asd 的作文贴，希望互相提高

tengawaakito

你是说应该举大众化的例子吗？
-- by 会员 45573asdasd (2012/12/11 12:08:36)

运动员哥哥我的12月10日的作文写好了，网上要和日本学生group work，晚点回来再改你的作文了，很抱歉啊

1369179610

你是说应该举大众化的例子吗？

-- by 会员 45573asdasd (2012/12/11 12:08:36)

我的意思是，如果你想证明人们怎么怎么样，然后用一个特别超人的非普通人类的事迹来做论据说服力不够强。我的建议是可以直接写你认为，因为怀特兄弟都这样，我想成为下一个怀特，所以我觉得工作重要。

45573asdasd

12.11 独立作文作业
如果你的朋友在某门课需要帮忙， 而你是这门课的牛人。 问你认为你朋友找你帮忙好还是找专门的 tutor 帮忙比较好。

If my friend needs help in some certain course in which I happen to be an expert. I will definetely help him without hesitation. I will also pursuade him to give up the desire to hire a tutor in that this kind of help enjoys advantages such as the better relationship, a conceivable saving and, most importantly, the advance in study for both of us. My following reasons will substantiate my opinion.

To begin with, an advantage of helping my friend is that it will boost our relationship to a higher level. One of the famous writers once said that the most cherish thing in the world is friendship, it seldom betraies. Image that, if a person is in need of help, and some helps him out of the trouble without charging anything. what is the person's felling? It is obvious that he will be thankful and remember the person who helped him outside the dillema. Friends are the people count on each other. At this point,friendship. I will help him to figure out the problems which encounter him.

In addition,it is also a good way to improve my knowledge during the teaching process. If I, for example, help my friend to review his English. He will absorb my idea. Meanwhile , I can also review the words and Gramma during the teaching. Because teaching process is the most efficient way to remember the knowledge. have you ever seen an experienced teacher forgets what to teach? If you haven't, I think you might stand on my side. Because during the teaching process,the teacher also force themselves to remember the course again. So, in term of the study for  myself,it is good for me, and I will take the chance to help him.  

Last but not the least, It will save him a lot of money. A survey conducted by Chinese Study Reasearch Agency(CSRA) indicates that the salary paied to the tutor is now about two dollar for one single hour in China. It equals to a whole day cost to student. So in term of the Financial aspect. I highly recommend him to find me to teach him, not the tutor. I will only ask for a can of coke.

From all aspects taken into considedration carefully, I can safely draw the conclusion that, it is not only a good method to boost the relationship but also a good way for both of us in study. Besides, he can save a considerable amount of money to buy things he need. Even if a tutor maybe more professional, I think the advantages I mentioned above outwiegh.

tengawaakito

Recently, acontroversial issue has been brought into our eye-sights that which factor hasa more effect on the happiness of people(这里我觉得用 people's happiness更好？）.　Jobs?or Social life? Just as the saying goes that one hunderd（hundred）people will have onehunderd Shake Spears in their minds. This saying also apply to this issue.Different people will have their own opinions. For me , I totally agree thatthe job has a far-reaching impact（用词很准啊！我喜欢） on the happiness of people.

To begin with,one of the early writers once said that work always brings me the pure joy. Thesense of achievement is,undeniable, a basic form of happiness. It is thehard-working that bings sense of achievement. People around us always provethis saying.（符号后空一格估计不会扣分但是还是要注意一哈）When Wright Brothers planed to invent the most striking device,theplane. they faced myriads of diffuculties. But they said that when they sawtheir most valuable invention flying in the ble sky. There is nothing betterthan that. At this point , I think the jobs can indeed bring the happiness topeople. （总结句！很好！）

In addition,jobs are the most basic thing for people to make a living and for them to meetthe basic need（这句的A and B的内容好像有点重复？basic need 好像就是为了 living的？你看用for people to earn their daily milk and bread怎么样）. In today's high-velocity society, people have to deal withcountless problems such as the debts for car and the expense of the cloths. Allthese things are not for free. Therefore, if we have a fat salary job（很生动）. we willlive an easier life.Image that, Tom has a bing house with a swimming pool,drinking the Laffet wine. While Jack just owns some friends and lacks money.who is happier? the Tom of course. So I think job has more effect on people'shappiness in reality.

Last but notthe least, the reason why we should pay more attention to the job is that jobsalso brings a good social life. common sense informs us that the elites are notalways the people who are good at communicating with others but the people whoare good at their jobs. Take a famous writer Mo Yan as an example. He is aperson who is not good at social life. But after he won the Nobel prize, many peoplecopme（come） to find him and make friends with him. So it is obvious that the good jobmakes a good social life.（例子找的很好，很有说服力）

From allaspects taken into consideration carefully, I can draw the conclusion that thejob indeed has more effect on the happiness. Even if the social life cansometimes bing（bring） some advantages such as friends and good repution. I think thepure excitment ahd（and） happiness （are被动句吗？）brought by job outweighs.

