重开一个作文贴

ykhjy

的确很空洞。。因为我陷入它们之间逻辑漩涡了~  那个now that是连起来的，是因为的意思

蓝色为意见或建议高亮为精彩绿色为总结红色为错误

Job, a thing that occupies a large part time of people’s life, of course has an influence on people’s happiness. However, is the influence of job more than that of one’s social life? It depends on different people’s value for the job. As for me, I believe that my social life is more influential on my happiness. Reasons are stated as follows. (这个开头倒是不错额)

First of all, in my view, no one can just do the job without social life and the job is just a minor part of my（这个换成是one’s 是不是可以更好的和and 前面的对应一下） life. As a student, study is my first priority, however, it doesn’t mean that it can to great extent decide（determine 总是觉得decide不是很准确在这里） my happiness since I cannot just study in my daily life. I am an emotional person and some changes happened in my relationship with others may largely affect my happiness. At school, if I have some conflicts with one of my classrooms（这个是笔误了，classmates）, I will think about the matter all the time and disincline to study. The same thing can be said of the situation when I am at home. I will have no mood to study if my parents scold me for some trifle things. From this you can see that if the job are more influential on my life, why don’t I just try to get succeed in the job ignoring the matter in my social life?

In addition, in my way of thinking, doing a good job is for gaining a wonderful social life. It is easy to understand. People do some jobs must be for certain goals, some for self-respect, some for higher position, some for higher salaries... Look at me, I am very diligent to be a good student now that （这里的that 改为since 可以不？）I want to have a decent job in the future . Then why do I desire to get such job? I am just looking forward for a beautiful future that I don’t need to worry about my financial problems, thus I can lead a colorful social life.

Of course, as a student, if I gain some progress in my academic area, I will be very happy. However, that’s not just because I have learned something, what is more important to me, in my eye, is that my parents will be glad to witness my progress. Simply put, I am happy because of the happiness of my parents. Thus it is my social life with my parents that leads my happiness to be affected by my performance at school.

In conclusion, the job is only a small part of my life and I consider my social life is more influential on my happiness since the relationships in my life directly determines my happiness .

句式很多样额，后两段加个例子更能说明下论点。着比空说理好用的多，而且增加字数。

-- by 会员 kchszy061ban (2012/8/21 19:59:51)

JennyW9261

8.20 综合 TPO 18
The lecture mainly talks about reasons why three ways proposed in the reading passage to address the decline of Torreya are not accessible. According to the lecture, the reasons are stated as follows.

First of all, the lecture indicates that with the influence of global warming, the temperature in the coolest（貌似没讲coolest） area will increase（是has increased了吧？） and the climate there will drier than before. Thus the same location that Torreya cannot be a favorable environment for the trees any more. （这句话语法分析就是location cannot be a environment，location不能是environment）

When it comes to the way（method，option，suggestion） to move Torreya to the area further north in the distant past said（suggested，raised） in the reading passage, the lecture（lecturer） points out that people have moved（migrated） another kind of tree in this（这个this找不到代指的对象） way, although the trees spread quickly at the beginning, plants now have already become extinct.（这里我听到的是移植的树会危害到当地的植物） This case proves that the trees cannot adjust to the new environment.

Last but not the least, the lecture（lecturer） argues that the third way to preserve Torreya in research centers mentioned in the reading passage is not suitable, either. According to the lecture, trees moved to research centers may get diseases which will be genetically diverse, and there is no solution in research center to protect the trees from diseases. Thus the trees cannot survive in the center.（我听到的是和population的大小有关的）

总体来说没有太大的语法问题，用词稍微有点单调。
另外听力你是很多信息没有听到么？我觉得可能多写一下听到的细节会更好。

kchszy061ban

好啊，你考试过gre了啊，不过还可以了，不用写的那么深，只要写的透彻就好了。 至于语法错误，这个倒是可以讨论

ykhjy

嗯嗯  今天改你文章的时候  就深刻体会到 啥叫toefl作文！ 语法上 就那些我标注出来的地方  的确不知道 那算不算并列句

好啊，你考试过gre了啊，不过还可以了，不用写的那么深，只要写的透彻就好了。 至于语法错误，这个倒是可以讨论

-- by 会员 kchszy061ban (2012/8/21 22:36:23)

猫和鸭

8.21 综合  TPO 19
The buzzer in the listening passage mainly talks about people have a wrong impression on buzzers. According to the buzzer, three reasons regarding some critics for buzzing stated in the reading passage are questionable.

