重开一个作文贴

ykhjy

8.30 独立 It's more important for government to spend money to buide art museums and music performance center than to uide recreational facilities(such as swimming pool,playground)


With the development of times, most people nowadays are no longer worried about whether they can have something to eat or not and what they desire now may be something more than material. So considering the limited budget, the government, public servant, needs to figure out which can better satisfying people’s needs, building art museums or developing recreational facilities? As far as I am concerned, the latter may be more important .

First of all, to some degree, building recreational facilities may benefit more people. In our common life, we can see that not all people, or even not many people incline to go to art museums or attend music performance. I think this phenomenon can be explainable. There are mainly two reasons: money and preference. According to a survey conducted by National Investigation Organization, given that people can go to these museums and music centers without any charge since the government’s fund, not so many people have such a interest to visit these places. In contrast, most people fond of playing with recreational facilities, whatever children or elder people, the poor or the rich, women or men. Therefore, from this prospective, it seems better to build recreational facilities to benefit the majority of people.

In addition, recreational facilities can be a shortcut for people to communicate with each other. It can help strangers to be friends, aid friends to intensify the friendship and support parents to know children’s own world. Take myself as an example. When I was a child, my parents always took me to a large playground in which possesses a large number of recreational facilities after supper. When my parents and I played these facilities together, I was always eager to tell them something interesting or some unhappy things happened in my school in the day time. And my parents often had their ideas which aid me learn some principles to address these things. During this process, I felt that my parents were more friends than parents which effectively enhanced our relationship.    

Despite the fact that art museums and music performance center are excellent places for people to promote appreciation for art and building these places can help people to gain passion for beauty and depth in life, recreational facilities can do favor to people’s good health, which is the premier to enjoy the beauty in life.

In conclusion, compared to building art museums, building recreational facilities may be a better choice for government in that it benefits more people, is a easy way to build relationship and beneficial for people’s health.

shendang

8.30
蓝色-小结；红色-问题；绿色-good point
With the development of times, most peoplenowadays are no longer worried about whether they can have something to eat ornot and what they desire now may be something more than material. Soconsidering the limited budget（我觉得突出预算有限让开头的背景更充实了~~学起来）, the government, publicservant, needs to figure out which can better satisfying（satisfy） people’s needs, buildingart museums or developing recreational facilities?（这边应该句号就行了） As far as I am concerned, the latter may be more important .

First of all, to some degree, buildingrecreational facilities may benefit more people. In our common life, we can seethat not all people, or even not many people inclineto go to art museums or attend music performance.I think（I think 在这里有点累赘） this phenomenon can be explainable. There are mainly two reasons:money and preference. According to a survey conducted by National InvestigationOrganization, given that people can go to these museums and music centerswithout any charge since the government’s fund, not so many people have such ainterest to visit these places. In contrast, most people fond of（be fond of） playing with recreational facilities, whateverchildren or elder people(觉得whatever用得有点怪，查了下，不管是老人还是小孩，可以用no matter the elderly orchildren), the poor or the rich, women or men.Therefore, from this prospective, it seems better to build recreationalfacilities to benefit the majority of people.

不是有两个原因吗？怎么只有一个preference方面的阐述？
先提出论证自己观点的一个现象，然后再解释，并且有突出接下来是在解释，条理很清晰。学了~

In addition, recreational facilities can be a shortcut for people to communicate witheach other. It can help strangers to be friends, aid friends to intensify thefriendship and support parents to know children’s own world. Take myself as anexample. When I was a child, my parents always took me to a large playground inwhich possesses a large number of recreational facilities after supper. When myparents and I played these facilities together, I was always eager to tell themsomething interesting or some unhappy things happened in my school in the daytime. And my parents often had their ideas which aid me learn some principles toaddress these things. During this process, I felt that my parents were morefriends than parents which effectively enhanced our relationship.    


觉得这段结构清晰，可是句式有点单调，重复太多，并且大部分都是简单句型，可以考虑多用下其他句型

Despite the fact that art museums and musicperformance center are excellent places for people to promote appreciation（提高的应该是鉴赏能力吧） forart and building these places can help people to gainpassion for beauty and depth in life, recreational facilities can do favor to people’s good health, which isthe premier to enjoy the beauty in life. （一直在找这个表述，谢啦）

In conclusion, compared to building artmuseums, building recreational facilities may be a better choice for governmentin that it benefits more people, （and）is a easy way to buildrelationship and beneficial for people’s health.(beneifts more people 和 beneficial for people’s health 重复了)

文章结构有了，但是can和benefit 出现得太频繁了
自己的水平也没有多高，也不知道修改得对不对，多多交流哈

ykhjy

8.31  独立  Do you agree or disagree,people who go out from their villege will be more successful and happier than people who stay in their village?


