婷婷connie的作文帖~勇者创造机会，愚者等待机会

婷婷connie

4.2 独立改后
4月2日110709NA Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? People should take time to relax with hobbies or physical activities that are very different what they do at work.

Nowadays, people are engaged inworks（work工作；works 作品） which demand （（demand可以是及物的）（for词组）longer time and enormous energy. When it comes to the approaches to relax, various views emerges(emerge). Some insist that leisure time spent on hobbies is better, and others emphasize the importance of physical exercise.My opinion goes to the latter.(感觉怪怪的，My opinion goes to the latter.)

Initially, physical exercise guaranteesfor（删掉） people's health. Though pursuing hobbies grants（grants）a great deal of happiness, people may neglect a deeper consideration: whether it benefits our health? In (In词组) most situation,(however,) it does not. For instance, a hobby such as watching movies.(不能单独成句。，a hobby such as w t或者直接w t for instance.) It is commonly (commonly) accepted that going(这个明显我是不地道)(going 词组) to cinema on free time is a good way to relieve ourselves. However, as we just do things like siting down and staring at the big screen, we are not able to get adequate exercise. Instead,when(删除) running or playing tennis on the playground offer us a better healthy condition.

Moreover, physical activities enable people to form wider social circle. Opposite to sharing the same hobbies in a small group, there is a higher chance for people who participate in词组） collective physical activities(这个是集体体育活动啊？) to acquire new friendswho are（from）different fields connected (来自于不同领域?). Let us focus on an example, the basketball is a popular activity which needs five persons in both team to(to) compete to get a goal. This activity calls for strong(relate to建议calls for strong ) cooperation. Generally, after a fierce combat, everyone even the audiences who joins in will become friends despite of occupation, gender and age. So, it is really a good way to gain widely social connection.(?)

In addition, employees tend to be refreshed and more efficient after the relaxation of physical activities. According to a report of China Health Fund(CHF), most people can relieve themselves from(from) heavy working pressure and recover quickly. My gregarious sister Lily is a good case. She works in a giant international company, thus she has to undertake a great number of tasks everyday. To our surprise, her smileshines(shines) us a lot. Then, I find her secret: physical exercise. She is used to jogging in the  nearby park for one hour every morning, during which she refreshes herself and gets ready again for working challenges. So, the advantage of physical exercise comes out: it stimulates working efficiency.
这段还不错！比较顺！

Considering all analysis above, physical activities bring people with(删除) health, wide-circle friends and working efficiency, we are supposed to put the first priority on exercises. Only in this way will we gain ourselves success from work and life.

辛苦鸟儿了，我看了一遍，真的好多错误……

坚决以后抵制错误！
自己蹲墙角去了

婷婷connie

4.3 独立改后
As every individual lives in the big social circle, he or she must keep in touch with others to a large degree. When it comes to happiness, it is generally held that people can get happiness when they make others pleased. However, this concept can not bear deeper consideration.My points are as follows.

To begin with, to someone, it is his job to create happiness for other, and he may suffer from it. Take a funny star Mr. Bean as a case, his inner heart may not behave the same. Mr.s Bean is well known for his role in a American series, at which he performs a great number of funny things, even ridiculous ones. For instance, in a cafe, he tries to chat with a pretty lady. However, unlucky accidents happen to him one by one. First, he knocks at the waiter and then he was criticized by a stranger. Last, he even does not realize that lady has gone minutes before. Everybody as well as audiences laughs（哦哦，知道了，我以为人多了就用复数了）(主语还是everyone) at him. He makes it to let every others smile, nevertheless resulting in his own serious disease. So, if it is only a person's job to do these, he is not able to grasp true happiness.  

Besides, people who make others happy probably cry in his heart. Most of people are responsible and considerate, thus it is unavoidable to face this embarrassing situation. Tom, a sales manager in a international company, is a nice workaholic. Every time when he stands a heavy sales task, his first priority is to smile to his leader, and then comfort encourage（这里去掉一个词吧） his ten-person team, though he is quite anxious and stressed out inside. For people like Tom, they do make others cheerful, he may cry as he bears more than others.  

