重开一个作文贴

ykhjy

哈哈，谢谢啊 我语言的确不行。那个 i concede 后面真不能用例子么？

8.9 独立我是错误桑 我是没错但是改了更好桑 我是写的赞！
You can know a lot about a person throughthe types of friends this person has


There are many ways toknow a person, such as investigating one’s family background, observing one’shabits and so forth. However, among these ways, the way that can help us toknow most about a person, in my opinion, should be knowing the types of friendsof this person.

(加上to begin with之类的词更好~) Friends are always （加上the） peoplewho have something common in personality. They may have common interest, commonbelief, common experience and so on（最好少用and so on，这是队长筒子给我说的，貌似用滥了）. Thus through knowingthe types of friends of this person, we can know something about this person.For example, if one’s friends are mostly these people who are addicted to playing games online（online game更地道哦） and resist going outside, we canknow that this person may also be a game-obsessed guy, something of indoorsman.While if a person has many different kinds of friends, introvert and extrovert,easy-going and capricious... maybe he or she is a person who have a strongcommunicating skills and is inclined to make friends.  

In addition, as an old saying goes, “hethat lies down with dogs must rise up with fleas.” It means that people will bemostly influenced by people（改成the ones会好一些，避免重复） around them. I think those people who have a tremendous impactshould be friends. According to a survey conducted by National InvestigationOrganization, people’s habits always get changed because of friends. Sincefriends have such huge effect on each other, we can always know a lot of thisperson from knowing the types of friends. For example, one of my friends, Lilyonce introduced one of her friend（friends）, Tom,to me. As I know that Lily is an easy-going girl, I guessed Tom must also（also must） be a good-tempered guy. After a longperiod contact, time proves me right, and we finally be（are）friends too.

I concede that the types of friends cannottotally reflect one person since friends only have something in common notcompletely the same. For instance, there exists a kind of people that aredetached from friends, so they only have several friends. However, can we makea judgment that this kind of people are（is，this kind of person核心词是kind） unconcerned one? May be no.（改成逗号，since只能引导原因从句，所以单独放在这是不合适的） Since it is possible that they devote themselves to their family.From this, we can see that sometimes just through the types of friends to judgea person may result in bias.

In conclusion, although we cannot comprehensively know aperson through the types of friends, no one can deny that friends can to some extent provide us（光标弄错了？can provide us some extent information） some information about the person since friends always have somethingin common and friends can affect each other.

菇凉，你写的挺好的，只有几个语法错误，标出来的基本都是不改没错改了更好的东西，下面是一些tips，希望可以帮助你：
1 结构上来说挺好的，就是只给了两个原因，虽然没有规定，但是三个原因确实更好，因为分析的更全面；
2 倒数第二段的让步段太长啦，上XDF的时候老师说，老外都喜欢一边倒的文章，所以可以让步，但是一定要短，尤其是不能举例证明啊亲！或者可以让步一下说有巴拉巴拉的好处，但是就我看来，这个好处是flawed，反驳一下；
3 最后的最后，我觉得用词有点低端了啊，毕竟托福就是要给老外显摆你的英语有多好多好，稍微提高一下呗？我记得CD上有资料说单词的替换的，比如说think换成consider或者illustrate什么的是不是稍微好一点呢？语法结构没有问题，出错非常少，既然是优点就一定要弘扬，试着写点长难句呗？所以加油吧妹纸！

-- by 会员 gre呀gre (2012/8/10 21:50:22)

ykhjy

非常感谢Cynthia9192！，猪我们一起屠夫！！有些问题讨论下  紫色部分

蓝色为意见或建议绿色为总结红色为错误
The reading passage casts about the accuracy ofthe Chevalier’s memoir in three aspects. However, according to the lecture,none of the aspects stated in the reading passage are strong evidences to provethat the memoir was（应该是is吧） inaccurate as the following reasons.【个人觉得楼主在第一段只说了lecture反对reading，但是最好能够写下lecture里是怎么说的（这样有针对性，而不是泛泛的语言，哪个综合都一样），lecture里的第一句，观点句最好能够写下来哦~~~】【你看啊。我第一句说了reading中的内容，后面说lecture说了none of the reasons in the reading passage 是对的，这不同时说了lecture的内容又说了对立的关系么。是不是一定得写lecture的第一句？】

First of all, the lecture points out thatborrowing money from others doesn’t necessarily mean that the Chevalier was notrich. Actually, the property（property是名词，应该后面加个of吧） Chevalier had needed a few days to be converted intoactually money（然后还是脚的这句话有点小别扭）, thus it is possiblethat sometimes Chevalier needed to borrow some cash. It goes against the firstaspect listed in the reading passage.【不懂这里是不是要稍稍提下reading怎么说的呢】【我觉得把，reading的内容基本可以忽略，只要提出reading中的point就好了】