45573asdasd

Recently, acontroversial issue has been brought into our eye-sights that which factor hasa more effect on the happiness of people(这里我觉得用 people's happiness更好？）.　Jobs?or Social life? Just as the saying goes that one hunderd（hundred）people will have onehunderd Shake Spears in their minds. This saying also apply to this issue.Different people will have their own opinions. For me , I totally agree thatthe job has a far-reaching impact（用词很准啊！我喜欢） on the happiness of people.

To begin with,one of the early writers once said that work always brings me the pure joy. Thesense of achievement is,undeniable, a basic form of happiness. It is thehard-working that bings sense of achievement. People around us always provethis saying.（符号后空一格估计不会扣分但是还是要注意一哈）When Wright Brothers planed to invent the most striking device,theplane. they faced myriads of diffuculties. But they said that when they sawtheir most valuable invention flying in the ble sky. There is nothing betterthan that. At this point , I think the jobs can indeed bring the happiness topeople. （总结句！很好！）

In addition,jobs are the most basic thing for people to make a living and for them to meetthe basic need（这句的A and B的内容好像有点重复？basic need 好像就是为了 living的？你看用for people to earn their daily milk and bread怎么样）. In today's high-velocity society, people have to deal withcountless problems such as the debts for car and the expense of the cloths. Allthese things are not for free. Therefore, if we have a fat salary job（很生动）. we willlive an easier life.Image that, Tom has a bing house with a swimming pool,drinking the Laffet wine. While Jack just owns some friends and lacks money.who is happier? the Tom of course. So I think job has more effect on people'shappiness in reality.

Last but notthe least, the reason why we should pay more attention to the job is that jobsalso brings a good social life. common sense informs us that the elites are notalways the people who are good at communicating with others but the people whoare good at their jobs. Take a famous writer Mo Yan as an example. He is aperson who is not good at social life. But after he won the Nobel prize, many peoplecopme（come） to find him and make friends with him. So it is obvious that the good jobmakes a good social life.（例子找的很好，很有说服力）

From allaspects taken into consideration carefully, I can draw the conclusion that thejob indeed has more effect on the happiness. Even if the social life cansometimes bing（bring） some advantages such as friends and good repution. I think thepure excitment ahd（and） happiness （are被动句吗？）brought by job outweighs.

-- by 会员 tengawaakito (2012/12/11 22:08:34)

谢谢22teng哈，最后一句话是对的哦，brought 是来修饰excitment 和happiness的

45573asdasd

12.11 独立作文作业
如果你的朋友在某门课需要帮忙， 而你是这门课的牛人。 问你认为你朋友找你帮忙好还是找专门的 tutor 帮忙比较好。

If my friend needs help in some certain course in which I happen to be an expert. I will definetely help him without hesitation. I will also pursuade him to give up the desire to hire a tutor in that this kind of help enjoys advantages such as the better relationship, a conceivable saving and, most importantly, the advance in study for both of us. My following reasons will substantiate my opinion.

To begin with, an advantage of helping my friend is that it will boost our relationship to a higher level. One of the famous writers once said that the most cherish thing in the world is friendship, it seldom betraies. Image that, if a person is in need of help, and some helps him out of the trouble without charging anything. what is the person's felling? It is obvious that he will be thankful and remember the person who helped him outside the dillema. Friends are the people count on each other. At this point,friendship. I will help him to figure out the problems which encounter him.

In addition,it is also a good way to improve my knowledge during the teaching process. If I, for example, help my friend to review his English. He will absorb my idea. Meanwhile , I can also review the words and Gramma during the teaching. Because teaching process is the most efficient way to remember the knowledge. have you ever seen an experienced teacher forgets what to teach? If you haven't, I think you might stand on my side. Because during the teaching process,the teacher also force themselves to remember the course again. So, in term of the study for  myself,it is good for me, and I will take the chance to help him.  

Last but not the least, It will save him a lot of money. A survey conducted by Chinese Study Reasearch Agency(CSRA) indicates that the salary paied to the tutor is now about two dollar for one single hour in China. It equals to a whole day cost to student. So in term of the Financial aspect. I highly recommend him to find me to teach him, not the tutor. I will only ask for a can of coke.

From all aspects taken into considedration carefully, I can safely draw the conclusion that, it is not only a good method to boost the relationship but also a good way for both of us in study. Besides, he can save a considerable amount of money to buy things he need. Even if a tutor maybe more professional, I think the advantages I mentioned above outwiegh.

