婷婷connie的作文帖~勇者创造机会，愚者等待机会

Crystaljoy

3.15 独立修改

来晚了好抱歉~~~！

Nowadays, people tend to be more engaged in their business both personally and on public（publicly 对称一下）, therefore, they sometimes have to make the choice that whether finishing （to finish 记得是whether to do）one project first or tackle several affairs at the same time. In my opinion, get(getting 主语) one project done before starting another is a better strategy.

To begin with, people feel more concentrated on their works if they finish one project at one time. As people can not care for every task he（指代谁呢？不如把people改成one吧） has encountered, he is supposed to make a list of those things and focus on the most important affair and then does（do 应该是supposed to 后面的并列吧）the（删除） less important ones. Only pour all energy and time（地道么？我不太确定） on just one issue at one time dose he enable（enables him） to get his work done perfectly. Opposing to the former strategy, a person may can doing (may conduct) two or three projects at the same time, but he has to divide his attention onto (into) all of these projects, which largely decelerates the rate that（at which）he makes a（删去，后面是复数了）enement(?) prominent achievements during his work. So, one should concentrate his attention to(on) one thing before moving the next one.

Moreover, it is a single projector that (who)ismore likely to receive a sense of success. Take my brother Jim as (an) example, he is a (an) outstanding student in his college. Once he had chance to take part in both the mathematical modeling competition and the electrical match, he felt puzzled and wanted to take both. However, things(it来指代后面的to hold both) turned out difficult to hold the both. Finally, he decided to participate in the latter considering（感觉用在中间不太合适呢，in relation to吧） his major. Consequently, he won a first prize in the electrical match and he（删去） felt of significant success about his advisable choice. So you see,（太口语化）concentration on one project do help people achieve success.

Besides, a multi-tasker does not mean efficiency（人和效率不是同类，不能拿来做比较吧。）. I admit that a multi-tasker who is extraordinary enough may finish many vital projects at one time. However, there is not a good number of such genius in the world. As far as I am concerned, most people  can do many things at the same time. For instance, a person has ability to work on his homework while listening to some music, or another guy can easily accomplish his academical essay when chatting with others on the internet as well as watching a movie at the same moment. Nevertheless, those kinds of things are not all valued or urged（这个意思是？没有太明白）. Hence, a multi-tasker does not necessarily stand for efficiency.  

Considering all analysis above, finishing one project before starting another is obviously a better choice for us, for it makes us more concentrated, successful and efficient. We have nothing to do but cultivate a habit to focus on one thing at one time. Only in this way will we be more competitive in our jobs.

婷婷的连词用的很好，显得文章连贯流畅！例子可以在多积累一些名家大事件，就更好啦~！加油！

Herisson0509

389 字对我来说都可以了难道真的是我对自己要求太低了吗



As people are more concerned with the juvenile, there is (an)increasing opprtunity for schools to rise their educational qualities. And a heated debate whether famous teachers or advanced facilities are better for students arosed in the society. If I were the master of a school, I would choose to pay more attention to improve our facilities.（提出自己观点，简介明了）

To begin with, a whole set of athletical facilities provides students with large（great）convenience. As students spend most of their time in the school, they have more things done there, for example(such as) （最好用such as）exercise. Let us assume that a school makes its exercise equipment available(Suppose that a school offers more available fitness equipments), then(then) students (would)have chances to enjoy exercising(training) in the shcool（school） instead of reaching remote places to get exercised. In this way he or she is able to keep fit and as well (as well as)（as well一般放在句尾，后不跟任何词语比如，You know,computers can bring troubles as well）save time and money. Thus, students benefit a lot from the polily （policy）of improving facilities.

Moreover, the introduction of projectos（是不是手误打错了，看到下面有prjectors，但是我没有查到是什么意思）enables ordinary teachers to convey more to students in class. Take my high school as an example. One time, my school received the governmental subsidy. Hence, the headmaster made the choice to pay more attention to improve facilities. （our headmaster made a decision to pay more attention to improve facilities with the governmental subsidy.可以简明些，显得有些繁琐）Then the school brought in several projectors（. The prjectors ），which made it possible to save much time in our studies as teachers (can)no longer needed（need） to write notes on the blackboard, which helped us acquire more in the limited time. So we can come to a conclusion that facilities does help a lot on our study.

