asd 的作文贴，希望互相提高

45573asdasd

It seems that people today like comparing everything. Is big classroom better than small ones ? Is high-tech bringing more advantages than disadvantages?（我不太赞同这种开头啊~直接切题就好，你又不用担心字数）And as the question goes, is it easier to keep a healthy body today than in the past? We can not get an definite answer in that different people will hold different opinions. For me,however,I totally disagree with this statement. By contrast I think it is even harder, to some degree, for people to have a good health today. My reasons following will substantiate my opinion.


To begin with, people live nowadays suffer from numerous pollution, such as the wasted water which contains heavy metal and dusty air.It does require much intelligence for us to found （find）that people get weaker as the economy develops faster.Have you ever heard a rich man had cancer because of the bad air? If you have, I think you might stand on my side that the bad environment leads to many diseases. Moreover, A recent survey conducted by the Chinese Citizen Health Agency (CCHA) indicated that Chinese people's average life span is 68 now. While the average life span in the 1980 is 70 years old. One would ask why does this happen. I think the bad environment brought by unlimited economic development is to blame. So I think we can say it is easier to maintain a health than in the past justifiably.


In addition,common sense informs us that one key point for us to have a good health is exercise. But the reality is that modern society poses too much pressure on people. People have to earn money for their debt of housing, and they have to attend many activities to keep their social cycle(circle). People's energy is limited. They can not do everything well. If they focus on these social issues, they inevitably lose time to exercise, therefore leading to a poor health condition. By contrast, people in the past, especially in rural areas, always do some labor tasks such as feeding livestocks and planting.All these tasks do good to their health.Even in the city, owing to the poor public transportation, people (at that time)had to walk more than people in modern time.At this point, I say people in the past will have more opportunities to exercise, therefore keeping a good health.


From what have been taken into consideration carefully, I can draw the very conclusion that it is even harder for modern people to have a good health. Someone might disagree with me,saying that hight-tech and the better medical care ensure people a good health conditions.I have to admit these factors do good to people, but they ignore the important fact that only ourselves can ensure us a good health(without good eating and exercising habits,those external conditions would be useless.). The habit of doing sports and a good environment is the base  for people to have a fit body. So I maintain my opinion that it is not easier to have a good health than in the past
嗯，不错。asd君，你打算再写几篇~~

-- by 会员 1369179610 (2012/12/24 23:36:34)

哈哈，这篇字数多了。就没法避免小错误了。 你说再写几篇是什么意思？我没太明白

1369179610

我觉得因为我知识有限的缘故，你再写提高可能空间不大了，不然你跟liz试试吧

45573asdasd

我觉得因为我知识有限的缘故，你再写提高可能空间不大了，不然你跟liz试试吧

-- by 会员 1369179610 (2012/12/25 0:25:05)

好的。我明天的作文跟他互改一下。还有~圣诞快乐哦~~~

brace1016

我改你24号的文章，我的刚贴上来哦。

It seems that people today like comparing everything. Is big classroom better than small ones? Is high-tech bringing more advantages than disadvantages? And as the question goes, is it easier to keep a healthy body today than in the past? We can not get an（a） definite answer in that different people will hold different opinions. For me, however,I(这里感觉不点别扭，使用拆入语感觉怎么样，I, however, ) totally disagree with this statement. By contrast(有了however 还有要By contrast吗？) I think it is even harder, to some degree, for people to have a good health today. My reasons following will substantiate my opinion.







To begin with, people live nowdays（nowadays） suffer from numerous pollution, such as the wasted water which contains heavy metal and dusty air.(这里有歧义感觉水里面有dusty air了) It does require much intelligence for us to found that people get weaker as the economy develops faster. Have you ever heard a rich man had cancer because of the bad air? If you have, I think you might stand on my side that the bad environment leads to many dieases（单词拼写错误diseases）. Moreover, a recent survey conducted by the Chinese Citizen Health Agency (CCHA) indicated that Chinese people's average life span is 68 now. While the average life span in the 1980 is 70 years old. One would ask why this happen.I thinks the bad environment brought by unlimited economic development is to blame. So I think(两个在一起用，可以省去一个哦)we can say it is easier to maintain a health than in the past justifiably.







