婷婷connie的作文帖~勇者创造机会，愚者等待机会

婷婷connie · 发表于 2012-3-9 21:52:43

托福作文，小样儿，我来了
http://forum.chasedream.com/TOEFL_Writing/thread-681022-1-1.html

大猫秦qtt · 发表于 2012-3-9 22:00:30

加油。嗯。作为同名的人。

晨依Jacqueline · 发表于 2012-3-9 22:04:26

加油亲爱的~来顶一个！

婷婷connie · 发表于 2012-3-10 20:15:15

莫非咱俩一个名字？

婷婷connie · 发表于 2012-3-10 20:16:08

谢谢晨依~

婷婷connie · 发表于 2012-3-10 20:17:58

第一次写托福作文，凑合看吧~
As students get into the university, they pay more efforts on self-studies including the homework. However, they may not able to get it done on their own. As a result, some students have to turn somebody to help. From my part, I prefer him or her to ask me for help. My reasons are as follows.

Turning to me for help is quite convenient a way to get homework done. As we both live in the same dormitory, we can easily drop by and chat with each other. When a classmate has some question, he or she just needs knock on my door and asks, " Could you please do me a favor with my homework?" Opposite to a professional tutor, it may take more time and energy to get the help. For example, we have to make an appointment before come to his office via mobile phone, and we probably wait for a while in case that another one is discussing problems at the same moment.

What's more, a professional tutor does not mean talking freely. Since we are from different ages, we have various viewpoints on issues, as well as approaches to solve the questions in our homework, where the generation gap takes place. When communicating with a professional tutor, students may be a little nervous and do not know how to react if they can not catch him, but only listening to him with head nods. After all, it is a teacher that we are facing to. Instead, they feel more comfortable to talk homework with a classmates. Therefore, I recommend my classmates discuss homework troubles with me. In that way ,we can not only solve homework, but also share something interesting happened during the class. So you see, ask me for help is truly free and enjoyable.

I admit that a professional tutor is more authoritative and helpful to finger out the homework, as he obtains a deeper knowledge than me. However, the young usually have much more passion to be engaged in studies. According to a survey conducted by China Juvenile Psychology Funds(CJPF), over 85% of the respondents showed a fact that the youth are more creative than the old for they insist on think out new solutions to something hard while the adult tends to follow the existed ones.

Considering all the analysis above, for it is not only more convenient, comortable and free as well, I recommend my classmates to ask me for help.

晨依Jacqueline · 发表于 2012-3-11 01:04:11

明天有双学位的课，晚上给你修改哈~

直接贴在这里啦、
As students get into the university, they pay more efforts on self-studies including the homework. However, they may not (be) able to get it done on their own. As a result, some students have to turn somebody to help(turn to sb. For help). From my part, I prefer him or her to ask me for help. My reasons are as follows.

Turning to me for help is quite convenient a(可以放在quite前面) way to get homework done. As we both live in the same dormitory, we can easily drop by and chat with each other. When a classmate has some question, he or she just needs knock on my door and asks, " Could you please do me a favor with my homework?" Opposite to(好像不可以放在句首吧，可以用Contrary to) a professional tutor, it may take more time and energy to get the help. (这里it指代的是什么？我觉得这个逻辑不大对头。与找老师相反，它需要花更长的时间得到帮助。)For example, we have to make an appointment before come to his office via mobile phone, and we probably wait for a while in case that another one is discussing problems at the same moment.

What's more, a professional tutor does not mean talking freely(专业的老师并非意味着自由交谈？). Since we are from(at) different ages, we have various viewpoints on issues, as well as approaches to solve the questions in our homework, where the generation gap takes place. When communicating with a professional tutor, students may be a little nervous and do not know how to react if they can not catch him, but only listen~~ing~~ to him with head nods. After all, it is a teacher that(who) we are facing to. Instead, they feel more comfortable to talk(about)homework with a classmates(单复数哦). Therefore, I recommend my classmates discuss homework troubles(有点Chinglish了，可以说difficulties in schoolwork) with me. In that way ,we can not only solve homework(这个搭配可不好), but also share something interesting happened during the class. So you see(我觉得这里用you不大好额，感觉好像在让考官ask you for help…建议换个关联词), ask me for help is truly free and enjoyable.