Besides, the popularity of computer plays a significant role to broaden students' eyes. According to a survey conducted by China Juvenile Funds, 85% of the respondents confessed that with the use(function) of computers, they could get a better understanding of the points they obtained in class. Inspite a teacher is famous in his major field, he still has to face the fact that sometimes he can not remember things clearly and throughly.Opposite tofamous（celebtrated）teachers who are unprobable to know everything referred to the subjects, a computer is a link for us to travel in the sea of knowledge via internet. As a result, students get into an unlimited academic area.

Above all the analysis, facilities like athletical equipment, projector and computer, does stimulates（去掉s ）us to achieve more success. Therefore, I agree that school is supposed to pay more attention to （foucs on可以换一下）improve facilities.

中午改的有些匆忙 下午回来后变动一下
估计你是在卡时间 所以小粗心了个别单词
下次你写完再过一遍 肯定就能完美了

你的理由每次都把你的论点支撑的特别好 能写那么多字 羡慕啊

Herisson0509

对了 我今天的已经交了

婷婷connie

恩，没事，不着急的~

婷婷connie

报告组织，这次超时10分钟
As people meet more fierce competitions in the job hunting, they invent various strategies to get themselves prepared during the shortest time. When it comes to the learning methods, people wonder whether it is better to understand ideas or facts? In my view, the study of facts plays a more vital role academically.

To begin with, facts are more attractive for students to learn than those ideas and concepts. Every textbook comprises of brief sentences of ideas and concepts to certain items which may make students bored and impatient to digest meanings. On the contrary, facts are consisted of a number of extra things. For example,a background which is connected with a fact's causes can draw students' attentions to a higher degree. They enable students to be followed via its enjoyment and vitality. As an old saying tells, interest is the best teacher of students. Hence, facts are of greater interestingness than those ideas and concepts have.(对比、因果)

Moreover, students are able to grasp facts more easily than come into these complex ideas and concepts. According to an recent survey conducted by China Juvenile Education Funds(CJEF), over 85% of college students confessed that they feel harder to remember a concept of a certain objects than a ordinary fact, which reflected a fact that facts are easier to remember. Take my own experience as an example, I once had a mid-term historical examination. At the beginning, I tried to memorize every sentence which revealed the causes of an event's occurrence. However, it turned out that I almost forgot it the other day. Then, I recalled the simple facts which is related to these causes. Consequently I got an A from my teacher. So, there is an obvious conclusion that there is more difficulty on the of ideas and concepts than facts for students. （事例加事例）

In addition, it is not denying that ideas and concepts actually help academicians a lot to summarize the main points, it can not be well accurate all the time. Since the pace of science and technology never stops, a plausible idea may suddenly turns to be completely wrong. So, we dare not insist that an idea is absolutely correct. Thus, ideas and concepts are not advisable to keep in mind as a truth. Instead, it is impossible that a fact tells lie. As a motto says, seeing is believing. Only facts can people rely on to conduct their deeper research. Therefore people need to pour more efforts on the learn of facts, and then classify them to some similar phenomena, which is a better approach to success.（让步段 对比）

Considering all analysis above, opposite to the ideas and concepts' inaccuracy, facts not only let people more interested in study but also offer a easier path to the truth. There is no doubt that people are supposed to learn facts.（结尾感觉不够精彩）

婷婷connie

改后用紫色



Nowadays, people tend to be more engaged in their business both personally and publicly(当时写的时候不太确定形式，所以没用)（publicly 对称一下）, therefore, they sometimes have to make the choice that whether finishing （恩，是有whether to do 的用法，但是whether 后面加一个名词也没错，但是介词后面只能接whether 不能接if）（to finish 记得是whether to do）one project first or tackle several affairs at the same time. In my opinion, geting(getting 主语) one project done before starting another is a better strategy.

