LaneeSherry 的作文贴，新人求指导非常感谢！

Mint静默

我的独立写完了~请过目

http://forum.chasedream.com/thread-870505-4-1.html

laneesherry

xiaxiaya 发表于 2013-8-22 07:59
0820 independent writing

In today's competitive society, a good relax is necessary for people aft ...

非常感谢！我会认真修改的！

laneesherry

sallygreen 发表于 2013-8-22 11:11
改完咯~

谢谢建议！

laneesherry

Mint静默 发表于 2013-8-22 16:02
我的独立写完了~请过目

http://forum.chasedream.com/thread-870505-4-1.html

好的。我现在正在录口语，稍后上传我的作文并帮你改。

ni_kate

where is your 8.21 indenpendent?

laneesherry

ni_kate 发表于 2013-8-22 18:19
where is your 8.21 indenpendent?

sorry, here it is.

========================

0821 Independent Writing：
父母應該多陪孩子玩遊戲或體育運動，還是陪孩子做和學校學習有關的事情？
(30min,385字，第一次！！！提前三分钟写完了作文！！！果然一个好的结构非常重要啊…… )



In today's competitive society, more and more people begin to aware the importance of children's education. While some people think that parents should do spent more time on children in their study, I have an opposite opinion. It's better for parents to spend more time playing with their children, which benefit the children, the parents and the whole family.

To begin with, study all day is bad for student's body and soul. As a saying goes, “all study and no play makes Jack a dull boy." One of my friends, Abide, is a suitable case in that point. His parents never play games or doing physical exercises with him and forbid him to go outside to play with others. Although he always got the first place at school, he does not have many friends and always the last one who run the last place in the P.E. class. This was not good for his body and soul. Parents should play more with their children, which an help them to relax after a whole day's hard working and to build a strong body.

In addition, playing games or doing physical exercise with children can help parents relax, too. After a day's work sitting in the office, parents' body would be more tired if they continued sitting beside their children to help their study. According to a research conducted by a group of scientist from U.S., the people worked in the office are more likely to get sick with their necks. Playing games or doing exercise with their children can avoid that resk. So, take more time on playing with children is better.

Last but not the least, the relationship between family members could be enhanced during that time. Playing games give parents have more time to talk with their children, which reduced the gap between parents and children. Take one of my experiences for example. I usually played cheese with my parents when I was a child after school. I can still remember how happy I was during that time and there were no parents and child but friends. It is one of the wonderful time I have. Hence, playing with children can benefit the whole family.

In a nutshell, with so many advantages, it's advisable for parents to play game or do physical exercise with their children.

pyivy

laneesherry 发表于 2013-8-21 04:40
0819 Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?
In order to succeed, you should be more  ...

In today's competitive society, the way to success has drawn people's great concern. When it comes to me whether people should copy others' actions or be different from everyone else in order to success, my answer is always the later, for it sometimes is a faster way to success and could benefit people themselves a lot.

To begin with, finding a way different from everyone else(改为other people? may be the fast way to succeed. In today's materialistic society,in order to realize their dream, plenty of people prefer to follow certain steps of the successes(g改为successful) people. Thus, many competitors would arise in the way to success. So, trying to find another totally different way is a better choice and without so many competitors, people might success(succeed) earlier. The story ofAbide, the famous business man, is a suitable case in that point. When he grewup, people in the little village he lived in were busy to find a stable work ina big city with high salary. However, different from them, he studied the  mountains around the village carefully, finding that it is a great place forthe people form big cities to go sightseeing. After collecting enough informationabout it, he found a traveling company and earned a lot of money when he wasvery young. This case is not rare. In fact, many famous people achieved theirdream much faster than others by finding a different way.


In addition, people could benefit a lotduring that time. Finding a new way to success need the ability of thinkingindependently as well as a great deal of knowledge other people lacked, whichmeans that people could learn many new things while practicing the skill of jumpingout of the mind box. Take Bill Gates, the CEO of Microsoft company, forexample. He left school when other people think that the only way to success isgraduating from a famous college and found his own company. In his way ofstruggling for success, he learned a lot of knowledge about computer to improve him(g改为himself） and thought of many new ideas about what a perfect computer like in thefuture. What more（what‘s more?或者改成Moreover是不是也可以）, He also gained much valuable？？ things such as friendship inthe meantime. The experience of him tells us that it's better to choose a waydifferent from everyone to success.


In a nutshell, with so many advantages,people should different from others in order to succeed.

首先，不好意思啊，最近事儿太多，才给你改
读你的文章对我是很好的学习，我还得加强练习
文中的修改供参考。另外发现你文章里有一个比较通篇的问题，就是很多单词中间没有空格，我没有一一给你修改了。

laneesherry

pyivy 发表于 2013-8-22 23:32
In today's competitive society, the way to success has drawn people's great concern. When it comes ...

谢谢！
没有空格是因为稍微有些偷懒直接从word复制粘贴。。。

laneesherry

0821 综合 TPO15
(20min，202words)

As the number of cane toads loses controlin Australia, the passage gives out three advices to stop them from spreading.However, the professor in the lecture does not think the ideas could work. Herecome the reasons and evidences.

To begin with, suggestion in the passagethat a national fence should be built to stop the cane toad could not work accordingto the professor. As the young toad ant toad eggs could flow down the stream tothe other side of the fence, the national fence are useless.

In addition, the idea put forward by thepassage that volunteers are needed to catch and destroy the toad also does notmake sense. The professor points out that because the volunteers are not welltrained, they may confuse the cane toad with other local frogs, which wouldbecome damage to the local animals.

Lastly, the professor disagrees with theopinion in the passage that virus should be used to stop cane toad,neither.  She says that although the toadis a disaster to Australia it is a kind of local animal in America. The viruswould unavoidable spread to the America, that would destroy the nature ofCentral and South America.

mk314400

laneesherry 发表于 2013-8-23 01:20
0821 综合 TPO15
(20min，202words)

As the number of cane toads loses controlinAustralia（没有理解是啥意思= =）, the passage gives out three advices（不可数） to stop them from spreading.However, the professor inthe lecture does not think the ideas could work. Herecome the reasons andevidences.（不可数）

To begin with, suggestion in thepassagethat a national fence should be built to stop the cane toad could notwork accordingto the professor. As the young toad ant toad eggs could flow downthe stream tothe other side of the fence, the national fence are （will be）useless.

In addition, the idea put forward bythepassage that volunteers are needed to catch and destroy the toad also doesnotmake sense. The professor points out that because the volunteers are notwelltrained, they may confuse the cane toad with other local frogs, whichwouldbecome (改成which could damage local animals) damage to the localanimals.

Lastly, the professor disagrees withtheopinion in the passage that virus should be used to stop cane toad,neither(either).  She saysthat although the toadis a disaster to Australia it is a kind of local animalin America. The viruswould unavoidable(unavoidably) spread to the America, that(which) would destroy the nature ofCentral andSouth America.

优点：结构清晰，听力和阅读的内容有对比，逻辑性强。
缺点：1、听力的内容不足。要加强听力的听力。
          2、作文有语法错误或不妥。其中的错误已经在文中修改，但是有一些用法奇怪的地方需要LZ多阅读地道的英语文章，找到英语写作的感觉。
加油！