作文贴~三战0524~

搞G战士DB

Grades (marks) encourage students to learn? A/D

Students get grades which show students’ performance on the subject all over the world. Some say that the evaluation system is really helpful for students because marks may encourage students to learn harder. Compared with others, students usually want to do better. （这句话去掉比较好）However, in my perspective, I don’t think the pros of grades outweigh the cons.（这句话又学到了！）这句话又学到了！）在开头段把下面的分论点列出来是会很有调理，但是要简洁哈，所以建议你吧那句话去掉。

To begin with, grading may distort the students’ attitude towards learning, which will influence the efficiency of learning as a result. If teachers and parents put too much emphasis on（确定可以put emphasis on这么用是吧？那我就搬走了哈） grades, students will get an illusion that the ultimate goal of learning is to get high grades. In my view, students should enjoy the experience of gaining knowledge, but the pursuing of grades may make the process of learning awful. Take one of my classmates as an example. She usually got high grades and I admired her a lot in high school. But when choosing majors for university study, she met a problem and asked me for help. She told me that she had no idea about her interest because the purpose of learning for her was to get high grades. After entering the university, she no longer worked and said that she was tired of learning. In this aspect, grades give too much pressure to students and when stress is released, problems emerge.很好的一段！

What’s more, grades divide students into several groups according to their academic performance. The（This） phenomenon makes teamwork less possible, but as we all know, corporation can stimulate students to work harder and make more progress. Grades set barriers which make students have less communication with others in different groups. It’s not rare to see that students with high grades laugh at those with lower ones. Meanwhile, some students may be discouraged when getting low scores and will lose interest in learning.这个分论点很好哦，我都没想到呢。

In addition, the evaluation by grades is not as scientific as many people think. Regardless of the academic skills, talents like music and art are also essential components when assessing students. It’s unfair for students if they are grouped simply by grades. Besides, it is teachers’ responsibility to cultivate students in different aspect（-s）, not limited in the field of study. 这一段偏题了额，说得很好，但是跟题目没有关系。要论述的是成绩能不能鼓励学生学习，而不是通过成绩去评价学生是否合理。

On the basis of the analysis above, I think grades can hardly encourage students to learn. We cannot deny that grades are one of the major means to evaluate a student’s performance, but they tend to have negative impacts, rather than good ones, on students and the advantages cannot overlap the disadvantages.

哇，这篇有惊艳到！整篇读下来很舒服！几乎没有什么错误！论述充分，分论点很赞，用词高级了很多，字数多了，that的问题也好多了，开头结尾更是一下提高了很多！完了熊熊我跟不上你的步伐了……

xeyyxzty

to DB :
我现在写作文分论点写着写着就跑~要不停的告诉自己问题是什么~
其实你说的那个有点跑题我写的时候就发现了~可是~懒了，就没有再想出一个理由~~~
得到夸奖了~好开心
确定emphasis是和on连接的~

xeyyxzty

It’s more important to choose friends that have funwith than to choose friends that will help you when you need them.

Competitions are severe today so not only thetalents of people, but also help from others, contribute to the success incareer. Though some people say that it’s important to choose friends that havefun with, I prefer to choose friends that will help me in case of emergency.

To begin with, friends are kinds ofresources to deal with difficulties. Because we spend lots of time and money tomake friends, it’s fair to look for rewards. Take one of my classmates, Andy,as an example. He used to be a close friend of John, who was also my classmate.One day Andy lost his money and asked John for help. Considering the fact thatAndy’s family was on tight budget, John refused to lend the money. Not surprisingly,they were not as close as before after the incident. When family members cannotoffer help, it’s natural to turn to friends for help. If we make friends thathave fun with, how can we expect them to help us when we are in trouble? Friendsin need are friends indeed. Making friends is a kind of investment andinsurance for the future.

In addition, friends who can help ususually have the same topic, even the same career, with us. Besides getting helpfrom friends, we can learn more practical experience communicating with them,while friends that have fun with can hardly give us any useful advice. I have agood friend elder than me. We have the same major and she gave me so manysuggestions about my future that I really appreciated it a lot. In myperspective, communication among friends is essential because we can learn fromeach other through the process. Friends play a role much more important than a personwho we play with. Actually, solving problems and dealing with difficulties arethe real way to enhance relationship among friends.