What’s more, the reading passage states that it isimpossible for him to capture conversations accurately just because it【the memoir】 waswritten several years after the conversation occurred. However, the lectureargues that every time after a conversation, the Chevalier would recordeverything he remembered then composed them together after a few years.（交谈当晚就记下啦，不是几天之后哦~） Thus the second aspect mentioned in the reading passage isargued.【楼主的第一个和第三个论点段，都是先讲的lecture的内容，个人觉得应该保持一致，这段也应先说lecture的内容，而且本身lecture的内容就比reading重要，最好放在前面吧~~~(*^__^*) 】【事实上我是故意调位置的喔~~我觉得未免单调，这反而好把？我看别人的是这样额。】

Last but not the least, the lecture indicates thatthe question about the memoir’s account of the Chevalier’s escape from anotorious prison said in the reading passage is groundless. Based on thelecture, the prison was so powerful that the politically well-connected friendscannot offer a bribe to set the Chevalier free.【这个地方我觉得有点表达不对哦，看了下原文，原文的意思是“监狱里其他人拥有比他有权有势的朋友，但是也没有以贿赂的方式获取自由”】 And the fact that the ceiling ofhis room（最好说下，听力细节越多越好）needed to be repairedafter the Chevalier’s escape can prove that the memoir’s account is convincing.

表示我是个很弱的选手，要不就是听不到，听到了写出来也不是很漂亮~

楼主的句式挺丰富的，但是丰富的同时，我觉得最好可以行文段与段之间保持一致性，这样看上去比较有条理，所以我觉得在说三个观点的时候应该先说lecture的内容

努力多听小细节，~~~~(>_<)~~~~ 一起努力之~~~

漂亮的词很多，就不一一高亮啦~~~祝楼主早日战胜托福！

-- by 会员 Cynthia9192 (2012/8/11 0:01:27)

超级无敌小鹤鹤

公主凉凉碎叫去鸟~~小鹤子帮忙改作文~~~

What will you do when you meet a person at a(the) first time? Of course, be polite, since no one will blame a person who is too polite to others.(既然用了blame来表达，加一个too会更好) However, if you get into a trouble that someone is yelling at you(yell sth at sb) even is rude to you, will you still keep polite? In such a case, answers may be various. While someone may think that being polite(polite是adj，不能充当主语) at this time(加一个time，明确this的指代对象) is a proof of cowardice and it is nothing useful to deal with the problems, and(前面是while从句，这里是主句，所以不能用 and链接，否则and后面的句子成为了while从句的一部分，就没有主句了) others may think being polite is always a rule that we should obey and it may help us to solve the trouble. As for me, I agree with the latter.

There is no doubt that being polite to other people is always beneficial for both you and others since it is human nature that people are inclined(will also incline，这儿用一个虚拟语气更好~~~而且incline用动词形式更好~~~) to do good to others if others do good to them. As an old saying goes, “courtesy costs nothing.” It means that people are willing to get together with those people who are polite to them. We can also know this from some examples in our daily life. Tom, one of my friends, is often polite to others,(逗号去掉) whoever it is. Once he went for an interview to compete a fiercely competitive position. When he came to the washroom before the interview, he was polite to the man who was cleaning there. After the interview, he received the offer very soon. Afterwards he happened to know that day in washroom, the interviewer was also there and it was his politeness that make(made) the interviewer decided to hire him so soon. From this we can know that being polite all the time may give you some surprises.

When it comes to the situation that someone is rude to you, being impolite is not a good response since it may lead to worse situation. Take one of my relatives, Aaron, as an example. When he firstly drove in a street for the first time(firstly用于列举的时候), he hit the car in front and he originally wanted to apologize to the driver of the car in front. However, since the drive scolded him heavily, Aaron was impolite to the driver, saying it was not a big deal. Thus the driver was more angry and finally they were asked to police station to solve the problem. As a matter of fact, everything has a reason, and(不能单单用一个逗号连接两个句子) if we think more about reasons of others’ behaviors and be polite to response, problems must(may,must的话语气过于强烈) be easier to be solved. Such as the case above, if Aaron thought about reasons why the driver was so angry, (去掉逗号)and being polite to the driver, would the drive keep reproving him? They could have not solved the problem in the police station(逻辑错误，你这句话意思是说他们可以在警察局不解决问题，真正应该是不去警察局而不是去解决问题，所以改成：they could have solved the problem without going to the police station).      

I concede that sometimes we cannot control ourselves especially when someone reaches our limits. For example, a wife abuses her husband’s mother when she argues with her husband who admires his mom very much just for something trifling of everyday life. Under such a circumstance, the husband may be hard to control himself to not be rude to his wife. However, can being impolite solve the problem? Of course not. What a better solution should be is(what引导主语从句，should be是主语从句的谓语，故主句缺少谓语动词，补上is) to tell his wife not to abuse his mom again and explain the reasons, namely, being polite.

