婷婷connie的作文帖~勇者创造机会，愚者等待机会

婷婷connie

3.22 独立
Since technologies are of greater maturity, a good number of new devices emerge on the electronic market. To be look in fashion, people tend to own the device immediately it comes out. Opposite to these crazy behaviors, I prefer to purchase one when it is popularized.

To begin with, it is favored for us to buy those objects later since their prices will decline soon. Due to the development of technology and science, there is a shorter update-term for electronics. Take mobile phones as an example, Nokia is a famed phone brand in the hinterland of China, which designs several types of phones per years. Consequently, most of people, especially college students, are involved in the pursuit of so-called modern phones that usually charge people exorbitantly. Notwithstanding, it is of more chance to deliver a sharp reduce to certain phones for a few months. So, we are not necessary to buy these technological devices ahead of the crowds, just wait patiently and then make it at a reasonable and lower price  

In addition, it is unwise to buy technological merchandise at the beginning since some practical problems may come into floating soon. A survey done on the Chinese 3.15 Day, when the government will work into different industries to protect residents' interest. That survey conveys a vital message that over 75% of electronic products' defects turn out after being available for guests. For instance, many years ago, my neighbor John bought the newest television set named of Changhong which made advertisement for its good quality. Nevertheless, a fire accident happened to him because of the too much heat in that television set. Then I changed my original plan to the same one. Hence, I advise people not to buy the newest technological ones.      

Though I admit those fresh technological devices enable people to be trendy, whereas they promote buyers to form a bad financial habit. As people insistently pour quantities of wealth on such new technological inventions, they gradually form a convention that they must own the new one when it is accessible, otherwise they will be uncomfortable. Thus, get a new one when it is just put out truly influence people negatively.    

To sum up, these people ignore a basic fact that some products virtually bring with some troubles, like the waste of money, practical shortcomings and bad financial habit. I firmly suggest everyone wait until many people have owned it and then enjoy the values of these electronics.

Aviva0307

As people live in the modern time where there is a boom for information, the Internet industrial flourishes together. The internet offers people a lot of messages, such as employment notes, working reporters and so on. So, I definitely insist that the Internet plays an essential role in the information exchange.

To begin with, work hunters are benefited a lot from recruitment informations on the Internet. It is commonly accepted that the matter of employment is one of the most vital problems in the world. But now many people could breath out as the foundation of the online hiring stage. With the development of the Internet, many giant companies create an employment system through which one is accessible to the job news of companies and submit his resume. Hence, chances are more for him to get hired. Therefore, a good use of network does help people find jobs with more easiness.

Moreover, it is efficient, convenient and economical for workers to exchange informations via networks. In working situations everyone has a lot of affairs to deal with. What if people are in different departments or various floors need to discuss business? Then, computers answer, "yes, we can." Actually, with those devices' technological help, we can deliver a chat or just a face-to-face talk with each other. As a result, people save quantities of time, energy and money. So it is obvious that the Internet enables workers to accomplish their tasks at an unbelievable speed, and even boost the international trade.        

Besides, though I admit there emerges some troubles in the network（some troubles emerges in the network）, we are able to control these issues via a series ofmore complete policies. The government has strengthened the force to fine those illegal online activities. Take a case in point. Three years ago, thousands of net-citizens are(were) threatened a group of fake websites which received money without sending goods. Then, the government made a law to forbid this behavior and related department made efforts to close these bad sites. Consequently, people come back to a harmony and believable (trustable) atmosphere.

In general, since the Internet can not only help solve the employment problems, but also make work more efficient, convenient and economical. We(, we) are responsible to learn to make full use of it. Only in this way, will we become the beam of our country!

lovetudoubao

Sincetechnologies are of greater maturity, a good number of new devices emerge onthe electronic market. To be look in fashion, people tend to own the deviceimmediately it comes out. Opposite to these crazy behaviors, I preferto purchase one when it is popularized.(感觉有点 chinglish, 改为 I won’t purchaseone until it has been popularized)

