重开一个作文贴

fairyfinger

8.4 综合 TPO 2
The lecture mainly talks about an example of a company to prove that having a team of people to perform a project is not so beneficial as the reading passage said. According to the lecture, the advantages of having a team of people attacking （attack不是袭击的意思咩？）a project is groundless and unconvincing.

First of all, what contradicts to the reading passage, the attitude of the people in the team to the group process is not as predicted in the reading passage. The lecture points out just because the team members feel that they cannot getpersonal pride in the team that they will not make any real contributions. Thus taking part in a group process may be not so rewarding for members of the team as the reading passage mentions.
这一段反驳的是rewarding/但是第一句又讲的是人们的态度，这一段不够focused。

What’s more, the lecture indicates that it always takes long time for team members to reach consensus, hence highly creative solutions to problems and issues may be not quickly found out  as the reading passage suggests.
中间LZ这段讲的是creative solution，不过略微内容单薄了点。LZ可能遗漏了信息，我听的是因为主要是某些人在支配，另外有些意见不经过讨论就被驳回了。><不知道对不对...【其实这段应该是反驳quick process的

Last but not the least, according to the reading passage, it is because that a group is more likely to make risky decisions that there will be many creative solutions coming. However, the lecture suggests that managers in the team might be influential and even a highly idea comes, some members may question about it and it will be finally dropped. Therefore creative solutions not always comes as the reading passage says.
觉得楼主应该仔细把阅读里面的点找清楚，然后一个个反驳，不要都混在一起。。.><这段和上面是一个意思

ykhjy

这篇文章 我确实没弄清楚几个point，感觉听力里面的point和文章里面的不对应。。我再看看 多谢fairy同学

ykhjy

8.5 独立
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement. Movies and television have more negative effects than positive effects on the way young people behave.

Do movies and televisions have more negative effects than positive effects on the way young people behave? While someone believes that it is not the truth since young people can widen their eyes from the movies and television, others think that compared to the benefits from the movies and television, the negative aspects have larger impact on young people. As far as I am concerned, I agree with the latter one for the following reasons.

First of all, as is known, more and more young people intend to commit a crime. Actually,  according to a survey conducted by national investigation organization, this social phenomenon is something business with the movies and television programs they watch. For example, Li Ming, who is 15-year old, he abduced his neighbour, who is just a little girl. When asked why he did that, he says that there is some guy in a motive doing this, and he feels it is cool. From this case, we can learn that some violent scenes in the movies and television really have a large negative impact on the way young people behave since young people are not mature enough and they may tend to copy those behavior that they should not imitate.

In addition, there is a new word that always heard by people, especially describing those people who are addictive to watching movies and television and not willing to be outside. As a matter of fact, 90 percent of those people are young people. Since they are obsessed with the motives and television, they watch them all the time thus most of them resist going outside to do some sports and their health are even not so good as their parents. With the advance of technology and higher living standard, those young people always download what they want to watch into Ipad, and they even watch it in class thus it to great extent distracts their attention from the class.

I concede that there are some benefits for young people to watch motives and televisions such as broadening their eyes. For example, when I was a child, my parents always kept company with me, and introduced some television programs such as the animal’s world to me. I really learned a lot from that program and I understood some habits of hundreds of animals.  

In conclusion, In my opinion, the native impact may be larger than the influence for young people since young people are not mature enough. Only if there is a proper guide of parents, motives and television, under this circumstance, can have positive effect on the way the young people behave.

ykhjy

8.5 综合 TPO3
The lecture mainly talks about reasons why the representation of the woman’s face may be not Rembrandt’s work in the reading passage are groundless. According to the lecture, the reasons in reading passage seem to be unpersuasive.

First of all, the reading passage indicates that there is something inconsistent about the way the woman in the portrait. However, according to the lecture, it should be attributed to fur collar.  After people discover the original painting through x-rays and analysis of the pigments in the paint, there is nothing inconsistent. Thus it disputes what the reading passage says.

What’s more, the lecture points out that in the original painting, people can find that light and shadow is realistic just what people would expect from Rembrandt. It is because the light-colored cloth of fur collar reflects light that lead to the result that the face is not in partial shadow. Hence, the second problem mentioned by the reading passage is argued.

Last but not the least, the reading passage suggests that Rembrandt would not use a panel glued together from several wood pieces. However, based on the lecture, the wood panel was enlarged with extra wood pieces glued to the sides and the original painting is actually painted on a single piece of wood, as the way Rembrandt did. Therefore, the third problem in the reading passage is disputed.