First of all, the buzzer indicates that getting payment from the company doesn’t mean that they will lie to consumers about the buzzed products. In fact, they will tell the truth about the product. For example, he praises the phone because it is really great to use for him.Therefore, the first reason that buzzers always give consumers incorrect information about the buzzed product in the reading passage is disputed.

Second,when it comes to the idea that buzzers often make consumers listen to their endorsement less critically than they should in the reading passage, the buzzer points out that the fact is just the opposite. In reality, it is the consumers that always ask them some questions about the information of the products, such as the price, service, how long they can use and so forth.

Last but not the least, according to the buzzer, the third reason concerning the potential result in the sprad（就这个没查出是啥个意思） of mistrust and the expectation of dishonesty mentioned in the reading passage is ridiculous. Actually, buzzers just tell their real experience of using the buzzed products to consumers and the information is open to people.

-- by 会员 ykhjy (2012/8/21 15:01:07)

啊呀呀，不好意思，我又来晚了。。。。。又是轮我帮你改啊，猿粪啊，嘻~~~~你的长句功底好厉害啊，我划出来的是我准备重点记下来当模板用的，再一次BS我自己的逻辑和运用连接词组句的能力啊啊啊。以我的水平真是改不出啥东西来啊，希望你们不要认为我没诚意改啊，各种纠结+惭愧啊。。。。另外，麻烦你帮我改的时候内心继续强大哈，拜托了，呼呼。。。

ykhjy

8.22  综合 TPO 20
The lecture talks about Yellowstone fires have not caused the three damages stated in the reading passage. According to the lecture, the fire policy is a natural policy and the result is creative. Reasons are stated as follows.

First of all, the lecture indicates that after the fire, the vegetation became diverse now that many kinds of plants got new chances to grow. For example, after trees were destroyed, many small plants which needed open and shaded space could grow. Besides, the seeds of certain species could geminate when exposed to high levels of heat. Thus the first kind of damage that the fire caused tremendous damage to vegetation is argued.

When it comes to the damage to park wildlife, the lecture points out that the fires gave chances for small plants thus provided certain animals such as rabbits an ideal habitat. And some predators that depend on those smaller animals would thrive. Thus certain food chains became stronger.

Last but not the least, the lecture demonstrates that fires like 1988 Yellow fire was a problem for tourism; However, that kind of fire would not happen every year because it was unusual that year. It is because the low rainfall and strong wind that leaded the fire that year so massive. Now that kind of fire has not occurred since 1988, so visitors came back to the part next year and each year after that. Consequently, the local economy would not be affected as the reading passage suggested.

ykhjy

 我这篇文章 细节不行 没你详细   那个单词拼错了是  spread

8.21 综合  TPO 19
The buzzer in the listening passage mainly talks about people have a wrong impression on buzzers. According to the buzzer, three reasons regarding some critics for buzzing stated in the reading passage are questionable.

First of all, the buzzer indicates that getting payment from the company doesn’t mean that they will lie to consumers about the buzzed products. In fact, they will tell the truth about the product. For example, he praises the phone because it is really great to use for him.Therefore, the first reason that buzzers always give consumers incorrect information about the buzzed product in the reading passage is disputed.

Second,when it comes to the idea that buzzers often make consumers listen to their endorsement less critically than they should in the reading passage, the buzzer points out that the fact is just the opposite. In reality, it is the consumers that always ask them some questions about the information of the products, such as the price, service, how long they can use and so forth.

Last but not the least, according to the buzzer, the third reason concerning the potential result in the sprad（就这个没查出是啥个意思） of mistrust and the expectation of dishonesty mentioned in the reading passage is ridiculous. Actually, buzzers just tell their real experience of using the buzzed products to consumers and the information is open to people.

