作文贴~三战0524~

搞G战士DB

熊熊写的很好哈，比我好多啦，学到了很多。都找不到语法错误。思路也很清晰。

建议就是注意一下逻辑，比如第二段和最后一段，加上一点观点把段落论述部分和观点结合在一起。

抱歉啦水平有限提不出更多的建议，熊熊表嫌弃我><

xeyyxzty

写的还是不太好总觉得结尾没什么可以说的.......


In order to solve the problems of the present and the future, people should review the past.


Though technology improves, the patterns of social progress are almost the same as they were before. Some people say that it’s no use to review the past when facing problems because the world has changed a lot. However, for my perspective, there is definitely a need to review the past in order to solve problems of the present and the future.


Firstly, we can find solutions from similar conditions in the past. As we all know, there is a cycle in economic growth. In the period of recession, it’s helpful for economists and politicians to review the past. Actually, history repeats itself. We can also find solutions for problems that we meet in daily life from our life experience. For example, if our house caught a fire, we could use the methods told on TV to save ourselves. Experience is a treasure not only for a single person, but also for human beings as a whole.


Secondly, reviewing the past can stimulate people to come up with new ideas and make new discoveries to solve problems. For example, it’s not rare that scientists do research on previous experiments for their study at hand. Failures in the past can also help people make progress. History is precious because it not only shows our improvement, but also reminds us the mistakes we have made.


Thirdly, though not all of the problems can be solved by reviewing the past, we can develop our ability to solve them independently in this way. This ability is crucial to everyone because nobody can guarantee that there is always a person to help you. The past tells us the right attitude, which is the most important part of solving problems, towards obstacles. Panic does no help, neither does anxiety. We have to rely on ourselves and the experience we have. Recalling the past is painful sometimes, we can learn a lot.


Thanks to the education system, everybody studies history so that we’ve all learned the method of reviewing the past. We can’t deny that changes in the society have influences on problem solving, but it’s still a good idea to review the past when facing problems of the present and the future.

xeyyxzty

to DB：
那个firstly是从自身利益出发~我也不知道是不是这样......好心虚
DB说的很好啦~
我一直很纠结我的结尾~觉得真的没什么好写的~
唉，有好建议吗？
让我再翻翻作文书去

beiyezi

Though technology improves, the patterns of social progress are almost the same as they were before. Some people say that it’s no use to review the past when facing problems because the world has changed a lot. However, for my perspective, there is definitely a need to review the past in order to solve problems of the present and the future.


Firstly, we can find solutions from similar conditions in the past. As we all know, there is a cycle in economic growth. In the period of recession, it’s helpful for economists and politicians to review the past. Actually, history repeats itself. We can also find solutions for problems that we meet in daily life from our life experience. For example, if our houses caught a fire, we could use the methods told on TV to save ourselves.(methods told on TV 虽然是属于past ，但是感觉还是和review past 有点差距啊，不如因为以前救过火，所以现在知道怎么救火了) Experience is a treasure not only for a single person, but also for human beings as a whole.这句话放在后面有点突兀，是在总结，而且递进， 但是又和前面例子顺序不符合，（前面先讲了for human beings 的例子）。提议fire的例子放在前，然后加结尾的那句话，引出cycle in economic的例子。
例子具体点好，加点细节，比如use the wet tower cover one‘s mouth and nose to avoid smothery air。


Secondly, reviewing the past can stimulate people to come up with new ideas and make new discoveries to solve problems. For example, it’s not rare that scientists do research base on previous experiments for their study at hand. Failures in the past can also help people make progress. History is precious because it not only shows our improvement这句话的意思是历史体现了我们的进步对不，但是这个本段主题不符啊，不是应该为有助于进步吗, but also reminds us the mistakes we have made.本段不够充实，加点例子吧。还有failurs 这个point 和主题的solve problems of today’s 的关联只用一句话，没论述清楚。


Thirdly, though not all of the problems can be solved by reviewing the past, we can develop build会不会更好的，develop 有点怪 our ability to solve them independently in this way this指代神马？. 这句话就是说虽然我们不能依靠过去的办法解决所有问题，但是我们可以培养独立解决的能力对吧，觉得虽然的内容和但是的内容有点不匹配。不是应该说虽然不能所有解决，但是可以帮助培养解决能力This ability is crucial to everyone because nobody can guarantee that there is always a person to help you（没人帮忙解决问题和主题无关）. The past tells us the right attitude, which is the most important part of solving problems, towards obstacles. Right attitude 太含糊，没具体说Panic does no help, neither does anxiety. We have to rely on ourselves and the experience we have.前面说panic，这句转为rely on experience ，不是一个方面的，提议改成experience make us feel confident infront of the difficulties。It is true that recalling the past is painful sometimes, we can learn a lotbut we do learn a lot of things throught it.


Thanks to the education system, everybody studies history so that we’ve all learned the method of reviewing the past.上历史课就学到reviewing的方法？We can’t deny that changes in the society have influences on problem solving, but it’s still a good idea to review the past when facing problems of the present an d the future.

能力有限，只能改到这个程度， 只希望不要改错了，  改错了一定要跟我说哈


文章论点挺好，例子不够具体，论述不是很清楚显得论点单薄， 好像是论述的逻辑或者顺序的原因； 没连接词，貌似连接词用一下，调理就有了

晨依Jacqueline

熊宝宝加油

xeyyxzty

A/D the most important problems in today’s world willbe solved in our life time

Society changes as time goes on. People arefacing so many important problems today. Some are confident that we can solvethem in our life time. However, I don’t think it’s possible. Each of the most importantproblems is relevant to everybody that it needs not only the progress inscience and technology, but also corporations among countries.

