LaneeSherry 的作文贴，新人求指导非常感谢！

sherlock1992

实在抱歉，本人有严重的拖延症，，，改的太迟了。。。
红色修改 蓝色建议 高亮表赞
The passage puts forward a claim that the birds in U.S. will contunue（continue) to decline, which should arise people's awareness. However, the professor doesn't think this theory was（is) true, and gives her reasons and evidences as follow(兄台，这里应该用as follows吧，我不是很确定哦。。。）.

To begin with, the story mentions in the passage that bird's habitats will disappear because of the expansion of human population and settlements is unconvincing. The professor argues that many habitats are built and protected in cities today, which attacted a lot of different kinds of birds.(赶脚这句话不太恰当，与听力有些许出入， 兄台可以对照下下原文） Althouth the habitats in one place may decline, it could increasing in other places.

In addition, the professor disagrees with the opinion in the passage that the expand(expansion） of agricultural would decline the habitats of birds. She says that it's true that more crops are needed as the population of human continued growing, but as many new kind of crops with higher production being invented（as做连词时后面要接句子，还有，貌似没见过as可用作独立主格的；当然如果as做介词，后面可放心接名词）, the fields used by agricultural actually contiunes decrease （continue decreasing)this years.

Lastly, the reason that the use of chemical pesticides will decline the number of birds in the future is also doubed by the professor. The professor tells that as more and more people aware of this problem today, two things will happen in the future. For one thing, a new kind of toxic-less chemical pesticides will appear to protect the birds; for another, scientists will invented a kind of crops that resistance(resistant) to the harmful things such as insects, which decline the use of chenical pesticides.

啊啊啊啊啊啊，又到了小结时间了，兄台，您的文章：

1.结构清晰，是很标准的那一类。
但。。。
2.字数太少，在表达出professor的point之余，应再加些detials,否则字数不够，影响得分。（当然，不能平白无故的自创，需要根据所听结合reading但有不Copy reading，罗嗦了）
3.写完后，建议兄台看看原文，您可以在本论坛下载些综合写作的解析，很有用的。
4.还是老问题，打的快，赶时间，容易错写拼写错误，语法错误等等错误，望兄台可以最后留有几分钟来稍作检查。

鄙人 挫见，欢迎交流。

laneesherry

Mint静默 发表于 2013-8-26 12:04
昨天的修改

谢谢你的意见！
昨天看了你的作文之后，我对于我的第二个观点有了很多新的想法。。。之前是因为实在是不知道该怎么想例子了才只好列数据写一些重复的话
关于字数这个老问题。。。我每次都是还想要再展开写一个论证段的时候发现只剩下不到五分钟，结果就只好匆匆结尾了。。。

Mint静默

laneesherry 发表于 2013-8-26 17:55
谢谢你的意见！
昨天看了你的作文之后，我对于我的第二个观点有了很多新的想法。。。之前是因为实在是不 ...

其实我的作文也超时了，练得太少没有思路还没打开。一起加油吧~

laneesherry

0825 independent writting

人們可以從playing sports 上learn lessons of life

Playing sports gives important lesson onlife learning.

（今天各种不在状态这篇作文居然纠结了我快一个钟OTL。。。400words）

人們可以從playing sports 上learn lessons of life

Playing sports gives important lesson on life learning.

In today's competitive society, more and more people begin to aware the importance of learning from the things around them. Playing sports, for example, is also a good way for people to learn lessons of life, such as the facing the shortcoming of a person directly and the importance of union and patience.

To begin with, sports can help people to face their shortcoming directly, which is the first step to overcome it and improve themselves. One of my friends, Abide, is a typical case in that point. Too shy to speak a word to others, he did not go out to play with his classmates after class at the first day in his new school when he moved here. After noticing that, I thought of an idea and invited him to join in the basketball club in the school. Although hesitated for a moment, he agreed finally. At the first time of his life, he faced the problem directly and one years after that, he became the most outgoing person in my class. Hence, playing sports is a good way for people to improve themselves.

In addition, people can learn the importance of many valuable things such as union through playing sports. Take one of my experiences for illustration. One day, I played football with my neighbors on the playground near my home. Because the other team did not union together and always blamed the loss of ball to other term members, the winner is my team, which, on the contrary, worked together to reduce the risk of making mistakes. After that, I learn that it is essential to communicate and work together with others when facing competitors and it is the secret to success.

