重开一个作文贴

beiyezi

9.4 独立agree/disagree：an efficient leader will always try tomake everyone feel that he's in part of adecision making

Efficient leaders must be those who possessoutstanding leading skills. While some believe that rather than making everyonefeel that he’s in partof a decision making, owing their own insight to make decisions by themselves (by themselves 会不会和 their own insight 重复？) can to larger extent （larger 是不是本来也有点 extent的意思了，有必要吗）provethat they are efficient leaders, in my opinion, making everyone feel that in part of a decision making （同意替换啊亲being able to let everybody have the sense ofbelonging ）maybe a more excellent leading skill for an efficient leader（qualify headman）. （哇，好长的句子，前半句我没看懂的说）Reasons are stated as follows.

First of all, making everyone feel that he’s in part of a decision making（晕，这句话又来了~~你是直接粘贴过来的对不对） would be beneficial for the moral ofthe team. I believe that（删了I believe that吧，有点繁琐）an efficient leader（decision maker，supervisor，manager，header，captain,boss）should own the ability of team building which requires the leader to makeeveryone in（being） the（a）team（company，group，association，organization）to perform their best.（ability这句好像和整段的point没什么关系）And making（helping） everyone feel that they are also making the decisions（are being needed 我不知道是不是这么表达，就是被需要的意思，但是making decision用的实在太多了 ） would definitely encourage people in the teamto participate in the group discussion in that people may feel（sense aware find out think realize recognize）， more responsibility for the result.Actually, according to a survey conducted by the National InvestigationOrganization, people tend to take more activities in those areas where theythink they are the decisions makers. Therefore, making everybody take part in a decision making is helpfulfor team building （development of agroup）.

In addition, making everyone participate inthe process of decision making can aid to find innovate （这个是动词，creative,advanced,innovational）ideasand solutions to problems which can benefit the whole result of the team（就the whole team吧）. For example, I joined in a basketballclub last semester and the leader of the club  organized a meeting to discuss how to expandour club. At that meeting, the leader let us express our own opinions and hesaid he would adopt the best one from those opinions. The method made us feelthat we were in part of a decision making（offer us anopportunity to making  contributions tothe club）and we expressed our own opinions which came up with considerable creativeideas（and we came up with some good thoughts）.Time tells us that some of which did have a positive effect on the futuredevelopment of the club. From this we can see that making every （member）participate in the decision making wouldcontribute to numerous innovation（名词，innovative）ideas.  

It is true that a leader should（suppose to ） build（define）his or her own authority since it is beneficial for them to organize the team.However, as far as I am concerned, making everyone feels he’s in part of the process of makingdecisions won’t lessen the influence of leaders, instead, it can berepresentative to show that the leader is democratic which makes team membersfeel that the leader is easy-going and they should keep good company with theleader, thus the leader could organize the team more easy .

In conclusion, as the benefits stated above,an efficient leader should make everyone feel that he’s in part of process ofdecisions making.(最后是不是太过简洁了，我觉得均匀一下，让上面几段简洁一点，最后一段充实一点比较好)
1，没注意同意替换 (括号里的是我提议的同意替换 )
2，句子有点繁琐，好几句意思重复了 make sb.(to) do ,好像不用does
我的能力有限，只能改到这个程度了，不知道有没有改错，改错了告诉我哈

ioioke

In modern society, people have increasingly numbers of ways to deal with their money. While some prefer to save the money, others incline to spend money on traveling and vacation. As for me, I prefer the latter and reasons are stated as follows.<and 连接的两部分应该是结构一致的。这句话还是分开说吧。>

First of all, with the larger and larger pressure in this contemporary society which is full of vicious competition, traveling and vacation can be a good way for people to relax and after the relaxation,(和上面那句话一样，感觉这个and用的不好， relax就结束，把after the relaxation 反倒下一句话咋样) people can regain the energy (people can more concentrate on their working) to put all their heart into working, studying and living. We can see that almost every school in nowadays tend to organize students to have a spring trip. For example, when I was a high school students（应该是单数）, despite the large pressure that we would take the college entrance exam, our class （是不是应该说人组织，而不是class？或者用被动）organized us to go to Heng Dian to have a fun（应该是过去时）. Actually, after we went back to school to study（study和后面的有点重复）, we felt that we were freshed and had more energy to study.