To begin with, it is favored(moreeconomical感觉更加恰当一些) for us to buy those objects later since theirprices will decline soon. Due to the （fast）development of technology and science, there isa short update-term for electronics. Take mobile phones (改为mobile-phone industry) as an example, Nokia is a famed phone brand in the hinterland of China（由于后面的which designs应该指代的是公司，建议在此改为 famedmobile phone maker for the hinterland of China）, whichdesigns several types of phones per year. Consequently, most of people, especiallycollege students, are involved in the pursuit of so-called modern phones thatusually charge people exorbitantly. Notwithstanding(感觉However会好一些，因为notwithstanding似乎强调的是大学生最求贵的东西，更多的是让步，而however确是在强调你想要说的), it is of more chance to deliver a sharp reduce on price to certain phones for a few months. So, we arenot necessary to buy these technological devices ahead of the crowds, just waitpatiently and then make it at a reasonable and lower price  

In addition, it is unwise to buy technologicalmerchandise at the beginning since some practical problems may come intofloating soon. A survey wasdone on theChinese 3.15 Day, when the government will work into different industries toprotect residents' interest. That survey conveys a vital message that over 75%of electronic products' defects turn out after being available for guests. Forinstance, many years ago, my neighbor John bought the newest television setnamed of(去掉) Changhong which made advertisement for its good quality.Nevertheless, a fire accident happened to him because of the too much heat in that（its poor heatoutput ）television set. Then Ichanged my original plan to buy the sameone. Hence, I advise people not to buy the newest technological ones.      

Though I admit those fresh technologicaldevices enable people to be trendy, whereas they promote buyers to form a badfinancial habit. As people insistently pour quantities of wealth on such newtechnological inventions, they gradually form a convention that they must own thenew one when it is accessible, otherwise they will be uncomfortable. Thus, geta new one when it is just put out truly influence people negatively.  

To sum up, these people ignore a basic factthat some products virtually bring with some troubles, like the waste of money,practical shortcomings and a bad financial habit. I firmly suggest everyonewait until many people have owned it and then enjoy the values of theseelectronics.

婷婷connie

3.31 独立
字数缩水了（363）
Nowadays, since people are able to afford a car, there is a skyrocketing number of cars moving on the road. However, most people argue that airplane, as an advanced transportation, plays a more important role in society. Opposite to this view, I firmly insist the automobile exerts a bigger influence than airplane.

To begin with, a car grants us more convenience than a airplane. In general, a parking pot, which is usually near the car owner's house, is available for them to lay down their cars. In this case, no matter when and where they have to go, all need to do is get the key and walk to the parking place, then start the engine. Conversely, airplane makes people cover a long distance to reach the airport which is normally located at the edge of the city in case of the noise pollution. Hence, we get a point that automobiles is far more convenient than airplanes.  

Besides, taking the aspect of expenditure, we easily find the airplane charges people more money than the car does. According to statistics offered by Chinese Transportation Research Center, the airplane's cost is 30% higher than that of a car in the same trip. The reasons are as follows: an airplane need to be overall inspected before taking off, nevertheless, the skill of handling a car is easier. As far as I concerned, a car's conventional cost is on the oil. Thus, it is less expensive for us to use a car.    

I concede that the present car is less environmentally friendly than the airplane is, extraordinary scientists are experimenting on the ecological car. The electrical car is a good case. Instead of the traditional fuel-powered car, this new kind of car gets powered only by the electricity, resulting the sharp decrease of the release of carbon dioxide. So you see, though the airplane do less polluted, we can also come up with an improved car to meet demands of environment protection.

Considering all the analysis above, as the car can not only provided residents with convenience and cheapness, but also do good to the environment, I predict that everyone will rely on cars in the future.

婷婷connie

4.1 独立
Nowadays, giant companies pay more attention on its employees' qualities since the economic markets are more fierce than before. Whether should we support the view that the policy which hances employee's work skills enjoys the first priority on investment? My answer is yes.

To begin with, strengthening workers communication ability is a good method to make company's pace quick. As people are social members, everyone is unavoidable to talk with each other, then the significance of words emerges. Take my neighbor Tom as a excellent case, he is a handsome boy, however he seldom speaks to his colleagues, resulting some negative impression on him. His fellows all thought Tom was a proud guy and did not want to share business tasks with him. Luckily, there was a communication train offered by the company, where Tom realized that he must make some change. Hence, he tries to chat with others as much as possible,he was gradually accepted and he made contributions to the company. So you see, the ability to talk is vital for both workers and companies.
 
