作文贴~三战0524~

angelafeng

刚刚参加小分队，今天第一天改作文，改的不好请见谅~~

As society improves, there are more choices about work style available. Debates about whether to work only 3 days a week with long hours or to work for 5 days with hours a day arise everywhere worldwide. In my perspective, advantages of working for 5 days with short hours a day outweighits（应该用单数）drawbacks.

To begin with, I think a balance between work and rest may contribute to the mental and physical health of a person. Working too much in a relatively short period of time gives people so much stress that it may do harm to health, which is a key factor of the quality of life. We can easily find reports that workers were too ill to be cured in newspapers.（这句话感觉有点别扭，感觉好像是工人在报纸上被治愈。in the newspapers的位置放在reports后面更好，不会有歧义。）Such tragedies remind us not to work overloaded because they are losses not only for families, but also for the whole society. Besides, psychological health could also be affected by burdens of work. Phenomena like people appointing for consultants with psychiatrists reveal that working pressure influences daily life of employees. In this aspect, the balance between work and rest should be taken in consideration seriously, which means working short hours a day is more beneficial.

In addition, working short hours every day can guarantee that people will have a high efficiency when they go to work. On the contrary, people who work long hours may not be as productive and creative as those who work less. People get tired and frustrated when they have worked for a long time and they may put less concentration on working. Leaders want their team members achieve more in unit time so it’s irrational to ask people work a lot in a single day.

What’s more, as technology improved, conditions of various markets change so frequently that they need our attention every day. We have to adjust our plan to such changes in order to achieve goals. How can we react to changes and make adjustments properly if we only go to work 3 days a week? For example, securities companies may get huge losses if they have no access to the Internet in an hour. Many other firms operate like the ways securities companies do. Obviously, considering the operating patterns of firms, we have to admit that to some companies, it’s impossible for them to run 3 day a week.

Generally, working for 5 days with short hours a day is more beneficial for both individuals and companies regarding reasons I listed above. Though working 3 days while relaxing 4 days a week is attractive, such pattern can never be applied in large scale. We can live a better life if working less in one day.

论证点1和论证点3都很精彩， 相比下论证点2稍微逊色些。可以把这个论点充实下。
文章整体很好，只有个别地方有点小问题。

xeyyxzty

A/D The competition between friends always hasnegative effects.

As society improves, the definition ofcompetition is usually mentioned when talking about working or learning. Somesay that competitions among friends brings about so much negative effects thatit not only harms the relationship among them but also causes undesirableresults in working. However, in my perspective, the advantages among friendsoutweigh the drawbacks.

To begin with, in my view, competitionbetween friends will motivate them to work harder, which leads to moreaccomplishments as a result. Besides, we can easily find our shortcomingscomparing with others who work with us, coping with the same task. When myfriends and I did research on finance, which are our major, we competed witheach other for the position of leader. We did our best to gain others'recoganization. In the end, though I failed, what I had done during the periodreally surprised me because it was a large amount of work which asked forpatience and creation. I think the competition brought me benefits, instead ofbad effects.

In addition, competitions usually come withcorporations, in which people can develope their working skills and enhance therelationship with others, especially friends. The source of competitions iscorporations so when referring to competitions, it's proper to takecorporations into consideration. We can master the skill of balancing betweenthe two and such skill can help us make more friends as well as make goodperformance at work. We can't deny that competitions interfere the relationshipamong people, but we can set a border between work and relax in order to makeintimate friends. Obviously, if you reagrd every one in your team as rivals,you may be exhausted and couldn't do well at work.

What's more, as competitions areeverywhere, we have to adapt to them as soon as possible. Competitions amongfriends are one of the commonest type and we can learn the solutions from them.In this aspect, competitions bring more positive effects than the negative onesbecause they help avoid potential loss in the future. If we successfully dealwith competitions among friends, we can cope with them well in workingcircumstances, too.

Generally, I think competitions among friendshave more positive effects. Though they may cause some troubles, like quarrels,they are an essential part of life and they help us mature. As we cannot escapefrom competition, the right attitude towards them is to face them bravely,especially those between friends.

angelafeng

今天还是我给熊熊改作文~~
文章总体很好，如果第三个论点能再加个例子加以证明就更好了。
by the way，怎么能把例子写得又充实又好呢，求教求教~~~

As society improves, the definition of competition is usually mentioned when talking about working or learning. Some say that competitions among friends brings about so much negative effects that it not only harms the relationship among them but also causes undesirable results in working. However, in my perspective, the advantages among friends outweigh the drawbacks.

