作文贴~三战0524~

bonfin

Do you agree with the viewpoint that people are noweasier to become educated than in the past?

Education is always an essential component contributing to people’s success. Mostly, getting education is one of the compulsories for citizens.However, not everyone has such a privilege. Some say that people are now have less access to become educated. In my view, we are now easier to get educated than in the past.

To begin with, more schools have been built, which means that more students can be involved in the education system. In the past, there were not so many schools in rural areas as there are now so that children living in such places were less likely to attend school. Besides, because of the poor economic conditions, not all of the families could afford the tuitions. But today, more schools are available and people are wealthier. It’s not a heavy burden for people to pay the tuitions anymore.

What’s more, governments offer funds and loans for poor students. These actions can not only make more people get educated, but also stimulate students to work harder. Take one of my classmatesas as/for an example. Her parents cannot earn enough money to pay the tuitions. Thanks to the funds from government, she doesn’t need to drop out of school or do part-time jobs. Instead, she can spend spare time attending after-class activities, such as volley ball competitions. Actually, getting education is one of the basic rights for humans. Though it’s impossible to make everybody get the chance, funds and loans make improve the situation.

In addition, as the development of society, people are aware of the importance of knowledge so that they are willing to invest more money in the education for their children. In this aspect, more students will be involved in the education system. Adults are convinced that knowledge can change people’s life. Besides, the number of infants born every year is smaller that competition among schools is severer than before. Schools have to admit almost every child in order to keep on the operation.

We can’t deny the fact that tuitions are higher year by year. People are now easier to become educated than in the past. People can get education via the Internet if they don’t have plenty time. Children can apply for funds to be educated. Obviously, almost everybody who want(wants) to receive education has access to schools in different forms.

句子都很好，看了两遍也没什么结构和表达上的错误，学习~
另外就是托福作文里不要用缩写吖~（我在群里咨询过哈）

搞G战士DB

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement:similar jobs with you for your children?

When it’s time for children to choose jobs, parents have various thoughts. Some parents want to persuade their children to do the same job as they do because they want to help children have a better future,(while)Others ask children to make their own decisions. (合成一句意思会比较连贯)I’m in favor of the latter opinion because choosing a suitable job relies on self-perception.

To start with, thanks to the improvement of technology and society, there are numerous jobs available today that（这个that 跟job隔远了，不好，换一下句型，我想了半天不知道咋改- -） were not existed when our parents were looking for jobs. For example, decades ago, there was no such a job named computer engineer. Meanwhile, there are jobs, like conductors on the bus, disappeared. Society changes that jobs used to be promising may be no longer a good choice today.（还是that的用法不好。我改了下不知能不能这么用，你看看-Since society have changed, job-promising may be no longer a good choice today.） We should choose jobs rationally. （太短了，这是书面语，这样的短句少用。绿光告诉我的- -）Though advice（s）from parents is（are） valuable, it’s just one of facts that should be taken into concern when making decisions.

What’s more, it’s not strange that children have different interests and talents with those of their parents. In my perspective, it’s not wise when choosing jobs regardless of personal characteristic. Take one of my family members as an example. My cousin graduated from university a year ago. When he was looking for jobs, his mom, who was an accountant, kept asking him to do the same job as she did. Actually, my cousin wanted to be are staurant(这是神马- -) manager because he thought he was skilled in communicating and managing（communication and management）. At last, he went to graduate school instead. 这个例子跟你这个结论的连接在哪里！逻辑要注意！而且这个例子没有很好地表达你的观点。你可以说你这个堂兄最后选择坚持自己的选择，并且最后成为了一名成功的- -管理者Escape can never solve problems. When choosing a job, we have to think about personal talents.

In addition（Furthermore，好像差不多哦- -）, similar jobs now and in the past（你看这里，and前后要并列，一个是now，一个是in the past，怎么行 。similar jobs in different periods） may have different requirements as society changes. For example（前面有for example,这里用for instance吧）, cashiers in supermarkets need to know how to operate computers now, but in the past, they just（这个Just应该用在前半句吧） needed to calculate accurately and precisely in a short time. In this aspect, though parents might think that（为啥要加这个that） their children are fit for jobs, they may be not. Besides, we can’t deny that if children do the same jobs as their parents（parents’）, parents’ achievements may become burdens（貌似不可数，不过这个单词我之前不会用呢，学到了^^） of children, which give（s） negative effects on their growth.

(In summary  Generally speaking，结尾开头用点儿这样的，让阅卷者知道你要结尾了，直接到观点会很突兀)I don’t think it’s a good idea （for children）to do the similar job(s) as (their)parents do. Decisions based on not only parents’ advice, but also personal interests and characteristic of the time are more valuable.(of the time?) Careers are essential for everyone so that we should be rational when making decisions. Influences of emotional factors have to be eliminated.（有种话没说完的感觉，这句话去掉更好）

总的来说，熊熊进步很快哈！我总结一下问题哈：
1.    依然是that的用法要注意，这个问题很严重
2.    字数太少了，可以把段子编长一些。当然字数不是最重要的，论述充分才重要。
3.    注意逻辑结构，一定注意。有了逻辑，才能将例子和观点结合起来。我们举例子是为了让论述更有说服力，如果没有逻辑，那我们就白举例子了啊,是吧^^
4.    开头进步很多了，继续加油，结尾也要多积累，我也是每次都不知道怎么写结尾。。。有心得了咱俩第一时间交换哈。
5.    尽量少用简写和短句，这是书面语。这个问题我也很严重。
6.    其实这个不算问题- -就稍微注意下，别忘了打空格，看起来有点儿痛苦orz

