作文贴~三战0524~

xeyyxzty · 发表于 2012-8-31 11:33:26

三战...其实是第三次考啦，不是说前两次滑铁卢哦...

恍然之间发现第一次的成绩再过几个月就过期了...可是它还没有完成它应尽的使命啊！！！（第二次比第一次低，我们就忽略吧...
所以LZ就开始第三次的奋斗咯~~~

第一次作文29，第二次25（好伤感的说...
希望这一次的成绩能让自己满意

祝所有同学CD成功~

CCcarol · 发表于 2012-8-31 15:53:23

熊熊~~~ 抱住~~~ 沙发果断占一个！！~

xeyyxzty · 发表于 2012-9-2 22:58:59

谢谢CC

第一篇~9.2独立
作文一直比较烂~求狠批

It is better to relax by a movie or reading a bookthan doing physical exercise. Do you agree?

We have so much pressure everyday in modernsociety that it’s necessary to find a way to relax ourselves. Some people saythat doing physical exercise is a good choice while I prefer reading a book orwatching a movie to get released.

Firstly, we can read books and watch moviesalmost everywhere. Thanks to the improvement of technology, we can have suchentertainments simply with our portable smart phones. Unlike doing physicalexercise, which asks for special equipments or places, reading or watchingmovies is a better choice if facilities are limited. Actually, only gyms offerall instruments. Besides, if you don’t have a plenty of time, doing exercisemay get you exhausted without a time to rest.

Secondly, books and movies may offer younew knowledge, which is impossible for doing exercise. For example, a magazinenamed Science, which is very famous, can tell you the latest discoveries oftechnology. Movies involve the information about the country where it is made. However,what you get to know when doing exercise is how to avoid injuries. We can’tdeny that one of books’ and movies’ functions is to transfer knowledge andinformation. It’s really a good thing to know something new while having arest.

Thirdly, reading books and watching moviesare safe. You may get hurt while doing exercise, especially when you are tired.It takes time to recover that the injury may disturb your life routine, whichwill cause bad effects. If you get fractures when you go skiing, you have tostay at home for several months. Time is precious to everyone that it’s reallya pity to spend such a long time at home. Reading books and watching movies,instead, are relatively safe because you just need to sit to enjoy them.

Admittedly, doing exercise is good tophysical health. The pros of reading books and watching movies outweigh theircons, I think. Time to relax is scarce that we must do the most valuable thing.Reading books and watching movies is a better choice.

fuzhengrui · 发表于 2012-9-2 23:28:13

谢谢CC

第一篇~9.2独立
作文一直比较烂~求狠批

It is better to relax by a movie or reading a bookthan doing physical exercise. Do you agree?

We have so much pressure everyday in modernsociety that it’s necessary to find a way to relax ourselves. Some people saythat doing physical exercise is a good choice while I prefer reading a book orwatching a movie to get released.

Firstly, we can read books and watch moviesalmost everywhere. Thanks to the improvement of technology, we can have suchentertainments simply with our portable smart phones. Unlike doing physicalexercise, which asks for special equipments or places, reading or watchingmovies is a better choice if facilities are limited. Actually, only gyms offerall instruments. Besides, if you don’t have a plenty of time, doing exercisemay get you exhausted without a time to rest.

Secondly, books and movies may offer younew knowledge, which is impossible for doing exercise. For example, a magazinenamed Science, which is very famous, can tell you the latest discoveries oftechnology. Movies involve the information about the country where it is made. However,what you get to know when doing exercise is how to avoid injuries. We can’tdeny that one of books’ and movies’ functions is to transfer knowledge andinformation. It’s really a good thing to know something new while having arest.

Thirdly, reading books and watching moviesare safe. You may get hurt while doing exercise, especially when you are tired.It takes time to recover that the injury may disturb your life routine, whichwill cause bad effects. If you get fractures when you go skiing, you have tostay at home for several months. Time is precious to everyone that it’s reallya pity to spend such a long time at home. Reading books and watching movies,instead, are relatively safe because you just need to sit to enjoy them.

Admittedly, doing exercise is good tophysical health. The pros of reading books and watching movies outweigh theircons, I think. Time to relax is scarce that we must do the most valuable thing.Reading books and watching movies is a better choice.

-- by 会员 xeyyxzty (2012/9/2 22:58:59)

ykhjy · 发表于 2012-9-3 14:07:22

肿么回事 lz 9.2 的作文已经。。改好了。。么。。那我还改么。

ykhjy · 发表于 2012-9-3 14:26:21

9.2 独立修改
It is better to relax by a movie or reading a book than doing physical exercise. Do you agree?
蓝色good 黄色需修改红色我改的绿色批注建议
We have so much pressure everyday in modern society [so] that it’s necessary to find a way to relax ourselves. Some people say that doing physical exercise is a good choice while I prefer reading a book or watching a movie[这里我不确定，不是prefer to do 么] to get released.