To begin with, in my view, competition between friends will motivate them to work harder, which leads to more accomplishments as a result. Besides, we can easily find our shortcomings comparing with others who work with us, coping with the same task. When my friends and I did research on finance, which are our major, we competed with each other for the position of leader. We did our best to gain others' recoganization（应该是recognization）. In the end, though I failed what I had done during the period really surprised me because it was a large amount of work which asked for patience and creation. I think the competition brought me benefits, instead of bad effects.（例子叙述的很好，高亮的句子偶觉得写得很漂亮，学习学习~~）

In addition, competitions usually come with corporations, in which people can develope（这个拼写多了个e） their working skills and enhance the relationship with others, especially friends. The source of competitions is corporations so when referring to competitions, it's proper to take corporations into consideration. We can master the skill of balancing between the two and such skill can help us make more friends as well as make good performance at work. We can't deny that competitions interfere （interfere做干涉的意思时是不及物动词，所以这里缺少个介词in/with）the relationship among people, but we can set a border between works and relax in order to make intimate friends. Obviously, if you reagrd（regard） every one in your team as rivals, you may be exhausted and couldn't do well at work.(这段有个别语法和拼写错误，这段论述公司中的竞争，前面一段若在开头加上句这是学校生活中的竞争，个人感觉两段更对称一些)

What's more, as competitions are everywhere, we have to adapt to them as soon as possible. Competitions among friends are one of the commonest type and we can learn the solutions from them. In this aspect, competitions bring more positive effects than the negative ones because they help avoid potential loss in the future. If we successfully deal with competitions among friends, we can cope with them well in working circumstances, too.

Generally, I think competitions among friend shave more positive effects. Though they may cause some troubles, like quarrels, they are an essential part of life and they help us mature. As we cannot escape from competition, the right attitude towards them is to face them bravely, especially those between friends.

xeyyxzty

to angela：
其实就是编例子啦~我原来文章只能写到300，就是没有例子~
现在嘛，仅仅是多几句话的例子就多了好多字~感觉就像教育小朋友一样啦，浅显而生活的例子就行~

xeyyxzty

Which do you choose to improve your health: kind offood you eat, amount of exercise, amount of stress

As stress of working and learning becomesheavier gradually because of the severe competition among people, we need to doour best to maintain a good health to face challenges on the way. Some peoplewould like to do exercise to get rid of pressure and they think they will berefreshed going to gyms. However, in my perspective, taking care of the foodyou eat makes more contribution to my health.

To begin with, I can pay attention to whatI eat every day and such behavior may turn to be a habit. On the contrary,doing exercise can never happen daily and it may be interrupted because ofemergencies about work. Take my uncle's experience as an example. He is used tojogging in the morning, but when he has to stay up late at night to do thework, it's impossible for him to have exercise as usual. As a result, hedoesn't jog regularly, which makes exercise have less benefit to his body. Ifwe care about what we eat, we can choose the most suitable food, which doesgood to the health.

In addition, we have a wide variety ofhealth food, like Chinese food and Thai food, to choose from. However, doingexercise asks for space so we have limited choices. It's not surprising thatpeople become bored doing the same exercise regularly. They may quit exercisingas a result. When we are not in favor of a certain kind of food, we can chooseanother type both delicious and healthy. Besides, if you are accustomed todoing a certain kind of sport, you may be careless while doing and is easy toget hurt.

What's more, paying attention to eatingdoesn't take too much extra time, which is a scarce resource for people today,while doing exercise asks for lots of time. In this aspect, we are able tomaintain health, which requires attention day by day, by eating cautiously. If eatinghealthy becomes a habit, it doesn’t need any extra care and may even save ourtime.

Health is essential to everyone all thetime. There are various methods available to maintain health and we have tochoose some from them to keep healthy. Though some say that doing exercise is agood choice, I don't think so because it not only costs much, but also occupieslarge amounts of time. Instead, eating selectively and carefully is botheconomical and efficient. I prefer to pay attention to what I eat to maintain agood health.

bonnenuit

As stress of working and learning becomes heavier gradually because of （这两个as，because of 可以省去一个，不会影响意思，不然有点重复了，读起来有点歧义）the severe competition among people, we need to do our best to maintain a（健康是抽象名字，应该是不可数的吧） good health to face challenges on the way. Some people would like to do exercise to get rid of pressure and they think they will be refreshed （by?不确定)going to gyms. However, in my perspective, taking care of the food you eat makes more contribution to my health.

