作文贴~三战0524~

xeyyxzty

熊熊还在默默练写作呀~~~支持一个 加油哦

-- by 会员 晨依Jacqueline (2012/11/4 20:18:59)

亲~不是啦~
是学校英语课要写作文，所以就顺手写T的了~反正不要求内容，而且我也不知道除了T写什么了
这周就这两篇......


被表扬很开心~但是被误会啦.................

我把托福踩脚下

When graduating from universities, studentsare hesitated because, usually, they want to try so many jobs that areirrelevant with their majors. Some people argue that young people should nevertry different jobs before deciding which one to do in the long term, actually,they should put more emphasis on the job that they will devote their livesinto. However, in my perspective, the young should try several jobs before theymake the final decision.
反对方的理由是什么， 最好点出来。

To begin with, we cannot find our realtalent and interest if we don’t try. An illiterate won’t know that he would bea great author if he was trained. A person living in the desert has no accessto water so he never knows he could be an excellent swimmer. （这两句引文好。）Young people couldfind their talent我觉得用“擅长”比 天赋好。 what they really excel at   by doing several jobs. Obviously, it’s enjoyable to spend ourwhole life on the career (工作和职业是不同的概念，)that we love. （spend 换成dedicate ）Besides, doing various jobs give us achance to testify that删掉 if our major really attracts us because what we learnedat school is so abstract and different from what we will encounter aftergraduating.

What’s more, the young can also get valuableexperience from doing various jobs. They get to know about the real world （what  is reall world ,难道他们生活在fake的world）andmeet various kinds of people by working in different fields. Experiences(单复一体) andfriends are treasures for everyone. My cousin learned chemistry in theuniversity（不是特定名词， 不用冠词， 可以用量词） but when he graduated, he wanted to do something different.Amazingly, he had a gap year travelling across Asia, and during that period, hedid so many jobs, like a waiter and teacher. Though he decided to devotehimself in chemistry after the trip, he met a lot of people and made so manyfriends in various countries. Besides, he recognized that he doesn’t fit to bea teacher and told me that jobs he took offered him an opportunity to knowhimself.（例子写得很详细， 我理解的是你的cousin在经历很多之后找到化学是她最终的ideal job， 但是你用了though， 所以不明白了）
In addition, the knowledge we get by doingdifferent jobs will help us someday. Life is unpredictable. If you have been asalesman in a supermarket, you would know which part of the shelf has the bestgoods. If you used to be an apprentice of a tailor, you could tell thedifference of various fibers and choose the best one. What we get from a job isnot only money, but also invaluable knowledge and experience, I think.
（这段说理并不强。 到底help了哪些内容， 怎么help的， help的结果是成功还是失败了？
）
Generally, the young should try differentjobs （换个词吧， 用了还多遍了）before they make the final decision. Though doing various jobs consumestime a lot, the profits outweigh the costs and the process of changing jobs isessential for a person to grow up and adapt to the adult world.

总体来说，例子写得很深刻，有一些英语表达上的逻辑错误
另外像这个四段的主句the knowledge we get by doingdifferent jobs will help us someday 。
完全没有内容的主句，可以考虑扩充一下句子
我个人觉得还有点偏题了。当然这篇文章题目真的不好写， 很容易偏题。
个人意见供参考

xeyyxzty

to踩脚下: 谢谢你的建议~偏题是个问题~~~
               其他的问题...啊啊啊啊啊...多谢指出~~~
               果然短期不适合二战,一战的分数的确运气!!!

xeyyxzty

就要二战了
作文水平一如既往的poor..............
请同学认真指正哈~熊熊拜谢
（字数是硬伤，这个心理还是有数的，就是...就是内容匮乏啊啊啊~）

Money is not theonly reward people expect to obtain through working. We can also get extensiveknowledge, valuable friendship, related experience, etc.. Among them, I thinkpublic recognition is the most important one. Some say that people care moneymost. However, I tend to believe that even if no more money is given, public recognitioncan still make people work harder.