In addition, along with the relaxation, traveling and vacation can benefit people to enlarge their horizon which is beneficial for developing a positive attitude to the life and may be helpful in forming a different prospective. Take one of my father’s experiences to Huangshan, where possesses a beautiful nature scenery as an example. Before he went （加个to）there, he paid much attention to my performance of exams at school and always pushed me to study, however, after he came back, I found he changed that he used another way to concern about my study via caring about my life time in school not just the score results. He talked to me that when he spared no effort（用得好） to climb the magnificent mountain in Huangshan, he realized that what matters is not the result and it is the process. From this we can see that traveling and vacation can to large extent better people’s attitude to life.

Given that saving some money is to some extent necessary since some special cases when people need money in emergency such as an unexpected illness which calls for a large amount of money may exist, we cannot just store the money and forget to enjoy the life just because these possibilities.

In conclusion, in spite that we should save some money for the sake of something in emergency, most of money should be used to travel and vacation due to the benefits sated（stated）above.

总体来说，ykhjy童鞋的作文水平很好，长句子很多，看到你说的逻辑关联词了，的确，这样是文章更紧凑，向你学习。你是杀鸡完了么？感觉我的作文太白了

ykhjy

9.5 综合 TPO 10 。。。我要跪了。。
The lecture mainly talks about reasons why predators hypothesis is more likely to explain the cause of the decline of sea otters compared to the pollution hypothesis, which contradicts to the claim in the reading passage. According to the lecture, reasons are stated as follows.

First of all, the lecture indicates that no one can really find any dead sea otters washing off on Alaskan beaches. And actually the fact that it is hard to find dead otters can support the predator hypothesis since predators would eat otters once they kill the otters. Thus it disputes the pollution hypothesis stated in the reading passage.

When it comes to the decline of many small sea mammals mentioned in the passage, the lecture argues that it is the orcas that hunt these small sea mammals that lead to the result in that in spite of the fact that orcas prefer to hunt whales, whales have left the area because of human hunters.

Last but not the least, the lecture suggests that unlike what said in the passage, the uneven pattern of otter decline is better explained by the predation theory. It can be supported by the fact that shallow and rocky locations are the types of locations where sea otter populations have not declined. The reason is that orcas are too large to access these shallow or rocky locations.

ykhjy

感谢批改哈~我自己也觉得我把题目用得太多啦哈哈，还有词性问题 我也得注意，再次感谢哈。 有些问题呢，我应该是对的，比如说 to larger extent 是一个固定搭配；good thoughts 反而没有creative ideas 好，因为 good thoughts 并不地道；make sb do 的问题在哪儿哩，我用了does么？make sb do 应该是对的，不能加to；team building是团队建设，也可以当作一个短语把。 另外我觉得，结构上看，最后一段只是总结作用，应该丰富的是每一段point后面的细节。

9.4 独立agree/disagree：an efficient leader will always try tomake everyone feel that he's in part of adecision making

Efficient leaders must be those who possessoutstanding leading skills. While some believe that rather than making everyonefeel that he’s in partof a decision making, owing their own insight to make decisions by themselves (by themselves 会不会和 their own insight 重复？) can to larger extent （larger 是不是本来也有点 extent的意思了，有必要吗）provethat they are efficient leaders, in my opinion, making everyone feel that in part of a decision making （同意替换啊亲being able to let everybody have the sense ofbelonging ）maybe a more excellent leading skill for an efficient leader（qualify headman）. （哇，好长的句子，前半句我没看懂的说）Reasons are stated as follows.

First of all, making everyone feel that he’s in part of a decision making（晕，这句话又来了~~你是直接粘贴过来的对不对） would be beneficial for the moral ofthe team. I believe that（删了I believe that吧，有点繁琐）an efficient leader（decision maker，supervisor，manager，header，captain,boss）should own the ability of team building which requires the leader to makeeveryone in（being） the（a）team（company，group，association，organization）to perform their best.（ability这句好像和整段的point没什么关系）And making（helping） everyone feel that they are also making the decisions（are being needed 我不知道是不是这么表达，就是被需要的意思，但是making decision用的实在太多了 ） would definitely encourage people in the teamto participate in the group discussion in that people may feel（sense aware find out think realize recognize）， more responsibility for the result.Actually, according to a survey conducted by the National InvestigationOrganization, people tend to take more activities in those areas where theythink they are the decisions makers. Therefore, making everybody take part in a decision making is helpfulfor team building （development of agroup）.

