Emily的作文楼

sigrid_shan

The reading passage says it is unlikely that the vessels were (says the vessels were unlikely to be) used as electric batteries in ancient time. However, the professor indicates that all the reasons are not convincing.

First, the reading says the vessels have not been attached to some electricity conductors such as metal wires and as a result（that’s to say/ it proves that…as a result在此不太合适）, they were not used as batteries. However, the professor refutes that it is local people who discovered those vessels, and they was not trained as professional as archaeologists. There were other materials near the location but the local people did not recognized them. Also, those materials may be overlooked. Some people even threw them away.

Second, the reading says（虽说综合写作不考语言还是稍微换个词嘛么么大） the copper cylinders look exactly like those discovered in Seleucia where copper cylinders were used for holding scrolls instead of generating electricity. However, the professor refutes that those cylinders may originally be used as holding scrolls, but later they were used as batteries. People may find that by using the copper cylinders with iron rod and liquid, they could produce electricity. As a result, the copper were used for another purpose and the ancient batteries were first made.

Third, the reading implies ancient people have nothing to do with（这个表达的意思似乎是与…没关系，不是拿啥没用） the electricity that generated by vessels. However, the professor argues that people would get a sensation of shock by touching the vessel, and some people used the vessel to convince other people that they have magical power. Furthermore, the current can be used to heal people and they could be used to stimulate mussel to relieve the pain. Morden doctors also use that method to cure patients.

loverony713

sigrid_shan 发表于 2014-9-16 21:14
The reading passage says it is unlikely that the vessels were (says the vessels were unlikely to be) ...

谢谢 我已经深深的反省过了 用词过于匮乏= =

loverony713

9-16 should we always state our honest opinions, eventhough most people don't agree with you.

loverony713

TPO 26 综合

The reading passage indicates that the invasion of zebra mussel fish cannot be stopped and that would be detrimental to fish in North America.

First, the reading says in the history, the zebra mussels‘ spread suggests the invasion cannot be stopped easily. However, the professor refutes that in the past people had less knowledge of controlling the fish population, but currently, there are effective ways to control it. In the past, the ship took on some “ballast freshwater” in Europe and emptied it to the North America when the ship arrived, and the fresh water contained lots of zebra mussels. But the ship can be emptied out the refresh water and refilled with ocean water including salt water instead, which would kill zebra mussels.

Second, the reading proves that when zebra mussels are brought to a new habitat, they would dominate it. However, the professor refutes that the fish would not dominate because when they arrive in a new place, they would be new food resource of the birds. Also, the birds may switch to the new food instead of eating the original food, and they can eat a lot.

Finally, the reading implies that after dominating in new areas, zebra mussels would cause a decline in the fish population. Nonetheless, the professor assets that although zebra mussels have some negative effects on some fish species, they do have positive effects on other fish. They can generate some nutrients which benefit the bottom-feeding fish, even for fish eating plankton. As a result, the fish population would not decline overall

echosun2002

　　For the sake of building trust with friends, coworkers and business partners, and achieving better results in various projects, some people are convinced that they are supposed to tell their real thoughts even though others may hold adverse opinions. I agree with such a practice for the simple reason that sincerely communication is the key of a delightful and successful life.

Initially, there is no denying that we are doing our utmost to pursue dreams and use other people’s successful experience as references, but to be the elite among ordinary people, we are obliged to have unique ideas rather than cater to other individuals blindly. Sometimes we have unpractical goals and we are longing for achieving them, but unfortunately the enthusiasm would be hit by parents or friends. In this circumference, not only should we state our opinions boldly and honestly but also we ought to stick to those seemingly unrealistic targets（很棒的倒装！）, since we should be responsible for our own life. For example, I was very tall in my childhood and I did admire those girls who danced ballet elegantly. I was eager to take the extra-curricular class of ballet but the teacher refused me immediately and said my physical character was not suitable for dancing. So anxious I was that I said no matter what outcome would come out(这样的倒装，赞！学习了！), I had to try in case of regretting（理解无能：是说努力不要后悔的意思吗？）. Thanks to my honesty and bravery, I got access to learn the graceful and beautiful dance, which was the corner stone of my future success---the first rank of ballet competitions in Beijing. In addition, what I want to convey is that unrealistic dreams make life more vivid and full of hope. As we are still young, we need to preserve a stream of enthusiasm and stubbornness to go after our dreaming targets instead of compromising with other people’s opinions.

Furthermore, we need to talk frankly with our coworkers and business partners as well, so as to increase our work efficiency, explore full business potential and minimize the chance to make mistakes. Various ideas are allowed in business circumference and we are supposed to speak out loudly of our opinions regardless others' doubts and oppositions. It is universally acknowledged that Steve Jobs was bold and blunt. When everyone challenged his idea of emphasizing iPhone's innovative features, he insisted his idea and convinced those who didn't believe in him. Obviously IPhone 4 had a distinctive outlook, especially touch panel, and operating system, i.e. IOS, which were completely contrary to Nokia, but Steve Jobs still persisted the new area of smart phone would turn up. Also, he introduced the new potential market and customers and other overwhelming merits of the innovation; consequently the majority of workers were shocked by the intelligence and insight. No doubt, at last, Steve Job’s idea turned out to be a great success. If Steve he hadn't been completely honest with his colleagues, we wouldn't have witnessed such revolution the Apple Company has brought.

