M酱的作文帖 {8.27已更新} 让砖块来的更猛烈些！！

Mint静默

ni_kate 发表于 2013-8-21 16:36
The speaker argues that salvage logging mentioned (应断开，名词复数)in the reading passage may be be ...

谢谢修改~！！
可能是我从word拷贝过来的时候格式出错了，才会出现那么多没分开的单词
我来改你作文

ni_kate

找到的听力原文，一起分析~~~~~
Salvage logging may appear to be an effective way of helping forests recover after a destructive fire or storm, but it can actually result in serious loner-term environmental damage. Its economic benefits are also questionable.
回收性砍伐看起来似乎是个帮助森林从破坏性大火或者暴风雨中的损害中恢复的有效方法，但是事实上却会带来长期的环境损失。而它的经济利益也是存疑的。
First, cleaning up a forest after a fire or storm does not necessarily create the right conditions for tree growth. In fact, the natural process of wood decomposition enriches the soil and makes it more suitable for future generations of tree. The rapid removal of dead trees can result in soil that lacks the nutrients necessary for growth.
首先，在大火或者暴风雨之后的清理并不一定会给树的生长提供合适的生长环境。事实上，树木腐烂的自然过程可以使土壤变得肥沃，更适合以后树木的生长。迅速地移除死去的树木可能会导致土壤确实树木生长所必须的营养物质。
Second, it’s true that rotting wood can increase insect population, but is this really bad for the forest? In fact, spruce bark beetles have lived in Alaskan forest for nearly hundred years without causing major damage. And of course dead trees do not provide habitats only for harmful insects. They are also used by birds and other insects that are important contributors to the long-term health of forests. In the long run, therefore, salvage logging may end up doing more harm to forests than harmful insects do.
第二，的确那些腐烂的树木会让昆虫的数量增加，但是这就一定对森林不好吗？事实上，杉皮甲虫已经在阿拉斯加森林里生活了近百年，但是从来没有造成严重的灾害。而且，死树不是仅仅为害虫提供栖息地，鸟类和其他昆虫也会居于与此，这些鸟类和昆虫对于森林的长期健康是有利的。因而，从长远看，回收性砍伐最终给森林带来的危害要大于害虫。
And third, the economic benefits of salvage logging are small and don’t last very long. In severely damaged forests, much of the lumber can be recovered only by using helicopters and other vehicles that are expensive to use and maintain. Furthermore, jobs created by salvage logging are only temporary and are often filled by outsiders with more experience or training than local residents have.
第三，回收性砍伐的经济利益是很微小的而且不具有持久性。在严重受损的森林里，木材必须使用直升飞机或者其他交通工具才能回收，而这些的使用和保养费用都非常昂贵。而且，回收性砍伐提供的工作岗位都是临时的，同时这些工作岗位往往都被受过训练而且富有经验的外地人获得，本地人并不具有竞争力。

Mint静默

ni_kate 发表于 2013-8-21 19:54
找到的听力原文，一起分析~~~~~
Salvage logging may appear to be an effective way of helping f ...

Salvage logging may appear to be an effective way of helping forests recover after a destructive fire or storm, but it can actually result in serious loner-term environmental damage. Its economic benefits are also questionable.
回收性砍伐看起来似乎是个帮助森林从破坏性大火或者暴风雨中的损害中恢复的有效方法，但是事实上却会带来长期的环境损失。而它的经济利益也是存疑的。
First, cleaning up a forest after a fire or storm does not necessarily create the right conditions for tree growth. In fact, the natural process of wood decomposition enriches the soil and makes it more suitable for future generations of tree. The rapid removal of dead trees can result in soil that lacks the nutrients necessary for growth.
首先，在大火或者暴风雨之后的清理并不一定会给树的生长提供合适的生长环境。事实上，树木腐烂的自然过程可以使土壤变得肥沃，更适合以后树木的生长。迅速地移除死去的树木可能会导致土壤确实树木生长所必须的营养物质。
Second, it’s true that rotting wood can increase insect population, but is this really bad for the forest? In fact, spruce bark beetles have lived in Alaskan forest for nearly hundred years without causing major damage. And of course dead trees do not provide habitats only for harmful insects. They are also used by birds and other insects that are important contributors to the long-term health of forests. In the long run, therefore, salvage logging may end up doing more harm to forests than harmful insects do.
第二，的确那些腐烂的树木会让昆虫的数量增加，但是这就一定对森林不好吗？事实上，杉皮甲虫已经在阿拉斯加森林里生活了近百年，但是从来没有造成严重的灾害。而且，死树不是仅仅为害虫提供栖息地，鸟类和其他昆虫也会居于与此，这些鸟类和昆虫对于森林的长期健康是有利的。因而，从长远看，回收性砍伐最终给森林带来的危害要大于害虫。
And third, the economic benefits of salvage logging are small and don’t last very long. In severely damaged forests, much of the lumber can be recovered only by using helicopters and other vehicles that are expensive to use and maintain. Furthermore, jobs created by salvage logging are only temporary and are often filled by outsiders with more experience or training than local residents have.
第三，回收性砍伐的经济利益是很微小的而且不具有持久性。在严重受损的森林里，木材必须使用直升飞机或者其他交通工具才能回收，而这些的使用和保养费用都非常昂贵。而且，回收性砍伐提供的工作岗位都是临时的，同时这些工作岗位往往都被受过训练而且富有经验的外地人获得，本地人并不具有竞争力。