1369179610

If my friend needs help in some certain course in which I happen to be an expert. I will definetely help him without hesitation. I will also pursuade him to give up the desire to hire a tutor in that this kind of help enjoys advantages such as the better relationship, a conceivable saving and, most importantly, the advance in study for both of us. My following reasons will substantiate my opinion.我也膜拜一下~

To begin with, an advantage of helping my friend is that it will boost our relationship to a higher level. One of the famous writers once said that the most cherished thing in the world is friendship, it seldom betraies.（你是说betray么，换成fades吧。） Image imagine that, if a person is in need of help, and some helps him out of the trouble without charging anything. what is the person's felling（feeling）? It is obvious that he will be thankful and remember the person who helped him outside the dilemma. Friends are the people who count on each other. At this point,friendship. I will help him to figure out the problems which he encounters him.

In addition,it is also a good way to improve my knowledge during the teaching process. If I, for example, help my friend to review his English. He will absorb my idea. Meanwhile , I can also review the words and Grammar during the teaching. Because teaching process is the most efficient way to remember the knowledge. What's more,teaching process keeps the one who's teaching concentrating.(加一句吧，因为读到这断档了~)Have you ever seen an experienced teacher forgetting what to teach? If you haven't, I think you might stand on my side. Because during the teaching process,the teachers have to force themselves to remember the course again all the time. So, I will take the chance to（这个词组是冒险一试的意思，应将take改成grasp） help him,for it is good for me in term of the study for myself.(换个位置，这些话就更连贯了。)

Last but not the least, It will save him a lot of money. A survey conducted by Chinese Study Reasearch Agency(CSRA) indicates that the salary payed to the tutor is now about two dollars for one single per hour in China. It equals to a whole day cost to a student. So in term of the Financial aspect. I highly recommend him to find me to teach him, not the tutor. I will only ask for a can of coke.(同意~哈哈)
From all aspects taken into considedration carefully, I can safely draw the conclusion that, it is not only a good method to boost the relationship but also a good way for both of us in study. Besides, he can save a considerable amount of money to buy things what he need. Even if a tutor maybe more professional, I think the advantages I mentioned above outwiegh.


写的很棒啊，继续加油吧~

阿伦艾弗森

If my friend needs help in some certain course（some 的话用courses吧）in which I happen to be an expert.（用逗号，2个连词3个谓语刚好） I will definetely help him without hesitation. I will also pursuade him to give up the desire to hire a tutor in that（这里缺少一个句号不然一个句子就有两个谓语了）this kind of help enjoys advantages such as the better relationship, a conceivable saving and, most importantly, the advance in study for both of us. （尽量少用this，这个句子改成非谓语结构也许会更好一些，我试着改下，不好的话请原谅哈： by helping my classmates in their courses, i can enjoy………………）My following reasons will substantiate my opinion.

To begin with, an advantage of helping my friend is that it will boost our relationship to a higher level. One of the famous writers once said (最好写出人名，不然可以说saying)that the most cherish thing in the world is friendship, it seldom betraies. （这句话有一点点怪，你看加个连词加个谓语是否合适？）Image that, if a person is in need of help（needs help会更简洁些）, and some helps （主谓一致哦~）him out of the trouble without charging anything. what is the person's felling（粗心了吧^ ^）? It is obvious that he will be thankful and remember the person who helped him outside the dillema（主题是帮助功课的话，这个词不准确）. Friends are the people who count on each other. At this point,friendship. I will help him to figure out the problems which encounter him(如果要用encounter的话，被动会好are encountered by him).        {建议还是要多围绕这帮助解决功课上的问题来展开论述~强调友谊过多容易使人产生偏题的错觉}

In addition,it is also a good way to improve my knowledge during the teaching process. If I, for example, help my friend to review his English. He will absorb my idea.（if 是一个连词，所以句子中要有两个谓语） Meanwhile , I can also review the words and Gramma during the teaching. Because teaching process is the most efficient way to remember the knowledge.（同理，because是连词，出现的话，句中要包含两个谓语） have you ever seen an experienced teacher forgets what to teach? If you haven't, I think you might stand on my side. Because during the teaching process,the teacher also force（主谓一致）themselves to remember the course again. So,(so做所以讲也是连词)in term of the study for myself,it is good for me, and I will（把and I will 改为to）take the chance to help him.

Last but not the least, It （无指代）will save him a lot of money. A survey conducted by Chinese Study Reasearch Agency(CSRA)（有引用，很棒哦！~） indicates that the salary paied to the tutor is now about two dollars for one single hour in China.（这句话谓语最好用复数。调查代表是大多数现象） It equals to a whole day cost（day's cost） to a student. So in term of the Financial aspect（这句话没有谓语，构不成句子）. I highly recommend him to find me to teach him, not the tutor. I will only ask for a can of coke.

