婷婷connie的作文帖~勇者创造机会，愚者等待机会

Crystaljoy

.11 独立
我来玩找茬咯~~~

People are always on the going（on the go）: we can easily get dishes prepared with the advent of the microwave; we are able to reach remote places via automobiles (by vehicles). Living in a society (filled) with more fierce competitions, people are used to be the rush (in a rush) anywhere and any when (anytime) in order to get more opportunities. And when it comes to patience, people tend to say, "Ignore it, I do not care!" However, I do support that we adhere to the patience. (开头好棒滴说！！！)

We cannot get any promotions without patience academically. Everybody in the campus（on campus） is engaged on（in） his papers or homework since he wants to get (acquire) good grades. I have a friend named Sarah who is really hard working on everything. Nevertheless, she is a quicker on study. One time, an electrical professor asked us to carry an experiment out (carry out an experiment) within two weeks and then hand in a report. During that period, she turned to be impatient and told me that she did not wanna(写作还是要尽量书面化滴) waste too much time on such a boring experiment. Then, she kept herself in the laboratory for only one hour every day. As a result, she got a "B" mark（a grade of B）. From this little thing（删去）, I get to know that we can only receive(win) our academic(?这个需要写成academical) achievements with perseverance.

Patience is(also)necessary for a doctor in the hospital. Doctors and nurses are likely to meet more emergencies than others. However, they must keep patient to tackle the problems, For example, when a doctor have an operation for the patient who has a heart disease. He is responsible to keep in mind with every process (bear every single process clearly in mind). And then being (be) as patient as possible to carry out the operation.  If there any mistakes(minor mistake) takes place during it, he may make the patient never open his eyes(fail and leave the patient eye-closed forever). So you see, what a serious job it is (responsibility he takes)! Therefore, everyone works in the hospital have the obligation to be patience (patient).

(In addition,) Patience is a (an) excellent manner on aspect of traffic ways（小别扭）. For most of us (who) make money in metropolises, we have to face a large number of bus(buses), private cars and passengers. Therefore, it is likely for a traffic jam to occur(constantly). People usually became anxious and even lose temper as they push the horn continuously (,) and drive at a higher speed if they get out of the jam. At that time, there is a bigger possibility for a traffic accident occur(删去). According to a recent survey conducted by China Traffic Institute(CTI), over 85% traffic issues happened due to the impatience of drivers.

Considering the analysis above, various working pots, such as the university, hospital and the roads, all need（call for our） patience to move on successfully. So you see, we must do our best to cultivate our patience. Only with this strategy, will we get promoted for our careers.(呼呼，这个再升华一点更好~)



To Tingting~~~~ I really really appreciate your idea and organization!Maybe try more conjunctive phrases at the beginning of each paragraph next time!

婷婷connie

容易得出观点，但是之后想了好久……中间写了两段，请带上板凳。

Money enables us to purchase inviting foods, excellent clothes and comfortable houses. However, we cannot get a truehearted friendship with money. From my perspective, money does not necessarily mean friends, and the two can be good friends despite one person is richer than the other.

To begin with, the two come together as they share the common interests instead of one's fortune. There is no better cases than my own experience. My favorite friend Mary is an outgoing, warm-hearted and well-fixed girl, who is expertize in various instruments, such as the piano and violin. Exactly, I am also into the piano that much. When we met each other for the first time, we talked a lot on our views pianistically, not mention the matter of money. Then, we has been keeping in touch with each other. So you see, we two become good friends not because of money but the same habit. A recent survey conducted by China Psychology Funds(CPF) showed a fact that over 85% of the respondents confessed they tend to make friends with people who has the same habits. So we can come to the conclusion that most people become closed friends because of the identical affections.

Furthermore, people who are wealthier can not only make friends with the less rich one, but also does a financial help at a urgent situation. Although friendship has nothing to do with wealth, money do come into effect sometimes. Once a person come across an emergency such as a terrible disease which needs a great deal of money to get operated while he is short in savings. Somehow his closed friend who has lots of money free at hand, then he rushes to the hospital and lands a hand selflessly. How moving it is! Which just acts out an old saying: a friend in need is a friend in deed. Under this circumstance will people grasp his lifetime companion.

Considering all analysis above, we can get into the core that two people who chase for the similar dream can easily get to be good friends just as the motto says: birds with the same feathers fly together. What is more, the richer one can really offer a help when something serious happened all of a sudden.Therefore, money cannot hinder people from receive sincere friendship.

jasonliu119

Money enables us to purchase inviting foods, excellent clothes and comfortable houses. However, we cannot get a truehearted friendship with money. From my perspective, money does not necessarily mean friends, and the two can be good friends despite one person is richer than the other.