Firstly, though technology improved in thepast decades of years, there is still a limit. There is no treatment for cancerand AIDS right now. Global warming also threatens human beings, not to mentionextreme climate. Besides, we are out of traditional fuel. All of such critical problemscall for breakthroughs in science and technology. We can’t deny that more andmore people become researchers, but gifted scientists are still rare. Greatscientists don’t come out usually.

Secondly, regardless of the limit oftechnology, the cost to make use of new inventions is so huge that not everycountry can afford it. Actually, a gap exists in the GDP among developed countriesand developing countries. There are so many people still in hunger while othersare complaining about the taste of dishes. In this aspect, whether there is anew invention has nothing to do with the poor. For example, computers have beeninvented many years ago, but not until the recent ten years could ordinarypeople afford to buy one.

Thirdly, governments won’t allow the criticaltechnology to be used in other countries. There is competence among countriesin many aspects, such as science, military, etc.. Every country is potentialrivals to others. For instance, as we all know, GPS was invented by the US andit can be used by everyone technically. However, Europe has its own system, sodoes China and Russia. Nobody would like to share their discoveries withothers, especially they are competitors.

I believe that many people can have a qualified life whileI don’t think it’s possible to solve all the most important problems in ourlife time. How could you expect global corporation exists when there are stillwars? Technology improves and we’ll live a better life. But there are still problemsto be solved.

xeyyxzty

熊宝宝加油

-- by 会员 晨依Jacqueline (2012/9/6 16:11:18)

谢谢晨依


下次来要点评作文哟

xeyyxzty

回顾一下之前同学们提的意见~
大概就是文章逻辑不是很强(尤其是分论点~联系不够紧密,也没有递进,就算平行也很牵强~好吧,想理由是很痛苦的事情)
还有我不是很会写开头结尾~总是觉得没话说~~~
还有例子,举的内容不够丰富具体(这大概就是字数少的原因吧...)
当然,还有一个你们不知道的~就是时间不够用啊啊啊啊啊
剩下的就是小错误了~

有什么问题还请大家多多指出~thx

xeyyxzty

to beiyezi：
果然我写作文的时候大脑很跳跃很跳跃啊啊啊啊啊
重点就是内容很游离是吧~没有贴着问题写
这个我写的时候有感觉，可是就是不知道写什么~让我好好看看范文去~~~

方便的话看看我今天的~这篇因为问题的关系，好写很多，感觉逻辑性比上一篇强~

beiyezi

A/D the most important problems in today’s world willbe solved in our life time

Society changes as time goes on. People are facing so many important problems today. Some are confident that we can solve them in our lifetime. However, I don’t think it’s possible. Each of the most important problems is relevant to everybody that it needs not only the progress in science and technology, but also corporations among countries.

Firstly, though technology improved in the past decades of years, there is still a limit. There is no treatment for cancer and AIDS right now. Global warming also threatens human beings, not to mention extreme climate. Besides, we are out of traditional fuel. All of such critical problems call for breakthroughs in science and technology. We can’t deny that more and more（growing number of） people become researchers, but gifted scientists are still rare. Great scientists don’t come out usually.（前面描述的很好很强大，后面两句关于 scientists 的有点……感觉好像鄙视了弱的scientists，科学有限的进步归结于scientists 不强大貌似有点不妥，毕竟不是什么东西scientists都可以解决）

Secondly, regardless of the limit of technology, the cost to make use of new inventions is so huge that not every country can afford it. Actually, a great gap exists in the GDP among developed countries and developing countries. There are so many people still in hunger while others are complaining about the taste of dishes. In this aspect, whether there is a new invention has nothing to do with the poor. For example, computers have been invented many years ago, but not until the recent ten years could ordinary people afford to buy one.

Thirdly, governments won’t allow the critical technology to be used in other countries. There is competence among countries in many aspects, such as science, military, etc.. Every country is potential rivals to others. For instance, as we all know, GPS was invented by the US and it can be used by everyone technically. However, Europe has its own system, so does China and Russia. Nobody would like to share their discoveries with others, especially they are competitors.

I believe that many people can have a qualified life while I don’t think it’s possible to solve all the most important problems in our life time. How could you expect global corporation exists when there are still wars? Technology improves and we’ll live a better life. But there are still problems to be solved.

逻辑方面，貌似和正常逻辑不一样  你的逻辑是不是这样的：问题没法解决because ：
1，scientist 不强，science have limit；


2，即使technology is infinite， have not money to afford them
(这里要体现一下因此问题始终解决不了因为买不起，for example ，the super hybrid rice release the tense of the hunger around the world， but there are quite a few people remain hungry in several place on earth because these countries are too poor to pay the hybrid rice)


3，lack of international cooperation cause the popularization of the technology  stay at low point
（这里应该和主题联系一下，不普及cause we can not use the technology on  larger range that lead t
o the problems stay unsolved or will cost a long time to solve）（举的例子也和主题没啥关系， 但是这个point 貌似例子有点难找，一时半会儿想不出来）


感觉你更像是在回答，为啥科学技术不能解决问题 这个主题


总之：1， 每段要和主题有联系，， 扯得再远都得会到主题，，这样比较不容易跑题
          2，主题有3个重点：time          most important problems         solve   ，貌似你没有抓住
          3，虽然总的来看，有点偏题，，但是每一段内部调理很好，有逻辑了，加强全文的逻辑就很好
语言方面：1， 简洁干净，有条理，也有连接词了  用词挺好，但是句子全是简单句，读者看着不过瘾啊，可以找两句合成一句。