Sherryzhangh 加入写作小分队的首篇独立作文，欢迎拍砖！7月7号

sherryzhangh

8月23日

For future career success,is relate well to other people more important than studying hard at school?

Undoubtedly, related well couldindeed maximally optimized the resources, hence individual student is more readilyto be successful. On the other hand, given that the students’ mainresponsibility and mission are study, emphasizing too much on related well isjust like put the incidental before the fundamental. However, none of those areunconditional. As far as I am concerned, it should depend on the conditions. Myreasons are as follows.

Traditionally, school is a place forstudy; the students should focus on their studies not others. But school alsocould serve differently according to the level of grade, study content. Such asmiddle school and high school, the students are facing more pressure onenrollment of the university. Therefore, it will be absurd if the studentsfocus their attentions on building relationships or networks. Similarly, someuniversities is more focus on the scientific research studies, the students aremore required study well than relate well. Only if students work hard on theirresearch studies, they could get more credits to be successful. In such cases,the students should focus on the studies instead of relative well.

On the other hand, some schools aremore focus on related well side. By that I mean business schools and socialstudy schools. Take MBA School as an example, in the top business school suchas Harvard, Yale, Stanford etc. Their alumnus could be very influential.Therefore, building networks could play a vital role for their success. Somesuccessful businessman’s main motivation for applying for those schools ismerely networks. For them, school is more like a place for them to meet morepeople who share the same interests rather than focus on the hard studythemselves. Therefore, in such cases, related well seems more considerable thanhard study.

Admittedly, no matter what thesituation are, the prerequisite for being success is individual possesses theessential skills. Otherwise it will be like a fully filled car without anyengine; a magnificent building without any foundation. Needless to say, none ofthem are even close to success.

Take all into accounts as discussedabove, study is the prerequisite of the success; related well plays well afterstudents possessed skills. It will be too irrational to jump into the answer ofwhich is more important than other. Therefore, which one is more important isreally depends on the specific times and situations.

stephaniemax

首先道歉！！昨天因为有事情耽误了！这篇定给楼主认真改！

Currently, in China, as the one child policygeneration became the mainstay of the society; they started to have family andkid（？？没打完？）. The typical Chinese family now is （are，我认为可以用 be conposed of ) four grandparents, two parents, and achild. It seems all the family members are focus on the only kid her/himself（主语是family，不能用反身代词）.Needless to say how spoiled the child it is. They tend to consider all the possible（觉得这个词很多余）things for their kid, try to do as much as possible for them. However. Is itreally for their the child's best interests? I doubt it. As far as I am concerned, I tendto hold the opposite opinion. My reasons are as follows.

To start with, without doing the work independently,the children will never grow up. Without doing the work by on their own, they willnever learn things in order to develop better life(chase for a better life  develop不确定能与life搭配). If the parents gives to too muchcare to the children, being afraid of the children might get hurt to do thingson their own（这个分句的主语是 parents，但主句主语是the children，本句话要整个重新写一下）, the children will just grow into a bigger sized baby（still be a baby who is just bigger in size), which(指代的是什么？本句已经很长，建议另开一句话） isonly harmful to the children instead of for their best interests. Take one ofthe an old projects as an example; this project was organized by Chinese andJapanese organizations. They invited one group of Chinese children and one group of Japanese children to join in a summer camp. They have been observingthose kids, Japanese children were more independent, they could take care ofthemselves and do daily work on their own, such as wash clothes, cook somesimple food. However, the Chinese kids seems lost in this battle, they do notknow how to do daily works, what they know is my parents will do it for me. Howsad is that. Therefore, it is better to let the children doingdo workindependently, but rather helping them do it all do for them (help sb do依旧是sb do的，不能用中文直接翻译帮他们做）.