In addition, common sense informs us that one key point for us to have a good health is exercise. But the reality is that modern society poses too much pressure on people. People have to earn money for their debt of housing, and they have to attend many activities to keep their social cycle. People’s energy is limited. They can not do everything well. If they focus on these social issues, they inevitably lose time to exercise, therefore leading to a poor health condition. By contrast, people in the past, especially in rural areas, always do some labor tasks such as feeding livestock and planting. All these task do good to their health. Even in the city, owing to the poor public transportation, people had to walk more than people in modern time. At this point, I say people in the past will have more opportunities to exercise, therefore keeping a good health.（这段很好，论证从两面来，感觉蛮到位的。）







From what have been taken into consideration carefully, I can draw the very conclusion that it is even harder for modern people to have a good health. Someone might disagree with me, saying that hight-tech and the better medical care ensure people a good health conditions. I have admitted these factors do good to people, but they ignore the important fact that only ourselves can ensure us a good health. The habit of doing sports and a good environment is the base for people to have a fit body. So I maintain my opinion that it is not easier to have a good health than in the past







黄色的那些事拼写错误的。我最后直接改了。文章论证很到位。你要是在30分钟写的，一定要留2分钟检查下拼写。不然拼写错太多话很吃亏。那些单词我也是经常拼错。改别人的才能看自己也经常犯的错误。一起进步了。

45573asdasd

我改你24号的文章，我的刚贴上来哦。

It seems that people today like comparing everything. Is big classroom better than small ones? Is high-tech bringing more advantages than disadvantages? And as the question goes, is it easier to keep a healthy body today than in the past? We can not get an（a） definite answer in that different people will hold different opinions. For me, however,I(这里感觉不点别扭，使用拆入语感觉怎么样，I, however, ) totally disagree with this statement. By contrast(有了however 还有要By contrast吗？) I think it is even harder, to some degree, for people to have a good health today. My reasons following will substantiate my opinion.







To begin with, people live nowdays（nowadays） suffer from numerous pollution, such as the wasted water which contains heavy metal and dusty air.(这里有歧义感觉水里面有dusty air了) It does require much intelligence for us to found that people get weaker as the economy develops faster. Have you ever heard a rich man had cancer because of the bad air? If you have, I think you might stand on my side that the bad environment leads to many dieases（单词拼写错误diseases）. Moreover, a recent survey conducted by the Chinese Citizen Health Agency (CCHA) indicated that Chinese people's average life span is 68 now. While the average life span in the 1980 is 70 years old. One would ask why this happen.I thinks the bad environment brought by unlimited economic development is to blame. So I think(两个在一起用，可以省去一个哦)we can say it is easier to maintain a health than in the past justifiably.







In addition, common sense informs us that one key point for us to have a good health is exercise. But the reality is that modern society poses too much pressure on people. People have to earn money for their debt of housing, and they have to attend many activities to keep their social cycle. People’s energy is limited. They can not do everything well. If they focus on these social issues, they inevitably lose time to exercise, therefore leading to a poor health condition. By contrast, people in the past, especially in rural areas, always do some labor tasks such as feeding livestock and planting. All these task do good to their health. Even in the city, owing to the poor public transportation, people had to walk more than people in modern time. At this point, I say people in the past will have more opportunities to exercise, therefore keeping a good health.（这段很好，论证从两面来，感觉蛮到位的。）







From what have been taken into consideration carefully, I can draw the very conclusion that it is even harder for modern people to have a good health. Someone might disagree with me, saying that hight-tech and the better medical care ensure people a good health conditions. I have admitted these factors do good to people, but they ignore the important fact that only ourselves can ensure us a good health. The habit of doing sports and a good environment is the base for people to have a fit body. So I maintain my opinion that it is not easier to have a good health than in the past