Firstly, we can read books and watch movies almost everywhere. Thanks to the improvement of technology, we can have such entertainments simply with our portable smart phones. Unlike doing physical exercise, which asks for special equipments or places, reading or watching movies is a better choice if facilities are limited. Actually, only gyms offer all instruments. Besides, if you don’t have a plenty of time, doing exercise may get you exhausted without a time to rest.[非常好，简单]

Secondly, books and movies may offer you new knowledge, which is impossible for [via] doing exercise. For example, a magazine named Science, which is very famous, can tell you the latest discoveries of technology. Movies involve the information about the country where it is made. However,what you get to know when doing exercise is how to avoid injuries. We can’t deny that one of books’ and movies’ functions is to transfer knowledge and information. It’s really a good thing to know something new while having a rest. 【有个问题和lz讨论下，题目是你觉得reading 比doing physical exercise更容易让人relax么，这和在rest 的时候，你更喜欢reading 还是 doing physical exercise 一样么？】

Thirdly, reading books and watching movies are safe. You may get hurt while doing exercise, especially when you are tired.It takes time to recover that the injury may disturb your life routine, which will cause bad effects. If you get fractures when you go skiing, you have to stay at home for several months. Time is precious to everyone that it’s really a pity to spend such a long time at home. Reading books and watching movies,instead, are relatively safe because you just need to sit to enjoy them. 【这个point非常好】

Admittedly, doing exercise is good to physical health. The pros of reading books and watching movies outweigh their cons, I think. Time to relax is scarce that we must do the most valuable thing.Reading books and watching movies is a better choice.

【lz作文很棒啊，思路清晰，也没有什么语法错误。但有个问题就是我在第三段跟你讨论的那个问题~~~~】

xeyyxzty · 发表于 2012-9-3 17:41:08

9.2 独立修改
It is better to relax by a movie or reading a book than doing physical exercise. Do you agree?
蓝色good 黄色需修改红色我改的绿色批注建议
We have so much pressure everyday in modern society [so] that it’s necessary to find a way to relax ourselves. Some people say that doing physical exercise is a good choice while I prefer reading a book or watching a movie[这里我不确定，不是prefer to do 么] to get released.

Firstly, we can read books and watch movies almost everywhere. Thanks to the improvement of technology, we can have such entertainments simply with our portable smart phones. Unlike doing physical exercise, which asks for special equipments or places, reading or watching movies is a better choice if facilities are limited. Actually, only gyms offer all instruments. Besides, if you don’t have a plenty of time, doing exercise may get you exhausted without a time to rest.[非常好，简单]

Secondly, books and movies may offer you new knowledge, which is impossible for [via] doing exercise. For example, a magazine named Science, which is very famous, can tell you the latest discoveries of technology. Movies involve the information about the country where it is made. However,what you get to know when doing exercise is how to avoid injuries. We can’t deny that one of books’ and movies’ functions is to transfer knowledge and information. It’s really a good thing to know something new while having a rest. 【有个问题和lz讨论下，题目是你觉得reading 比doing physical exercise更容易让人relax么，这和在rest 的时候，你更喜欢reading 还是 doing physical exercise 一样么？】

Thirdly, reading books and watching movies are safe. You may get hurt while doing exercise, especially when you are tired.It takes time to recover that the injury may disturb your life routine, which will cause bad effects. If you get fractures when you go skiing, you have to stay at home for several months. Time is precious to everyone that it’s really a pity to spend such a long time at home. Reading books and watching movies,instead, are relatively safe because you just need to sit to enjoy them. 【这个point非常好】

Admittedly, doing exercise is good to physical health. The pros of reading books and watching movies outweigh their cons, I think. Time to relax is scarce that we must do the most valuable thing.Reading books and watching movies is a better choice.

【lz作文很棒啊，思路清晰，也没有什么语法错误。但有个问题就是我在第三段跟你讨论的那个问题~~~~】

-- by 会员 ykhjy (2012/9/3 14:26:21)

那个问题可能是我顺手就把句子写出来了吧...把题目忘记了~你说的很对哟~改正~
像via这些词貌似从来没有在我的作文中出现过

学习了~
谢谢

xeyyxzty · 发表于 2012-9-3 22:56:09

这篇好难写

写的有点久，字数也不多，而且总是感觉有点牵强~anyway, 同学下狠手修改吧

Do you agree that it is better to spend money ontraveling and vacation than save money for future?

Usually people get a lot of pressure everydaythat they tend to spend money on traveling and vacation to have a rest. They regardtravel as a means of relaxing. However, I prefer saving money for future. In myperspective, there are so many ways to get relaxed that we can use money in amore proper way, such as investment.

Firstly, life is full of unexpected affairsthat we need to save money for them. Spending all the money on traveling orvacation is irrational. Once you get ill, it’s really dangerous that you don’thave enough money to pay for the medical expenses. Maybe you don’t recognizesuch things when planning for a trip, but we are adults that we should beresponsible for our behaviors. It’s never too early to plan for the future. Keepsome money in case of accidents is wise. Actually, life is so precious that it cannotbear risks.

Secondly, saving money can be beneficialbecause banks have several services that help their customers invest infinancial markets. Specialists can always do better than amateur investors. Thoughtraveling can give you an unforgettable experience, to most people, money ismore important in daily life. In this way, we’ll have more money for futurethat we don’t need to give up opportunities because of the lack of money. Regretis useless if you lose the chances one day in the future.

Thirdly, the more money deposited in banks,the better service banks may offer. For example, if you have the VIP card of abank, you can rest in the special room while waiting for the plane. Traveling canonly give you a sense of satisfaction for a period of time while you can find suchspecial services almost everywhere.

We can’t deny that the memory abouttraveling is priceless but life is more than entertainment. We need to concernmore. From this point, saving money for future is a better choice comparing tospending money on traveling and vocation.

fuzhengrui · 发表于 2012-9-3 23:17:40

beiyezi · 发表于 2012-9-4 08:46:19

作文贴~三战0524~

简单改了一下，问题不大，多数是润色，见附件

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熊熊请看附件。。。今天改熊熊作文的同学忽略这个回复

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