It is said that the world outside is always more beautiful and nowadays people incline to go out of their village to find a look around the outside. While it is true that people can always see a different world via going out, does it always make people be more successful and happier compared to stay in the village? As for me, I don’t think so and reasons are stated as the follows.

First of all, ahead of talking about the question whether one can be more successful if one goes out from their village, we should take two factors into consideration: one’s own criteria for success and weather environmental situation is more advantageous for one to success. Just image one has a goal that to live a relaxed life with some salaries not so high, then staying in the village may be more suitable for one to succeed in that in their own hometown, they are familiar with everything, from sceneries to people and there is no need for them to adapt to a new environment which may be efficient for them to succeed.

In addition, when it comes to the happiness, people have their own standard regarding what is happiness. While some consider going out to see different world and possessing colorful experiences as their happiness, some belive that happiness is staying with their parents. I consider myself as someone loves family and I disincline to leave my parents behind since I always think that time flies and there is no much time for me to stay with my parents. Thus I think I am happy enough to stay with my parents in the village.

Yet I concede that compared to village, one can be more accessible to a large number of resources such as advanced technology, more opportunities and so forth which may aid one succeed more easily; and many beautiful sceneries exist in the outside world may make one happy. However, in my eyes, resources available in my own village can be enough for me to success, sooner or later; and happiness for me is just to stay with my parents which cannot be attained if I go out the village.

In conclusion, whether one will be more successful or happier should based on one’s own criterion concerning success and happiness. As far as I concerned, living in my own village, my goal and my happiness can be achieved easier.

ykhjy

感谢批改哈~   紫色部分讨论下

8.30
蓝色-小结；红色-问题；绿色-good point
With the development of times, most peoplenowadays are no longer worried about whether they can have something to eat ornot and what they desire now may be something more than material. Soconsidering the limited budget（我觉得突出预算有限让开头的背景更充实了~~学起来）, the government, publicservant, needs to figure out which can better satisfying（satisfy） people’s needs, buildingart museums or developing recreational facilities?（这边应该句号就行了） As far as I am concerned, the latter may be more important .

First of all, to some degree, buildingrecreational facilities may benefit more people. In our common life, we can seethat not all people, or even not many people inclineto go to art museums or attend music performance.I think（I think 在这里有点累赘） this phenomenon can be explainable. There are mainly two reasons:money and preference. According to a survey conducted by National InvestigationOrganization, given that people can go to these museums and music centerswithout any charge since the government’s fund, not so many people have such ainterest to visit these places. In contrast, most people fond of（be fond of） playing with recreational facilities, whateverchildren or elder people(觉得whatever用得有点怪，查了下，不管是老人还是小孩，可以用no matter the elderly orchildren), the poor or the rich, women or men.Therefore, from this prospective, it seems better to build recreationalfacilities to benefit the majority of people.

不是有两个原因吗？怎么只有一个preference方面的阐述？【这个方面，由于我觉得government provides money了，那我主要需要突出的就是preference，我这一段的紫色部分提到了人们就算不用出钱，也不喜欢去。是不是不够完整，你觉得还需要阐述下money么】
先提出论证自己观点的一个现象，然后再解释，并且有突出接下来是在解释，条理很清晰。学了~

In addition, recreational facilities can be a shortcut for people to communicate witheach other. It can help strangers to be friends, aid friends to intensify thefriendship and support parents to know children’s own world. Take myself as anexample. When I was a child, my parents always took me to a large playground inwhich possesses a large number of recreational facilities after supper. When myparents and I played these facilities together, I was always eager to tell themsomething interesting or some unhappy things happened in my school in the daytime. And my parents often had their ideas which aid me learn some principles toaddress these things. During this process, I felt that my parents were morefriends than parents which effectively enhanced our relationship.    


