Emily的作文楼

jason509

9-8 aggregate reviewed

小蘑菇开始打怪

[size=13.63636302948px]TPO 17 revised by mushroom

[size=13.63636302948px]According to the passage, the growth of human population and increase of agriculture and pesticide use have detrimental effect(用复数） on birds,which  apparently  refutes the  points  illustrated in  the  lecture.（在这里我认为用把refute的主语换成lecture会比较好，因为我们是先看到的文章然后再听听力，听力的逻辑也是来反驳文章的，所以第一段的表述写成professor反驳文章观点会比较符合逻辑）

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[size=13.63636302948px]First, the passage says the natural habitats for birdswill continue to disappear due to the expansion of human population andsettlements. As a result, the bird population will decrease. On the contrary, theprofessor contends that the urban city would not affect the growth of birds andit would provide better and larger habitats for other types of birds. So city dwellersoften complainabout the increase the population of seagulls at landfills, pigeons on the streets and so on .Even  Birds like hawk and falcon which prey on the pigeons and rodents canbe found in cities.  So, the populationof birds would not decline , although some populations may shrink, other typesof birds would increase.

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[size=13.63636302948px]Second, the reading asserts that The growth ofagriculture will lead to  the furtherdestruction of bird habitats which are converted to agriculture use. Incontrast, the professor claims that now the United States is using less andless land for agriculture every year. They introduce a new productive cropswhich will produce more food on the land per unit. . As a result, there is noneed to destroy wildnessareas.

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[size=13.63636302948px]Third, the reading claims that chemical pesticide usewill continue to increase, which does harm to bird population. On the otherhand, the professor indicates that the government is increasing the awarenessof （我觉得用get more aware of 要简洁很多）the consequence of using traditional pesticide. There are two changes. First,they develop the new and less toxic pesticide, which is very important. Second,more importantly, there is growing trend to develop more pest resistant crops which aregenetically designed to be unattractive to the pests. Pest resistant corpsgreatly reduce the need for chemical pesticide. As a result, pest resistantcorps do not harm birds at all.  

楼主听力部分还原地很好，一点建议就是每段开头可以多些变化~总体很棒！抱歉改晚了，我的文章也已经写好了。

loverony713

jason509 发表于 2014-9-9 20:35
9-8 aggregate reviewed

谢谢！~~一会儿给你修改！~~~~~

angla

终于传上来了。。。。

loverony713

angla 发表于 2014-9-10 09:57
终于传上来了。。。。

谢谢！！！~~~~我会想你的=333=

angla

loverony713 发表于 2014-9-10 11:23
谢谢！！！~~~~我会想你的=333=

嘿嘿

说不定过两天就痒痒想写了。。。

关键是我高级词汇太少了

每次改你的作文都有一种自己的拿不出手的感觉。。。。冏

loverony713

9-9
提前声明~ 这篇文章写完后在网上看到了一个范文 觉得写得炒鸡棒 就和自己的加工组合了一下！！！最重要的是借鉴... 写得真心棒.....很有参考价值！

Modern agriculture methods like the use of pesticides and artificial fertilizers are widely used around the world. Along with such brings forth negative effects. The most obvious and detrimental impact of modern agriculture methods is environmental degradation. Many people believe that the environmental risks should not be taken into consideration since many people are suffering from the lack of food. Nonetheless, I certainly disagree with this opinion.


First, there is no denying that people’s survival depends on the environment. More often than not, whenever the environment gets damaged, the deleterious effects are always irreversible. In other words, once the environment on which we depend on is disrupted, our lives are placed at risk. Modern agriculture, although it provides enough food, has contaminated the water and soil to a large extent. When people eat crops grown with polluted water and soil, diseases will break out sooner or later. Furthermore, genetically modified crops, although their negative effects are not obvious and not yet confirmed, should also be treated with great care. According to a survey conducted by the National Statistics Bureau, nearly 87% animals, such as dogs and cats become sick after ingesting genetically modified food. If human beings are negatively affected by modern agriculture, untold dire consequences will arise. People will suffer from diseases and the government will shoulder considerable medical bills. Worse, the society may become unstable and inharmonious.

In addition, despite the fact that there are people who suffer from starvation, the reason is not because of the lack of food. As a matter of fact, tons of grains and corns are wasted every year. According to an article from www.NEWS.cn, every year nearly 13 hundred million foods are wasted by people, but in the meanwhile, 9.25 hundred million individuals are sustaining starvation.  Moreover, people suffer just because of bad management, worldwide corruption, and terrible indifference. So there is no need to destroy wilderness areas or use environmentally-damaging agricultural methods to increase productivity. The world nowadays has more food than we need. If the government and the general public really care about starving people, they should exert tremendous effect on eradicating bad management and cultivating people’s conservation awareness.

From the above discussion, I can draw the conclusion that there are other more effective methods to address starvation. No matter how much food we produce, as long as corruption and wasteful use exist, there will always be starving people. Besides, a healthy natural environment is a basic requirement of our survival. We cannot increase food production at the expense of our environment, lest we are bound to suffer for our inconsideration and recklessness.

loverony713

TPO 19

The lecture claims that as buzzer, the description of buzzing is misleading, which apparently refutes the points illustrated in the passage.

First, the reading says people would get incorrect information concerning the buzzed product. However, the lecturer refutes that company finds people who have used the product and think the product is good. And consumers can get truth from buzzers. Also, the buzzer in the lecture was hired because he thought the company’s service was great.

Second, the reading indicates that consumers are less suspicious of the product which is buzzed by private individuals. Nonetheless, the lecture says that the people would ask lots of questions about the buzzing product concerning the price, service, and how long the buzzer has used the product. If the buzzer has no good answers, consumers would not buy the product.

At last, the reading points that buzzing is detrimental to social relationship. However, the lecturer argues that this phenomenon would not happen since if the product is bad, the company would not recruit buzzers. So people who try buzzed products would have good experience. If one person tries the service which buzzer uses, he would love it.

MrWaiting

9.9 改，见附件

loverony713

9-10 独立：政府应该在医疗保障还是环境治理上花更多精力  

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