In conclusion, whatever the situation is, compared to be impolite to another person, being polite can always be more beneficial for us.                                    

文章中的逻辑和结构还可以，没太大的问题，考试的时候这样写ok的。但是有一点不足，文章中出现了有较多的语法错误；在托福作文中语法错误属于硬伤，1、2个没影响，但是太多的话会很影响你的分数。而且这儿很多的语法错误其实自己读一遍就能看出来的，所以这样的失分很可惜。我建议你以后写完之后自己认真读一遍，不要在这种方面影响你的最后得分~~~还有一个建议，我觉得你比较喜欢写长句子~这样确实可以显得你的水平不错，但是太多长句子的后果容易句子结构出现错误，所以我觉得你可以长短结合，而且长短结合在一定情况下比全是长句子反而更好~~

ykhjy

呀~ 这么多错。 非常感谢小鹤鹤童鞋！~~GRE后遗症之一就是只重视逻辑，忽略其他。。继续努力！~~

ykhjy

8.17 独立 Is the most important characteristic of a good political or business leader is the ability to take responsibility for mistakes?

What is the most important characteristic for a good political or business lead? High intelligence? A good nature?... In my opinion, it should be the ability to take responsibility for mistakes since only if they admit the mistakes can they move on and create a bright future.

First of all, as a good leader, one must own the ability to take responsibility for mistakes since once they acknowledge the mistakes, they can get a chance to work on a really correct way to attain their goal. On the contrary, if they have no such a ability to admit the mistakes even they know that they make some wrong decisions, terrible consequences may subsequently come. Let’s look back to cause of the second world war. If the leaders of some strong countries like British, America at that time didn’t implement the policy of appeasement or acknowledged their mistake to carry out the policy of appeasement earlier, the loss of the whole world, no matter about the number of people’s lives or the amount of money, may not be so large.

In addition, as is known, a leader means the boss of an organization and if the leader insist on doing something, generally few subordinates will object it even if they have different views. In fact, even if they propose the different prospective, the results may not change since it is the leader who make a final decision.Take chairman Mao as an example. In 1965 of China, Mao made a decision to cause a cultural revolution. At that time, no one dared to oppose Mao’s decisions even if they consider the decision as a fault. As a result, the cultural brought people a disaster to China since many innocent and talented people were persecuted. From the case, we can know that if the leader doesn’t possess the ability to take responsibility for mistakes, the results can be incorrigible.

I concede that owing a high IQ can aid a leader to be a good one since they can exploit their wit to make contributions to achieving their goal. The same thing can be said of a leader with a good temper. With a good nature, the leader is always easier to make friends with their subordinates, which will benefit the cooperation with each other thus they can be accessible to the ultimate goal.

In conclusion, the ability of taking responsibility for mistakes is essential for a good leader because on one hand, it is significant for a leader to make a correct decision and on the other hand, without the ability, the results may be terrible since their subordinates are to some extent useless to change the result.

ykhjy

8.17 综合 TPO 15
The lecture mainly talks about reasons why the cane toad won’t be easy to get rid of, which contradicts to what said in the reading passage. According to the lecture, the three measures do not work as the reading says and may even cause unwanted environmental damage .

First of all, the lecture indicates that since young toads and toad eggs are always found in rivers and streams, wherever the fence is located, there must be some waterways to carry them to the other side. Thus the fence will not be effective as the reading passage mentions.

In addition, the reading passage states that the toads could be captured and destroyed by volunteers. However, the lecture argues that some untrained volunteers may destroy many of Australia’s native frogs which are dangerous to toads. Hence the cane toad don’t necessarily be destroyed.

Last but not the least, the lecture suggests that developing a disease-causing virus is a bad idea since it may lead to terrible consequences for cane toads’ original habitat in Central and South America. Although they release virus in Australia, some Australian animals always transport to other continents by researchers or pet collectors. And if the animals infected by the virus reach Central and South America, the cane toads will be easily eliminated by the virus. Since the cane toads play a vital part of ecosystem, the whole ecosystem will suffer.

小兔爱twins

The lecture mainly talksabout reasons why the cane toad won’t be easy to get rid of, which contradictsto what said in the reading passage. According to the lecture, the threemeasures do not work as the reading says and may even cause unwantedenvironmental damage .

First of all, the lecture indicates that since youngtoads and toad eggs are always found in rivers and streams, wherever the fenceis located, there must be some waterways to carry them to the other side. Thusthe fence will not be effective as the reading passage mentions.