觉得这段结构清晰，可是句式有点单调，重复太多，并且大部分都是简单句型，可以考虑多用下其他句型

Despite the fact that art museums and musicperformance center are excellent places for people to promote appreciation（提高的应该是鉴赏能力吧） forart and building these places can help people to gainpassion for beauty and depth in life, recreational facilities can do favor to people’s good health, which isthe premier to enjoy the beauty in life. （一直在找这个表述，谢啦）

In conclusion, compared to building artmuseums, building recreational facilities may be a better choice for governmentin that it benefits more people, （and）is a easy way to buildrelationship and beneficial for people’s health.(beneifts more people 和 beneficial for people’s health 重复了)

文章结构有了，但是can和benefit 出现得太频繁了
自己的水平也没有多高，也不知道修改得对不对，多多交流哈

【哈哈 因为受到G 作文的影响，我确实是比较重视逻辑结构方面的东西，一点文采木有，要是有点文采的话就得写好久。我现在主要在思路上，尽量简化point，控制时间了。一起加油！！】

-- by 会员 shendang (2012/8/31 10:39:01)

sherryzhangh

It is saidthat the world outside is always more beautiful. However,(感觉这里应该是个转折而不是并列) andnowadays people incline to go out of from their village to find alook around the outside. While it is true that people can always see adifferent world via going out, does it always make people be more successfuland happier compare d to stay in the village? As for me, I don’t thinkso and reasons are stated as the follows.

First ofall, ahead of talking about the question whether one can be more successful ifone goes out from their village, we should take two factors into considerationne’s own criteria for success and whetherenvironmental situation is more advantageous for one to success. Just image onehas a goal that to live a relaxed life with some not so high salaries, thenstaying in the village may be more suitable for one to succeed in that in theirown hometown, they are familiar with everything, from sceneries to people andthere is no need for them to adapt to a new environment which may be efficientfor them to succeed. (最好用一些连词来讲道理，这样看起来是well organized )

Inaddition, when it comes to the happiness, people have their own standardregarding to what is happiness. While someconsider going out to see different world and possessing colorful experiencesas their happiness, some believe that happiness is staying with their parents.I consider myself as someone loves family and I disincline to leave my parentsbehind since I always think that time flies and there is no much time for me tostay with my parents. Thus I think I am happy enough to stay with my parents inthe village.

Yet Iconcede that compared to village, one can be more accessible to a large numberof resources such as advanced technology, more opportunities and so forth whichmay aid one succeed more easily; and many beautiful sceneries exist in theoutside world may make one happy. However, in my eyes, resources available inmy own village can be enough for me to success, sooner or later; and happinessfor me is just to stay with my parents that whichcannot be attained if I go out the village.

Inconclusion, whether one will be more successful or happier should base on one’sown criterion concerning success and happiness. As far as I concerned, livingin my own village, my goal and my happiness can be achieved easier.

句子结构上需要再下一些功夫。总的来说还不错。

ykhjy

9.1 独立 agree or disagree,in order to be succeed,you should be more like others than be different from everyone else

With the increasingly vicious competition, to be succeed, people need to consider a question that whether they should be similar to others or not. As for me, while people should resemble others in communication prospective, they should own their distinguish thoughts about their products. Reasons are stated as follows.

First of all, in nowadays society, it is almost impossible for one to succeed just depends on himself or herself and cooperation is inevitable in order to attain the goal. Thus knowing how to communicate with others is a key point for one to succeed. According to a survey conducted by National Investigation Organization, people incline to make friends with people who have the same hobbies since they have a common topic. In other words, from a communication view,  people need to find something in common with others in that people can make friends with others which may give themselves more opportunities to succeed in the future.  

However, when it comes to what can make people to succeed in oneself, individuals have to offer some advantages which means you have while others don’t have. In my eyes, these advantages, in essentially, originate from one’s own thoughts. If only you have a distinguish thought method will you make out something different from others. For example, Steve Jobs, who created great products such as Iphone, without the particular thinking way to make the product especial, he cannot be so successful that attracts so many people to be Apple fans. From these we can see, in order to succeed, you should have your own value and make others see what you can offer that different from others.

As a matter of fact, in order to be successful, wether we should be more like others or be different from others, we should also take the situation into consideration. When considering the question, we should not forget why we should find the answer to this question: to succeed. There is no fixed pattern for someone to succeed, to put it simply, we cannot succeed just be like others or only be different from others since circumstances are various and every decision made to succeed should rely on these various situations. For instance, while in a market that products are almost the same, we should try to be different from others, making out distinguish products, in a market that you have the super position in which no one could compete with you, in order to minimize the cost and maximize the profit, it isn’t necessary for you to produce outstanding products.

