Sherryzhangh 加入写作小分队的首篇独立作文，欢迎拍砖！7月7号

sherryzhangh

7月14日
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement that the advices from our grandparents have no use for their grandchildren because the world changed a lot during the past 50 years



Grandparents always saying, even the bridges that I walked through are more than the road that you have passed through. Which means they had lived so long and gone through so much and that assured they have ability to give us advises when we needed it. But is it true? As far as I am concerned, I tend to disagree with it.



To begin with, nowadays, the world had been changed tremendously, The internet, high technology had change the way of people’s living style, and the way of people communicate with each other. If you try to take the advises of how can you improve your ability of in the internet related area grandparents will be confused. Take the example of my grandparents; if I ask them do they know how to twitter my photos online and Facebook with my friends, they will assume that I am talking nonsense.



Moreover, as the age goes older, grandparents tend to become stubborn and conservative. They usually not willing to accepted new things thus they won’t be able to advise us due to their lack of such experiences. Take my grandmother as example, in her opinion that girls should get married and raising children instead of work outside like a man, so if I try to get help from her about the work related problems it will frustrated us both.



Admittedly, Grandparents could give us advises regarding to some psychological issue, such as life puzzles, how do you adjust your attitude etc.

In such cases they are experienced more than us and they are capable of giving us advises, at least some moral support.



In conclude, I believe the world had changed and grandparents won’t be able to adapt themselves in the mainstream of the world, hence it would be highly possible that they can’t offer you valuable advises.

TPO 7
The reading passagefocus on the issue of whether the American wood company should try to get the ecocertification or not, the professor’s lecture deals the same question as the reading passage, The reading passage thinks the company should not pay too much attention and efforts to the ecocertificates because of the custom doesn't care. But the professor’s assertion which is contradiction to the reading, of course the company should try to get the ecocertifications, and he argues it back with three points to defend his claims.

To begin with the reading passage think the advertising of the ecocertification of the products won't attracts the consumers at all, but the professor argues that the American consumer actually don't treat the advertising the same between the advertising is about the factory itself claimed or the third independent organizations, in this case, the ecocertification is the international organization which is aim to protect the world , so the professor assert that the consumers will pay a significant of attentions to the products if it has ecocertification.

Secondly, the reading passage point out that to achieve this ecocertification the company has to cost more hence the price of the products will get higher, but the professor argues that everyone care about the price, but the consumer only care when 2 competitions product have similarly quality but the price is very much different, if the price different and controlled in less than 5%, the American consumer will tend to get the one with the ecocertification, plus ,the American consumer cares a great deal matters about the environment protection, so actually the ecocertification likely will get more consumers than the opposite.

Thirdly, of course the company should pursuing the certification in order to get a strong competition ground, otherwise the foreign competition will crowed in to American to get the domestic costumer.

In conclusion, the professors clearly identified the weakness of the reading passage and convincingly show that the central argument in the reading passage that the company should not pursue to get the ecocertification is indefensible.

sherryzhangh

The way a person dressed is a good indication of her/his personality and character.

When Apple launches an new product, CEO Steven Jobs will do presentation in front of all the media from all of the world, he always wear a black turtle neck sweater, and a jeans, black shoes, Since jobs already left us, this has never changed, and never will. From his way of dressed, we could easily observe Jobs was kind of person, which is simple, unique, different with other businessman, consistently focus on one ultimate thing, quality. So I tend to agree that person’s dress show her/his personality and character.

To begin with, people’s preference to color show’s personality and mood, The bright color always express the energetic, youth. The dark color usually represented calm, cool and sophisticated. Take suite man for example, in the serious business world, dark color suit usually is the first choice, but the shirt they are wearing can perfectly indicated their preferenceand character, choosing pink color shirt usually are confidents and feel good about themselves kind of person, choosing white color usually are conservative and conventional. Choosing blue colors are kind of romantic and passionate.

Secondly, the dress style people choosing also can indicated their personality and character.Some people is very fashionable, they always wear the most” In” clothes. Which means they are easy to accepted new things but too into their looks. Some people are conservative and always wear “90th” clothes, they usually very stubborn and have tedious life. Some people are favor classic style, which means they are obsess with the quality and very high demanding about every thing. Some people dressed very casual, who indicated they are relaxing kind of person, usually take on things easily.