Besides, people who are good at grasp main points of a material tend to benefit their companies. When it comes to reading skill, people would not emphasize it. Nevertheless, it is a radical element to accelerate working efficiency. According to a survey conducted by China Psychology Fund(CPF), over 80% of respondents conceded that their reading level means the length of their work hours. Then, we can easily come to a conclusion that the more quickly a person is able to accomplishment a documents, the higher efficient he or she is.  

Furthermore, whether can a worker write a extraordinary report dominates how successfully the company can reach a project. The writing skill, is not simply about making up words, but also demonstrating the company's advantages throughly. In current society, each company has its own strong and weak points. When there is a big project needed to be carried out by a certain company, competition lies here. How to make a project fascinate the clients and defeat others in this competition? The writing skill plays an essential role during this competition.  

As the money spent on the improvement of worker's competence, such as talking, reading and writing, promotes the rate which a company developes, every leader of films are supposed to consider this issue first. I even can predict with this work-skill-improving policy, a company must go far and eventually flourish.

晨依Jacqueline

3月31日 独立修改
红色为错误 蓝色为建议或疑惑 高亮为精彩
Nowadays, since people are able to afford a car, there is a skyrocketing number of cars moving on the road. However, most people argue that airplane, as an advanced transportation, plays a more important role in society. Opposite to this view, I firmly insist the automobile exerts(insist是不是要跟should+原型？)a bigger influence(建议把big换一下，enormous？或者用is more influential) than airplane.

To begin with, a car grants us more convenience than a(an)airplane. In general, a parking pot, which is usually near (我觉得用next to更好哇~near所指的是附近，而next to是紧紧挨着的意思)the car owner's house, is available for them(指代不明确，虽然能读出来是车主的意思) to lay down their cars. In this case, no matter when and where they have to go, all (+they) need to do is (+to) get the key and walk to the parking place, then start the engine. Conversely, airplane makes people cover a long distance to reach the airport which is normally located at the edge of the city(不是很地道的表达呢，我查了一个urban fringe~)in case of(我觉得这里用的不是很合适，建议换成in order to avoid) the noise pollution. Hence, we get (get to/reach)a point that automobiles is(复述) far more convenient than airplanes.  

Besides, taking the aspect of expenditure, we easily find the airplane charges people more money than the car does. According to statistics offered by Chinese Transportation Research Center, the airplane's cost is 30% higher than that of a car in the same trip(in an equally spaced trip/ in an equidistant way供参考~). The reasons are as follows: (这里有点小问题，下面就只有一个reason，这样说不是很合适啊)an airplane need(needs) to be overall inspected before taking off, nevertheless, the skill of handling a car is easier. As far as I concerned, a car's conventional cost(basic cost/expense) is on the oil. Thus, it is less expensive for us to use a car. (这一段的数例法用的很棒哦，赞！)

I concede that the present car is less environmentally friendly (environmental-friendly) than the airplane is, extraordinary scientists are experimenting on the ecological car. The electrical car is a good case. Instead of the traditional fuel-powered car, this new kind of car gets powered only by the electricity, resulting the sharp decrease of the release of carbon dioxide. (good examples！)So you see, though the airplane do(does) less polluted, we can also come up with(提出？) an improved car to meet demands of environment protection.

Considering all the analysis above, as(可以去掉吧？) the car can not only provided residents with convenience and cheapness, but also do(does)good to the environment, I predict that everyone will rely on cars in the future.(最后一段写的很好，但是我觉得缺少一点点题的意味，建议把最后一句改成所以我认为汽车比飞机对社会的影响或者贡献更大。)【conclusion】婷婷的用词很精妙~这一篇文章最大的亮点我觉得是例子运用的特别好，我在听力中接触到过electric cars，但是写的时候却想不到要运用，看了婷婷的文章感觉真的是很灵活~继续加油哦！


【conclusion】婷婷的用词很精妙~这一篇文章最大的亮点我觉得是例子运用的特别好，我在听力中接触到过electric cars，但是写的时候却想不到要运用，看了婷婷的文章感觉真的是很灵活~继续加油哦！