浅吟天

哎，搞了半天我也是个没搞懂改谁作文的。。第一次改，格式内容有什么我们探讨！
黄色 好的红色我觉得不对的绿色批注
8.4 独立

For future career success, is relate well to other people more important than studying hard at school?

Nowadays more and more people will（为什么是将来时，和后面is不配啊） question that which is more important for future career success, relating well to other people, or studying hard at school? （果然开头引题！）About the answer to this question, while someone believes that nothing is more important than owning a skill, others may think that even if you study hard at school, you can achieve nothing without a good human resources（单复数）. In my opinion, while relating well to others is beneficial for your future career, studying hard at school and possessing a real skill is more important.

There is no doubt that studying hard at school is very important, and in some cases, even if you relate well to others, without a real skill, you cannot get a job. In order to own some skills, you should study hard at school. For example, if you want to be a computer programming engineer, however, you cannot even understand the sign in the programming, how can you qualify the occupation? Even if you can relate to your boss and coworkers well, the boss won’t hire an employee that cannot make any profits for him（这里再点破一下更好，因为他没自己的能力，不然逻辑不强, and also, the other employees won’t help you to do your job just because they have a good relationship with you（why?这句有点突兀，再阐述下就更好了）. Thus to some extent owning a real skill is the key to acquire a job.

It is true that relating well to other people has some business with your future career success since cooperation is more and more important in this society and if you relate well to others, you may get more chances to succeed in your future career. Just think about Ma yun, who is an excellent leader in business area（残句哇，谓语）. Without people who are willing to work for him, and if he cannot relate to business partners well,building （恩，这个要跟你讨论下，我觉得后面这句的主语不对啊，应该是ma yun) such a powerful electronic commerce company may be just a dream.

As a matter of fact, relating to others well can help you succeed in your future career, however, having a real skill can decide how bright your future will be. As the case of Mayun talked above, we can see that without the skill of insight in business,（不用skill，有点啰嗦） Ma yun may not be able to think out a concept of electronic commerce(EC). Without the people who have many different kinds of skills such as computer skills work for him（这句话稍微削弱了上面的陈述，建议，逻辑就有点乱了）, the concept of EC can be hard to be put into practice. Thus in essence, the skill is the key to Ma yun’s success.

All in all, studying hard at school to own some real skills（很好啊，讲清了两者关系） should be more important to relate well to others for your future career. Of course, if you can do both things well, you can succeed more easily than those who only has either of them.

-- by 会员 ykhjy (2012/8/4 16:40:09)

恩，我觉得你的思路很好，都很切题，看到你给我改的我深刻意识到这个问题。不过我觉得没必要中间每段都先抑后扬，后面直接来吧，这样观点更强些！我红色改的东西欢迎讨论讨论

GWinner

I'm so sorry 现在才过来改> <...昨儿发烧在家躺了一天.....原谅我吧!
精彩之处错误 修改建议综合建议
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The lecture mainly talks about an example of a company to prove that having a team of people to perform a project is not so beneficial as the reading passage said. According to the lecture, the advantages of having a team of people[这里句式和上句重复了 可以换换避免单调哈] attacking a project is groundless and unconvincing.

First of all, what contradicts to the reading passage, [不知道这个what句放在这里是怎么个用法捏? 感觉可以改成the first point the lecrturer contradicts to the reading passage is that...]the attitude of the people in the team to the group process is not as predicted in the reading passage. The lecture points out [+that it is]just because the team members feel that they cannot get personal pride in the team that they will not make any real contributions. Thus taking part in a group process may be not so rewarding for members of the team as the reading passage mentions.

What’s more, the lecture indicates that it always takes long time for team members to reach consensus, hence highly creative solutions to problems and issues may be not quickly found out  as the reading passage suggests.
[感觉这里听得少了点 内容有点单薄了 需要丰富呀~]
Last but not the least, according to the reading passage, it is because that a group is more likely to make risky decisions that there will be many creative solutions coming. However, the lecture suggests that managers in the team might be influential and even a highly idea comes, some members may question about it and it will be finally dropped.[表示木有看懂这句话想表达的意思members想question的it指代的是什么呢? 我有G后遗症> <....] Therefore creative solutions [does]not always comes as the reading passage says.

感觉LZ的听力还不够给力哈...我也是同样问题 所以在写综合的时候各种YY...感觉综合不是看的语言而是只看听力听到了多少~所以咱们都在听力环节多练习吧~更加丰富文章内容!!!