Thirdly, the way of people dressed also indicated their social status, occupations, moreover, their personality and characters. Forexample, Lawyer always dressed with suite to show how serious and sharp they are, But artist is quite the opposite, they wear everything except the conventional suite in order to express how unique and different they are.

In summary, I tend to agree dress style is a good indication of a person’s character and personality.  

sherryzhangh

7月18号：
Because of the world is changing so quickly, People now are less happy and less satisfied than people in the past.

Currently, the economy has been far more developed than the past, although the competition in the society is fiercer than before, pressures of life and work very much intense, But people at least do not need to worry about food and place to live, in some level people just harder to get pleased and not so easier to get satisfied due to the human nature of greedy. As for as I am concerned, people are less happy and less satisfied than people in the past, when you ask them what you want, they always say I want more.

To begin with, although a lot of people have the access to higher education, but after graduate their expectation on job hunting become relatively high, even with the booming economic the competition for job positions still fierce, so a lot of people think they are qualified for the occupation they wanted but only few can get the offer, for those of the unlucky candidates they might have to take less exciting and less paid job to make living, This would definitely make them less happy, according to the poll research, most of the people are unsatisfied with their current situations and want to change.

Moreover, people tend to own things instead of just enjoy them, Take current China as an example, traditionally, Chinese people think they should possess a house when they live independently, own a house can improve their secure feelings, and it is essential for a guy to started a family, because of the high demanding of the house market, the price of the house become ridiculous high, especially big cities like Beijing, Shang Hai and Shenzhen. For those didn’t catch of the opportunities of purchase a house before it gets high, the current situation just made them more desperate than before.  

Admittedly, There always happy persons, because they didn’t focus their life on the materials, they just very happy with their moderate life, But this thing only happened in small places, where is less competition and less pressure.

In sum up, every decades and times has its own issue, People are harder to be pleased.

kchszy061ban

蓝色为意见或建议高亮为精彩绿色为总结红色为错误
Currently, the economy has been far more developed than the past,（.）although the competition in the society(去掉) is fiercer than before, pressures of life and work （少谓语）very much intense,（.） But people at least do not need to worry about food and place to live, in some level people just harder（这个是什么做谓语额，adj还是比较级） to get pleased and not so easier to get satisfied due to the human nature of greedy. As for as I am concerned, people are less happy and less satisfied than people in the past, （.）(such as for example or for instance)when you ask them what you want, they always say I(they 或者加上:”)want more.

To begin with, although a lot of people have the access to higher education,(although and but 不能联用) but after graduate（after后面要么加名词，要么加动名词） their expectation on job hunting become relatively high, （.）even with the booming economic the competition for job positions still fierce, （.）so a lot of people think they are qualified for the occupation they wanted but only few can get the offer, （.）for those of the unlucky candidates they might have to take less exciting and less paid job to make living,（.） This would definitely make them less happy,（.） according to the(这里用特指不是很合适的了) poll research, most of the people are unsatisfied with their current situations and want to change.

Moreover, people tend to own things instead of just enjoying them,（.） Take current China as an example, traditionally, Chinese people think they should possess a house when they live independently, （.）own a house can improve their secure feelings, and it is essential for a guy to started a family, （.）because of the high demanding of the house market, the price of the house become ridiculous high, especially big cities like Beijing, Shang Hai and Shenzhen. For those didn’t catch of the opportunities of purchase a house before its price gets high, the current situation just made them more desperate than before.

Admittedly, There always (你把谓语忘了额亲)happy persons, because they didn’t focus their life on the materials, （.）they just （谓语）very happy with their moderate life, （.）But this thing only happened in small places（certain conditions）, where is less competition and less pressure.

In （to）sum up, every decades and timeshas its own issue, People are harder to be pleased nowadays.

还好了，嘿嘿，加油额。
sherry的整体处理的很好。 语法和句子就加紧多看多练习。 主要肯看怎么写句子， 这个貌似是你的弱点了额。
然后就是你没有错别字的了，这一点比我好多了

sherryzhangh

蓝色为意见或建议高亮为精彩绿色为总结红色为错误
Currently, the economy has been far more developed than the past,（.）although the competition in the society(去掉) is fiercer than before, pressures of life and work （少谓语）very much intense,（.） But people at least do not need to worry about food and place to live, in some level people just harder（这个是什么做谓语额，adj还是比较级） to get pleased and not so easier to get satisfied due to the human nature of greedy. As for as I am concerned, people are less happy and less satisfied than people in the past, （.）(such as for example or for instance)when you ask them what you want, they always say I(they 或者加上:”)want more.

