's energy is limited. They can not do everything well. If they focus on these social issues, they inevitably lose time to exercise, therefore leading to a poor health condition. By contrast, people in the past, especially in rural areas, always do some labor tasks such as feeding livestocks and planting.All these task do good to their health.Even in the city, owing to the poor public transportation, people had to walk more than people in modern time.At this point, I say people in the past will have more opportunities to exercise, therefore keeping a good health.

From what have been taken into consideration carefully, I can draw the very conclusion that it is even harder for modern people to have a good health. Someone might disagree with me,saying that hight-tech and the better medical care ensure people a good health conditions.I have admit these factorts do good to people, but they igniore the important fact that only ourselves can ensure us a good health. The habit of doing sports and a good environment is the base  for people to have a fit body. So I maintain my opinion that it is not easier to have a good health than in the past

brace1016

改你23号的文章哦。
In today's high-velocity society, people are always seeking reasons or even excuse for their defects. Just as the statement goes, is there any excuse for being rude to others? For me, however, I hold the definite opinion that on no account can we be impolite to others.（好句） My reasons following will substantiate my reasons.(用perspective哦，reason重复了)







To begin with, being rude to others has a negative effect on the relationship among people. There is an old saying in China that the politeness is the soil for the seeds of friendship to burgeon. It does not acquire much intellegence（intelligence） to imagine that if some（不能单独做主语吧）are rude to us, we will be angry, therefore disliking him. I might cite an example from my classmate Tom. Once, Tom was a willful and selfish person. He talked in his own style and showed no respect to anyone. He thought this behavior would make him cool. But later he found that he lost all his friends. Luckily, he realized his problem soon and changed his way of conversation, and he finally had his friends back. I am glad to see his change. The point is that ( 感觉多余)Tom’ story is convincing to illustrate that being rude might ruin the friendship.







In addition, it is universally acknowledged that respect creates an ideal work atmosphere, and the politeness is the cornerstone of the respect. Have you heard that the staff in an efficient company are all polite to each other? If you have, I think you may stand on my side that being polite to others, especially to workmates, will be good for jobs. Common sense informs us that if others are polite to us, we will feel happy and joyful. Based on the joyfulness brought by others, we may work more efficiently. A good example is a company called Hai Di Lao, which sells food to costomers(customers).The company trains all its staff to be polite to not only clients but also workmates. This strategy works anyway. The atmosphere in this company is very good. People like buying goods there. It also brings the company considerable profits. So in term of the efficiency of the work, I think we should be polite to others.(l例子可以写长点，不然字数上不够，只写了2个中心段，这个例子可以写这个公司对员工要求的前后对比，这样鲜明的对比效果好，我自己的意见哦)







From what have（has） been taken into consideration very carefully. I can confidently draw the conclusion that by no means can we be rude to others. It will not only result in a bad relationship with others but also give rise to low efficiency. Even someone might disagree with me, saying that rudeness may create pressure. Pressure is the motive for people to work. But people who maintain this view ignore that the pressure also is the start of making mistakes（黄色这些其实你可以再加入一段转折的，最后再总结都可以，这样感觉字数就上去了哦。我感觉4段式，字数很难写到。）







总体感觉这文章是限时写，能在30分钟写出来很厉害了。我都是一个晚上写一篇文章，总在那里查字典。还有文中有些拼写错误，我看到都改了哦。我现在是开始学习阶段，前十篇我不要求限时，先把文章写出来就好。后面10篇慢慢限时写。我感觉改文章真好，越改越知道怎么写文章。一起加油。

1369179610

It seems that people today like comparing everything. Is big classroom better than small ones ? Is high-tech bringing more advantages than disadvantages?（我不太赞同这种开头啊~直接切题就好，你又不用担心字数）And as the question goes, is it easier to keep a healthy body today than in the past? We can not get an definite answer in that different people will hold different opinions. For me,however,I totally disagree with this statement. By contrast I think it is even harder, to some degree, for people to have a good health today. My reasons following will substantiate my opinion.


To begin with, people live nowadays suffer from numerous pollution, such as the wasted water which contains heavy metal and dusty air.It does require much intelligence for us to found （find）that people get weaker as the economy develops faster.Have you ever heard a rich man had cancer because of the bad air? If you have, I think you might stand on my side that the bad environment leads to many diseases. Moreover, A recent survey conducted by the Chinese Citizen Health Agency (CCHA) indicated that Chinese people's average life span is 68 now. While the average life span in the 1980 is 70 years old. One would ask why does this happen. I think the bad environment brought by unlimited economic development is to blame. So I think we can say it is easier to maintain a health than in the past justifiably.