In addition, happiness is dominated by a person's own delights. A person gets to the happy point only if he does his own valued items. A handsome boy purchases a bunch of fragrant flowers to his girlfriend on Valentine's Day, the only reason is his girlfriend loves flowers. But to the boy's perspective, he thinks the flowers charge him exorbitantly on that certain day. Consequently, though his girlfriend is joyful, he does not feel happy for he has spent one third of his pocket money. Instead, he would like to throw himself into his favorite computer game, then exposes his teeth in the air.（就是把牙齿露在空气中，我想表达的是“笑容”……不知道是神马意思啊） Hence, we get a conclusion, happiness rely on a person's own authentic delights.

To sum up, people who make efforts to make others happyfor the sake of(我把in order to 给弄混了)（这样用对吗？我只见过这个for the sake of）many purposes. People can not achieve radical delight if they make others happy. Thus, why do we make painstaking works on others' smile? Let us go ahead and pursue our favorite issues.

婷婷· 你有木有发现一个特有意思的东西
咱俩每次都是对立的观点 呼呼

觉得你每次都能写出好多字 羡慕死了
作文水平已经不错了 整体挺严谨的 论点很鲜明
就是得注意些小细节 比如单复数 时态神马的
怎么老是不记得加s，下次再这样，我就把s都吃掉！

婷婷connie

TPO23 综合改后
The reading material mainly talks about several explanations contribute to the declination of the Yellow Cedar. Conversely, the listening part believes at present there is none of those hypothesiseshypotheses(我想用的是名词形式的猜想) such as insect parasite, brown bears and climate change,(hypothesis 后面跟这几个名词，不对啊，应该是句子，我觉得开头直接说lecturer直接把reading 否了就好，下面在展开) is completely right.

First of all, the writer putS forward a point that insect parasite like beetle is a main cause, while the lecturer argues that the Yellow Cedar beetle is not the fundamental element to the drop of that tree. Since the tree's leaves can shoot out powerful chemicals which is poisonous, the tree is unlikely for the Yellow Cedar suffers from the insect's attacks it is unlikely that the Yellow Cedar suffers from the insect's attacks.(这么写感觉好很多~)(it is unlikely that 吧).

Moreover, opposite to the writer's bear explanation, the narrator thinks the overall population decline of the Yellow Cedar has nothing to do with the brown bears. This kind of tree is existed（不被动啊）on both main land and island. However, there is not bearavailable（当时想着是可获得熊，哈哈）（好怪，不要了吧） on the island, still resulting the drop of the island Yellow Cedar. Thus, we figure out that bear does not leads to（leads to）the decrease of the Yellow Cedar.

Besides, the climate change is accepted by the writer as a cause dues to(竟然句式杂糅了)(cause，due to重复啊，cause of ) the Yellow Cedar's damage. Ironically, the speaker gets a common phenomenon（这个是复数形式） that the Yellow Cedar in the higher place where the temperature is lower survives better than the lower elevation place. Though the climate change makes the tree's root more sensitive than it used to be, the climate change can not account for the tree's reduction.

daisyの小夢想

4.4
Architects are trying to create morefashionable structures in metropolises. However, when it comes to the old historic building, peopletend to pay less attention. In my view, I insist that the government shouldemphasize the reservation of the old historic building.

Initially, historic buildings enable us tocultivate excellent virtues. In general, over half number of old constructionsare built in honor of celebrities. Let us come to the Confucius Temple in Shandong Province, China.Confucius, who created a shool(school) of Chinese traditional thought, is a extraordinaryphilosopher thousands of years ago. Moreover, it is his perseverance spirit that encourages people inChina, Japan, South Korea and even Vietnam. At that time, he wasexpelled by each country(many countries). But he did not lose heart,(断句比较好) instead,(Instead,) he kept looking for the truth. Thus, it is our duty topreserve the temple(说成责任有点奇怪，可以说it’s of great significance to preserve the temple), for wecan shape and mold our characteristics from Confucius.