-- by 会员 ykhjy (2012/8/21 15:01:07)

啊呀呀，不好意思，我又来晚了。。。。。又是轮我帮你改啊，猿粪啊，嘻~~~~你的长句功底好厉害啊，我划出来的是我准备重点记下来当模板用的，再一次BS我自己的逻辑和运用连接词组句的能力啊啊啊。以我的水平真是改不出啥东西来啊，希望你们不要认为我没诚意改啊，各种纠结+惭愧啊。。。。另外，麻烦你帮我改的时候内心继续强大哈，拜托了，呼呼。。。

-- by 会员 猫和鸭 (2012/8/22 4:17:58)

T不死

8.22  综合 TPO 20
The lecture talks (that) about Yellowstone fires have not caused the three damages stated in the reading passage. According to the lecture, the fire policy is a natural policy and the result is creative. Reasons are stated as follows.

First of all, the lecture indicates that after the fire, the vegetation became diverse now that （now, and that 两个that 引导的宾语从句要用and连接，并且加逗号吧）many kinds of plants got new chances to grow. For example, after trees were destroyed, many small plants which needed open and shaded space could grow. Besides, the seeds of certain species could geminate when exposed to high levels of heat. Thus the first kind of damage that the fire caused tremendous damage to vegetation is argued.

When it comes to the damage to park wildlife, the lecture points out that the fires gave chances for small plants thus provided certain animals such as rabbits an ideal habitat. And some predators that depend on those smaller animals would thrive. Thus certain food chains became stronger. 这里有否需要补充下阅读的观点

Last but not the least, the lecture demonstrates that fires like 1988 Yellow fire was a problem for tourism; However, that kind of fire would not happen every year because it was unusual that year. It is because the low rainfall and strong wind that leaded the fire that year so massive. Now that kind of fire has not occurred since 1988, so visitors came back to the part next year and each year after that. Consequently, the local economy would not be affected as the reading passage suggested.

楼主听得好仔细，而且句子组织挺好的。

ykhjy

8.23 综合 TPO 21
The lecture mainly talks about there are not so many benefits to plant genetically modified trees as the reading passage said. According to the lecture, reasons are stated as follows.

First of all, the lecture points out that although genetically modified trees may be resistant to certain condition, it cannot guarantee the survival of these trees since there are many other environmental challenges exist. Besides, genetically modified trees are genetically more uniformed than nature trees, so if some changes such as climate change lead one genetically modified tree to die, all those trees will die. Thus the first benefit that genetically modified trees are more likely to survive than their unmodified counterparts mentioned in the reading passage is disputed.

When it comes to the second benefit in the reading passage that genetically modified trees can bring many economic benefits, the lecture argues that there are many hidden cost since the company who provides seeds of genetically modified trees will charge a lot from those who want to plant the trees. And by law, people have to pay the company every time they want to plant the trees.

Last but no the least, the lecture indicates that the use of genetically modified trees will do more damage to the wild trees instead of preventing overexploitation of wild trees as the reading passage said. It is because genetically modified trees grow more massive than nature trees and they will compete with the wild trees on some nature resources such as sunlight, soil nutrients,  water and so forth.

ykhjy

感谢批改哈~~ 几个问题：1.原来talk 后面能直接跟句子的呀？talk about后面就不行么。  2.我这里的now that 是因为的意思， 难道不是？

8.22  综合 TPO 20
The lecture talks (that) about Yellowstone fires have not caused the three damages stated in the reading passage. According to the lecture, the fire policy is a natural policy and the result is creative. Reasons are stated as follows.

First of all, the lecture indicates that after the fire, the vegetation became diverse now that （now, and that 两个that 引导的宾语从句要用and连接，并且加逗号吧）many kinds of plants got new chances to grow. For example, after trees were destroyed, many small plants which needed open and shaded space could grow. Besides, the seeds of certain species could geminate when exposed to high levels of heat. Thus the first kind of damage that the fire caused tremendous damage to vegetation is argued.

When it comes to the damage to park wildlife, the lecture points out that the fires gave chances for small plants thus provided certain animals such as rabbits an ideal habitat. And some predators that depend on those smaller animals would thrive. Thus certain food chains became stronger. 这里有否需要补充下阅读的观点

Last but not the least, the lecture demonstrates that fires like 1988 Yellow fire was a problem for tourism; However, that kind of fire would not happen every year because it was unusual that year. It is because the low rainfall and strong wind that leaded the fire that year so massive. Now that kind of fire has not occurred since 1988, so visitors came back to the part next year and each year after that. Consequently, the local economy would not be affected as the reading passage suggested.

楼主听得好仔细，而且句子组织挺好的。

-- by 会员 T不死 (2012/8/23 2:27:59)