In conclusion, seeing different prospectives and different situations, we should be flexible to decide whether we should be more like others or be different from others.

ykhjy

感谢批改哈~~ 第一段那里，应该是并列额，因为我前面说的是外面的世界很经常，后面说的是很多人倾向离开village

It is saidthat the world outside is always more beautiful. However,(感觉这里应该是个转折而不是并列) andnowadays people incline to go out of from their village to find alook around the outside. While it is true that people can always see adifferent world via going out, does it always make people be more successfuland happier compare d to stay in the village? As for me, I don’t thinkso and reasons are stated as the follows.

First ofall, ahead of talking about the question whether one can be more successful ifone goes out from their village, we should take two factors into considerationne’s own criteria for success and whetherenvironmental situation is more advantageous for one to success. Just image onehas a goal that to live a relaxed life with some not so high salaries, thenstaying in the village may be more suitable for one to succeed in that in theirown hometown, they are familiar with everything, from sceneries to people andthere is no need for them to adapt to a new environment which may be efficientfor them to succeed. (最好用一些连词来讲道理，这样看起来是well organized )

Inaddition, when it comes to the happiness, people have their own standardregarding to what is happiness. While someconsider going out to see different world and possessing colorful experiencesas their happiness, some believe that happiness is staying with their parents.I consider myself as someone loves family and I disincline to leave my parentsbehind since I always think that time flies and there is no much time for me tostay with my parents. Thus I think I am happy enough to stay with my parents inthe village.

Yet Iconcede that compared to village, one can be more accessible to a large numberof resources such as advanced technology, more opportunities and so forth whichmay aid one succeed more easily; and many beautiful sceneries exist in theoutside world may make one happy. However, in my eyes, resources available inmy own village can be enough for me to success, sooner or later; and happinessfor me is just to stay with my parents that whichcannot be attained if I go out the village.

Inconclusion, whether one will be more successful or happier should base on one’sown criterion concerning success and happiness. As far as I concerned, livingin my own village, my goal and my happiness can be achieved easier.

句子结构上需要再下一些功夫。总的来说还不错。

-- by 会员 sherryzhangh (2012/8/31 23:44:36)

jeffery2541

jeffery2541

同学 记得批改我的作文哦~

ykhjy

9.2 独立 it is better to relax by a movie or reading a book than doing physical exercise.Do you agree?

With the increasingly vicious competition, nowadays people feel much larger pressures than ever. In order to live a happier life, people incline to find a appropriate way to release oneself. While some consider watching movie or reading a book as a good method, others believe that doing physical exercise can give them more help to relax. Personally speaking, I prefer the latter and reasons are stated as follows.

First of all, something that can relax oneself must be something one loves and since I prefer to do physical exercise when comparing to watch movie or read a book, I think to do some sports is a better way to help me relax because it can assist me to gain a good health which is essential for one’s happiness. Actually, when I was a child, I always got sick. Then my father at that time often encouraged me to do sports like running and he always kept company with me. Afterwards my health is really getting better and I scarcely need to go to see doctors. With a good health, I really live a relaxed life today.

In addition, I’d like to do some sports that call for team sprit, such as basketball and doing such sports can be beneficial for me to make friends which may be a catalyst to aid me to relax cause I can share some experiences with friends. Take myself as an example. Last semester I often felt frustrated when I prepared for the GRE test since although I put all my heart into preparing it, the model test result was not so good as I expected thus I was worried about my result in the test day. In order to release, I happened to go to the playground in my school and I saw some girls were playing basketball happily. Afterwards, I joined them and soon we become friends. We played and talked to each other and I really gained a lot such as the beauty of friendship and positive attitude to things via sharing our feeling, experiences and opinions which make me relax a lot.

Given watching a movie or reading a book can help me relax, doing sports may be a faster way to help to gain the relaxation. When I turn to movies and books, I tend to learn something from them to relax. It may be some meaningful words, or some valuable characteristics. However, all these things require me to have some time to understand and maybe only if I have experienced something can I really realize these meanings. In contrast, via doing sports, I may be high in a few minutes if only I perspire.

To sum up, seeing all these benefits stated above, compared to movie or book, sports can to a larger extent benefit me in the process of finding relaxation.