Another equally important point is that do theirown work （working independently)could also help them develop a healthy psychological mind(develop mind不知道能不能这样搭配 我会这样写 can also do good to their psychological health), which meansnot only they tend to become confidenceconfident after finished finishing their work, but alsolearn to appreciate things. If children could accomplish work by themselves,they could build up their confidence gradually. Moreover, when they go throughall the hardness of accomplish one work, they will understand that theaccomplishment are is not easy, they will cherish more and appreciate what theparents have done for them. Take myself as an example, when I was a student,everyday my mother havehas to get up early and prepare breakfast for us me. Aftergraduate graduating and working in another city alone, everyday I have to get up early andprepare food for myself, I realized how exhausting my mother’s work(这样说感觉有点wordy，我会这样写how exhausted my mother had been) was.Consequently I become more appreciated（appreciate 主动表感激，become用grateful) for what my mother havehas done for me.

Admittedly, if the children did not finish worksuccessfully on their own, it might impair their confidence, and frustratedtheir heart.（furstrate heart不能这么搭配，改成feel frustrated) However, with the proper instruction of the parents, those situationsare likely to be avoidable. Even if they did not succeed, parents could also guildthem, which（指代什么？） actually good serve as a great lesson for their life, thereit is noteasy to be accomplished. Moreover, they could learn it from the failure.

TakeTaking all into accounts as discussed above, encouraging children to do work independently not only helpinghelps them grow up but alsohelpinghelps them to develop better psychological mind（be mature）. Therefore. Parents shouldlet the children do work on their own.(1,主语要是名词，不然该句没有主语 2，not only后面是谓语动词的并列，不是分词状语）

总结：楼主的观点和结构还是不错的，但是语言表达上比较中式，建议楼主多练练句子和语法，模仿范文里的句子，我也喜欢自己造句子后来发现有很多chinglish!不如从模仿做起，培养感觉

freddychan

The reading passage explores the issue ofwhether the genetically modified trees outweigh the natural trees. Theprofessor's lecture deals (with) the same topics. However, she holds oppositeopinions contradict to the reading passage's statement.
To begin with, the reading passage claimsthat the modified tree(s) possess hardier andstronger survival abilities (when compared)comparewith natural trees. However, the professor states that the genetically modifiedtree has more uniformed genetics, (so that)if they died, theyall died(这句表达有歧义啊，如果他们死了，他们都死了。。。if onedied, they all died out). Natural trees, on the otherhand, possess more diversified genetics; some of the individual trees couldmanage to survive in the nature poor climates or other hard situations.
Moreover, the reading passage argues thatthe genetically modified tree bring more economic benefits. On the contrary,the professor casts doubts about(可以单独的doubtabout，也可以castdoubt on，但是可以castdoubt about 吗？) it, because the seeds of modified tree need to cost more thannatural ones. Besides, according to the law, the seeds produced by farmthemselves are not free either. If they want to plant more trees by their oldtree’s seeds, they have to pay for it every time and every year.
Finally, the reading passage reasons thatthe genetically modified trees can prevent overexploitation due to the growingfaster abilities. However, the professor states that the genetically modifiedtree actually caused（will cause） a greatimpair to the natural trees as well as the ecological system. Because of（，because） the modified trees grow more aggressivelythan the natural ones. Consequently, they absorb all the nutrition（s） which crowds(crowd) out the natural trees.
In conclusion, the professor clearly identified(identifies) the weakness of the readingpassages and convincingly shows that the modified trees outweigh the naturalones are incorrect.(应该是shows the fact that …is incorrect吧)
写的挺好的，继续加油，注意下时态和句子间的连接就行。

sherryzhangh

TPO 22

The reading passage exploresthe issue of whether Ethanol is a good replacement for gasoline. The authoranalyses three specific reasons for disagreement. However, the professor’slecture holds the opposite opinions. And he argues back to the threecounterparts that brought up by the reading passage.

To begin with, the readingpassage claims that the Ethanol will worsen the global warming by producingmore carbon dioxide when it is burned as fuel. On the contrary, the professorstates that it is true Ethanol will release carbon dioxide, but it notnecessarily causes global warming. Moreover, he explained that Ethanol fuelproduced by corn, which is need carbon dioxide when they grow. Consequently, thecarbon dioxide will be deducted when corn is growing. Therefore, there is noextra harm that will contribute to the global warming.