Admittedly, sometime we have to say white lies, especially for patients, but the reason why we deceive them transiently is that we want to provide them hope and energy. However, when we do our personal things, we have to stick to the faith and should not suppress our enthusiasm and willingness. Otherwise, we have to shoulder the regret from the bottom of heart in later time.

In a nutshell, I think we should tell our opinions regardless others' doubts and oppositions.
我是来学习的，哈哈，三点体会：论点紧扣论题；例子非常棒而且充分证明的论点；词汇量大而且句式多样，看得我眼花缭乱。这篇美文我收藏了，多谢啦，另外你可以给我一个邮箱，我把当时GMAT的一些资料发给你，希望可以有用。

loverony713

echosun2002 发表于 2014-9-17 21:31
　　For the sake of building trust with friends, coworkers and business partners, and achieving bet ...

亲爱的！！能给我挑错么！！！！肯定有错误！！！希望狠批！！！！

echosun2002

以我目前的水平还真是挑不出来错，我用易改软件检查了一下你的作文，显示用词出色，一个语法错误，我看了一下，这个错误是题目中should首字母没大写，。
我会努力提升自己实力的哈，不然给你们改作文真是提不出有用的建议。

chasedreamabc

这次有明显失误

cherry6891

loverony713 发表于 2014-9-3 21:31
9-3 独立Do you agree or disagree? The best way for a teacher to let students become interested in a  ...

亲爱滴 我改了一版，另外找了朋友帮你又改了一次，我凭记忆把他修改的地方标了一下，表达应该比较地道，他的母语是英语，共同学习啦

9-3 独立Do you agree or disagree? The best way for a teacher to let students become interested in a subject is to help them know how to use it in lives outside schools（已修改）

Nowadays, education has been performing an important role in the growth of society. Teachers always exert huge influence on a student’s interest in a subject. There is no denying that our interests are subject to influence by many things. However, I disagree that the best way for a teacher to let students become interested in a subject is through their lives outside school.

First of all, the teachers’ encouragements have always simulated the students’ interests. As the saying goes, “The confidence you have within yourself is the first step to success”. Therefore, building and having confidence is the main driving force for students to learn. Without the confidence that students need, they will lack the passion and desire to learn. The beginning and end of every school year, a common trait has usually occurs. In the beginning, the students’ confidence is rather weak and embedded with low self-esteem. Teachers carry the responsibilities to encourage and better their students when they feel discouraged or disappointed. The encouragement offered should induce confidence and strengthen the student’s interest since they rely heavily on their teacher’s teachings. I was once interested in Financial Management in Accounting, but was easily distraught when I started to learn about the Fluctuation of International Interest Rate. I felt beaten and nearly gave up. Nevertheless, my tutor soon gave me lots of useful tips and indentified my misunderstanding. His help has provided me a new fond connection towards this subject. This has consequently aroused my interest and it filled me with the confidence that I needed to continue my education.

Secondly, a teacher’s teaching style is the fundamental effect on a student’s interest on a subject. For example, some people believe and feel that history is boring, but thanks to my humorous and talented teacher, it is the most intriguing subject that I have ever learned. He passionately retells historical events in a way for us to remember history without much effort. He often encourages discussion and debates and effectively fulfills the atmosphere with historic stories. Also, he always introduced us to documentary films to retell these historical events. One such film was the “European Renaissance”. I was deeply attracted by the eminent masterpiece of Leonardo Da Vinci, Raphael, and Michelangelo. Since then, I have been immersed in European culture and ecstatic about appreciating Leonardo’s painting like the “The Last Supper”. As a result, we felt stimulated and have retained knowledge from the teachings of our history teacher.

In summary, knowing how to use one subject outside of school can provide students with lots of motivation. However, I do not believe it can arouse one’s interest because students chase their desires and will ignore the voice from their deepest part of their heart, which is their genuine interest. There exist lots of significant factors that produce huge influences on a student’s interest. A teacher is someone who inspires students to become something bigger and achieve something greater. A teacher will teach students how to fish rather than handing them the fish.

他对楼主的评价是用词高级，句式有变化，但就是有些地方不通顺
有时间也帮我看看我的作文吧，http://forum.chasedream.com/thread-918378-1-1.html，先谢谢啦，么么哒！

loverony713

9.17
独立：人们应该坚持具有挑战性的梦想还是注重实现现实的梦想

光顾着改别人作文都忘了贴出来自己的了..... 希望木有跑题哈哈 改作文的妹子一定要下手狠啊！！~~~