That ‘s all!继续加油！

搞G战士DB

囧，实在困了就不编辑格式了哈，熊熊将就着看吧，你打我吧- -

xeyyxzty

thanks~~~DB



最喜欢这样的评价呀~~~

搞G战士DB

熊熊，没分到一组，但是明天还是互改一下吧，喜欢改你的作文，可以学到很多。

我写的多，但是超时严重。。。每次都写一个多小时，都想抽死自己……

我作文你问我确不确定那个，不确定……用 along the entire career path 吧

搞G战士DB

还有，我发现了，不是你没打空格，是复制到CD上就会那样。。。难怪每次都有这问题。。

搞G战士DB

关于你说不native的问题，是我的句子太冗长了哈，特别是从句用的很不好，嗯，确实要多看。时间真的好不够，好多事想做啊

艾玛，不好意思，一下发三贴。。我懒得编辑，你懂得……

xeyyxzty

Grades (marks) encourage students to learn? A/D

Students get grades which show students’performance on the subject all over the world. Some say that the evaluationsystem is really helpful for students because marks may encourage students tolearn harder. Compared with others, students usually want to do better. However,in my perspective, I don’t think the pros of grades outweigh the cons.

To begin with, grading may distort the students’attitude towards learning, which will influence the efficiency of learning as aresult. If teachers and parents put too much emphasis on grades, students willget an illusion that the ultimate goal of learning is to get high grades. In myview, students should enjoy the experience of gaining knowledge, but thepursuing of grades may make the process of learning awful. Take one of myclassmates as an example. She usually got high grades and I admired her a lotin high school. But when choosing majors for university study, she met aproblem and asked me for help. She told me that she had no idea about herinterest because the purpose of learning for her was to get high grades. After enteringthe university, she no longer worked and said that she was tired of learning. Inthis aspect, grades give too much pressure to students and when stress isreleased, problems emerge.

What’s more, grades divide students intoseveral groups according to their academic performance. The phenomenon makesteamwork less possible, but as we all know, corporation can stimulate studentsto work harder and make more progress. Grades set barriers which make studentshave less communication with others in different groups. It’s not rare to seethat students with high grades laugh at those with lower ones. Meanwhile, somestudents may be discouraged when getting low scores and will lose interest inlearning.

In addition, the evaluation by grades isnot as scientific as many people think. Regardless of the academic skills,talents like music and art are also essential components when assessingstudents. It’s unfair for students if they are grouped simply by grades. Besides,it is teachers’ responsibility to cultivate students in different aspect, notlimited in the field of study.

On the basis of the analysis above, I thinkgrades can hardly encourage students to learn. We cannot deny that grades areone of the major means to evaluate a student’s performance, but they tend tohave negative impacts, rather than good ones, on students and the advantagescannot overlap the disadvantages.

xeyyxzty

熊熊，没分到一组，但是明天还是互改一下吧，喜欢改你的作文，可以学到很多。

我写的多，但是超时严重。。。每次都写一个多小时，都想抽死自己……

我作文你问我确不确定那个，不确定……用 along the entire career path 吧

-- by 会员 搞G战士DB (2012/9/17 22:36:56)

我一会去看你的~
慢慢加速应该能好吧~我现在也是30分钟内写不完~大概写到第二个或第三个分论点，速度呀！！！

duniaguodupa

Grades (marks) encourage students to learn? A/D

Students get grades which show students’performance on the subject all over the world. Some say that the evaluationsystem is really helpful for students because marks may encourage students tolearn harder. Compared with others, students usually want to do better.（此句有点难懂） However,in my perspective, I don’t think(前面用了in my perspective，后面最好不要再I think） the pros of grades outweigh the cons.

To begin with, grading may distort the students’attitude towards learning, which will influence the efficiency of learning as aresult. If teachers and parents put too much emphasis on grades, students willget an illusion that the ultimate goal of learning is to get high grades. In myview, students should enjoy the experience of gaining knowledge, but thepursuing of grades may make the process of learning awful. Take one of myclassmates as an example. She usually got high grades and I admired her a lotin high school. But when choosing majors for university study, she met aproblem and asked me for help. She told me that she had no idea about herinterest because the purpose of learning for her was to get high grades. After enteringthe university, she no longer worked and said that she was tired of learning. Inthis aspect, grades give too much pressure to students and when stress isreleased, problems emerge.（跟主题句的论点不一致）

What’s more, grades divide students intoseveral groups according to their academic performance. The phenomenon makesteamwork less possible, but as we all know, corporation can stimulate studentsto work harder and make more progress. Grades set barriers which make studentshave less communication with others in different groups. It’s not rare to seethat students with high grades laugh at those with lower ones. Meanwhile, somestudents may be discouraged when getting low scores and will lose interest inlearning.

In addition, the evaluation by grades isnot as scientific as many people think. Regardless of the academic skills,talents like music and art are also essential components when assessingstudents. It’s unfair for students if they are grouped simply by grades. Besides,it is teachers’ responsibility to cultivate students in different aspect, notlimited in the field of study.

On the basis of the analysis above, I thinkgrades can hardly encourage students to learn. We cannot deny that grades areone of the major means to evaluate a student’s performance, but they tend tohave negative impacts, rather than good ones, on students and the advantagescannot overlap the disadvantages.（此句平行有问题，避免写这么复杂的长句？）


Xey同学的作文真心不错，有很多值得学习的地方~^^
中间论述得不错，观点清晰，没有偏离主题。

时间有点赶，改得粗略，不好意思啦~