Besides, landmarks remind us of the past. Everybuilding witnesses the affairs(events) happened here in the past. Like the Yuanmingyuan Palace inBeijing, it is a place to get people considered(consider? reflect反思比较好) how weak (+in international power) Chinese were before.Likewise, the Jinghang Canal is regarded as the accumulation of citizens'painstaking work. Besides, the Egyptian pyramids is the symbol of the previousproperty. Also, the Liberty Statue which stands in the middle of New York City,claims the exciting moment of te(the) Independent Declaration. All these landmarks make peoplememorize(memorize一般用在知识性文字性的记忆吧，cherish比较好 珍视过去) thepast, so the government must take measures to protect those valued structures. (这段举例很棒啊，用三个简洁的语言举了三例，显得很丰满)

In addition, people can also develope(develop) asense of patriotism via old historic buildings. Take the Great Wall as anexample, which is one of seven wonders in the world, lies thousands of milesfrom the east cover though the west in case of enemy's incursion. The GreatWall withstands at least 800 years, nevertheless, remains complete. As thebuilding is so grand and amazing, every person who stands on the wallsubconsciously has a proud feeling to(feels proud of) the(his) country. In this situation, the old historic buildingsreally play a vital role in the nation's coherence, (so) we must maintain them for a longer time(continuously).

Considering all analysis above, the old historic building(不用特指) is indispensable for us to obtain good morality,patriotism as well as(and) remind people of the past issues,(.) (Therefore,) thegovernment is supposed to put the first priority over these buildings. Ibelieve, with the joint effort, we will acquire more from these buildings.


语言和例子都很丰富，表达超好，学习了^^!!

Crystaljoy

嘿嘿~ 婷婷每次的idea还是很赞滴~~~

关于表达的问题，我建议你每次第一天计时写，修改，看相关题目的范文，第二天反复polish，然后再贴上来。
也就是说你要提前一天写，多琢磨琢磨。这样也许很快就会有进步！

婷婷connie

well, I'll do this from right now,thanks for bird's suggestion~

婷婷connie

4.7 独立
4月7日 110513 NA Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? One of the ways that parents can help children be ready for adult life is to ask them to do a part-time job.

As a skyrocketing number of people gradually realize that it is of great significance on children's early career preparation, parents pay more attention to their children's participation of part-time jobs. I can not agree with this trend more. And my points are as follows.

To begin with, it is a good for children to enrich job experiences via part-time jobs. Since the social competition is more fierce than before, students hesitate whether they can do well in the future job hunting. Here, a part-job provides the student with a practical opportunity. Through those part-time jobs, students must get to know how to attend relationship between each other and the machine. Specifically, a part-time employee at the press is good at printing files and he is likely to be more talkative than others. So, a part-time job encourages children's working abilities.  

Moreover, a part-time job grants children extra money and helps cultivate financial concept. As children are generally get paid for these jobs, children can easily store much money after a semester's painstaking work. Those bucks enable the children to pursue their own things, such as watching movies, shopping or hiking. By the way, parents can share their financial experience with the kids. For instance, making a list about the expense: how much the children get and then spend. In the way, the children can be more thrifty and develope a good financial habit.

I concede that part-time jobs may take up children's spare time to some degree. However, people are able to come up with some practical solutions. And a reasonable time schedule there helps those part-time workers a lot. Let us come to my friend Jenny's case, she works as a backup in a supermarket after shool. At the beginning, she felt hard to balance study and work. Luckily, the Professor noticed this and told her to make a schedule on the time management. Then, she applied for the cashier work lasting from dinner time to 10 o'clock, which guarantees enough time to complement homework and a good rest. Hence, she keeps a top student in my class and acquire a great deal money which affords to buy her a dedicated computer. So you see, though the part-time job takes up some time, children are still able to balance it by time arrangement.    

To sum up, it counts that kids come to do a part-time job while studying in campus, for it could not only offer kids bound working experiences, but also give them an approach to gain pocket-money. And I believe every kid will ultimately get his or her dreaming job with a wise time arrangement.

婷婷connie

4.7 综合 好水，听了几遍的说，决定猛练听力去
Both the writer and the speaker are discussing the truth of one of Rembrandt's paintings. The writer does not believe this painting is attributed to Rembrandt, while the speaker holds an opposite attitude: after a series of examinations, it is proved to be Rembrandt's painting indeed.



To begin with,  the author casts the inconsistency on the woman's dress. However, the lecturer argues that is because the fore-color was not a part of the painting, as it was added on the top of the painting to increase the value of the painting about one hundred years after the painting was made.


Besides, the writer suspects the skill of  handling light and shadow in this painting. Conversely, the speaker responds to the doubt with the statement once the painting's cover was removed away, the woman's face was in a single color of light colored cruff which reflects light that illuminated the lady's face. So in the original part, the lady's face was realistic.



