[原创] iBT@CD 第一写作小组(8 月), 开始啦....

alexwithibt

以下是引用qianrene在2007-6-26 20:54:00的发言：

Nowadays as the educational developments among universities are becoming more and more competitive, many universities put most of their budget into the renovation of the condition or environment of the campus, because they think that the concrete buildings is the essential ingredient in achieve the goal to be successful in attracting students, however, I would say that this strategy will not function as expected, to my own opinion, the students parents’ concern is more focused on the health improvement of the students and students may choose the school based on the varieties of sports activities the university can provide.

 

 

 

The students’ health is important to their study at first, without the good condition of body, students couldn’t concentrate on the assignments or classes, since when they are sick, they need to go to the hospital and are persuaded to have more relaxation to get recovered quickly, if they insist to go to classroom or libraries to study, the situation will always be more severe. Moreover, a lot of students, especially boys, have affection on the sports such as playing basketball, playing football, swimming, and jogging as well, they like the sports not only because the sports can build up their body shape, but also because they just love it, they consider it be cool sweating on the playground. As with the case of girls, they prefer sports for some other reasons for example, the dancing, it can be beneficial for the girls’ purpose of losing weight, you know, they like to be more thin and think that the thinner the more beautiful they should be.

Whereas the libraries is the foundation of the facility in an university, we can’t ignore their importance, but since the accommodation is just as tremendous as to provide the enough information and reference to students, providing more funding to the improvement of libraries is not that pragmatic, reversely, the money put into the libraries may increase the economic burden of the university committee. So with this consideration, I would agree that the universities should invest more money to promote the sports activities among students to maintain their health, and a moderate investment to libraries is a better choice.

我没计时，因为不敢计时，一点点想出来的，要是考试这样我就死翘翘了，上次旧托福就栽在作文上，感觉一直把握不好老外的标准，哎，字数才360

德克写的好好啊，好多词我都没见过，句式也没用过，而且我忘记托福喜欢举例了，没举例-_-||

这是我改的第一段. 后面两段没找到啥问题. 我觉得比我写的好.呵呵

Nowadays as the educational developments among universities are becoming more and more competitive, many universities put most of their budget into the renovation of the condition or environment of the campus, because they think that the concrete buildings is the essential ingredient in achieve the goal to be successful in attracting students, (in achieving the goal of attracting more excellent students) however, I would say that this strategy will not function as expected, to my own opinion, the students parents’ concern is more focused on the health improvement of the students and students may choose the school based on the varieties of sports activities the university can provide.(when parents choose schools for their children, the sport activities in schools are their first selecting elements because they care more about their children’ health improvement )

alexwithibt

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Universities should give the same amount of money to their students’ sports activities as they give to their university libraries. Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion.

Imagining a situation, if you are a university committee officer and will come out a plan for yearly constant budget, how will you divide money between student’ sport activities and university library, spending the amount of money on sport activities equally with university library? Someone may choose equally spending money on both sides, because they may argue that student’ body health is important and should be paid more attention. In my opinions, I disagree with the notion of giving the same amount of money to students’ sport activities as giving to university libraries.

The purpose of a university is educating students and making them to be successful in the future. From this perspective, it is must for universities to put focus on all kinds of aspects in libraries to prompt studying environments, such as more big space for comfortably studying, more books for reference, more advanced computer system, and more spaces for more students studying simultaneously in library. All those of things need more money for maintaining or improving. Universities, in fixed budget condition, undoubtedly spend more money on improving library hardware than on sport activities. For example, currently in my country, more and more students are getting into universities to obtain high-level education, on the other side, in order to get reputation and high-rate in ranking among all universities, universities will invest more money on expanding libraries building to accommodate more students as well as upgrading more advanced computer systems. From this opinion, the selection of putting more money on libraries than on sport activities is wise.

To make students keep vigorous and study more effectively in courses, their body health is needed care about. Universities may use a small part of money to maintain current sport facilities, providing a space for students to exercise during class break. A small part of money is enough because universities do not aim to educate students becoming professional on sports.

In summary, to balance budget utilization and optimize input-output ratio, universities, from my experience, should give more money on libraries than on sport activities.  