In addition, making everyone participate inthe process of decision making can aid to find innovate （这个是动词，creative,advanced,innovational）ideasand solutions to problems which can benefit the whole result of the team（就the whole team吧）. For example, I joined in a basketballclub last semester and the leader of the club  organized a meeting to discuss how to expandour club. At that meeting, the leader let us express our own opinions and hesaid he would adopt the best one from those opinions. The method made us feelthat we were in part of a decision making（offer us anopportunity to making  contributions tothe club）and we expressed our own opinions which came up with considerable creativeideas（and we came up with some good thoughts）.Time tells us that some of which did have a positive effect on the futuredevelopment of the club. From this we can see that making every （member）participate in the decision making wouldcontribute to numerous innovation（名词，innovative）ideas.  

It is true that a leader should（suppose to ） build（define）his or her own authority since it is beneficial for them to organize the team.However, as far as I am concerned, making everyone feels he’s in part of the process of makingdecisions won’t lessen the influence of leaders, instead, it can berepresentative to show that the leader is democratic which makes team membersfeel that the leader is easy-going and they should keep good company with theleader, thus the leader could organize the team more easy .

In conclusion, as the benefits stated above,an efficient leader should make everyone feel that he’s in part of process ofdecisions making.(最后是不是太过简洁了，我觉得均匀一下，让上面几段简洁一点，最后一段充实一点比较好)
1，没注意同意替换 (括号里的是我提议的同意替换 )
2，句子有点繁琐，好几句意思重复了 make sb.(to) do ,好像不用does
我的能力有限，只能改到这个程度了，不知道有没有改错，改错了告诉我哈

-- by 会员 beiyezi (2012/9/5 7:56:11)

ykhjy

多谢批改  嗯 我杀完鸡了，就剩屠夫了。看起来单复数，时态的问题我得多注意，多谢指正 我觉得把，and 是个神奇的连词，不一定要结构一致才能用and连，基本上就是个你想多说句话，但又觉得前后的话没什么因果、转折的关系，那就用and。那个go there应该是对的，因为there是副词，加to反而错了。 至于 class organize 这个我还不清楚可不可以，但平常不是经常说我们班级组织了干啥干啥的么  求解

In modern society, people have increasingly numbers of ways to deal with their money. While some prefer to save the money, others incline to spend money on traveling and vacation. As for me, I prefer the latter and reasons are stated as follows.<and 连接的两部分应该是结构一致的。这句话还是分开说吧。>

First of all, with the larger and larger pressure in this contemporary society which is full of vicious competition, traveling and vacation can be a good way for people to relax and after the relaxation,(和上面那句话一样，感觉这个and用的不好， relax就结束，把after the relaxation 反倒下一句话咋样) people can regain the energy (people can more concentrate on their working) to put all their heart into working, studying and living. We can see that almost every school in nowadays tend to organize students to have a spring trip. For example, when I was a high school students（应该是单数）, despite the large pressure that we would take the college entrance exam, our class （是不是应该说人组织，而不是class？或者用被动）organized us to go to Heng Dian to have a fun（应该是过去时）. Actually, after we went back to school to study（study和后面的有点重复）, we felt that we were freshed and had more energy to study.

In addition, along with the relaxation, traveling and vacation can benefit people to enlarge their horizon which is beneficial for developing a positive attitude to the life and may be helpful in forming a different prospective. Take one of my father’s experiences to Huangshan, where possesses a beautiful nature scenery as an example. Before he went （加个to）there, he paid much attention to my performance of exams at school and always pushed me to study, however, after he came back, I found he changed that he used another way to concern about my study via caring about my life time in school not just the score results. He talked to me that when he spared no effort（用得好） to climb the magnificent mountain in Huangshan, he realized that what matters is not the result and it is the process. From this we can see that traveling and vacation can to large extent better people’s attitude to life.

Given that saving some money is to some extent necessary since some special cases when people need money in emergency such as an unexpected illness which calls for a large amount of money may exist, we cannot just store the money and forget to enjoy the life just because these possibilities.

In conclusion, in spite that we should save some money for the sake of something in emergency, most of money should be used to travel and vacation due to the benefits sated（stated）above.