Moreover, the reading material shows an examination that the painting was put on several glued pieces of wood. Nevertheless, the listening part explains it dues to the purpose of enlarging the painting, since people want to make the painting grand and valuable. Besides, the speaker adds that it has been proved those pieces of wood are from the same tree which are consistent with Rembrandt's other paintings.

stones4

As a skyrocketing这个我只查到了价格飞涨的意思？ number of people gradually realize that it is of great significance on children's early career preparation, parents pay more attention to their children's participation of part-time jobs. I can not agree with this trend more. And my points are as follows.

To begin with, it is a good for children to enrich job experiences via part-time jobs. Since the social competition is more fierce than before, students hesitate whether they can do well in the future job hunting. Here, a part-job provides the student with a practical opportunity. Through those part-time jobs, students must换个中性一点的词更好哦 get to know how to attend？这个搭配查不到啊， relationship between each other and the machine.这个句子蛮奇怪的，是想说和其他人以及更熟悉设备的使用吧 Specifically, a part-time employee at the press is good at printing files一个在报刊工作的人擅长打印文件，并且他很可能比其他人健谈 and he is likely to be more talkative than others.为什么呢？感觉这个例子没有很好的develop这个观点，和后面的这个总结句关系也很孱弱 So, a part-time job encourages children's working abilities.  

Moreover, a part-time job grants children extra money and helps cultivate financial concepts. As children are generally get paid for these jobs, children can easily store much money after a semester's painstaking work. Those bucks换个正式一点的词，像直接用dollars会更好一点哦enable the children to pursue their own things稍稍觉得这里有点中式英语，是不是改成desires更好？, such as watching movies, shopping or hiking. By the way, parents can share their financial experience with the kids. For instance, making a list about the expense: how much the children get and then spend. In the way, the去掉 children can be more thrifty and develope a good financial habit.

I concede that part-time jobs may take up children's spare time to some degree. However, people are able to come up with some practical solutions. And a reasonable time schedule there helps those part-time workers a lot. Let us come to my friend Jenny's case, she works as a backup in a supermarket after school. At the beginning, she felt hard to balance study and work. Luckily, the Professor noticed this and told her to make a schedule on the time management. Then, she applied for the cashier work lasting from dinner time to 10 o'clock, which guarantees enough time to complement homework and a good rest. Hence, she keeps a top student in my class and acquire a great deal money which affords to buy her a dedicated computer. So you see, though the part-time job takes up some time, children are still able to balance it by time arrangement.例子很好，很丰满

To sum up, it counts that kids come to do a part-time job while studying in campus, for it could not only offer kids bound working experiences, but also give them an approach to gain pocket-money. And I believe every kid正式词正式词 will ultimately get his or her dreaming job with a wise time arrangement.个人以为最后一句应强调part-time job 的好，而这里强调的是时间规划对工作的好处





结构很明确，句子很流畅。

逻辑是的小细节稍稍注意一下就完美了【我自己是糟糕的要死就不乱提建议了

prodliu

Both the writer and the speaker are discussing the truth of one of Rembrandt's paintings. The writer does not believe this painting is attributed to Rembrandt, while the speaker holds an opposite attitude: after a series of examinations, it is proved to be Rembrandt's painting indeed.首段还是分开写把，reading的观点，however，speaker的观点



To begin with,  the author casts the inconsistency on the woman's dress（cast doubt on the inconsistency of the woman's dress）. However, the lecturer argues that is(删) because the fore-color was not a part of the painting, as it was added on the top of the painting 换成it to increase the value of the painting about one hundred years after the painting was made.（这一句话4个painting， 可以少 两个）


Besides, the writer suspects that the skill of  handling light and shadow in this painting. Conversely, the speaker responds to the doubt with the statement once the painting's cover was removed away, the woman's face was in a single color of light colored cruff which reflects light that illuminated the lady's face. So in the original part, the lady's face was realistic.



Moreover, the reading material shows an examination that the painting was put on several glued pieces of wood. Nevertheless, the listening part explains  that it dues to the purpose of enlarging the painting, since people want to make the painting grand and valuable. Besides, the speaker adds that it has been proved those pieces of wood are from the same tree which are consistent with Rembrandt's other paintings.听力里面的内容还要细节，语法上注意宾语从句的that一定不能省