黄色的那些事拼写错误的。我最后直接改了。文章论证很到位。你要是在30分钟写的，一定要留2分钟检查下拼写。不然拼写错太多话很吃亏。那些单词我也是经常拼错。改别人的才能看自己也经常犯的错误。一起进步了。

-- by 会员 brace1016 (2012/12/25 17:08:48)

感觉这些东西不可避免，我都是5分钟检查，这已经是检查过一边的了

45573asdasd

这个题目太坑爹了，company reward也可以是山区儿童嘛，一个公司怎么能给人法荣誉奖啊，员工运动会吗？也不说清楚，让我这脑残儿如何是好。大家看着改吧。
Recently,a controversial issue has been brought into our eye-sights that whether should company use public recognition to reward diligent working rather than the financial rewarding? Different people would hold different opinion. Needless to say it is indeed a very hard-to-decide choice. For me,however, I hold the definite view point that company should use money to reward hard-working staff.

To begin with,to general people, the money is the most important. Just as the saying from Shakespeare goes that only people who are full will take time to consider poems, reputation and confidence. Hungry men only care about how to make them full. It requires less intelligence to acknowledge that people in the poor area or less developed countries are confronted with great pressure such as debt of housing, high-quality milk for their babies, the list will go on. If the company rewards them in the form of public recognition. It does no good to improving their daily life. So I think company should focus on staff's living condition and reward them with money.

In addition, for some certain jobs. Public reputation does no good but threat to people. It is universially acknowledged that some jobs should be non-splashing such as the spy job.If a spy is rewarded in the public with reputation and recognition, he will probably be noticed by enemy, endangering himself and his country. Moreover, some people does not like to be reawrded by public reputation for they just want to chase peaceful life. They just want to earn more money to buy their kids some new clothes. I think my father is an epitome of this kind of people. He does not like talking too much, he just want to earn more money to support me to study in fucking USA. If he was rewarded with some unpractical reputation instead of money, he will surely be disappointed. In terms of different careers and characters. Money enjoy a higher level than the public recognition.

From what have been taken into consideration above, I can draw the very conclusion that company should not use public recognition instead of money to reward hard working staff.Some one may disagree with me, arguing that the public recognition will boost one's confidence in the work and draw more attention. I have to admit that the reputation is, to some extent, good for long-term career. but I think in the society which is full of financial pressure to people,real money rewarding is more practical.

1369179610

Recently,a controversial issue has been brought into our eye-sights that whether should company use public recognition to reward diligent working rather than the financial rewarding? Different people would hold different opinion. Needless to say it is indeed a very hard-to-decide choice. For me,however, I hold the definite view point that company should use money to reward hard-working staff.

To begin with,to general people, the money is the most important. Just as the saying from Shakespeare goes that only people who are full will take time to consider poems, reputation and confidence. Hungry men only care about how to make themselves full. It requires less intelligence to acknowledge that people in the poor area or less developed countries are confronted with great pressure such as debt of housing, high-quality milk for their babies, the list will go on. If the company rewards them in the form of public recognition. It does no good to improving their daily life. So I think company should focus on staff's living condition and reward them with money.

In addition, for some certain jobs. Public reputation does no good but threat to people. It is universially acknowledged that some jobs should be non-splashing such as the spy job.If a spy is rewarded in the public with reputation and recognition, he will probably be noticed by enemy, endangering himself and his country. Moreover, some people does not like to be reawrded by public reputation for they just want to chase a peaceful life. They just want to earn more money to buy their kids some new clothes. I think my father is an epitome of this kind of people. He does not like talking too much, he just want to earn more money to support me to study in fucking USA. If he was rewarded with some unpractical reputation instead of money, he will surely be disappointed. In terms of different careers and characters. Money enjoy a higher level than the public recognition.