To begin with, the two come together as they share the common interests instead of one's fortune. There is no better cases than my own experience. My favorite friend Mary is an outgoing, warm-hearted and well-fixed girl, who is expertize in various instruments, such as the piano and violin. Exactly, I am also into the piano that much. When we met each other for the first time, we talked a lot on our views pianistically, not mention the matter of money. Then, we has been keeping in touch with each other. So you see, we two become good friends not because of money but the same habit. A recent survey conducted by China Psychology Funds(CPF) showed a fact that over 85% of the respondents confessed they tend to make friends with people who has the same habits. So we can come to the conclusion that most people become closed friends because of the identical affections.

Furthermore, people who are wealthier can not only make friends with the less rich one, but also does a financial help at a urgent situation. Although friendship has nothing to do with wealth, money do come into effect sometimes. Once a person come across an emergency such as a terrible disease which needs a great deal of money to get operated while he is short in savings. Somehow his closed friend who has lots of money free at hand, then he rushes to the hospital and lands a hand selflessly. How moving it is! Which just acts out an old saying: a friend in need is a friend in deed. Under this circumstance will people grasp his lifetime companion.（感觉这个理由不是很好。题目是要你论述钱不同能否交好朋友；你则是说已经结交了的、有钱的朋友很有用——这里在GRE里逻辑肯定是很有问题的，不过托福可能没关系吧，我不是很了解。或者可以着重表述为钱的资助能让朋友关系变得更好，这样就切题了）

Considering all analysis above, we can get into the core that two people who chase for the similar dream can easily get to be good friends just as the motto says: birds with the same feathers fly together. What is more, the richer one can really offer a help when something serious （改为unfortunate好点吧，serious的事老外应该不懂）happened all of a sudden.Therefore, money cannot hinder people from receive sincere friendship.

写的很好啊！我都挑不出什么语言的毛病！不过美中不足就是只有两个主体段，能再写一个就好了！

婷婷connie

还感觉那个在校园里in the campus 好点？
另外，academic 是学术上的，知识上的，而academical是学院的，研究部门的意思，所以用academic achievement更好（在google HongKong 上搜，academic的结果有581,000,000条，而academical只有2,310,000，所以还是academic好吧？）
我以后要更加注意书面化用语，还有连词的使用，感谢Crystaljoy的耐心指导！
fighting, both you and me~

婷婷connie

确实，值得注意，我一直逻辑不太好。

第二个主段，我想论述的是有钱的朋友可以在你需要帮助的时候do you a favor，正因为如此人们不要排斥和有钱人交朋友，这样从侧面论述出来有钱人也可以交到好朋友……
是不是很绕？

昨天事太多了，所以有点仓促，以后一定保质保量！

Crystaljoy

还感觉那个在校园里in the campus 好点？
另外，academic 是学术上的，知识上的，而academical是学院的，研究部门的意思，所以用academic achievement更好（在google HongKong 上搜，academic的结果有581,000,000条，而academical只有2,310,000，所以还是academic好吧？）
我以后要更加注意书面化用语，还有连词的使用，感谢Crystaljoy的耐心指导！
fighting, both you and me~

-- by 会员 婷婷connie (2012/3/13 8:10:00)

in  the campus 也对吧, 网上有。但是牛津字典是on campus (没有the).E: She lives on campus=(within the main university area)
academic 吧。查牛津，没有academicial这个词。

婷婷connie

我当时查的时候打的是on the campus，难怪，粗心了。
谢谢鸟儿的提醒哦

婷婷connie

终于写完了，抱歉，今天逛大街去了^^
A primary school teacher needs to be kept in school for 8 hours while a bus driver has to spend his time from dawn to late night. So you see, people make money by various jobs which has different demand on working-hours. Among these options, I prefer to work five days a week with shorter hours, rather than work only three days a week but for a longer period.

First of all, I support that working in a shorter hours for five days enables people to keep fit more easily than working in long time. As people work in a shorter period every day, they own more control of their time. In this way,  most people tend to be  more interested in gymnasium where they can take part in different sports, such as tennis and basketball. Then, they will develop a healthy habit of doing exercise regularly. Hence, those who work in a shorter hours every day are more likely to stay good build. While a long-time worker has a less flexible time to exercise. Therefore, a regular work is more physically reasonable than a long-time but short-day work.

Besides, a short-time work for five days provide people with a better mental condition than a long-time work. Since people need not to be in the office or a project's scene, he is more likely to spend time with his family members and closed friends. Take my friend Lily for example who  works in a kindergarten. From Monday to Friday, she comes to the place at 8 o'clock in morning and she just arrives home at half past 4, then she is off during the weekends. So, she can use her spare time on the walk with her parents every night after dinner, or she is able to chat with her friends as well. Therefore, she enjoys herself that much with a better appreciation of family love and friendship, which keeps her in a good mood and make her face shine every day.

