Emily的作文楼

loverony713

刚刚杀完G 感觉托福水平大不如前（还是感觉G作文简单呜呜TAT） 希望小伙伴们不要嫌弃 我一定好好写 认真给大家改作文！！！
927有T考试 明天秋季入学~ 申请会计硕士~ 一起加油↖(^ω^)↗

9-1

You can know a lot about aperson through the types of friends this person has

Friends are a mighty elixir,and they play a vital role in people’s success and happiness. Currently, thereis a debate over whether people can learn other individuals via the varietiesof friends those individuals get acquainted with. Some people assert thatpeople often get together merely for corporation rather than soulcommunications. In contrast, I prefer the view that people are dived into groupsby their common preferences and people could certainly know a lot about aperson from the friends around.

Firstof all, the simple reason why people become friends is that they share commoninterests, which bring abundant common topic to discuss. For example, I am keen on jazz dance, whichneeds huge enthusiasm and sexy shows. Emily, my best friend, often dance withme in our extracurricular time for several hours. We often learn the hottestand the most popular dance, like Tik Tok , together and we are both outgoinggirls. It is hard to imagine I spend lots of time with a quite person and I wouldfeel uncomfortable and embarrassed as well. It is obvious that I intend tospend my treasure time doing my favorite things and I like to share thehappiest mood with the people who have the same feeling.

Secondly,it is a common phenomenon that people can become good friends when sharing sameview of life. Apparently, a personwith ambitious aims will not satisfy with the one who hold the belief thatleading an ordinary life is enough. Furthermore, a hardworking student arereluctant to study with a lazy one. For example, I am a diligent student and Ioften study with the top students in my class. There are several students whoare merely immersed in computer games every day. I can teach them beforeexamination because they ask for help and because we are in the same class, butI would not make deeper friends with them since we have totally life habits andI think what they do is completely wasting time.

Admittedly, it may be true that sometimes people arearranged to complete the same task with other individuals, and during theprocess, people cooperate very well with each other and set up a friendship.After all, they are aiming at the same goal. When finishing the task, theywould not contact with each other anymore. However, I don’t think this type offriends are true friends, and this is common working relationship. Furthermore,I am concerned that merely true friends can represent one person’s personality,life style, and so on.

In a nutshell, I could safely draw the conclusion thatpeoplecould certainly know a lot about a person from the friends around the people.

TPO11

The lecture and the reading passage holdcompletely different views towards the decline of reading literature-novels,plays, and poems. The reading claims that it is detrimental for the readingpublic, for culture in general, and for the future of literature itself.However, the listening holds an opposite view.

First the reading claims that onlyliterature provides the intellectual stimulation but people spend less timereading it now. However, the professor thinks reading literature books is notthe only way to stimulate the intellect. Science writing, history, politicalanalysis, etc. aren’t literature but they are of high quality. Also, they canstimulate imagination as well.

Second, the reading argues that divertingtime previously spent in reading literature to trivial forms of entertainmenthas lowered the level of culture in general. However, the professor claims thatsome kinds of valuable culture, like music and movies, are not written andpeople are not wasting time to listen to a great song or see a great movie. Nowthe culture has changed and there are more forms of culture besides novel andpoems. In addition, some of these forms speak more directly to contemporaryconcerns than literature does.

Finally, the reading passage states thatthere are many talented writers today, but they lack an audience. While thelecture states that it is not readers fault, actually it is the authors fault.Some modern articles is intended to be difficult to understand. Here is notmuch reason to suppose that earlier generations of readers would have read alot of today’s literature either.

becky2014

能在你的帖子上面贴一下你的文章么，我看不了你的word版本文章。。麻烦了

becky2014

回复Emily的作文：下面是我一些看法，如果有写错的地方，或者不好的地方，那请见谅。。有写表达我自己也不会的，我就写了下自己读完的感受了
You can know a lot about a person through the types of friends this person has
Friends are a mighty elixir, and they play a vital role in people’s success and happiness. Currently, there is a debate over whether people can learn（learn这里用的不适当吧，但是我不知道怎么查和Know类似的词汇） other individuals via the varieties of friends those individuals get acquainted with. Some people assert that people often get together merely for corporation rather than soul communications. In contrast, I prefer the view that people are dived （divided）into groups by their common preferences and people could certainly know a lot about a person from the friends around.（感觉应该在前面讲诉下人以群分和中心Know a lot about a person through the types of friends this person has的关系，即and前面的句子应该是为后面的句子做支撑，）
First of all, the simple reason why people become friends is that they share common interests, which bring abundant common topic （topics）to discuss. For example, I am keen on jazz dance, which needs huge enthusiasm and sexy shows. Emily, my best friend, often dance (dances) with me in our extracurricular time for several hours. We often learn the hottest and the most popular dance, like Tik Tok , together and we are both outgoing girls. It is hard to imagine I spend lots of time with a quite person and I would feel uncomfortable and embarrassed as well. It is obvious that I intend to spend my treasure time doing my favorite things and I like to share the happiest mood with the people （person） who have （has） the same feeling(这一段结尾感觉还可以改进下，可是我能力有限，不好意思).
Secondly,it is a common phenomenon that people can become good friends when sharing (the)same view of life(life attitudes). Apparently, a person with ambitious aims will not satisfy with the one who hold (holds) the belief that leading(living) an ordinary life is enough. Furthermore, a hardworking student are (is) reluctant to study with a lazy one. For example, I am a diligent student and I often study with the top students in my class. There are several students who are merely immersed in computer games every day. I can teach them before examination because they ask for help and because we are in the same class( I always have to teach them before the period of examination, because we are in the same class and I don’t want to leave a bad impression on others), but I would not make deeper friends（have any genuine friendships） with them since we have totally  （different） life habits and ( such as time conception, for playing computer for every single day completely wastes time in my mind )I think what they do is completely wasting time.
Admittedly, it may be true that sometimes people are arranged to complete the same task with other individuals, and during the process, people cooperate very well with each other and set up a friendship. After all, they are aiming at the same goal. (But)When finishing the task, they would not contact with each other anymore. However (Thus), I don’t think this type of friends are (belongs to主语是朋友类型) true friends, and this is common working relationship. Furthermore,I am concerned that merely true friends can represent one person’s personality,life style, and so on（最后一句话跟这段联系不紧密）.
In a nutshell, I could safely draw the conclusion that people could certainly know a lot about a person from the friends around the people.