To begin with, I can pay attention to what (to) eat every day and such behavior may turn to be a habit. On the contrary,doing exercise can never happen daily and it may be interrupted because of emergencies about work. Take my uncle's experience as an example. He is used to jogging in the morning, but when he has to stay up late at night to do the work, it's impossible for him to have exercise as usual. As a result, he doesn't jog regularly, which makes exercise have less benefit to his body. If we care about what we eat, we can choose the most suitable food, which does (是不是要加个be 如果你这个does是为了强调，好像没有do good to的吧？)good to the health.

In addition, we have a wide variety of healthy food, like Chinese food and Thai food, to choose from. However, doing exercise asks for space so (加个that更好)we have limited choices. It's not surprising that people become bored（换tired of更好) doing the same exercise regularly. They may quit exercising as a result. When we are not in favor of a certain kind of food, we can choose another type both delicious and healthy. Besides, if you are accustomed to doing a certain kind of sport, you may be careless while doing and is（前面有be了，这个is可以去掉） easy to get hurt.

What's more, paying attention to eating doesn't take too much extra time, which（这个which可能有歧义，是指代前面paying attention....还是extra time呢， 把前面那句话稍稍变换一下句式，个人意见） is a scarce resource for people today,while doing exercise asks for lots of time. In this aspect, we are able to maintain health, which requires attention day by day, by eating cautiously. If（when更好） eating healthy becomes a habit, it doesn’t need any extra care and may even save our time.

Health is essential to everyone all the time. There are various methods available to maintain health and we have to choose some from them to keep healthy. Though some say that doing exercise is a good choice, I don't think so， because it not only costs much, but also occupies large amounts of time. Instead, eating selectively and carefully is both economical and efficient. I prefer to pay attention to what I eat to maintain a good health.



就是一些个别语法问题
多变换一些句式，可以适当一些被动啊神马的
还有 不知道是你word版本问题还是怎么的 复制过来的文章 有些词连在一起了 下次注意检查一下  因为我每次都要先帮你把连起来的词分开来 再仔细看文章！

xeyyxzty

A/D: people today would be happier if they had fewerpossessions

As society improves gradually, people caneasily get possessions and as a consequence, everybody have much more thanbefore. Some people argue that because of the possessions we own, we becomeless happy. However, I tend to agree that we would be happier if we had morepossessions.

To begin with, a large quantity ofpossessions guarantees us a stable and qualified life, which will in turn makeus happy. We can easily imagine that people living in the past lived a hard lifedue to the lack of possessions. Actually, it was difficult for them to getenough living necessities and as a result, they were not satisfied and happy. Wecannot deny that there are some people being happy when living a poor life, butmost people prefer an enjoyable life with plenty of possessions. Besides,people are anxious and worried if they don’t have enough possessions, as aconsequence, it’s hard for them to feel happy.

What’s more, possessions give us a sense ofsatisfaction since possessions are symbol of what we have achieved before. Peoplecollect stamps, books, or artifacts and they are proud of the collections. Ihave a classmate who is interested in collecting postcards. Whenever he go, hewill buy a postcard and write it to himself sending it back to home. He told methat postcards help him recall the journey. Though his parents didn’tunderstand his behavior, they still encouraged him to keep collecting for theybelieve those postcards make their son happy. In this perspective, more possessionsmake us happier since we can recall our experience by looking at them.

In addition, possessions stand for oursocial status in some degree and it’s natural for us to feel happy if othersadmire us. For example, everybody thinks that Bill Gates is great not onlybecause he made PCs available for ordinary people but also he possesses a lot,like his huge house. Some people propose that too many belongings make peoplefell stressed, but in my sense, they are rewards of hard-work and I deservethem. What’s more, I enjoy others’ admire and get happiness from the process.

We have more and more possessions graduallyand it’s absurd to say that we are not as happy as before. Possessions areessential for us to live a good life and they also provide us extra happinessbecause we are proud of them and others admire them. Though some are happier ifthey get fewer possessions, in my mind, more possessions make me satisfied andhappy.