In addition, working in a shorter time promotes working efficiency. It is more possible to make people bored and tired after a long time work. For instance, when a person stares at his computer screen over 3 hours, he will feel his eyes exhausted. Then, he may not be as patient as he was before. As a result, there is an increasing chance for minor mistakes. Nevertheless, when people are required to work during less time, he will be refreshed and prepared via a small rest. The other day, he must be energetic enough and thus work more efficiently which does create a larger benefit for the company.

Comparing the two working types, the advantages of short-time work outnumber those of the other one, for the short-time work can not  only improve people' conditions physically and mentally, but also give a rise to the working efficiency. In a word, I urge to give the fist priority to the short-time regular work.

婷婷connie

严重超时，无语~
There is an skyrocketing number of college students, as parents urge children to be more competitive in the job hunting via acquiring knowledge on campus. I put my first priority on universities whose graduates can find good jobs instead of those which are abundant for famous professors.

To begin with, universities which get its students prepared for future careers grant graduates a sense of happiness. According to a report delivered by China College Graduates Institute(CCGI), over 83% of students confessed that they tend to be of significant complacence when succeeding in the job competitions. Take my gregarious brother Tom for example, he studied in a college which is expertize on majors of teaching. At the beginning, he was quite disappointed. However, when he fortunately became a teacher in a famous English school where pays highly after his graduation. He felt his effort paid back, then he told everyone that his choice was right and he was fairly happy delighted. So you see, a university which has a higher rate of working is more reliable and makes its graduates happier.

Besides, though some universities are famous for its professors, people think it is more useful to enter the university where they are able to obtain more useful things during working. Everyone has to face the fact that even if he is accepted by a reputated reputable university like Peking University, he still needs to find a job after graduation. However, he may be defeated in the interview by someone who receives high education in a university where students are well cultivated for different job skills. According to a certain Human Resource manager, he said what he look upon is students' abilities instead of the fame of the university where the students are graduated from. Hence, we can know that learning working skills directly saves more time than listening to a famous professor.

Furthermore, taking courses in a college where graduates can be easily employed is more efficient than the other type. Actually, every students' aims are simple, namely, finding a proper job. In a well-known university, people get a deep accumulation from famous professors. Opposite to those famed universities, students take courses which are more linkable to their future works instead of waste a lot of time on something of less applicational applied value. Additonally Moreover, they have a better control of their extra time and they grasp more opportunities via hanging around in the employing scene. So, it looks that the second students are more efficient in the process of searching jobs.

Considering all analysis above, we come to the conclusion that students feel happier, more useful and efficient to study in a university where graduates can find good jobs than those more famous universities.

越人歌

A primary school teacher needs to be kept in school for 8 hours while a bus driver has to spend his time from dawn to late night. So you see, people make money by various jobs which has different demand on working-hours. Among these options, I prefer to work five days a week with shorter hours, rather than work only three days a week but for a longer period.

First of all, I support that working in a shorter hours for five days enables people to keep fit more easily than working in long time. As people work in a shorter period every day, they own more control of their time. In this way, most people tend to be more interested in gymnasium where they can take part in different sports, such as tennis and basketball. Then, they will develop a healthy habit of doing exercise regularly. Hence, those who work in for shorter hours every day are more likely to stay good build. While a long-time worker has a less flexible time to exercise. Therefore, a regular work is more physically reasonable than a long-time but short-day work.

Besides, short-time work for five days provides
people with a better mental condition than a long-time work. Since people need not to be in the office or a project's scene, he is more likely to spend time with his family members and closed friends. Take my friend Lily for example who works in a kindergarten. From Monday to Friday, she comes to the place at 8 o'clock in morning and she just arrives home at half past 4, then she is off during the weekends. So, she can use her spare time on the walk with her parents every night after dinner, or she is able to chat with her friends as well. Therefore, she enjoys herself that much with a better appreciation of family love and friendship, which keeps her in a good mood and make her face shine every day.

In addition, working in a shorter time promotes working efficiency. It is more possible to make people bored and tired after a long time work. For instance, when a person stares at his computer screen over 3 hours, he will feel his eyes exhausted. Then, he may not be as patient as he was before. As a result, there is an increasing chance for minor mistakes. Nevertheless, when people are required to work during less time, he will be refreshed and prepared via a small rest. The other day, he must be energetic enough and thus work more efficiently which does create a larger benefit for the company.

Comparing the two working types, the advantages of short-time work outnumber those of the other one, for the short-time work can not only improve people' conditions physically and mentally, but also give a rise to the working efficiency. In a word, I urge to give the first priority to the short-time regular work.
额，感觉文章的辩论不是很有说服力，执着住了short-time work 这个点，感觉很多例子可以被反方利用的样子
其他遣词造句啥的真心没啥可说的了，感觉不是我这种级别的改得出来的，491个字的大牛啊。。膜拜之。。。