总体来说，ykhjy童鞋的作文水平很好，长句子很多，看到你说的逻辑关联词了，的确，这样是文章更紧凑，向你学习。你是杀鸡完了么？感觉我的作文太白了

-- by 会员 ioioke (2012/9/5 11:52:56)

kchszy061ban

蓝色为意见或建议高亮为精彩绿色为总结红色为错误

The lecture mainly talks about reasons why hydrogen-based fuel-cell engines cannot replace internal-combustion soon as the reading passage states. According to the lecture, reasons are stated as follows.（开头不错额）

First of all, the lecture indicates that it is hard to produce and store hydrogen and although hydrogen can be derived from various （materials？）like water, it cannot be used directly since it has to be pured. In order to get the pure hydrogen, it calls for high requirement about the condition, for example, a very cold temperature（very low，感觉cold修饰weather，温度是一个冷的温度）. Thus the first advantage listed in the reading passage is argued.

When it comes to the second advantage of fuel-cell engines listed in the reading passage that it can solve the pollution problem, the lecture argues that it cannot really solve the pollution in that people have to burn coals and oils to get the pure hydrogen. So despite that the hydrogen does not crate（create） the pollution, the process to get it leads to the pollution.

Last but not the least, the lecture suggests that the third advantage in the reading passage that fuel-cell engines will soon be economically competitive cannot happen. It is because that materials to produce the engines are rare and the cheap materials are not accessible. Therefore, the third point mentioned in the reading is disputed.（第三段也很简练，就是少了一点细节）

总体上听力和句式都很好，单词的具体应用注意下就好了。

ioioke

请问你是考的Gmat么？gmat里面的语法就有这个and的问题，不过我学的不精，也不太确定。我们中文说我们班组织了，其实还是班级里的老师，要么同学组织，感觉换成人更合理一些。我个人意见哈，要是不对，请指出来。


[quote
多谢批改  嗯 我杀完鸡了，就剩屠夫了。看起来单复数，时态的问题我得多注意，多谢指正 我觉得把，and 是个神奇的连词，不一定要结构一致才能用and连，基本上就是个你想多说句话，但又觉得前后的话没什么因果、转折的关系，那就用and。那个go there应该是对的，因为there是副词，加to反而错了。 至于 class organize 这个我还不清楚可不可以，但平常不是经常说我们班级组织了干啥干啥的么  求解

In modern society, people have increasingly numbers of ways to deal with their money. While some prefer to save the money, others incline to spend money on traveling and vacation. As for me, I prefer the latter and reasons are stated as follows.<and 连接的两部分应该是结构一致的。这句话还是分开说吧。>

First of all, with the larger and larger pressure in this contemporary society which is full of vicious competition, traveling and vacation can be a good way for people to relax and after the relaxation,(和上面那句话一样，感觉这个and用的不好， relax就结束，把after the relaxation 反倒下一句话咋样) people can regain the energy (people can more concentrate on their working) to put all their heart into working, studying and living. We can see that almost every school in nowadays tend to organize students to have a spring trip. For example, when I was a high school students（应该是单数）, despite the large pressure that we would take the college entrance exam, our class （是不是应该说人组织，而不是class？或者用被动）organized us to go to Heng Dian to have a fun（应该是过去时）. Actually, after we went back to school to study（study和后面的有点重复）, we felt that we were freshed and had more energy to study.

In addition, along with the relaxation, traveling and vacation can benefit people to enlarge their horizon which is beneficial for developing a positive attitude to the life and may be helpful in forming a different prospective. Take one of my father’s experiences to Huangshan, where possesses a beautiful nature scenery as an example. Before he went （加个to）there, he paid much attention to my performance of exams at school and always pushed me to study, however, after he came back, I found he changed that he used another way to concern about my study via caring about my life time in school not just the score results. He talked to me that when he spared no effort（用得好） to climb the magnificent mountain in Huangshan, he realized that what matters is not the result and it is the process. From this we can see that traveling and vacation can to large extent better people’s attitude to life.

Given that saving some money is to some extent necessary since some special cases when people need money in emergency such as an unexpected illness which calls for a large amount of money may exist, we cannot just store the money and forget to enjoy the life just because these possibilities.

In conclusion, in spite that we should save some money for the sake of something in emergency, most of money should be used to travel and vacation due to the benefits sated（stated）above.