呵呵,写的就象个车轮子骨录来骨录去....

大家来拍啊,

[此贴子已经被作者于2007-6-27 0:36:42编辑过]

德克的猪

先帮你改一半,明天改完

Imagining a situation(一个Suppose/image that就可以了,这样的成分是不应该用ing形式的), if(前面如果有image/suppose这样的东西,这里的if就可以不要) you(我建议用one表示) are a university committee officer and will come out(东西自己跑出来叫come out,人作为主语,应该是carry out) a plan for yearly constant budget, how will you divide(分配:allot) money between student’ sport activities and university library, spending the amount of money on sport activities equally with university library(我觉得,这个是废话,因为你后面没有接实质性的话)? Someone may choose equally spending money on both sides, because they may argue that student’ body health is important and should be paid more attention. In my opinions(不要说in my opinion,用from my perspective替代), I disagree with the notion of giving the same amount of money to students’ sport activities as giving to university libraries.

 

(开头要有一个连接的东西来表明逻辑的延续,中文是不需要这个的,但是英文比较低级,没有办法.For one thing)The purpose of a university is educating students and making them to be successful(make…successful这个概念在逻辑上不好,最好是leading them to success) in the future. From this perspective(Consequently, in educational sense), it is must(这个词是不可以这样用的) for universities to put focus on all kinds of aspects in libraries to prompt studying environments(这个句子比较的混乱,改一下:Consequently, in educational sense, university should focus more on the aspects of documentation and supply of books in the libraries and creating a better study atmosphere for students rather than on sports activities), such as more big(more big? 应该是bigger) space for comfortably (comfortable) studying, more books for reference, more advanced computer system, and more spaces for more students studying(to study) simultaneously in library. All those of things need more money for maintaining or improving(All of those things, as no doubt, need a big sum of money to be improved and maintained.). Universities, in fixed budget condition, undoubtedly (should) spend more money on improving(用词最好不要重复,这里可以说on the betterment of the hardware in library) library hardware than on sport activities(我觉得这个句子比较多余,重复了). For example(For example我也不建议使用), currently in my country, more and more(你用more and more这个概念太多了) students are getting into universities to obtain high-level education, on the other side, in order to get reputation and high-rate in ranking among all universities, universities will invest more money on expanding libraries building to accommodate more students as well as upgrading more advanced computer systems. From this opinion, the selection of putting more money on libraries than on sport activities is wise.

mycollege

My response:

       In my opionion, I would put daily sports acitivites at the first place duing my college life. I’d like to take more exericses at spare time after class, because building a strong body will give quite a lot of benefits, such as saving medical cost, owning a healthy body, getting a longer life etc.

       More exercises will make the students a good healthy body. For the following reasons in detail, universities should invest as much money to students’ sports activities as they give to their university libraires. First, owning a healthy a body is as important as getting grade A in college. If a good student is with bad health condition, he can’t energeticly get involved in learning. Maybe he will be disturbed by those dieases later. Second, these sports activities could prompt students to commuciate together and they can make friends during exercises. I joined a bike club in my college, and I got many friends during our sports acitivites. It not only built my body, but also took me many friends. I came to get my girlfriend in the club. Third, after class we can take more activites to decrease our pressor. Nowadays some students may get mental dieases with hard learning. To do more activites can help you get rid of these problems.

       So universities should put more money to build some gyms or buy some equipment to attract more students to exercise. We students can have a stronger body to learn, to work and to enjoy our life.
  

[此贴子已经被作者于2007-6-27 10:37:23编辑过]

sharkliver

献丑了，我也是8.25的IBT, 这篇文章大概40分钟写完的。。sigh， 总是开头和第一段要写很长时间。我的是五段八股文，大家轻拍

It is widely acknowledged that the basic prerequisite of success for any country is the education of its citizens, especially the high-level education. However, in most developing countries like China the financial support of universities is limited. How to utilize these funds in the most appropriate way? This is a question whose answer can invite much speculation. Recently some educational authorities argue that universities should put in the same amount of money to sports activities as they give to their university libraries. Taking the well-rounded education of students into consideration, this statement seems pretty plausible. Nevertheless, I believe that this assert cannot bear much scrutiny. We should place a higher value on the development of university libraries.