To begin with,public recognition brings satisfactory, which makes people feel happy andpleased. The ultimate purpose of earning money is to gain happiness byconsuming it, too. In this aspect, public recognition can take place of moneyreward once the workers’ basic need of money is met. Let’s take my uncle as anexample. He works in a factory manufacturing machines. Because of his excellentwork, the chief honored him the star-worker of the plant. He told me that heworked harder though his salary remained the same and he enjoyed the respectfrom others. As we can see, public recognition satisfies people who don’t pursuemoney only.

What’s more,public recognition brings reputation, which is good for career developmentbecause people tend to trust a person with good reputation more comparing withan ordinary person. Public recognition offers more opportunities. To mostpeople, chances leading to success worth much more than money paid instantly.Public recognition is a good incentive to make people work harder despite ofthe money paid.

In addition,family members will be respected if you win public recognition. As most peopleregard their children as their fortune and want to do a lot to offer a goodcondition for their growth, parents usually work hard if they can get publicrecognition because such recognition brings atmosphere that is good for raisingchildren. This can help explain why there are so many adults do communityvolunteer work.

Though money isessential for living, public recognition also plays a critical role in dailylife. Once basic needs are met and people need something spiritual to satisfythemselves, things like public recognition turn to be the motive that makespeople work hard.

yomina

Money is not theonly reward people expect to obtain through working. We can also get extensiveknowledge, valuable friendship, related experience, etc.. Among them, I thinkpublic recognition is the most important one. Some say that people care moneymost. However, I tend to believe that even if no more money is given, public recognitioncan still make people work harder. 这段说有很多东西人们希望通过工作获得，我认为pr最重要，有人认为钱最重要，但我觉得没钱光有pr人还是可以勤奋工作。觉得有点绕，如果是我会把13句写在一起，再写24句。 To begin with,public recognition brings satisfactory（satisfaction）, which makes people feel happy andpleased. The ultimate purpose of earning money is to gain happiness byconsuming it, too. In this aspect, public recognition can take place of moneyreward once the workers’ basic need of money is met. Let’s take my uncle as anexample. He works in a factory manufacturing machines. Because of his excellentwork, the chief honored him the star-worker of the plant. He told me that heworked harder though his salary remained the same and he enjoyed the respectfrom others. As we can see, public recognition satisfies people who don’t pursuemoney only. What’s more,public recognition brings reputation, which is good for career developmentbecause people tend to trust a person with good reputation more comparing withan ordinary person(这个词不合适，大家都是ordinary的，只是这些people不是有public recognition的). Public recognition offers more opportunities（另一个论点）. To mostpeople, chances leading to success worth much more than money paid instantly.Public recognition is a good incentive to make people work harder despite ofthe money paid.这段论据少了一些，显得有点单薄。 In addition,family members will be respected if you win public recognition. As most peopleregard their children as their fortune and want to do a lot to offer a goodcondition for their growth, parents usually work hard if they can get publicrecognition because such recognition brings atmosphere that is good for raisingchildren. This can help explain why there are so many adults do communityvolunteer work. Though money isessential for living, public recognition also plays a critical role in dailylife. Once basic needs are met and people need something spiritual to satisfythemselves, things like public recognition turn to be the motive that makespeople work hard . 语言挺流畅的，看了你的就知道你说我哪跑题了。基本不错，不过语言还有提高的空间，加油！

xeyyxzty的签名

xeyyxzty

A/D It’s more important for the government to spendmoney to build art museums and music performance center than to buildrecreational facilities (such as swimming pool, playground)

It’s thegovernment’s responsibility to build infrastructures like museums andlibraries. But when it comes to the decision about what to build, opinionsvary. Some think it’s more important to build art museums and music performancecenters than recreational facilities, such as swimming pools, playgrounds, whileothers hold the opposite idea. I’m in favor of the latter one.