Moreover, the reading passageasserts that the corn originally should be consumed by animals will be used forproduce Ethanol instead, which will cause a food insufficiency for animals andeventually make them disappear. However, the professor argues that the Ethanolwas produced by one component of the plants, which will not be eaten byanimals. Therefore, it won’t reduce any food for animals.

At last, the reading passageclaims that the price of Ethanol has no advantages compared with gasoline. Onthe contrary, the professor states although right now the price of Ethanol isnot competitive to gasoline, and even with the government’s tax subsides. Whenconsumers were more reliable on the Ethanol, the producer of the Ethanol willwilling to updates the technology, eventually the prices will dropdown. If thecurrents needs grow three times bigger, the cost of producing Ethanol willreduce 40%. Needless to say the price will dropdown and therefore Ethanol pricewill become competitive.

In Conclusion, the professorclearly identifies the weaknesses of the reading passage and convincingly showthe Ethanol makes perfect alternative for gasoline.

sherryzhangh

8月24日

Movies andtelevision have more negative effects than positive effects on the way youngpeople behave. Do you A/D?
Nowadays, in order to pursuing high rating and lucrative economy rewards.TV and movies are saturated to violence, pornography, as well as controversy,which are, needless to say, posting a great threat to youth. When it comes tothe question about whether movies and television have more negative effectsthan positive effects on the way young people behave? I could agree more. Myreasons are as followed.

To start with, movies and TV program are saturated with violence andpornography, which are extremely harmful to the youth. It is because childrendo not have the consciousness to distinguish what is good and what is evil.What they can do is if the scene caught their attention, they will imitate it.Quiet likely, they plant a violent seeds in their heart if they saw any impulseviolent scene. A lot of serial killers get their inspirations from the horrormovies. Take one of Japanese killer as an example, he was growing up in a verywealth family, but he has very vulnerable self-esteem. He felt lack ofattentions from his parents due to their busy business schedule. As a result hewas into horror movies. He killed his one of his classmate girl just becauseshe would not accept him as a boyfriend. He cut her into pieces, put her bodyparts into fridge and eaten her. How insane is that!

Moreover, TV stations tend to exaggerate the controversy point in order toget high rating. They would render and manipulate the trues and put a pointthey want the mass to accept. Take an Chinese reality dating show as anexample, one girl named Ma Nuo, when the show host ask her what kind ofboyfriend she is looking for, the audience is shocked by her answer, she said Irather crying in the BMW, not laughing on the bicycle. Apparently, she wants awealthy man. It was caused a massive debate in the China society; her memobecomes a lot of young girls’ recognition. Needless to say, such unhealthyassertion will effect on their love life deeply.

Admittedly, some movies and TV programs are meant to give inspirations tothe audience. James Cameron, who quit his job as a truck driver after he saw amovie called Star War, and set his goal to be a movie director. And we allknow, his great work Titanic and Averter all bring beautiful side of life tous. However, But that was like 30 years ago, as the society censor becomes moreopen and loose, most of the TV programs and movies are simply not suitable forchildren anymore.  

Take all into accounts as the discussed above, children’s natural reactionof imitation, uncensored un-healthy scene and showcase dominated the TV programas well as mainstream movies, all make the negative effects on youth’s behaviorpossible.



 

fairyfinger

Nowadays, in order to pursuing high rating and lucrative economy rewards.TV and movies are saturated to violence, pornography, as well as controversy,which are, needless to say, posting a great threat to youth. When it comes tothe question about whether movies and television have more negative effectsthan positive effects on the way young people behave? I could agree more. Myreasons are as followed.