婷婷connie

3.22 作文改后
紫色~

Sincetechnologies are of greater maturity, a good number of new devices emerge onthe electronic market. To be look in fashion, people tend to own the deviceimmediately it comes out. Opposite to these crazy behaviors, I won't purchase one until it has been popularized.(感觉有点chinglish, 改为I won’t purchaseone until it has been popularized)

To begin with, it is more economical(moreeconomical感觉更加恰当一些)for us to buy those objects later since theirprices will decline soon. Due to the （fast）development of technology and science, there isa shortupdate-term for electronics. Takemobile-phone industry(改为mobile-phone industry)as an example, Nokia is afamed mobile phone maker in the hinterland of China（由于后面的which designs应该指代的是公司，建议在此改为famedmobile phone maker for the hinterland of China）,whichdesigns several types of phones per year.Consequently, most of people, especiallycollege students, are involved in the pursuit of so-called modern phones thatusually charge people exorbitantly. However(感觉However会好一些，因为notwithstanding似乎强调的是大学生最求贵的东西，更多的是让步，而however确是在强调你想要说的),it is of more chance to deliver a sharp reduce on priceto certain phones for a few months. So, we arenot necessary to buy these technological devices ahead of the crowds, just waitpatiently and then make it at a reasonable and lower price  

In addition, it is unwise to buy technologicalmerchandise at the beginning since some practical problems may come intofloating soon. A surveywasdone on theChinese 3.15 Day, when the government will work into different industries toprotect residents' interest. That survey conveys a vital message that over 75%of electronic products' defects turn out after being available for guests. Forinstance, many years ago, my neighbor John bought the newest television setnamed of(去掉)Changhong which made advertisement for its good quality.Nevertheless, a fire accident happened to him because ofthe too much heat in that（its poor heatoutput ）television set. Then Ichanged my original plan to buythe sameone. Hence, I advise people not to buy the newest technological ones.      

Though I admit those fresh technologicaldevices enable people to be trendy, whereas they promote buyers to form a badfinancial habit. As people insistently pour quantities of wealth on such newtechnological inventions, they gradually form a convention that they must own thenew one when it is accessible, otherwise they will be uncomfortable. Thus, geta new one when it is just put out truly influence people negatively.  

To sum up, these people ignore a basic factthat some products virtually bring with some troubles, like the waste of money,practical shortcomings andthebad financial habit. I firmly suggest everyonewait until many people have owned it and then enjoy the values of theseelectronics.

婷婷connie

3.31独立作文再改紫色~
谢谢晨依这么认真地改文
Nowadays, since people are able to afford a car, there is a skyrocketing number of cars moving on the road. However, most people argue that airplane, as an advanced transportation, plays a more important role in society. Opposite to this view, I firmly insist the automobile exerts(insist是不是要跟should+原型？)a enormousinfluence(建议把big换一下，enormous？或者用is more influential) than airplane.

自我认错：词汇缺乏，我继续蹲墙角背单词……

To begin with, a car grants us more convenience than an(an)airplane. In general, a parking pot, which is usually near(我想的不是每个人都可能有车库，可能是一个大停车场之类的，所以还是不改了)(我觉得用next to更好哇~near所指的是附近，而next to是紧紧挨着的意思)the car owner's house, is available for those owners(指代不明确，虽然能读出来是车主的意思) to lay down their cars. In this case, no matter when and where they have to go, all they(+they) need to do is to(+to) get the key and walk to the parking place, then start the engine. Conversely, airplane makes people cover a long distance to reach the airport which is normally located at urban fringe(不是很地道的表达呢，我查了一个urban fringe~)in case of(我觉得这里用的不是很合适，建议换成in order to avoid)the noise pollution. Hence, we get to(少介词了)(get to/reach)a point that automobiles are(复述) far more convenient than airplanes.  



Besides, taking the aspect of expenditure, we easily find the airplane charges people more money than the car does. According to statistics offered by Chinese Transportation Research Center, the airplane's cost is 30% higher than that of a car in the same trip(in an equally spaced trip/ in an equidistant way供参考~). The reasonsis that(确实，逻辑上不太对） (这里有点小问题，下面就只有一个reason，这样说不是很合适啊)an airplane need(needs) to be overall inspected before taking off, nevertheless, the skill of handling a car is easier. As far as I concerned, a car's conventional expense(basic cost/expense) is on the oil. Thus, it is less expensive for us to use a car. (这一段的数例法用的很棒哦，赞！)

I concede that the present car is less environmental-friendly (environmental-friendly) than the airplane is, extraordinary scientists are experimenting on the ecological car. The electrical car is a good case. Instead of the traditional fuel-powered car, this new kind of car gets powered only by the electricity, resulting the sharp decrease of the release of carbon dioxide. (good examples！)So you see, though the airplane does(呵呵，改别人作文的时候能看出来，自己也是主谓不一致……)(does) less polluted, we can also come up with invent/devise(提出？)an improved car to meet demands of environment protection.