To begin with, people feel more concentrated on their works if they finish one project at one time. As a person(这样就和后面的he对应了)can not care for every task he（指代谁呢？不如把people改成one吧） has encountered, he is supposed to make a list of those things and focus on the most important affair and then does（do 应该是supposed to 后面的并列吧）the（删除） less important ones. Only pour all energy and time（地道么？我不太确定） on just one issue at one time dose he enable（only 后面得用倒装？）（enables him） to get his work done perfectly. Opposing to the former strategy, a person may conduct (may conduct) two or three projects at the same time, but he has to divide his attentioninto (into) all of these projects, which largely decelerates the rate at which（at which）he makes a（删去，后面是复数了）enement(是eminent显著的，后来没想起来，就用prominent了)(?) prominent achievements during his work. So, one should concentrate his attention on(on) one thing before moving the next one.

Moreover, it is a single projector that (who)ismore likely to receive a sense of success. Take my brother Jim as(an) example, he isa(an)outstanding student in his college. Once he had chance to take part in both the mathematical modeling competition and the electrical match, he felt puzzled and wanted to take both. However,it(这样地道些~)(it来指代后面的to hold both) turned out difficult to hold the both. Finally, he decided to participate in the latter in relation to （感觉用在中间不太合适呢，in relation to吧） his major. Consequently, he won a first prize in the electrical match and he（删去） felt of significant success about his advisable choice. So you see,（太口语化）concentration on one project do help people achieve success.

Besides, a multi-tasker does not meanan efficient worker（人和效率不是同类，不能拿来做比较吧。）. I admit that a multi-tasker who is extraordinary enough may finish many vital projects at one time. However, there is not a good number of such genius in the world. As far as I am concerned, most people  can do many things at the same time. For instance, a person has ability to work on his homework while listening to some music, or another guy can easily accomplish his academical essay when chatting with others on the internet as well as watching a movie at the same moment. Nevertheless, those kinds of things are not all worthy or urgent(有价值的，紧急的)（这个意思是？没有太明白）. Hence, a multi-tasker does not necessarily stand for efficiency.  

Considering all analysis above, finishing one project before starting another is obviously a better choice for us, for it makes us more concentrated, successful and efficient. We have nothing to do but cultivate a habit to focus on one thing at one time. Only in this way will we be more competitive in our jobs.

自我结论：词不达意，指代问题，改之！

婷婷connie

As people are more concerned with the juvenile, there is an(an)increasing opportunity for schools to rise their educational qualities. And a heated debate whether famous teachers or advanced facilities are better for students arosed in the society. If I were the master of a school, I would choose to pay more attention to improve our facilities.（提出自己观点，简介明了）

To begin with, a whole set of athletical facilities provides students with large（great）convenience. As students spend most of their time in the school, they have more things done there, such as(such as) （最好用such as）exercise. Let us assume(这个是假定……) that a school offers more exercise equipment available(Suppose that a school offers more available fitness equipments), then(then) students (would)have chances to enjoy exercising(training) in the school（school） instead of reaching remote places to get exercised. In this way he or she is able to keep fit and (as well as)（as well一般放在句尾，后不跟任何词语比如，You know,computers can bring troubles as well）save time and moneyas well. Thus, students benefit a lot from the policy（policy）of improving facilities.

Moreover, the introduction of projectors(是啊，这个是投影仪的意思)（是不是手误打错了，看到下面有projectors，但是我没有查到是什么意思）enables ordinary teachers to convey more to students in class. Take my high school as an example. One time, my headmaster made the decision to pay more attention to improve facilities with the governmental subsidy（our headmaster made a decision to pay more attention to improve facilities with the governmental subsidy.可以简明些，显得有些繁琐）Then the school brought in several projectors（. The projectors ），which made it possible to save much time in our studies as teachers (can)no longer needed（need） to write notes on the blackboard, which helped us acquire more in the limited time. So we can come to a conclusion that facilities does help a lot on our study.