To begin with, although a lot of people have the access to higher education,(although and but 不能联用) but after graduate（after后面要么加名词，要么加动名词） their expectation on job hunting become relatively high, （.）even with the booming economic the competition for job positions still fierce, （.）so a lot of people think they are qualified for the occupation they wanted but only few can get the offer, （.）for those of the unlucky candidates they might have to take less exciting and less paid job to make living,（.） This would definitely make them less happy,（.） according to the(这里用特指不是很合适的了) poll research, most of the people are unsatisfied with their current situations and want to change.

Moreover, people tend to own things instead of just enjoying them,（.） Take current China as an example, traditionally, Chinese people think they should possess a house when they live independently, （.）own a house can improve their secure feelings, and it is essential for a guy to started a family, （.）because of the high demanding of the house market, the price of the house become ridiculous high, especially big cities like Beijing, Shang Hai and Shenzhen. For those didn’t catch of the opportunities of purchase a house before its price gets high, the current situation just made them more desperate than before.

Admittedly, There always (你把谓语忘了额亲)happy persons, because they didn’t focus their life on the materials, （.）they just （谓语）very happy with their moderate life, （.）But this thing only happened in small places（certain conditions）, where is less competition and less pressure.

In （to）sum up, every decades and timeshas its own issue, People are harder to be pleased nowadays.

还好了，嘿嘿，加油额。
sherry的整体处理的很好。 语法和句子就加紧多看多练习。 主要肯看怎么写句子， 这个貌似是你的弱点了额。
然后就是你没有错别字的了，这一点比我好多了

-- by 会员 kchszy061ban (2012/7/19 10:43:25)

谢谢Kchszy061ban的中肯建议和鼓励！
我的语法是我的弱项，惭愧ING，我初中的英语老师是个结巴，所以从来不讲语法，只是拿着录音机一遍又一遍的放磁带听，所以我对语法一窍不通。 ：（
所以我一直没有给各位筒子们改文章，是真的惭愧，不会改。。。 好纠结！
万幸的是发音没有被误导。 我一定多加强语法练习。
没有错别字是因为WORD的自动纠正系统，要是直接在电脑上考试环境里写，后果将不堪设想。。。

sherryzhangh

7月21日 2010.2.13NA
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? In a team, those who do not accept other’s criticism cannot succeed. Use specific reasons to support your answer

Being success need many aspects of qualities, Such as persistent, cold headed, perseverance, flexible mentality, of course, being able to accept other’s criticism, I strongly agree that being able to accept other’s criticism, undoubtedly would be one of the most important qualitiesof succeed.

To begin with, we all have our point of view when things happened, some times we misjudge the core essence of the things, some times we misunderstand the situation, and some times we have our shortage of view things thoroughly, those of the mistakes could be avoid by accepted the different voices and opinions from our team follows or from our friends. Thus after thoroughly thought things through may lead us to a succeed resolution. Take one of emperor of Han dynasty as an example. King Xiang Yu, who have stronger troops and financial support than King Liu Bang, But King Xiang Yu fail to accepted one of his important advisors judgment of Zhang Liang, who is aspy for King Liu and still loyalty to King Liu Bang when he pretend to committed to King Xiang Yu, this is just a scheme they put for King Xiang Yu. but he believe Zhang Liang is the essential guy for him to become a emperor. Because of his misjudgment and not willing to accepted the criticism from his adviser. He lost everything in this war, and committed a suicide with his wife at the riverside. What a sad story! And how vital it is if someone cannot accept the criticism.

Moreover, accept other’s criticism is helpful for us to exam the situation more thoroughly. Some times one person’s perspective is too narrow, we can not see the things 360 angles, there is old saying: even the smartest person makes mistakes, the wisest man thought through thousands times, there may still be some detail they won’t noticed, so gather more people’s inputs and accept the criticism only will help you to succeed.

Admittedly, for those have strong persistent, and know what they really want at least know what they really don’t wanted, it might be good to keep their original mind, Take Facebook’s founder Mark zuckerburg as an example. He and his partner co-founded Facebook website, his partner insist to bring the advertising in to website in order to make profits, but mark strongly against it because he think is not cool, although at that time he don’t really know what he want to do but he certainly know what he don’t want to do, so he manage to kick his partner out of the company. And eventually Facebook attracts the virtual capital and developed into the largest social network empire.