Considering all the analysis above, as(可以去掉吧？)the car can not only provided residents with convenience and cheapness, but also does(does)good to the environment, I predict that the car will totally takes over the main role of the airplane in the future.(这么改好吗？)(最后一段写的很好，但是我觉得缺少一点点题的意味，建议把最后一句改成所以我认为汽车比飞机对社会的影响或者贡献更大。)

晨依Jacqueline

婷婷~我看了你的修改，挺不错的！

xf76

4月1日  独立写作修改：
Nowadays, giant(giant：巨大的，特大的；用increasing（越来越多的）一类词可能会好一点) companies pay more attention on its employees' qualities（capacities可能会好一点。quality:最普通用词，既可指有形或无形的特性，又可指个性或共性的特征；capacity:侧重指人的潜在能力，通常不指体力，多指才智，尤指接受与领悟能力。） since the economic markets are more fierce than before. Whether should we support the view that the policy which hances（enhances） employee's work skills enjoys the first priority on（first priority 常与to连用） investment? My answer is yes.

To begin with, strengthening （the） communication ability（ability是可数名词，应该加限定词或者复数） is a good method to make company's（companies’s , company也是可数名词） pace quick. As people are social members, everyone is unavoidable to talk with each other, then the significance of words emerges. Take my neighbor Tom as a excellent case, he is a handsome boy, however he seldom speaks to his colleagues, resulting some negative impression on him. His fellows all thought Tom was a proud(haughty 或者arrogant也可以) guy and did not want to share business tasks（assignment也可以） with him. Luckily, there was a communication train（instruction也可以） offered by the company, where（where只带不清） Tom realized that he must make some change. Hence, he tries to chat with others as much as possible（he tries to no sooner chat with others that he has spare time.）,he was gradually accepted and he made contributions to the company. So you see, the ability to talk is vital for both workers and companies.

Besides, people who are good at grasp main points of a material tend to benefit their companies. When it comes to reading skill(skills), people would not emphasize it. Nevertheless, it is a radical(potential) element to accelerate working efficiency. According to a survey conducted by China Psychology Fund(CPF), over 80% of respondents conceded that their reading level means the length of their work hours(我感觉time好一点，但是不确定). Then（也可以用accordingly，consequently）, we can easily come to a conclusion that the more quickly a person is able to accomplishment（accomplish） a documents（单数document）, the higher efficient he or she is.
Furthermore, whether can a worker write a extraordinary report（这个是主语从句吗？如果是应该用陈述语序） dominates how successfully the company can reach a project（a project is finished(completed) by the the company(corporation)）. The writing skill, is not simply（simple） about making up(editing) words）, but also demonstrating the company's advantages throughly. In current society, each company has its own strong and weak points. When there is a big（big也可用great） project needed to be carried out by a certain company,（fierce，keen可做修饰） competition lies here. How to make a project fascinate the clients and defeat others in this competition(contest, match也可以)? The writing skill plays an essential role during this competition.  

As the money spent on the improvement of worker's competence, such as talking（skills）, reading（abilities） and writing（aptitudes）, promotes the rate  which a company developes, every leader（chief） of films（这个词我没读明白） are supposed to consider this issue first（primarily）. I even can predict （加个that比较好，虽然没用）with this work-skill-improving policy, a company must go far and eventually flourish.

1.    没有显示出词汇量
2.    我在新东方上课时老师告诉我们做好少用或不用be动词和make，get 一类可以代表多个意思的词，多用动词， be动词可在被动语态中出现。
3.    三四段我读出员工读和写的技能很重要，但是和题目没什么关系，我想左后总结时加一句总结可能会比较好。
4.    整体写的很好，逻辑清晰，层次分明。