Besides, the popularity of computer plays a significant role to broaden students' eyes. According to a survey conducted by China Juvenile Funds, 85% of the respondents confessed that with the function(function) of computers, they could get a better understanding of the points they obtained in class. Inspite a teacher is famous in his major field, he still has to face the fact that sometimes he can not remember things clearly and throughly.Opposite tocelebrated (celebtrated）teachers who are improbable to know everything referred to the subjects, a computer is a link for us to travel in the sea of knowledge via internet. As a result, students get into an unlimited academic area.

Above all the analysis, facilities like fitness equipment, projector and computer, do(前面是facilities所以后面用复数形式) stimulates（去掉s ）us to achieve more success. Therefore, I agree that school is supposed to focus on（foucs on可以换一下）improve facilities.


我开始训练自己速度了，拼写错误啊，我要消灭它!

婷婷connie

3.18独立
下次再也不这么写了，严重超时
People make several mistakes every day: a teacher may forget the name of his students or an employment just being late for their work. When it comes to children, parents tend to be puzzled that if they are supposed to stand aside to let children learn from their own mistakes. My answer is yes.

To begin with, as mistakes are so inevitable that parents should make their children learn from these mistakes. A person must undergo a childhood of immature and impulsive. At that time, he is likely to make mistakes. Take my little gregarious sister Jenny as an example, she studied in a primary school. As she was young and energetic  ut autonomic, then she was always ready to chat with others whenever in or off class. Hence, it made her often criticized by her teachers. However,
her mother got a good moment to talk to Jenny about this serious problem. She enabled Jenny to realize that she would bother both her classmates and teachers in class. Then, Jenny's change received everyone's compliment. So, we can get the point that though some mistakes are inevitable, they do help to correct children's behaviors.

In addition, lessons from mistakes are more effective for parents to deliver good manners. Since kids usually turn to be bored with these big long sentences which parents give to tell them what should do or not do, a simple conversation based on big principles do less help to kids. Opposite to such a boring conversation, if parents are able to teach the child a lesson on a certain mistake he just made, it is more effective. So, the kid can not argue that he could never do this as he had already made that mistake. To conclude, giving a lesson on the mistake which the children commited just before is of great vitality.

Moreover, a excellent habit of learning from mistakes boosts children' future career. According to a survey conducted by China Juvenile Funds(CJF) with over 85% of respondents take in reflected a fact that most successful men developed a good habit that they usually tried to correct over from their mistakes. Just like what happened to myself. When I was a little girl, my parents allowed me to everything I planed to do. Once I made a decision to participate in a computer game competition. Notwithstanding, too much exposure to that computer game, I can not spend time on my homework, then I fell behind academically. At the moment, my father came to me and told patiently to me about how to assign the time more scientifically. Consequently, I gradually corrected my attitude on the time management, which did me a favor in my job hunting. Thanks my parents, I am an experienced sales manager of a big company now.

Considering all analysis above, I firmly insist that parents are supposed to put their children into the environment where they learn from mistakes they make.

Herisson0509

来的太晚了  抱歉啊

As people meet more fierce competitions in the job hunting, they invent various strategies to get themselves prepared during the shortest time. When it comes to the learning methods, people wonder whether it is better to understand ideas or facts? In my view, the study of facts plays a more vital roleacademically.

To begin with, facts are more attractive for students to learn than those ideas and concepts. Every textbook comprises of （要么把of去掉要么用be comprised of）brief sentences of ideas and concepts to certain items（有点乱）(我觉得可以这样改Every textbook is always comprised of brief sentences to define items), which may make students bored and impatient to digest meanings. On the contrary, facts are consisted of a number of extra things. For example,a background which is connected with a fact's causes can draw students' attentions to a higher degree. They enable students to be followed via its enjoyment and vitality. As an old saying tells, interest is the best teacher of students. Hence, facts are of greater interestingness than those ideas and concepts have.(对比、因果)

Moreover, students are able to grasp facts more easily than come into these complex ideas and concepts. According to an recent survey conducted by China Juvenile Education Funds(CJEF), over 85% of college students confessed that they feel harder to remember a concept of a certain objects than an ordinary fact, which reflected a fact（truth） that facts are easier to remember. Take my own experience as an example, I once had a mid-term historical examination. At the beginning, I tried to memorize every sentences which revealed（拼错了） the causes（reasons） of an event's occurrence. However, it turned out that I almost forgot it the other day. Then, I recalled the simple facts which is related to these causes. Consequently I got an A from my teacher. So,（there is an obvious conclusion）it comes to a conclusion that there is more difficulty on the of去掉ideas and concepts than facts for students. （事例加事例）