What’s more, friends that can offer help tous have really good merits. They are treasures of our life. People who we canonly have with can never be trusted while real friends who are ready to do me afavor are trust worthy.

We can’t deny that one of reasons makingfriends is to have fun, but it’s more essential to make friends who can helpus. Resources are limited and life is more than having fun. We have to do ourbest to achieve what we want and friends are main sources of help.

huluhulufei

It’s more important to choose friends that have fun with than to choose friends that will help you when you need them.

Competitions are severe today so not only the talentsof people, but also help from others, contribute to the success in career. Though some people say that it’s important to choose friends that have fun with, I prefer to choose friends that will help me in case of emergency.这个in case of emergency 感觉有些唐突，其他的蛮好~

To begin with, friends are kinds of resources to deal with difficulties. Because we spend lots of time and money to make friends, it’s fair to look for rewards（这个。。感觉有些用金钱收买友情的感觉，不太好，而且有些偏主题）. Take one of my classmates, Andy, as an example. He used to be a close friend of John, who was also my classmate. One day Andy lost his money and asked John for help. Considering the fact that Andy’s family was on tight budget, John refused to lend the money. Not surprisingly, they were not as close as before after the incident. When family members cannotoffer help, it’s natural to turn to friends for help. If we make friends that have fun with, how can we expect them to help us when we are in trouble? Friends in need are friends indeed. Making friends is a kind of investment and insurance for the future.这段主题偏，楼主想说的是，朋友应该在危难之时伸出手，而题目的要求是应该找一个什么样的朋友。而且你的例子中没有说明John是一个have fun with的人，这就更偏离主题了。另外这个insurance 和investment，不太好，尽量表达一些正面的信息，这个，其实如果把它深层次的东西挖掘出来也尚可，不过就越说越深了，托福还是重文采，GRE偏逻辑。如果是一篇G文的话那么说说倒是无妨。

In addition, friends who can help ususually（错别字） have the same topic, even the same career, with us. Besides getting help from friends, we can learn more practical experience communicating with them, while friends that have fun with can hardly give us any useful advice. I have a good friend elder than me. We have the same major and she gave me so many suggestions about my future that I really appreciated it a lot. In my perspective, communication among friends is essential because we can learn from each other through the process. Friends play a role much more important than a person who we play with. Actually, solving problems and dealing with difficulties are the real way to enhance relationship among friends. 除了开头句，后面说的都很好。开头句不符合本段主题，应改为：In addition, friends who can help usually provide more useful advices, which is beneficial to improve ourselves.

What’s more, friends that can offer help tous(什么意思？) have really good merits. They are treasures of our life. People who we can only have（+fun）with can never be trusted while real friends who are ready to do me a favor are trust worthy.此段可以揉合到上面两段中，没有新观点。

We can’t deny that one of（此处何用？）reasons making friends is to have fun, but it’s more essential to make friends who can help us. Resources are limited and life is more than having fun. We have to do our best to achieve what we want and friends are main sources of help.



整体感觉还可以，楼主应加强逻辑和语言，避免偏题。另外例子一定要支持你的观点，conclusion的时候切记扣题~ 语言更流畅一些就更好了~加油！

xeyyxzty

to huhu: thx
              偏题是个大问题~会注意

xeyyxzty

A/D The most important investment of a company is toimprove the skills of its employees.

Companies are an essential component ofglobal economy. Once a company wants to expand, it must decide which section toinvest in. Some say that firms should put more emphasis on the research of newproducts. Actually, everyone has own ideas. I tend to believe that the most importantinvestment of a company is to improve the skills of its employees.

To begin, the skills of employees ispositive relevant to the firm’s productivity, which affects revenue a lot. Thepurpose of firms is to make profits. In this aspect, the investment to improvethe skills of employees is beneficial. For example, at the beginning of 21^stcentury, numerous companies offered courses like computer training in order tomake employees have higher efficiency. Though costs may be huge, rewards inlong term are considerable.

What’s more, the investment would makeemployees be more loyal to the company. The cost of finding a new job is solarge that once companies give employees a sense of belongings, most of themwould not leave. Besides, it’s also a loss for companies if employees quitbecause it costs a lot to select and train a person. The loyalty of employeesis precious because the longer an employee hired, the better the firm develops.