In Conclusion, I still strongly believe the one who accepted the criticism has the better chance to be succeeding in the team.

7月21号， 综合  TPO 12

The reading article explored the issue of whether the released for sale portrait of famous writer Jane Austen is herself or not. The professors speech deals the same issue, However the professor hold strong opposite opinions contradict with article, and use 3 specific points to argue with the court part which stated in the reading articles.

To begin with, the reading article claim that this portrait was recognized by the author's family, and they has endorsed the claim that the girl in the portrait is Jane Austen, But on the other hand, The professor argues the recognition do not convincinglyshow the portrait is JA herself by her loose connection siblings, giving this portrait is released 70 years later of JA's death, the professor assert even the siblings won't necessary had saw JA herself, not even to say recognize her when she was a teenager.

Secondly, JA has very large family, and she has a lot of cousin and siblings, so it is not approved the portrait it's herself, actually, there is one highly possible assumption the portrait it's one of her distanced niece.

Thirdly, The date at the back side of the canvas is much later than the portrait being painted, The black canvas of the background portrait was tracked, and showing it's William who sold the canvas, But the time when William is starting to sell canvas, JA already 27 years old. It clearly approved that teenager girl is not possible JA herself.

In Conclusion, The professor clearly identifies the weakness in the reading passage and convincing showed the central arguments of the reading article is incorrect.

lcaecar

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? In a team, those who do not accept other’s criticism cannot succeed. Use specific reasons to support your answer
Being success needs many aspects of qualities, Such as persistent, cold headed, perseverance, flexible mentality, of course, being able to accept other’s criticism, I strongly agree that being able to accept other’s criticism, undoubtedly would be one of the most important qualities of succeed.
To begin with, we all have our point of view when things happened, sometimes we misjudge the core essence of the things, sometimes we misunderstand the situation, and sometimes we have our shortage of view things thoroughly, those of the mistakes could be avoid by accepted the different voices and opinions from our team follows or from our friends. Thus after thoroughly thought things through may lead us to a succeed resolution. Take one of emperor of Han dynasty as an example. King Xiang Yu, (没有谓语啊~)he was an emperor who havehad stronger troops and financial support than King Liu Bang, But(but不能放在句首) King Xiang Yu failed to accepted one of his important advisors judgment of Zhang Liang, who is aspy（这个打错了吧？） for King Liu and still loyalty to King Liu Bang when he pretend to committed to King Xiang Yu, this is just a scheme they put for King Xiang Yu. but（同样的问题） he believe Zhang Liang is the essential guy for him to become a emperor. Because of his misjudgment and not willing to accepted the criticism from his adviser. He lost everything in this war, and committed a suicide with his wife at the riverside. What a sad story! And how vital it is if someone cannot accept the criticism.(例子非常好，但是叙述上欠缺。可以使用逻辑连词，at very beginning, then, consequently...让句子更加连贯)
Moreover, accepting other’s criticism is helpful for us to exam the situation more thoroughly. Some times one person’s perspective is too narrow, we can not see the things 360 angles(这个不知道怎么改了..), there is old saying: "even the smartest person makes mistakes, the wisest man thought through thousands times, there may still be some details they won’t noticed"(你是想说智者千虑必有一失吧...), so gather more people’s inputs and accept the criticism only will help you to succeed.
Admittedly, for those have strong persistent, and know what they really want at least know what they really don’t wanted, it might be good to keep their original mind, Take Facebook’s founder Mark zuckerburg as an example. He and his partner co-founded Facebook website, his partner insist to bring the advertising in to website in order to make profits, but mark strongly against it because he think is not cool, although at that time he don’t really know what he want to do but he certainly know what he don’t want to do, so he managed to kick his partner out of the company. And eventually Facebook attracted the virtual capital and developed into the largest social network empire.(这个例子太牵强了，而且没有体现criticism，让步例子举出来之后没有进一步阐述关系.可以说 开头who has strong will also succeed even rejects accepting other's criticism.结尾再反驳)
In Conclusion, I still strongly believe the one who accepted the criticism has the better chance to be succeeding in the team.