To start with, movies and TV program are saturated with violence andpornography, which are extremely harmful to the youth. It is because childrendo not have the consciousness to distinguish what is good and what is evil.What they can do is if the scene caught their attention, they will imitate it.Quiet likely, they plant a violent seeds in their heart if they saw any impulseviolent scene. A lot of serial killers get their inspirations from the horrormovies. Take one of Japanese killer as an example, he was growing up in a verywealth family, but he has very vulnerable self-esteem. He felt lack ofattentions from his parents due to their busy business schedule. As a result hewas into horror movies. He killed his one of his classmate girl just becauseshe would not/ did not accept him as a boyfriend. He cut her into pieces, put her bodyparts into fridge and eaten her. How insane is that!


感觉lz例子稍微简化下就好了，有点像小故事了。
Moreover, TV stations tend to exaggerate the controversy/controversial point in order toget high rating. They would render and manipulate the trues and put a pointthey want the mass to accept. Take an Chinese reality dating show as anexample, one girl named Ma Nuo, when the show host ask her what kind ofboyfriend she is looking for, the audience is shocked by her answer, she said Irather crying in the BMW, not laughing on the bicycle. Apparently, she wants awealthy man. It was caused a massive debate in the China society; her memo becomes a lot of young girls’ recognition. Needless to say, such unhealthy assertion will effect on/affect their love life deeply.

Admittedly, some movies and TV programs are meant to give inspirations tothe audience. James Cameron, who quit his job as a truck driver after he saw amovie called Star War, and set his goal to be a movie director. And we allknow, his great work Titanic and Averter all bring beautiful side of life tous. However, But that was like 30 years ago, as the society censor becomes moreopen and loose, most of the TV programs and movies are simply not suitable forchildren anymore.  

Take all into accounts as the discussed above感觉这句很罗嗦，有点怪。楼主再斟酌下吧？, children’s natural reactionof imitation, uncensored un-healthy scene and showcase dominated the TV programas well as mainstream movies, all make the negative effects on youth’s behaviorpossible.

kchszy061ban

蓝色为意见或建议高亮为精彩绿色为总结红色为错误

Nowadays, in order to pursuing high rating and lucrative economy rewards.（这里用, in order to ）TV and movies are saturated to violence, pornography, as well as controversy,which are, needless to say, posting a great threat to youth. When it comes to the question about whether movies and television have more negative effectsthan positive effects on the way young people behave? （这里是从句，还要用问号么？）I could(这里应该是否定吧？) agree more. My reasons are as followed.

To start with, movies and TV program are saturated with violence and pornography, which are extremely harmful to the youth. It is because children do not have the consciousness to distinguish what is good and what is evil.What they can do is if the scene caught（catch 用grasp是不是好点？） their attention, they will imitate it. Quiet likely, they plant a violent seeds in their heart if they saw any impulse violent scene. A lot of serial killers get their inspirations from the horror movies. Take one of Japanese killer as an example, he was growing up in a very wealth（wealthy） family, but he has very （a）vulnerable self-esteem. He felt lack of attentions from his parents due to their busy business schedule. As a result he was into horror movies. He killed his one of his classmate girl just because she would not accept him as a boyfriend. He cut her into pieces, put her body parts into fridge and eaten her. How insane is that! （着恐怖的东西我看了都怕）

Moreover, TV stations tend to exaggerate the controversy point in order to get high rating（这里不知何意，不如写成吸引更多人关注）. They would render and manipulate the trues and put a point they want the mass to accept. Take an Chinese reality dating show as an example, one girl named Ma Nuo, when the show host ask her what kind of boyfriend she is looking for, the audience is shocked by her answer, she said Irather crying in the BMW （with wealthy parter even he does not love her）, not laughing on the bicycle(with a poor boyfriend with true love) 要不然很难被rater理解额. Apparently, she wants awealthy man. It was caused a massive debate in the China society; her memo becomes a lot of young girls’ recognition. Needless to say, such unhealthy assertion will effect on their love life deeply.

Admittedly, some movies and TV programs are meant to give inspirations to the audience. James Cameron, who quit his job as a truck driver after he saw amovie called Star War, and set his goal to be a movie director. And we all know, his great work Titanic and Averter all bring beautiful side of life tous. However, But that was like 30 years ago, as the society censor becomes more open and loose, most of the TV programs and movies are simply not suitable for children anymore.  