In addition, the investment helps the firmhave a better reputation so that it will attract more qualified candidatesapplying for jobs. As we all know, the more talented a person is, the betterperformance he can make. Investment to improve the skills of employeesguarantees workers a stable life, which is appealing to most people. Hunanresources influence the growth of a company that if we admit enough qualifiedpeople, once the firm expands, we don’t need to hire anyone new to the criticalpositions. Statistically, consumers tend to buy products from companies withhigh reputation. In this sense, the investment is worthy.

Companies invest in many sections toexpand. They have so many options that it’s really hard to tell which is themost important. However, I believe the most important investment is to improvethe skills of employees. Employees are the most valuable resources for a firmthat we should do our best to make full use of them.
昨天占座前忘记看题目了~这个大概10天前写过了了 ~就粘了过来

bonnenuit

Companies are an essential component of global economy. Once a company wants to expand, it must decide which section to invest in. Some say that firms should put more emphasis on the research of newproducts. Actually, everyone has own ideas. I tend to believe that the most important investment of a company is to improve the skills of its employees.

To begin, the skills of employees is（are)positive relevant to the firm’s productivity, which affects (affect)revenues a lot. The purpose of firms is to make profits. In this aspect, the investment to improve the skills of employees is beneficial. For example, at the beginning of 21^stcentury, numerous companies offered courses like computer training(前面说courses,后面只举了computer training是不是还不够啊，我觉得还可以再适当增加几个） in order to make employees have higher efficiency（have higher efficiency感觉有点怪，让员工拥有更高的效率，我觉得还是make employees work more efficently好一点吧 可能是我自己水平不高才这么想的). Though costs may be huge, rewards in long term are（will be?) considerable.

What’s more, the investment would make employees be more loyal to the company. The cost of finding a new job is so large that once companies give employees a sense of belongings, most of them would not leave. Besides, it’s also a loss for companies if employees quit because it (has) costs(cost) a lot (for companies)to select and train a person(我个人觉得这样表达稍微恰当些）. The loyalty of employees is precious because the longer an employee hired, the better the firm develops.

In addition, the investment helps the firm have a better reputation so that it will attract more qualified candidates applying for jobs. As we all know, the more talented a person is, the better performance he can make. Investment to improve the skills of employees guarantees workers a stable life, which is appealing to most people. Hunan（human） resources influence the growth of a company that if we admit enough qualified people, once the firm expands, we（“我们”神马时候代表公司了哈！） don’t need to hire anyone new to the criticalpositions（that if。。。。这后面一整句有点别扭，有点罗嗦，不好意思，我水平， 改不来）. Statistically, consumers tend to buy products from companies with high reputation. In this sense, the investment is worthy.

Companies invest in many sections to expand. They have so many options that it’s really hard to tell which is the most important. However, I believe the most important investment is to improvethe skills of employees. Employees are the most valuable resources for a firm that we should do our best to make full use of them.


有个别小错误
有些句式比如。。。so that。。。，
the +比较级。。。，the+比较级。。用的有点偏多。可以适当的变换下句式
其他的都还好啦
理由也还算convincing

xeyyxzty

Do you agree that it is better to spend money ontraveling and vacation than save money for future?

Because of the severe competition, peopleget a lot of pressure everyday so they tend to spend money on traveling andvacation to have a rest. They regard travel as a means of relaxing. However, Iprefer saving money for future. In my perspective, there are so many ways toget relaxed that we can use money in a more proper way.

To begin with, life is full of unexpectedaffairs. We need to save money for emergencies in the future. Spending all themoney on traveling or vacation is irrational. Take one of my relatives as anexample. After an enjoyable trip which cost her lots of money, she went back towork. But only weeks later, her daughter was severely ill and medical expenseswas huge. She couldn’t afford the costs because she had spent all the money onthe travel. Though people lent her money and her daughter was well in the end,we cannot ignore the possibility of emergencies which need money a lot.

What’s more, saving money can be beneficialbecause banks have several services that help their customers invest infinancial markets. Specialists can always do better than amateur investors. Thoughtraveling can give you an unforgettable experience, to most people, money ismore essential in daily life. In this way, we’ll have more money for future andwe don’t need to give up opportunities because of the lack of money.

In addition, the more money deposited inbanks, the better service banks may offer. For example, if you have the VIPcard of a bank, you can rest in the special room while waiting for the plane. Suchservices are really convenient and helpful especially you are in a strangecity. Traveling can only give you a sense of satisfaction for a period of timewhile you can receive special services almost everywhere. You can rest in VIProom in train station. Besides, you can order a room prior to other customersin certain hotels.