From all aspects taken into considedration carefully, I can safely draw the conclusion that, it （无指代）is not only a good method to boost the relationship but also a good way for both of us in study. Besides（这个逻辑词很棒~）, he can save a considerable amount of money to buy things he need. Even if a tutor maybe more professional, I think the advantages I mentioned above outwiegh.


1.代词指代问题。文中尽量少出现一些It this 之类的词，而且句子用It 开头时，除了固定句型，it一定要交代是指代什么的。
2.连词问题，句子中要是出现一个连词的话，必有两个谓语。~
3.主谓一致
4.对于论点的论述要更贴近题目本身要求。


一点拙见~还望共同进步！~

45573asdasd

If my friend needs help in some certain course（some 的话用courses吧）in which I happen to be an expert.（用逗号，2个连词3个谓语刚好） I will definetely help him without hesitation. I will also pursuade him to give up the desire to hire a tutor in that（这里缺少一个句号不然一个句子就有两个谓语了）this kind of help enjoys advantages such as the better relationship, a conceivable saving and, most importantly, the advance in study for both of us. （尽量少用this，这个句子改成非谓语结构也许会更好一些，我试着改下，不好的话请原谅哈： by helping my classmates in their courses, i can enjoy………………）My following reasons will substantiate my opinion.

To begin with, an advantage of helping my friend is that it will boost our relationship to a higher level. One of the famous writers once said (最好写出人名，不然可以说saying)that the most cherish thing in the world is friendship, it seldom betraies. （这句话有一点点怪，你看加个连词加个谓语是否合适？）Image that, if a person is in need of help（needs help会更简洁些）, and some helps （主谓一致哦~）him out of the trouble without charging anything. what is the person's felling（粗心了吧^ ^）? It is obvious that he will be thankful and remember the person who helped him outside the dillema（主题是帮助功课的话，这个词不准确）. Friends are the people who count on each other. At this point,friendship. I will help him to figure out the problems which encounter him(如果要用encounter的话，被动会好are encountered by him).        {建议还是要多围绕这帮助解决功课上的问题来展开论述~强调友谊过多容易使人产生偏题的错觉}

In addition,it is also a good way to improve my knowledge during the teaching process. If I, for example, help my friend to review his English. He will absorb my idea.（if 是一个连词，所以句子中要有两个谓语） Meanwhile , I can also review the words and Gramma during the teaching. Because teaching process is the most efficient way to remember the knowledge.（同理，because是连词，出现的话，句中要包含两个谓语） have you ever seen an experienced teacher forgets what to teach? If you haven't, I think you might stand on my side. Because during the teaching process,the teacher also force（主谓一致）themselves to remember the course again. So,(so做所以讲也是连词)in term of the study for myself,it is good for me, and I will（把and I will 改为to）take the chance to help him.

Last but not the least, It （无指代）will save him a lot of money. A survey conducted by Chinese Study Reasearch Agency(CSRA)（有引用，很棒哦！~） indicates that the salary paied to the tutor is now about two dollars for one single hour in China.（这句话谓语最好用复数。调查代表是大多数现象） It equals to a whole day cost（day's cost） to a student. So in term of the Financial aspect（这句话没有谓语，构不成句子）. I highly recommend him to find me to teach him, not the tutor. I will only ask for a can of coke.

From all aspects taken into considedration carefully, I can safely draw the conclusion that, it （无指代）is not only a good method to boost the relationship but also a good way for both of us in study. Besides（这个逻辑词很棒~）, he can save a considerable amount of money to buy things he need. Even if a tutor maybe more professional, I think the advantages I mentioned above outwiegh.


1.代词指代问题。文中尽量少出现一些It this 之类的词，而且句子用It 开头时，除了固定句型，it一定要交代是指代什么的。
2.连词问题，句子中要是出现一个连词的话，必有两个谓语。~
3.主谓一致
4.对于论点的论述要更贴近题目本身要求。


一点拙见~还望共同进步！~

-- by 会员 阿伦艾弗森 (2012/12/11 23:32:53)

哈哈，艾佛森改的好细致啊，学习了，我就是有时候写着写着就忘了主谓。但是有一些改动我觉得有些瑕疵，比如some可以当做某些的意思，in that=because，让我最疑惑的是：this不宜单独出现这是没错的，但为什么像this kind也不行啊？GMAT里这种句子都是SC的正确答案啊。

阿伦艾弗森

some的多种用法我倒是忽略了。。。不好意思哈。
额，因为我学的是SAT，所以有的时候语法方面的问题可能和GMAT不太一样吧。
this kind 是可以的，但是你那句话本身多谓语了。
因为考SAT语法的时候老师一直强调this出现是自杀词，所以我可能疏忽了，真不好意思啊~~~还望多包容！