In addition,common sense informs us that one key point for us to have a good health is exercise. But the reality is that modern society poses too much pressure on people. People have to earn money for their debt of housing, and they have to attend many activities to keep their social cycle(circle). People's energy is limited. They can not do everything well. If they focus on these social issues, they inevitably lose time to exercise, therefore leading to a poor health condition. By contrast, people in the past, especially in rural areas, always do some labor tasks such as feeding livestocks and planting.All these tasks do good to their health.Even in the city, owing to the poor public transportation, people (at that time)had to walk more than people in modern time.At this point, I say people in the past will have more opportunities to exercise, therefore keeping a good health.


From what have been taken into consideration carefully, I can draw the very conclusion that it is even harder for modern people to have a good health. Someone might disagree with me,saying that hight-tech and the better medical care ensure people a good health conditions.I have to admit these factors do good to people, but they ignore the important fact that only ourselves can ensure us a good health(without good eating and exercising habits,those external conditions would be useless.). The habit of doing sports and a good environment is the base  for people to have a fit body. So I maintain my opinion that it is not easier to have a good health than in the past
嗯，不错。asd君，你打算再写几篇~~

1369179610

tengawaakito ，你就跟着你的体育兄混，肯定没错的~~哈哈

45573asdasd

改你23号的文章哦。
In today's high-velocity society, people are always seeking reasons or even excuse for their defects. Just as the statement goes, is there any excuse for being rude to others? For me, however, I hold the definite opinion that on no account can we be impolite to others.（好句） My reasons following will substantiate my reasons.(用perspective哦，reason重复了)







To begin with, being rude to others has a negative effect on the relationship among people. There is an old saying in China that the politeness is the soil for the seeds of friendship to burgeon. It does not acquire much intellegence（intelligence） to imagine that if some（不能单独做主语吧）are rude to us, we will be angry, therefore disliking him. I might cite an example from my classmate Tom. Once, Tom was a willful and selfish person. He talked in his own style and showed no respect to anyone. He thought this behavior would make him cool. But later he found that he lost all his friends. Luckily, he realized his problem soon and changed his way of conversation, and he finally had his friends back. I am glad to see his change. The point is that ( 感觉多余)Tom’ story is convincing to illustrate that being rude might ruin the friendship.







In addition, it is universally acknowledged that respect creates an ideal work atmosphere, and the politeness is the cornerstone of the respect. Have you heard that the staff in an efficient company are all polite to each other? If you have, I think you may stand on my side that being polite to others, especially to workmates, will be good for jobs. Common sense informs us that if others are polite to us, we will feel happy and joyful. Based on the joyfulness brought by others, we may work more efficiently. A good example is a company called Hai Di Lao, which sells food to costomers(customers).The company trains all its staff to be polite to not only clients but also workmates. This strategy works anyway. The atmosphere in this company is very good. People like buying goods there. It also brings the company considerable profits. So in term of the efficiency of the work, I think we should be polite to others.(l例子可以写长点，不然字数上不够，只写了2个中心段，这个例子可以写这个公司对员工要求的前后对比，这样鲜明的对比效果好，我自己的意见哦)







From what have（has） been taken into consideration very carefully. I can confidently draw the conclusion that by no means can we be rude to others. It will not only result in a bad relationship with others but also give rise to low efficiency. Even someone might disagree with me, saying that rudeness may create pressure. Pressure is the motive for people to work. But people who maintain this view ignore that the pressure also is the start of making mistakes（黄色这些其实你可以再加入一段转折的，最后再总结都可以，这样感觉字数就上去了哦。我感觉4段式，字数很难写到。）







总体感觉这文章是限时写，能在30分钟写出来很厉害了。我都是一个晚上写一篇文章，总在那里查字典。还有文中有些拼写错误，我看到都改了哦。我现在是开始学习阶段，前十篇我不要求限时，先把文章写出来就好。后面10篇慢慢限时写。我感觉改文章真好，越改越知道怎么写文章。一起加油。

-- by 会员 brace1016 (2012/12/24 20:47:34)

你的意见都很一针见血。收下了！加油！~~merry christmas！