I admit that(直接Admittedly,) a professional tutor is more authoritative and helpful to finger out the homework, as he obtains a deeper knowledge than me. However, the young usually have much more passion to be engaged in studies. According to a survey conducted by China Juvenile Psychology Funds(CJPF), over 85% of the respondents showed a(the较好) fact that the youth are more creative than the old for they insist on think out(俩动词连一起了、)new solutions to something hard while the adult tends to follow the existed ones.

Considering all the analysis above, for it is not only more convenient, comortable(comfortable打错了应该是)and free as well(not only和as well不大搭吧~), I recommend my classmates to ask me for help.

Conclusion：我觉得作为第一篇，你的质量比我的好多啦~思路很清晰，行文较流畅。建议嘛就是注意一下几个表达不要太中式咯、还有是注意表达能多样化一点~比如homework可以改成assignment啊schoolwork等~继续努力哈^.^

婷婷connie · 发表于 2012-3-11 21:46:47

恩，没问题~
我这就改完了，今天晚上你就能看到

婷婷connie · 发表于 2012-3-11 21:50:18

3.11 独立
这次写得有点仓促，一顿扯，用的拆分法写了学生、医生、司机应该有耐心。
欢迎批评~
People are always on the going: we can easily get dishes prepared with the advent of the microwave; we are able to reach remote places via automobiles. Living in a society with more fierce competitions, people are used to be the rush anywhere and any when in order to get more opportunities. And when it comes to patience, people tend to say, "Ignore it, I do not care!" However, I do support that we adhere to the patience.

We cannot get any promotions without patience academically. Everybody in the campus is engaged on his papers or homework since he wants to get good grades. I have a friend named Sarah who is really hard working on everything. Nevertheless, she is a quicker on study. One time, an electrical professor asked us to carry an experiment out within two weeks and then hand in a report. During that period, she turned to be impatient and told me that she did not wanna waste too much time on such a boring experiment. Then, she kept herself in the laboratory for only one hour every day. As a result, she got a "B" mark. From this little thing, I get to know that we can only receive our academic(?这个需要写成academical) achievements with perseverance.

Patience is necessary for a doctor in the hospital. Doctors and nurses are likely to meet more emergencies than others. However, they must keep patient to tackle the problems, For example, when a doctor have an operation for the patient who has a heart disease. He is responsible to keep in mind with every process. And then being as patient as possible to carry out the operation. If there any mistakes takes place during it, he may make the patient never open his eyes. So you see, what a serious job it is! Therefore, everyone works in the hospital have the obligation to be patience.

Patience is a excellent manner on aspect of traffic ways. For most of us make money in metropolises, we have to face a large number of bus, private cars and passengers. Therefore, it is likely for a traffic jam to occur. People usually became anxious and even lose temper as they push the horn continuously and drive at a higher speed if they get out of the jam. At that time, there is a bigger possibility for a traffic accident occur. According to a recent survey conducted by China Traffic Institute(CTI), over 85% traffic issues happened due to the impatience of drivers.

Considering the analysis above, various working pots, such as the university, hospital and the roads, all need patience to move on successfully. So you see, we must do our best to cultivate our patience. Only with this strategy, will we get promoted for our careers.

婷婷connie · 发表于 2012-3-12 08:20:22

知道了，我会多注意体会美式用法的~

婷婷connie的作文帖~勇者创造机会，愚者等待机会

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婷婷connie的作文帖~勇者创造机会，愚者等待机会

关于同名

3月10日 独立作文

回复晨依评的第一篇文

所属分类: TOEFL / IELTS

正在浏览此版块的会员 ()

3月10日独立作文