To begin with,health is critical to live a good life. Both mental and physical health effectthe quality of life. If the government spends money to build facilities likeswimming pools, people will exercise regularly with little costs. As researchesshow, exercise helps not only keep body healthy, but also release pressure gotfrom work. My dad told me that every time he swam, he felt refreshed and allthe worries flew away. Besides, I believe that the construction of swimmingpool may help more people to keep healthy, which in turn will decrease the government’sexpenses on medical service.

What’s more, everyoneis willing to join the activities offered by recreational facilities, likeplaygrounds, while only some would like to enjoy art museums or musicperformance centers. One of the purposes of infrastructures is to make people asmany as possible have a convenient and enjoyable life, and based on it, I thinkspending money on recreational facilities is a better choice. Personally, Ienjoyed swimming with friends rather than watching the play with them. Swimmingand is my routine activity but enjoying dramas will never turn to be one.

In addition, itcosts less to operate facilities like swimming pool or playgrounds comparingwith art museums and music performance center. As is known to all, thegovernment is usually on tight budget, and it’s rational to spend money onthings that will cost less. An art museum with poor condition hardly attractsanybody and once things like that happen, the museum loses its meaning. It’simportant to build something that is easy to operate.

We go to museumsand music centers occasionally to get to know history, art, culture, etc.,while people regularly go to swimming pool to do exercise and playgrounds tospend time with family. Though art museums and music performance centers playan essential role in people’s life, I believe government should spend money tobuild recreational facilities.

viviyl

xeyyxzty 发表于 2013-3-24 15:37
A/D It’s more important for the government to spendmoney to build art museums and music performance ...

It’s the government’s responsibility to build infrastructures like museums and libraries. But when it comes to the decision about what to build, opinions vary. Some think it’s more important to build art museums and music performance centers than recreational facilities, such as swimming pools, playgrounds, while others hold the opposite idea. I’m in favor of the latter one.

To begin with, health is critical to live a good life. Both mental and physical health effect(改为affect, effect 做v.是to make sth. Happen的 意思；做n.是影响、作用) the quality of life. If the government spends money to build facilities like swimming pools, people will exercise regularly with little(low) costs. As researches show（建议最好扯一个具体某某机构某某网站的调查，这样看起来更充分）, exercise helps not only keep body healthy, but also release pressure got from work. My dad told me that every time he swam, he felt refreshed and all the worries flew away. Besides, I believe that the construction of swimming pool(s) may help more people to keep healthy, which in turn will decrease the government’s expenses on medical service.

What’s more, everyone is willing to join the activities offered by recreational facilities, like playgrounds, while only some would like to enjoy art museums or music performance centers(觉得enjoy后面跟地点有点奇怪，可以改成 enjoy paintings or music). One of the purposes of infrastructures is to make people as many as possible (make as many people as possible,你的many是修饰people的吧，原句会有点歧义)have a convenient and enjoyable life, and based on it, I think spending money on recreational facilities is a better choice. Personally, I enjoyed(enjoy) swimming with friends rather than watching the play with them. Swimming and(?) is my routine activity but enjoying dramas will never turn to be one. (觉得这一段的论点有点牵强，也不是每个人都喜欢运动而只有少部分人喜欢艺术音乐)

In addition, it costs less to operate facilities like swimming pool or playgrounds comparing with art museums and music performance center. As is known to all, the government is usually on (a) tight budget, and it’s rational to spend money on things(projects, things太抽象了) that will cost less. An art museum with poor condition hardly attracts anybody and once things like that happen, the museum loses its meaning. It’s important to build something that is easy to operate(administrate).

We go to museums and music centers occasionally to get to know history, art, culture, etc., while people regularly go to swimming pool to do exercise and playgrounds to spend time with family. Though art museums and music performance centers play an essential role in people’s life, I believe government should spend money to build recreational facilities.