We can’t deny that the memory abouttraveling is priceless but life is more than entertainment. We need to concernmore. From this point, saving money for future is a better choice comparing tospending money on traveling and vocation.


这是之前写过的经过一点点修改粘过来的~~~

d0gzi

Because of the severe competition, peopleget a lot of pressure everyday so they tend to spend money on traveling andvacation to have a rest. They regard travel as a means of relaxing. However, Iprefer saving money for future. In my perspective, there are so many ways toget relaxed that we can use money in a more proper way.

To begin with, life is full of unexpectedaffairs. We need to save money for emergencies in the future. Spending all themoney on traveling or vacation is irrational. Take one of my relatives as anexample. After an enjoyable trip which cost edher lots of money, she went back towork. But only weeks later, her daughter was became 表过程severely ill and medical expenseswas 主谓一致huge. She couldn’t afford the costs because she had spent all the money onthe travel. Though people lent her money and her daughter was well in the end,we cannot ignore the possibility of emergencies which need money a lot.

What’s more, saving money can be beneficialbecause banks have several services that help their customers invest infinancial markets. Specialists can always do better than amateur investors. Thoughtraveling can give you an unforgettable experience, to most people, money ismore essential in daily life. In this way, we’ll have more money for future andwe don’t need to give up opportunities because of the lack of money.

In addition, the more money deposited inbanks, the better service banks may offer. For example, if you have the VIPcard of a bank, you can rest in the special room while waiting for the plane. Suchservices are really convenient and helpful especially whenyou are in a strangecity. Traveling can only give you a sense of satisfaction for a period of timewhile you can receive special services almost everywhere. You can rest in VIProom in train station. Besides, you can order a room prior to other customersin certain hotels.

We can’t deny that the memory abouttraveling is priceless but life is more than entertainment. We need to concernmore. From this point, saving money for future is a better choice comparing（。。。我也不确定是COMPARED还是COMPARING 也~） tospending money on traveling and vocation.



文章挺规矩的。三个观点都不错。如果句子结构和词汇更复杂些就很好了。。。红色标出来的是我认为有点问题的地方。。。
今天刚考完托福。。。所以忘了改了。。对不起啊！！！
加油！！！！！

xeyyxzty

It is more enjoyable to have a job, and you work only3 days a week with long hours rather than work for 5 days with short hours aday.

As society improves, there are more choicesabout work style available. Debates about whether to work only 3 days a week withlong hours or to work for 5 days with hours a day arise everywhere worldwide. Inmy perspective, advantages of working for 5 days with short hours a day outweighits drawbacks.

To begin with, I think a balance betweenwork and rest may contribute to the mental and physical health of a person. Workingtoo much in a relatively short period of time gives people so much stress thatit may do harm to health, which is a key factor of the quality of life. We caneasily find reports that workers were too ill to be cured in newspapers. Such tragediesremind us not to work overloaded because they are losses not only for families,but also for the whole society. Besides, psychological health could also be affectedby burdens of work. Phenomena like people appointing for consultants withpsychiatrists reveal that working pressure influences daily life of employees. Inthis aspect, the balance between work and rest should be taken in considerationseriously, which means working short hours a day is more beneficial.

In addition, working short hours every daycan guarantee that people will have a high efficiency when they go to work. On thecontrary, people who work long hours may not be as productive and creative asthose who work less. People get tired and frustrated when they have worked fora long time and they may put less concentration on working. Leaders want theirteam members achieve more in unit time so it’s irrational to ask people work alot in a single day.

What’s more, as technology improved,conditions of various markets change so frequently that they need our attentionevery day. We have to adjust our plan to such changes in order to achievegoals. How can we react to changes and make adjustments properly if we only goto work 3 days a week? For example, securities companies may get huge losses ifthey have no access to the Internet in an hour. Many other firms operate likethe ways securities companies do. Obviously, considering the operating patternsof firms, we have to admit that to some companies, it’s impossible for them torun 3 day a week.

Generally, working for 5 days with shorthours a day is more beneficial for both individuals and companies regardingreasons I listed above. Though working 3 days while relaxing 4 days a week isattractive, such pattern can never be applied in large scale. We can live a betterlife if working less in one day.