考完试半个月没写有些生疏呀
明年还要二战呢~加油
麻烦批改的同学了

小滋滋

11.2改
As society improves (society发出improve的动作不太好吧？)gradually, people can easily get possessions and as a consequence, everybody have much more than before. Some people argue that because of the possessions we own, we become less happy. However, I tend to agree that we would be happier if we had more possessions.最好在这加下自己观点from my point of view什么什么的…
To begin with, a large quantity of possessions guarantees us a stable and qualified life, which will in turn make us happy. We can easily imagine that people living in the past lived a hard life due to the lack of possessions. Actually, it was difficult for them to get enough living necessities and as a result, they were not satisfied and happy.(此处是个转折呀，用个转折词吧) We cannot deny that there are some people being happy when living a poor life, but most people prefer an enjoyable life with plenty of possessions. Besides, people are anxious and worried if they don’t have enough possessions, as a consequence, it’s hard for them to feel happy.

What’s more, possessions give us a sense of satisfaction since possessions are symbol of what we have achieved before. People collect stamps, books, or artifacts and they are proud of the collections. I have a classmate who is interested in collecting postcards. Whenever he go, he will buy a postcard and write it to himself, then sending it back to home. He told me that postcards help him recall the journey. Though his parents didn’t understand his behavior, they still encouraged him to keep collecting for they believe those postcards make their son happy. In this perspective, more possessions make us happier since we can recall our experience by looking at them.

In addition, possessions stand for our social status in some degree and it’s natural for us to feel happy if others admire us. For example, everybody thinks that Bill Gates is great not only because he made PCs available for ordinary people but also he possesses a lot, like his huge house. Some people propose that too many belongings make people fell stressed, but in my sense, they are rewards of hard-work and I(应该是那些努力工作的人吧?) deserve them. What’s more, I enjoy others’ admire and get happiness from the process.(个人认为这句话可以不要，或者再写一句对这句的论证)

We have more and more possessions gradually and it’s absurd to say that we are not as happy as before. Possessions are essential for us to live a good life and they also provide us extra happiness because we are proud of them and others admire themus . Though some are happier if they get fewer possessions, in my mind, more possessions make me satisfied and happy.



论点明确，论据充分，总体挺好的，注意一下开头最好点出你的观点，句子间的逻辑连接性就更perfect了@@

xeyyxzty

A/D Young people should try several different jobsbefore they decide which job or career they will do in the long term

When graduating from universities, studentsare hesitated because, usually, they want to try so many jobs that areirrelevant with their majors. Some people argue that young people should nevertry different jobs before deciding which one to do in the long term, actually,they should put more emphasis on the job that they will devote their livesinto. However, in my perspective, the young should try several jobs before theymake the final decision.

To begin with, we cannot find our realtalent and interest if we don’t try. An illiterate won’t know that he would bea great author if he was trained. A person living in the desert has no accessto water so he never knows he could be an excellent swimmer. Young people couldfind their talent by doing several jobs. Obviously, it’s enjoyable to spend ourwhole life on the career that we love. Besides, doing various jobs give us achance to testify that if our major really attracts us because what we learnedat school is so abstract and different from what we will encounter aftergraduating.

What’s more, the young can also get valuableexperience from doing various jobs. They get to know about the real world andmeet various kinds of people by working in different fields. Experiences andfriends are treasures for everyone. My cousin learned chemistry in theuniversity but when he graduated, he wanted to do something different.Amazingly, he had a gap year travelling across Asia, and during that period, hedid so many jobs, like a waiter and teacher. Though he decided to devotehimself in chemistry after the trip, he met a lot of people and made so manyfriends in various countries. Besides, he recognized that he doesn’t fit to bea teacher and told me that jobs he took offered him an opportunity to knowhimself.

In addition, the knowledge we get by doingdifferent jobs will help us someday. Life is unpredictable. If you have been asalesman in a supermarket, you would know which part of the shelf has the bestgoods. If you used to be an apprentice of a tailor, you could tell thedifference of various fibers and choose the best one. What we get from a job isnot only money, but also invaluable knowledge and experience, I think.

Generally, the young should try differentjobs before they make the final decision. Though doing various jobs consumestime a lot, the profits outweigh the costs and the process of changing jobs isessential for a person to grow up and adapt to the adult world.

晨依Jacqueline

熊熊还在默默练写作呀~~~支持一个 加油哦