不好意思啊~改的有点晚了~我还是个新手，多多包涵：）
一、三两个论点还不错，第二个有点主观了。
用词还可以多变化一下~语法没什么问题~总体还是比较流畅的~

xeyyxzty

A/D most people often let others make decisions forthem rather than make decisions by themselves.

Life is composedof numbers of choices, and some people often let others make decisions for themrather than make decisions by themselves. They believe that others may make thedecision in a more rational way. Others can weigh the pros and cons of adecision in a more objective way. However, I prefer to make decisions bymyself.

To begin with,nobody knows me better than myself and a reasonable decision is based on such understanding.When making a decision, we should target at the final goal, which is not knownto others. When choosing majors in the university, my parents said thataccounting was a good choice because I could get a job easily as an accountant.Yet I’d been dreaming to be a chemist and nobody knew it. I insisted choosingChemistry and now I’m proud of my choice because I find a career which I wantto devote my whole life into. Decision-making is a serious thing and we shouldbe brave enough to face our ultimate desires and dreams.

What’s more, peopleshould be responsible of their choice. Personally, I believe that people wholet others make decisions are escaping their responsibility. Life is sounpredictable that nobody knows the outcomes of any decision. Some people lackthe courage to take the responsibility so they ask others to make thedecisions. When things go wrong, they may attribute the failure to people whohelp make the decision. Taking the responsibility is a symbol of mature and theescape can never do anything good. Only by learning from mistakes can we dobetter next time. In this aspect, we should make decisions by ourselves.

第三个论点有点胡言乱语~见谅哈

In addition, makingdecisions by ourselves is a kind of exercise to be decisive, which is aprecious quality. We cannot avoid the situation to be alone. When in suchsituations, we have to be decisive and make proper decisions on our own. To bedecisive is one of key points to be a leader because when others are not calmfacing a dilemma, the leader should make the decision alone.

Though advice fromothers does some help, we should make decisions by ourselves instead of byothers. We ourselves are the only people who know us best and can take theresponsibility of the decisions. We can achieve real happiness by makingdecisions targeting at the ultimate goal.

one9037476

4.4独立。。。字数你妹。。。

xeyyxzty

A/D the public need not to pay for public transport

As people becomewealthier with the development of economic, they have more freedom to choosewhether they’ll take public transport. There is a heated debate about whetherthe public should pay for public transport. Some say that as not everybody usesit, it’s not fair that people take the public transport free. However, I holdthe opposite opinion.

To start with, it’sthe government’s obligation to pay for the public transport because it is ameans of wealth reallocation. Admittedly, not everyone takes the advantage ofthe public transport and the system operates with taxpayers’ money. Offeringfree public transport increases the total wealth and satisfaction of the wholesociety. Similarly, if the government wants to build a bridge, everybody willpay for it though only part of them will use it. Once I asked my dad, whohardly took a bus, if he agreed that public didn’t need to pay for the publictransport, he told me that this was good, for the action made more people livebetter and the society harmonious. Wealth reallocation helps decreases the gapof living standard among different people with little expenses from people.

What’s more, thesystem may operate in a more efficient way if people don’t need to pay for it.Currently, because of the pursue of profits, owners of bus companies change thebus routes so that buses can go to places where most people live and want togo. People living in other areas have to choose other means of transportation.The companies gain money regardless the inconvenience of passengers. If thepublic don’t need to pay for the transport and the government operates it, whendesigning the route, people may consider not only costs and profits, but alsothe availability of the passengers. In this aspect, the system will run moreefficiently under the control of government.

In addition, morepeople will take the public transport if it’s free, and the pollution made byvehicles may become less. As we all know, vehicles are one of the maincontributors of air and noise pollution. If more people take the publictransport instead of private cars, less carbon oxide will be emitted into theatmosphere. Besides, fewer vehicles may also help eliminate traffic jams.

Though there aredisadvantages like the huge costs of the system, the advantages outweigh thedrawbacks. A free public transport system is more efficient and offers residentsa better environment.