Take all into accounts as the discussed（discussion） above, children’s natural reaction of imitation, uncensored un-healthy scene and showcase dominated the TV program as well as mainstream movies, all make the negative effects on youth’s behavior possible.

整体构架是不错，小处注意就好了

sherryzhangh

The reading passage discusses the possible reasons for the yellow cedar decline issues. And the author lists three specific possibilities to support his or her claim. However, the professor does not agree with the assertions which bring up by the reading passage, and he argues back the counterparts accordingly.

To start with, the reading assumes one of the possibilities of the yellow cedar declination is insect parasites' harm. On the contrary, the professor states that healthy yellow cedar contains a powerful toxic chemical elements which resistant to the insects and cause insect dead. Therefore, the insect parasites are not the fundamental reason of the declination.

Secondly, the reading passages reasons that the brown bears might be cause. However, the professor evidences that all the continental and islands are suffered the declination, given that brown bear only live in the continental but not the islands. Therefore, brown bear is unlikely the reason for yellow cedar drastically drop.

At last, the reading states that the changes of climate might be the possibility, given the global warming, the yellow cedar tends to grow in the late winter instead of early spring anymore, consequently, the frozen root damage cause the declination. However, the professor argues back by citing the facts that declination is more severe in the warming regions than the cold regions. Therefore, the climate changes explaination is untenable.

fairyfinger

TPO 22

The reading passage exploresthe issue of whether Ethanol is a good replacement for gasoline. The author analyses three specific reasons for disagreement. However, the professor’s lecture holds the opposite opinions. And he argues back to the three counterparts that brought up by the reading passage.

To begin with, the readingpassage claims that the Ethanol will worsen the global warming by producingmore carbon dioxide when it is burned as fuel. On the contrary, the professorstates that it is true Ethanol will release carbon dioxide, but it notnecessarily causes global warming. Moreover, he explained that Ethanol fuelproduced by corn, which is need carbon dioxide when they grow. Consequently, thecarbon dioxide will be deducted when corn is growing. Therefore, there is no extra harm that will contribute to the global warming.

Moreover, the reading passage asserts that the corn originally should be consumed by animals will be used for produce producingEthanol instead, which will cause a food insufficiency for animals andeventually make them disappear. However, the professor argues that the Ethanolwas produced by one component of the plants, which will not be eaten byanimals. Therefore, it won’t reduce any food for animals.

At last, the reading passageclaims that the price of Ethanol has no advantages compared with gasoline. Onthe contrary, the professor states although right now the price of Ethanol isnot competitive to gasoline, and even with the government’s tax subsides. When consumers were more reliable on the Ethanol, the producer of the Ethanol will be willing to updates the technology, eventually the prices will dropdown. If the currents needs grow three times bigger, the cost of producing Ethanol will reduce 40%. Needless to say the price will dropdown and therefore Ethanol pricewill become competitive.

In Conclusion conclusion, the professorclearly identifies the weaknesses of the reading passage and convincingly shows the/ that Ethanol makes perfect alternative for gasoline.

点都找到了，就是有些小小的语法问题，但是不影响理解=）

sherryzhangh

To start with, the reading passage assumes the remains that found in the channels are blood vessels. On the contrary, the professor states that the remains is not necessarily from T rex. And he suggests it might be just some bacteria that using the channels as a residential area, and leaves trace in it as we saw today as the soft moisture tissues.

Secondly, the reading asserts that the remains could be the blood red cells. However, the professor argues that the T rex may not have any red blood cells. It might be just some radishes minerals. Therefore, the reading passages’ statement is untenable.

At last, the reading passage reasons that the remains might be collagen matrix. On the contrary, the professor argues back by citing the evidence that collagen usually do not live more than 100,000 years. Apparently, the 7 million years T rex is not possible to leave any collagen. And the professor suggests it might be the source of others, such as the skin of the researchers when they pass the fossils.

In conclusion, the professor clearly indentifies the weakness of the reading and convincingly shows the remains in fossils is not necessarily from the T rex .