文章有些小的语法错误LZ要注意一下哦~另外句式也可以在丰富一点 虽然综合不怎么看语言不过总是加分的~一个句式不要出现多于两次 也别太频繁哈~

GWinner

这个也是我改哈~作为老大对我旷工一天的惩罚么T T
精彩之处错误修改提议综合提议
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
8.3 综合
The lecture talks about reasons why employees working in four days are not as beneficial as the reading passage said. According to the lecture, the benefits of employees' working four days suggested in the passage are groundless and unpersuasive.

First of all, the lecture indicates that the company profits do not necessarily increase as the reading passage mentioned. It is because by adding new workers, company may spend more time and money on training the new ones. Plus, company have to spend money enlarging office space and purchasing more computers for these new employees. Thus it does not necessarily true that the company profits will increase.[这段语言很流畅!赞一个!!]

What's more, what contradicts to the reading passage,[依然不懂这个用法> <....LZ请指教] the employees who work four days a week in the company do not necessarily fell more rested. Because it is possible that the company many find another way to minimize the cost, instead of hiring new workers, it may adjust the employees' time, asking them to do the same amount work of five days in four days. Hence, the employees won't feel rested and thus may affect the company's efficiency.[the company's working efficiency might be harmed]

Last but not the least, the reading passage says that the option of a four-day workweek would be better for individual employees. However, based on the lecture, it is not the case. Since after the option carrying out, the employees have more free time, however,[however不能连接两个句子的~这里新起一句吧~] at the same time, they may take some risks of reducing the quality of life. For example, they may decrease their job ability and venture advancing career since they may lose job when the economics in the downturn. In addition, the option is not be beneficial for their career promotion, since the company has to promote these employees who can work five days a week to be managers to continue the company's operation.

听力还是有些遗漏的点哈~整体问题不大~这篇文章感觉比刚才那篇的语言更好些^^加油！！

hjl80959

我那个tpo貌似除了一点问题第三个是第七个题，我等会重听一下再帮你改哈～

ykhjy

8.6 独立
high school students should take a course on basic economics

What is CPI? What is GDP? As for high school students, those basic knowledge of economics seems not so important for them since it is not necessary for them to support the family and what they should do is try their best to get a entrance ticket to a famous college. However, in my opinion, economics is so important that everyone should have some knowledge about it.

There is no doubt that having some basic knowledge of economics will be beneficial for high school students to learn further after they enter the college. As we know, whatever your major is, every college student needs to learn something about economics. If students have learned some basic knowledge in high school, it will be easier for them to get the new knowledge of economics. Thus we can see it is important for school students to have some basic knowledge of economics in high school.

In addition, owning some knowledge of economics, high school students can develop their own financial management skills which has a positive effect on their future life. Actually, I believe that basic economics are practical knowledge so that it can help students much in their life. For example, if they have learned that some knowledge of the relationship between price and demand of substituent goods, when the price of pork goes up, they can know the demand and the price of chicken may go down, thus they can advice their mom to buy chicken instead. From this we can see that knowing some basic economics can be beneficial for them to make a contribution to their own family by their own way and it is possible that once they are habituated to think like this, they can develop their financial management skills well .

I concede that education should be humanism and it seems unfair for those students who are not interested in economics. For those students, requiring them to take such courses will be load for them and maybe just a waste of time. It is also possible that just because of low score of this subject, some students who are good at any other subjects lose a chance to go to a famous college.

In conclusion, lean some basic knowledge of economics can not only help high school students on further study, but also is beneficial for them to develop financial management skills. Yet in order to make it really give a favor for students, I advice that such courses can be an optional ones.

ykhjy

8.6 综合
The lecture mainly talks about reasons why dinosaurs were not endotherms. According to the lecture, the reasons listed in reading passage to prove dinosaurs were endotherms are groundless and unpersuasive.

First of all, the reading passage explains that there are many dinosaur fossils found in Polar Regions where is very cold and only endotherms can live in such a environment. However, the lecture points out that the climates of Polar Regions at that time were much warmer and many animals who were not endotherms lived there. Thus it disputes the the first reason of reading passage.

What’s more, the lecture indicates that the position and movement of the leges may be accountable that the body structure supports more weight so dinosaurs can grow very large size. And it may be nothing business with whether dinosaurs were high energy endotherms built for allowing running as the reading passage mentioned. Hence another reason listed in the reading passage is disputed.

Last but not the least, what contradicts to the reading passage, the speaker suggests that the growing pattern of dinosaurs proves that they were non-endotherms. It is because besides Haversian canals, dinosaurs also had growth rains which helped their growing. Therefore, the third reason in the reading passage is argued.