From what have been taken into consideration above, I can draw the very conclusion that company should not use public recognition instead of money to reward hard working staff.Some one may disagree with me, arguing that the public recognition will boost one's confidence in the work and draw more attention. I have to admit that the reputation is, to some extent, good for long-term career. but I think in the society which is full of financial pressure to people,real money rewarding is more practical.

写的不错啊~~~就是用词的难度和讨论的深度有限。再收集收集素材吧。

xiumu2280

Recently, acontroversial issue has been brought into our eye-sights that whether shouldcompany use public recognition to reward diligent working rather than thefinancial rewarding? Different people would hold different opinion. Needless tosay it is indeed a very hard-to-decide choice. For me,however, I hold thedefinite view point that company should use money to reward hard-working staff.(修饰词用的很多啊，这段没什么错误)

To begin with, to general people, the money is themost important. Just as the saying from Shakespeare goes that onlypeople who are full will take time to consider poems, reputation andconfidence. Hungry men only care about how to make them full（有点太山寨了···）. It requires less intelligence to acknowledge that peoplein the poor area or less developed countries are confronted with great pressuresuch as debt of housing, high-quality milk for their babies（这里说的pressure,所以应该是shortage of milk for babies）, thelist will go on. If the company rewards them in the form of public recognition.It does no good to（begood to 后面可以加do的，improve.不过对什么有好处一般是FOR）improving their daily life. So I think company should focus on staff's livingcondition and reward them with money.

In addition, for some certain jobs. Publicreputation does no good but threat(threat是名词，应该是threaten to，而且是threaten to do,如果接名词直接是threaten sb) to people. It is universially（universally）acknowledged that some jobs should be non-splashing such as the spy job(这个job放着完全没用啊，还啰嗦).If a spy is rewarded in the public with reputation andrecognition, he will probably be noticed by enemy, and then加个连词endangering himself and his country. Moreover, some peopledoes（do） notlike to be rewarded by public reputation for they just want to chase a（加） peacefullife. They just want to earn more moneyto buy(andbuy,你想用earnsth to do没这用法啊) their kids some new clothes. I think my fatheris an epitome of this kind of people. He does not like talking too much, hejust want to earn more money to support me to study in fucking USA（这个句子和上面问题一样，我查了查，似乎的确没这么用的，我语法也很烂）. If he was rewarded with some unpracticalreputation instead of money, he will surely be disappointed. In terms ofdifferent careers and characters. Money enjoy(enjoys) a higher level than the public recognition.

From what have been taken into considerationabove, I can draw the very conclusion that company shouldnot use public recognition instead of money(should use money instead of publicrecognition上面那样有点别扭,insteadof 是而不是的意思) to reward hard working staff. Someone（someone去查下someone 和 some one 的区别吧） may disagree with me, arguing that the public recognitionwill boost one's confidence in the work and draw more attention. I have toadmit that the reputation is, to some extent, good for long-term career. But Ithink in the society which is full of financial pressure to people ,real money rewardingis more practical.
短语用法和个别句子逻辑有问题。不够细心。
写的时候有不确定的地方，最好写完之后先查一下。

xiumu2280

我一看，怎么上面还有个人也改这篇了。还以为自己改错了···悲了个剧···

45573asdasd

我一看，怎么上面还有个人也改这篇了。还以为自己改错了···悲了个剧···

-- by 会员 xiumu2280 (2012/12/26 12:55:23)

谢谢朽木同学，你的批改很认真。看看下面几个点，说不定对你也有提高呢。do good to to在这里作介词，do harm，threat都是一个用法 建议看看35好句。还有earn money to do应该也没错。大多数动词后面to do 表目的是不错的，Moneyalsogotomillionswhodonotearnenoughtopaytaxes. 另外,对于数百万收入不足以缴税的人,也会得到资助.
he will probably be noticed by enemy, and then加个连词endangering himself and his country。这里是不需要加连词的，建议查下伴随形状语从句。如果你也要考gmat，这是必备的知识