楼主的例子储备还是挺丰富的，思路也很清晰
但是语法上要加强啊..
尝试多用一些逻辑连接词

huluhulufei

7月21号，综合 TPO 12

The reading article explored the issue of whether the released for sale portraitof famous writer Jane Austen is herself or not. The professors speech deals the same issue,However(怎能大写？) the professor holds strong opposite opinions contradict with article, and use 3 specific points to argue with the court part which stated in the reading articles. (应改为：however he holds the opposite opinion, and uses three specific points to support his idea) 句式，语法。单三！！

To begin with, the reading article claims that this portrait was recognized by the author's family, and they has（自己改） endorsed the claim that the girl in the portrait is Jane Austen,(怎么能是逗号呢？？) But on the other hand, The professor argues the recognition do not convincingly show the portrait is JA herself by her loose connection siblings, giving this portrait is released 70 years later of JA's death, the professor assert even the siblings won't necessary had saw（seen）JA herself, not even to say recognize (两个谓语动词能同时出现吗？) her when she was a teenager.楼主论点很好，不过这个语法错误实在是太多了！！！单三啊！！过去分词啊！！

Secondly, JA has very large family, and she has a lot of cousins and siblings, so it is not approved the portrait it's herself, actually, there is one highly possible assumption the portrait it's one of her distanced niece. 观点很好，语法错误太多。这么多层意思，若非是从句，该另起句子。

Thirdly, The date at the back side of the canvas is much later than the portrait being painted（原文不是这个意思，而是说，这个canvas后面的印章说明他是谁谁谁卖的，而那个人在奥斯汀teenage的时候不在伦敦，他后来来伦敦卖画布的时候奥斯汀已经27岁了）, The black canvas of the background portrait was tracked, and showing it's William who sold the canvas, But the time when William is starting to sell canvas, JA already 27 years old. It clearly approved that teenager girl is not possible JA herself.后半部分的信息是对的，前半部分不对。楼主的语法错误太多了！！！
In Conclusion, The professor clearly identifies the weakness in the reading passage and convincing showed the central arguments of the reading article is incorrect.

楼主首先要练习的就是语法。学会加单三，学会分句子，知道什么时候大小写。这个问题非常严重。基本功太不扎实了！把这些练会了再来练写作吧。。。不过别灰心，谁都不是生来就会跑的。楼主还需要漫长而艰辛的道路要走。加油吧！

sherryzhangh

7月22日 2010.3.6NASome peoplebelieve that people should follow their ambitious dreams and goals even theyare not realistic; others believe that people should focus on achievingrealistic goals. What’syour opinion and why? Use specific reasons to support your answer.

Armstrong wanted to travel to the moon. Walter brotherwanted to created a plane that can fly, Dell wanted to invent a telephone whichallowed 2 people to talk even they are thousands of miles away from each other.There are millions of examples that I could list, although none of them werebelieved by the time being. Yet they conquered all the obstacles and bias,eventually succeeded. And brings unbelievable benefits for the futuregenerations. So I strongly agree that we should follow our heart and focus onour ambitions dreams and goals. Even they are sounds not realistic to others.

To start with, nothing is impossible. In this crazy world,even clone technology is succeeded. Image they could just use one of your hairsto created another identical you! It’s hard to believe yet they are achievable.How crazy that sounds like! Compare with this none of ours dream is unrealistic.So just stick with your crazy dream and work hard on it, someday you willsucceed, even if you are not finished by the time you left this world, in thefuture some body else will carry on and eventually make it come true.

Moreover, people who don’t have faith on your dream mostbecause they are lack of visionary and very conservative to this world. Theyare afraid of changes. They think this world had been changing so fast thatthey could not adapt. They just want live in their normal regular life with.Nothing is wrong with it. Most people are like that. But crazy dreamers, youare not most of them, have faith on your dream and stick with it.
Admittedly, some of the ambitions dreams are lookedrealistic in the present, but they might be possible in the future as long aspeople believing in it and work hard on it. Who knows what is going to happenin the future.

In conclusion, I believe people should follow theirambitions and work hard on it. Although it may not lead you to success, youdefinitely will not get success if you not even tried.

综合 TPO 13

The reading passage explored the issue of fossilscommercialization can bring negative impact on the public and the scientificworld, The professor's lecture deals with the same issue. However she holds theopposite opinions. And she use 3 specific points to improve her arguments.