In addition, the reading passage states that thetoads could be captured and destroyed by volunteers. However, the lectureargues that some untrained volunteers may destroy many of Australia’s nativefrogs which are dangerous to toads. Hence the cane toad don’t necessarily be destroyed.是分不清楚青蛙和癞蛤蟆 而那些青蛙是快灭绝的。。。。。。 听力的点错了很严重的

Last but not the least, the lecture suggests thatdeveloping a disease-causing virus is a bad idea since it may lead to terribleconsequences for cane toads’ original habitat in Central and South America.Although they release virus in Australia, some Australian animals alwaystransport to other continents by researchers or pet collectors. And if theanimals infected by the virus reach Central and South America, the cane toadswill be easily eliminated by the virus. Since the cane toads play a vital partof ecosystem, the whole ecosystem will suffer.

ykhjy

我感觉越练越没信心 。。

The lecture mainly talksabout reasons why the cane toad won’t be easy to get rid of, which contradictsto what said in the reading passage. According to the lecture, the threemeasures do not work as the reading says and may even cause unwantedenvironmental damage .

First of all, the lecture indicates that since youngtoads and toad eggs are always found in rivers and streams, wherever the fenceis located, there must be some waterways to carry them to the other side. Thusthe fence will not be effective as the reading passage mentions.

In addition, the reading passage states that thetoads could be captured and destroyed by volunteers. However, the lectureargues that some untrained volunteers may destroy many of Australia’s nativefrogs which are dangerous to toads. Hence the cane toad don’t necessarily be destroyed.是分不清楚青蛙和癞蛤蟆 而那些青蛙是快灭绝的。。。。。。 听力的点错了很严重的

Last but not the least, the lecture suggests thatdeveloping a disease-causing virus is a bad idea since it may lead to terribleconsequences for cane toads’ original habitat in Central and South America.Although they release virus in Australia, some Australian animals alwaystransport to other continents by researchers or pet collectors. And if theanimals infected by the virus reach Central and South America, the cane toadswill be easily eliminated by the virus. Since the cane toads play a vital partof ecosystem, the whole ecosystem will suffer.

-- by 会员 小兔爱twins (2012/8/18 4:43:53)

ykhjy

8.18 独立The best way to improve the quality of education is to increase teachers' salaries

Will the quality of education be improved once the teachers’ salaries increased? Is there no better way to enhance the quality of education? Someone believes that with a higher salaries, teachers will have more impetus to educate thus the quality of education will be improved. However, I don’t think so and reasons are stated as follows.

First of all, not all teachers will change their attitude of education just because the higher salaries. On one hand, every teacher has his or her own teaching philosophy which is nothing business with the salaries. Some teachers think that they should spare no effort to aid students to be talented people since they consider it as sort of their own dream which they really want to realize. Some other teachers, yet, just take the education as a job and the relationship between the school and themselves just like the company and its employees. For such teachers, rather than increasing all teachers’ salaries,setting a competitive mechanism that relating their educate results to their salaries may be to some extent more effective.

In addition, even if the increased salaries can be as a incentive for teachers to try their best to educate students, the results may be not as good as expected. We all know that the criterion of education quality is how much students have learned. To simplify the problem, nowadays we always judge it through students performance which showed by their examination results. So ask ourselves, even if a teacher puts his or her heart into educating you, can you necessarily get a good score? The answer is obviously no. There are many other factors that can influence the results, such as teaching method. From this we can see, the method to increase teachers’ salaries may be not useful to enhance the education quality.

As a matter of fact, in my eye, granted that increasing teachers’ salaries is helpful to improve the education quality, there are many better approaches to improve the quality of education. For instance, make students be aware the importance of study via inviting some excellent graduated students back to school to talk about some of their own experiences. I believe once students recognize that studying is essential in their life, they will become diligent, not only in class, but also outside the class. And the education quality will be improved in essence.

In conclusion, teachers’ salaries may be not necessarily related to the quality of education, and even if increasing teachers’ salaries has something beneficial for enhancing the education quality, it cannot be the best way to attain the goal since lots of better methods exist.

ykhjy

8.18 综合  TPO 16The lecture talks about how new rules has changed the situation in three areas of archaeology discussed in the reading passage.

First of all, the lecture indicates that any construction will be examined first and if there are some valuable things inside, archaeologists, builders and government officials will make plans to preserve the artifacts. Thus the problem mentioned in the reading passage that many valuable artifacts were lost to construction projects will be solved.

When it comes to the second problem stated in the reading passage that some archaeologists thought financial support was inadequate, the lecture points out that in the new rule, the construction company will pay for the initial examination of the site thus enables researchers to study much about the sites.

Last but not the least, the lecture suggests that the new rule provides many paid work for archaeologists and increased job career chances will increase the number of archaeologists in Britain. Hence the situation regarding difficulty of having a career in archaeology said in the reading passage will be improved.