In addition, it is not denying that ideas and concepts actually help academicians a lot to summarize the main points,（此处加个转承词） it cannot be well accurate all the time. Since the pace of science and technology never stops, a plausible idea may suddenly turns to be completely wrong. So, we dare not insist that an idea is absolutely correct. Thus, ideas and concepts are not advisable to keep in mind as a truth. Instead, it is impossible that a fact tells lie. As a motto says, seeing is believing. Only facts can people rely on to conduct their deeper research. Therefore people need to pour more efforts on the learn of （learning）facts, and then classify them to some similar phenomena, which is a better approach to success.（让步段对比）

Considering all analysis above, opposite tothe ideas and concepts' inaccuracy, facts not only let people more interested in study but also offer a easier path to the truth. There is no doubt that people are supposed to learn facts.（结尾感觉不够精彩）



我还是放弃我那没有写完的所以你不用给我改了

这篇词汇重复性比较大与fact 同义词的局限性有关基本没找到能替换的



结构还是依然好不过总觉得你的论证有点拖沓的感觉语言上不是那么的简洁



总体还是蛮不错至少你的速度可以了加油吧

婷婷connie

As people meet more fierce competitions in the job hunting, they invent various strategies to get themselves prepared during the shortest time. When it comes to the learning methods, people wonder whether it is better to understand ideas or facts? In my view, the study of facts plays a more vital roleacademically.

To begin with, facts are more attractive for students to learn than those ideas and concepts. Every textbook is comprised of brief sentences to define items.（要么把of去掉要么用be comprised of）brief sentences of ideas and concepts to certain items（有点乱）(我觉得可以这样改Every textbook is always comprised of brief sentences to define items), which may make students bored and impatient to digest meanings. On the contrary, facts are consisted of a number of extra things. For example,a background which is connected with a fact's causes can draw students' attentions to a higher degree. They enable students to be followed via its enjoyment and vitality. As an old saying tells, interest is the best teacher of students. Hence, facts are of greater interestingness than those ideas and concepts have.(对比、因果)

Moreover, students are able to grasp facts more easily than come into these complex ideas and concepts. According to an recent survey conducted by China Juvenile Education Funds(CJEF), over 85% of college students confessed that they feel harder to remember a concept of a certain objects than an ordinary fact, which reflected a truth（之前这个地方重复了）（truth） that facts are easier to remember. Take my own experience as an example, I once had a mid-term historical examination. At the beginning, I tried to memorize every sentences which revealed（拼错了） the causes（reasons） of an event's occurrence. However, it turned out that I almost forgot it the other day. Then, I recalled the simple facts which is related to these causes. Consequently I got an A from my teacher. So,（there is an obvious conclusion）there is an obvious conclusion it comes to a conclusion that there is more difficulty on the of去掉ideas and concepts than facts for students. （事例加事例）

In addition, it is undeniablethat ideas and concepts actually help academicians a lot to summarize the main points,（此处加个转承词）however, it cannot be well accurate all the time. Since the pace of science and technology never stops, a plausible idea may suddenly turns to be completely wrong. So, we dare not insist that an idea is absolutely correct. Thus, ideas and concepts are not advisable to keep in mind as a truth. Instead, it is impossible that a fact tells lie. As a motto says, seeing is believing. Only facts can people rely on to conduct their deeper research. Therefore people need to pour more efforts on the learn of(感觉全删也行)learning）facts, and then classify them to some similar phenomena, which is a better approach to success.（让步段对比）

Considering all analysis above, opposite tothe ideas and concepts' inaccuracy, facts not only let people more interested in study but also offer a easier path to the truth.Thus, parents are supposed to make children learn from mistakes. Only in this way, will the children make provision for their future.(又添了一句)（结尾感觉不够精彩）