To begin with, the reading passage assumes the publicwill suffers the fossil commercialization. Because most of the fossils are soldto private collectors. so the mass public won't be able to see any of them inthe public museum. On the other hand, the professor claimed that the fossilcommercialization will help the fossils get more exposure hence more public couldnotice of it.

Secondly, the reading passage thinks that scientist arelikely to lose access to the fossils by commercialization it, But the professorstated that fossils being commercialized has to go through scientist, onlyscientist can estimate the value of it. And she also argue that fossilcommercialized also can make some small universities or organizations capableto achieve the fossils.

Thirdly, the reading passage claimed those privatefossils collectors are usually fail to protect the valuable fossils due to theyare lack of experience and knowledge. But on the other hand, the professorargues that the fossil market demanding motivated more fossils beingdiscovered. Instead of sleeping underground for another thousands of years.

I conclusion, the professor clearly identified theweaknesses in the reading passage and convincingly shows that the centralargument is the reading passage of fossils should not be commercialized isincorrect.

guodonghu

Sherry 你好！
蓝色为意见或建议高亮为精彩绿色为总结红色为错误.
走你~~~

Armstrong wanted to travel to the moon. Walter brothers wanted to created a plane that could canfly. Dell wanted to invent a telephone which allowed 2 people to talk even they were arethousands of miles away from each other.There are millions of examples that I could list, although none of them were believed by the time being. Yet they conquered all the obstacles and bias, but eventually succeeded, and later brought unbelievable benefits for the future generations. So I strongly agree that we should follow our heart and focus on our ambitious dreams and goals, although they are sounds not realistic to others.
首段的三个例子举的很恰当，可以再试试把这三个例子写成 Without Armstrong's first step onto the moon, the moon can never become a true part of mankind; without Waler brothers' invention, we can never have the chance to take a plane....balabla 写成气势强一些的排比更好一些。这种开头可以适当练习一下

To start with, nothing is impossible. In this crazy world,even clone technology has already achievedis succeeded. Imagine(imagine 是动词 用imagine sb doing sth) scientists using they could just useone of your hairs to created another identical you!  It is hard to believe that this is achievable yet they are achievable.How crazy that sounds like! Compared Compare with this, none of our dreams ours dreamis unrealistic. So just stick with your crazy dream and work hard on it, someday you will succeed, even if you do not  finish are not finished by the time you leave leftthis world, in the future some body else will carry on and eventually make it come true.
克隆人的实验广泛受到争议，这里写不太好，换成克隆羊也行.

Moreover,  the reason why people who don’t have faith on your dream is mainly because they are lack of imagination visionary and very conservative to this world. They are afraid of changes. They think this world has hadbeen changing so fast that they could not adapt to.(adapt 是不及物动词 这种用法后面要加to) They just want live in their normally regular life with.(副词修饰形容词)Nothing is wrong with this idea （it感觉指代不清）. Most people are like that. But crazy dreamers, you are not one of them, have faith on your dream and stick with it.

Admittedly, some of the ambitious dreams are looked unrealistic in the present, but they might be possible in the future as long as people believe believingin it and work hard on it. Who knows what is going to happen in the future.

In conclusion, I believe people should follow their ambitions and work hard on them it. Although it may not lead you to success, you definitely will not get success if you do not even have a try .not even tried.

总结：
1我主要修改的是句子及语法错误。LZ在这方面不足，建议看一下初中，高中语法，可以找薄一些的语法书来看，里面写的都是重点。
2文章中多用些连词，副词，这样不仅可以使文章连续而起可以增加字数，渐进。例如what's more，moreover等等 就不写多了 连词没有什么实际的意思，但可以增加文章字数，增加文章的连续性。
3写完时把作文和托福作文的评分标准对比一下，这样可以看出自己写的怎么样。文章整体基本切题和解决了问题。文章第一段和结尾段写的可以。但我觉得主体234段的论证不够有力。第二段的例子举的不够恰当。文章结构不是很清晰，第2段和第4段的内容重叠，读起来感觉说的是一个意思。

tips：附件是4级考试的作文指导，对我个人很有帮助，特意推荐给你。
我的作文望尽快回改http://forum.chasedream.com/TOEFL_Writing/thread-683481-1-1.html#last 按照ets的评分标准改就可以，语法单词错误找不到没关系，主要在结构 例子 论证 等方面给我些建议 谢谢！