谢谢nikate这么认真~~
我把自己没听到的点标了一下。

Mint静默

8.21独立占座

kellyzhou0000

抱歉改的这么晚哈~

Mint静默

kellyzhou0000 发表于 2013-8-22 10:47
抱歉改的这么晚哈~

谢谢修改~
the expectancy of lives我写错了，其实是life expectancy寿命，

kellyzhou0000

Mint静默 发表于 2013-8-22 11:05
谢谢修改~
the expectancy of lives我写错了，其实是life expectancy寿命，

哝~
哎，我词汇量还是不行~学习学习~

Mint静默

8.21 独立写作

父母應該多陪孩子玩遊戲或體育運動，還是陪孩子做和學校學習有關的事情？

（这题有没有英语翻译？？“陪孩子做和學校學習有關的事情”我就暂且翻译为help children do homework了）

从word里粘过来的，格式神马的可能过出错，比如标点后没空格，单词黏在一起神马的，不过我能发现的都已经改过来了
[465 words]

Parents tend to weigh the benefits between playing games with children and helping them do homework. On one hand, they understand the children’s tiredness after studying for several hours in school.On the other hand, they arrange more assignments to children at home. To cultivate a well-rounded child, I do not agree with parents on this issue.

There is an adage that says, “Knowledge is power,” the implication being that the more knowledge you grasp, the more successful you will be. Admittedly, in such a competitive society, it is not surprising that students increasingly study hard. Employers tend to attach importance to knowledge. If you have an interview with the manager,he or she will probably ask you some questions about specialized knowledge. Also, the style of Chinese education is test-oriented education. Examinations accompany you from primary school to university. Once failing an important examination such as College Entrance Examination, you need to prepare this examination for one more year without doubt, which is both time-consuming and boring. It seems reasonable for parents to help students do homework after school.

However, the most effective parenting is to cultivate children to think independently and be self-discipline. Only parents give more room for children, can they promote children’s physical, mental and emotional development. Take me as an example. My mother required me to study day and night in summer holidays. Although preparing the knowledge that will be taught in the next semester lay a solid foundation for my specialized knowledge,I lost a bunch of great internships. As an accounting student, I should give the priority to practice rather than knowledge.

Further, playing games and doing physical exercise with children enhance the relationships between parents and children. Nowadays, some children do not like to talk with parents. There is a huge gap between two generations. It is not uncommon that most parents have nothing in common withtheir children. Nonetheless, parents can improve interactivity with children in some gateways such as doing physical exercises with them. For children, they can relax themselves by doing physical exercise, which stretches their bodies and build their muscles. For parents, it is a effective way to communicate with children.In a nutshell, playing games and doing physical exercises with children can benefit both children and parents.

A recent research shows that the suicide rate of students due to study pressure has increased. This issue should be paid enough attentions. What needs to be clarified is that students should not be treated as passive receptacles of predigested ideas. Extra-curricularactivities are indispensable for children and parents should not deprive them of such rights. Considering those reasons discussed above, we can safely make a conclusion that parents should play games and do physical exercises with children rather than help them do the homework.

laneesherry

Mint静默 发表于 2013-8-22 15:54
8.21 独立写作父母應該多陪孩子玩遊戲或體育運動，還是陪孩子做和學校學習有關的事情？（这题有没有英语 ...