Among various reasons that contribute to this conclusion there are three most obvious yet persuasive ones. First and foremost, libraries are in need of money to a large degree. With the exponential leaps of modern science and technology, the information is accumulated by multiplying so a big chunk of money should be given to ensure the exposure to the information. It can be exemplified by the necessity of computer facilities, which is an indispensable outlet to gather massive amount of information in a short time. I must concede that these facilities are considerable expensive but their potential benefits are immeasurable.           

Apart from the necessary expenditures on high-tech products, traditional paper-made books should also not be put into oblivion. In my university the library has preserved a considerable amount of ancient books that were written by famous writers. They are very fragile and continued exposure to the oxygen will accentuate the breaking down of paper-made pages. On account of that the university officials have to build a costly vacuum room the preserve these books.

In addition, another cause I have to mention is that in most cases the library is an emblem of a university. Its appearance, degree of modernization and the number of books stored there represent the level of a university. Actually the library building in my university is the most splendid one in campus and it has been printed on the postage.

       Admittedly, sports sponsorship is also very important, just as an old adage says that a healthy mind lives in a healthy body. However, I believe that keeping the physical health of students is not the main responsibility of universities; otherwise they should concentrate on prompting their academic studies. Centered on this, I am strongly convinced that library facilities should be given priority.

[此贴子已经被作者于2007-6-27 10:32:51编辑过]

alexwithibt

以下是引用mycollege在2007-6-27 9:20:00的发言：

My response:

       In my opionion, I would put daily sports acitivites at the first place duing my college life. I’d like to take more exericses at spare time after class, because building a strong body will give quite a lot of benefits, such as saving medical cost, owning a healthy body, getting a longer life etc.

       More exercises will make the students a good healthy body. For the following reasons in detail, universities should invest as much money to students’ sports activities as they give to their university libraires. First, owning a healthy a body is as important as getting grade A in college. If a good student is with bad health condition, he can’t energeticly get involved in learning. Maybe he will be disturbed by those dieases later. Second, these sports activities could prompt students to commuciate together and they can make friends during exercises. I joined a bike club in my college, and I got many friends during our sports acitivites. It not only built my body, but also took me many friends. I came to get my girlfriend in the club. Third, after class we can take more activites to decrease our pressor. Nowadays some students may get mental dieases with hard learning. To do more activites can help you get rid of these problems.

       So universities should put more money to build some gyms or buy some equipment to attract more students to exercise. We students can have a stronger body to learn, to work and to enjoy our life.
  

写的都比我好.呵呵.

In my opinion, I would put daily sports activates at the first place during my college life.( I always put sport exercises at the top position on the list of my daily activities during my college life) I’d like to take more exercises at spare time after class, because building a strong body will give quite a lot of benefits, such as saving medical cost, owning a healthy body, getting a longer life etc.

 

More exercises will make the students a good healthy body. For the following reasons in detail, universities should invest as much money to students’ sports activities as they give to their university libraries. First, owning (having or possessing) a healthy a body is as important as getting grade A in college. If a good student is with bad health condition, he can’t energetically get involved in learning. Maybe he will be disturbed by those diseases later. Second, these sports activities could prompt students to communicate together and they can make friends during exercises. I joined a bike club in my college, and I got many friends during our sports activates. It not only built my body, but also took me many friends. I came to get my girlfriend in the club. Third, after class we can take more activates to decrease our pressor(这个词不明白??). Nowadays some students may get mental diseases with hard learning. To do (doing) more activates can help you get rid of these problems.

 

 So universities should put more money to build some gyms or buy some equipment to attract more students to exercise. We students can have a stronger body to learn, to work and to enjoy our life.

autumnbird

刚看消息，我这两天就开始写，尽快提交上去！
大家互相督促，鼓励！

qianrene

怎么改作文啊？我怕给别人越改越糟糕

mycollege

谢谢alexwithibt的评价,非常感谢.

自我感觉我写的太低级.

德克的猪

http://forum.chasedream.com/dispbbs.asp?boardID=19&ID=259004&page=1