总体来说，ykhjy童鞋的作文水平很好，长句子很多，看到你说的逻辑关联词了，的确，这样是文章更紧凑，向你学习。你是杀鸡完了么？感觉我的作文太白了

-- by 会员 ioioke (2012/9/5 11:52:56)

-- by 会员 ykhjy (2012/9/5 15:49:37)

[/quote]

beiyezi

9.5 综合 TPO 10
The lecture mainly talks about reasons why predators(predator)hypothesis is more likely to explain the cause(s) of the decline of sea otters compared to the pollution hypothesis, which contradicts to the claim in the reading passage. According to the lecture, reasons are stated as follows.

First of all, the lecture indicates that no one can really find any dead sea otters washing off on Alaskan beaches. And actually the fact that it is hard to find dead otters can support the predator hypothesis since predators would eat otters once they kill the otters. Thus it disputes the pollution hypothesis stated in the reading passage.

When it comes to the decline of many small sea mammals mentioned in the passage, the lecture argues that it is the orcas that hunt these small sea mammals that lead to the result in that in spite of the fact that orcas prefer to hunt whales, whales have left the area because of human hunters.
Last but not the least, the lecture suggests that unlike what said inthe passage, the uneven pattern of otters’ decline is better explained by thepredation theory. It can be supported by the fact that shallow and rockylocations are the types of locations where sea otter populations have notdeclined. The reason is that orcas are too large to access these shallow orrocky locations.
要点都有，也没什么错

ykhjy

9. 6 独立 Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? The most important problems in today's world will be solved in our lifetime.


Nowadays a large number of important problems in today’s world such as the environmental problems, starvation problems in developing countries, how to keep the peace in the world and so forth, are waiting us to find solutions. Can we solve the most important problems in our lifetime? As far as I am concerned, the answer may be no and reasons are stated as follows.

First of all, the main reason that we may be not able to solve the most important problems in our life time is that we cannot even clarify what are these problems. Since these problems are too countless to define. Actually in my eyes, the most important problems are those which are the most related to people’s lives. However, how can we identify the characteristics of these problems? There is no certain standard for us to define. For example, according to a study conducted by National Investigation Organization, millions of people in China have been suffered by HIV. Is that the most important problem? Some consider yes in that it directly related to people’s lives. Yet thinking about a larger number of people have been suffering from starvation, is the problem of HIV still the most important? It is hard to say. As a matter of fact, we even do not know whether we can take how many people are affected as one feature of the most important problems.

In addition, given that we have been aware of these the most important problems, because of our limited knowledge about this world and, it is hard for us to find approaches to accomplish the task. A case in this point is the problem regarding where can we go once the earth is no longer suitable for us to live. Despite the fact that we have realized this import problem through some researches, we still have no idea about the solution. The reason is that compared to the complex of this world, what we know is too simple and I believe this problem cannot be solved even centuries after I have died.

It is true that with the advent of advancing technology, Yuang Longping’s discovery of hybrid rice has saved many starved people in some develop countries by increasing the production of rice for instance, we have reached some solutions to many key problems in modern world; however, seeing that the world today is changing everyday and so are the key problems. Thus once we find a solution to a key problem, another problem comes up and these problems won’t disappear even we run out of our lifetime.

In conclusion, considering these most problems are vague to clarify and they are countless, we cannot be able to solve all of them in our lifetime.

ykhjy

9.6 综合 TPO 11
The lecture mainly talks about reasons why points claimed in the reading passage concerning the decline in book reading are not true. According to the lecture, reasons are stated as follows.

First of all, the lecture indicates that although scientists writing, history and political analysis are not literature, they are of high quality and can be as creative as a novel and a play because they can provide imagination. Therefore, it does not true that people do not read a book just because they don’t read literature as the reading passage said.

When it comes to the problem listed in the reading passage that people read many superficial poorly written books and tend to waste time via trivial forms of entertainment, the lecture argues that people are not wasting time with music and movies for example, in that the culture has changed and there are many forms of literature other than novels and poems these days.

Last but not the least, the lecture suggests that despite the fact that there are fewer support for literature, the reason for it is not the poor standards of today’s readers as the reading passage mentioned. Based on the lecture, it is authors’ fault since modern literature authors always make the literature difficult to understand. Thus the third point listed in the reading passaged is disputed.