Last but not the least, sports can help people to learn the importance of hard working and practice. People have to work hard and practice a long time in order to play a kind of sports well. During that time, they have to be patient and never give up. According to a recent survey conducted by a group of professors, people who play sports well could like to spend more than 30% time than ordinary people on solving difficult problems. That is to say, people could learn patience while playing sports, which is necessary to survive in today's competitive society.

In a nutshell, sports could teach people a lot of things on their lives.

laneesherry

0825 TPO19
（20min， 211words)



The passage claims that as buzzing has many critics, it should be banned. However, the lecture has a totally different idea. Here comes the seasons and evidence.

To begin with, the passage insists that it is necessary for the public to know whether a person was paid for praise the product, for the buzzer might give incorrect information. But the lecture says that buzzers are the people who give good comments after using the products, what they said were true. It does not concern about whether they take money or not.

In addition, the opinion put forward by the passage that the praise on a product by buzzers may mislead the people is not correct according to the professor. In fact, as the professor tells, the opposite is true. People tend to not by the product when buzzers give critical comments on it. Thus, the passage need not worry about it.

Lastly, the idea gives out in the passage that buzzers do not have a good social relationships is also not a true story. The professor argues that as the buzzers must communicate with other people to buzz products, they have to be open to people and have a good social relationship with them, otherwise, they could not be a buzzer.

Mint静默

人們可以從playing sports 上learn lessons of life

久等了~~

薄荷妹纸

你的826 作业没写吧亲..~~

我的3天前就写好啦 坐等你批改哦 求狠批

applesoforever

0825 TPO19

The passage claims that as buzzing has many critics, so it should be banned. However, the lecture has a totally different idea. Here comes the seasons and evidences.

To begin with, the passage insists that it is necessary for the public to know whether a person was paid for praise the product(文章有这样说么), for the buzzer might give incorrect information. But the lecture says that buzzers are the people who give good comments after using the products, so what they said were true. It does not concern about whether they take money or not.

In addition, the opinion puts forward by the passage that that(再加一个that作引导从句，否则这句话两个谓语)the praise on a product by buzzers may mislead the people is not correct according to the professor. In fact, as the professor tells, the opposite is true. People tend to not buy the product when buzzers give critical comments on it. Thus, the passage need not worry about it. (建议第二点重听~~)

Lastly, the idea gives out in the passage that buzzers do not have a good social relationships is also not a true story. The professor(这篇不是) argues that as the buzzers must communicate with other people to buzz products, they have to be open to people(文章有这样说么) and have a good social relationship with them, otherwise, they could not be a buzzer(文章是这样说的么).


加油!~

laneesherry

薄荷妹纸 发表于 2013-8-27 22:44
你的826 作业没写吧亲..~~

我的3天前就写好啦 坐等你批改哦 求狠批

啊啊啊不好意思之前写了忘记上传就去练习口语了。。。稍等一下可以吗？

laneesherry

薄荷妹纸 发表于 2013-8-27 22:44
你的826 作业没写吧亲..~~

我的3天前就写好啦 坐等你批改哦 求狠批

在这里：


0826  Do you agree the professional athletes such as the football player and
basketball player deserved high
salaries to be paid?

（30min, 324words）

With the rapid development of science and technology, more and more people begin to concern about the living condition of the professional athletes. Some people think that the sportsmen deserve high salaries and I cannot agree more with this idea, for it could benefit not only the athletes themselves, but also their family.

First and foremost, the professional athlete is a kind of occupation with high danger. The athletes spend most of their time in practicing and they have to face the fierce competitions nearly every day, which may cause great damage to their body. According to a research conducted by a group of scientists from Europe, the average age of the professional athletes' bone is about 10 years older than the ordinary people at the same age. That means they are more likely to get hurt when they are older. What's more, it is not uncommon to see that a football player broke his or her leg during a game. Thus, a high salary is necessary for them to live.

Secondly, the athletes need this money to support the whole family. Only after several years' practice can a person become a professional athlete. During that time, the people who are as old as them have worked for a long time. As it is impossible for the professional athletes to go out for a part time job during a whole day's hard practicing, they cannot support the whole family if they just got little salary. One of my friends, Abide, is a typical case. Being a professional football player, he has no time to find a part time job to earn more money. Fortunately, he has a high salary, or the whole family could suffer starving. Hence, the professional athletes deserve a high salary.

In a nutshell, as the occupation is full of danger and the athletes need to support their family, it is important for the professional athletes to have a high salary.