关于格式的问题建议在从word复制过来之前先在记事本上复制一次，在从记事本把文章复制过来，这样基本上就可以避免这个问题了。

然后在改作文之前先膜拜一下同学的字数。能够在30min之内写这么多真是太厉害了！

===========================

蓝色的地方是个人意见及建议
红色的地方是强烈建议修改的地方
黄色高亮是好词好句

Parents tend to weigh the benefits between playing games with children and helping them do homework. On one hand, they understand the children’s tiredness after studying for several hours in school.On the other hand, they arrange more assignments to children at home. To cultivate a well-rounded child（全面发展的孩子，这样的用法好棒！）, I do not agree with parents on this issue.

There is an adage that says, “Knowledge is power,” the implication being that the more knowledge you grasp, the more successful you will be. Admittedly, in such a competitive society, it is not surprising that students increasingly study hard. Employers tend to attach importance to knowledge. If you have（had，虚拟语态注意过去式） an interview with the manager,he or she will（would，同上） probably ask you some questions about specialized knowledge. Also, the style of Chinese education is test-oriented education. Examinations accompany you from primary school to university. Once failing an important examination such as College Entrance Examination, you need to prepare this examination for one more year without doubt, which is both time-consuming and boring. It seems reasonable for parents to help students do homework after school.（建议把这个总结句放在段首，或在段首加一个主题句。之前上培训课的时候老师有强调过说托福作文不喜欢含蓄，最好是在开头就亮明观点说本段想要干什么。）（撇开这个不谈，这个让步段不管是例证还是词语都用得非常精准！有很多地方值得我去学习。）

However, the most effective parenting is to cultivate children to think independently and be self-discipline（自律）. Only parents give more room for children, can they promote children’s physical, mental and emotional development. Take me as an example. My mother required me to study day and night in summer holidays. Although preparing the knowledge that will be taught in the next semester lay a solid foundation for my specialized knowledge,I lost a bunch of great internships. As an accounting student, I should give the priority to practice rather than knowledge. （本段主题句是更有效的教育方法是让孩子学会独立思考和自律，不过本文问的是“父母應該多陪孩子玩遊戲或體育運動，還是陪孩子做和學校學習有關的事情？ ”全段看下来并没有内容提到这一点，似乎有些偏题？）

Further, playing games and doing physical exercise with children enhance the relationships between parents and children. Nowadays, some children do not like to talk with parents. There is a huge gap between two generations. It is not uncommon that most parents have nothing in common withtheir children. Nonetheless, parents can improve interactivity with children in some gateways such as doing physical exercises with them. For children, they can relax themselves by doing physical exercise, which stretches their bodies and build their muscles. For parents, it is a effective way to communicate with children.In a nutshell, playing games and doing physical exercises with children can benefit both children and parents. (本段主题是玩游戏可以增进父母与孩子之间的感情。例证稍微有些弱，建议加上一些具体详细的例子。）（这一点我也想到了，不过用词和逻辑方面不够同学连贯还差了一大截啊。）

A recent research shows that the suicide rate of students due to study pressure has increased. This issue should be paid enough attentions. What needs to be clarified is that students should not be treated as passive receptacles of predigested ideas（学生们不应该被训练成被动接受知识的容器。这个比喻好赞！）. Extra-curricularactivities are indispensable for children and parents should not deprive them of such rights. Considering those reasons discussed above, we can safely make a conclusion that parents should play games and do physical exercises with children rather than help them do the homework.（看完本段之后稍微有些疑惑。。。同学是在最后蓝色这里忘了分段吗？还是说本段一整段就是一个结尾段？如果是忘了分段的话，建议在第三个分论点前面加上主题句；如果是本段是整个结尾段的话略显沉长，建议缩减。）

整体印象：
1、全篇读起来结构不是很清晰。看上去似乎是主题段+让步段+分论点1+分论点2+分论点3+结尾，不过第三段并没有表明任何支持或反对的态度，最后一段看上去又像结尾段又像分论点段
2、同学的语言功力非常好，很多地方用语十分精准地道，这点非常值得我去学习

kellyzhou0000

没有找到8.22独立...
http://forum.chasedream.com/thread-836738-2-1.html 这个是我的...