TPO11
The lecture and the reading passage hold completely different views towards the decline of reading literature-novels,plays, and poems. The reading claims that it is detrimental for the reading public, for culture in general, and for the future of literature itself. However, the listening holds an opposite view.
First the reading claims that only literature provides the intellectual stimulation but people spend less time reading it now. However, the professor thinks reading literature books is not the only way to stimulate the intellect. Science writing, history, political analysis, etc. aren’t literature but they are of high quality. Also, they can stimulate imagination as well.
Second, the reading argues that diverting time previously spent in reading literature to trivial forms of entertainmenthas lowered the level of culture in general（提炼主谓宾之后句子意思不对，转变花在文学阅读而到其他形式的娱乐形式的时间普遍来说降低了文化水准，即时间降低了文化水准 Trivial forms of entertainments that readers spent more time on rather than literature）. However, the professor claims that some kinds of valuable culture, like(such as) music and movies, are not written and people are not wasting time to listen to a great song or see(watch) a great movie. Now the culture has changed and there are more forms of culture besides novel and poems. In addition, some of these forms speak more directly to contemporary concerns than literature does.

Finally, the reading passage states that there are many talented writers today, but they lack an audience（audiences）. While the lecture states that it is not readers fault, actually it is the authors fault.Some modern articles is(are) intended to be difficult to understand. Here is not much reason to suppose that earlier generations of readers would have read alot of today’s literature either.

loverony713

becky2014 发表于 2014-9-2 15:30
回复Emily的作文：下面是我一些看法，如果有写错的地方，或者不好的地方，那请见谅。。有写表达我自己也不 ...

感谢感谢！！~~ 妹子看到我给你修改的作文有什么不明白的再找我！！~~

loverony713

9.2
Being creative, rather than carefully planning, is more often results in better solution.

As the modern society develops, people are increasingly putting emphasizes on the efficiency and effectiveness of completing tasks. Currently, there is a debate over whether being creative or carefully planning is more significant for achieving one’s goal. Different people hold different opinions because of their distinct backgrounds. Some people assert that nowadays technology, which needs creativity, changes people’s lives. Obviously, being creative is more vital. I support this idea to a large extent, but I am convinced that both creativity and a sophisticated plan are of the same significance.

First of all, there is no denying that creativity can bring us a lot of convenience. For example, computer has a significant impact on people’s lives and computer derives from predecessors’ creativity. Using computer, we can get access to internet. As everybody knows, there will be massive information on the internet, so we can broaden our horizon by seeing different kinds of knowledge. When we surf on the internet, we can know currents and latest news, so we can know what are happening around the word. Furthermore, online shopping plays a more essential role in our daily life. As the rapid pace of life nowadays, people seldom have spare time. By online shopping, which gives more options and real-time inventory of item, we can save tremendous time and energy. We have to say online shopping is a huge progression and it has even progressed into the supermarket realm. Sit at home on a Thursday evening and order food for your Saturday barbecue for delivery on Saturday morning. No more pushing a cart around a big box store, and lugging heavy plastic bags to your car. Our life will become increasingly enjoyable and comfortable.

Secondly, several minutes planning before tackling a problem can improve our productivity and efficiency greatly. It is obviously that lots of things must have to be planned ahead for achieving a better result. For example, the most occupied time for a student is the time when preparing final examinations. Tests for compulsory courses and optional courses, papers, and researches have taken up most of time, and I am obliged to make a very specific schedule for using the limited time effectively. I arrange the tasks according to the due time and different priorities, so the most important things can be done quickly. Furthermore, a plan is also a reminder because it can remind us what we have not done, and I have to admit that I often forget trivial things easily. Consequently, not only can we manage and control the time , but also we have chances of doing multiple tasks at the same time.

In a nutshell, being creativity and carefully planning are of the same importance(和开头好重复- -). We should consider things in different aspects.
        

loverony713

In the lecture, the professor completely refutes what stated in the reading passage. The lecture says that the subject in the portrait was not Jane Austen. However, the writer asserts that although the painting is not titled Jane Austen, there are several reasons to believe she is the subject.

First, the reading passage believes that Austen’s family recognized the illustration as a portrait of the author. In contrast, the reading passage believes that when the portrait was authorized to be used as an illustration in an edition of her letters, Jane Austen has been dead for almost 70 years. So the family who asserted to have seen Jane Austen have never seen her themselves.

Second, the reading states that the face in the portrait clearly resembles the one in Cassandra's sketch, which depicts Austen. Nonetheless, the speaker asserts that the face in the portrait may be that of a Jane Austen relative, because Jane’s family was very large and many of Jane Austen’s female cousins were teenagers in the relevant period. And some of these teenagers could resemble Jane Austen. Some experts considered Mary who was a distant niece of Jane Austen was the subject of the portrait.

Finally, the reading demonstrates that the style links it to Ozias Humphrey, a society portrait painter, who was active in the late 1780s and early 1790s,  exactly the period when Jane Austen was the age of the girl in the painting.(这句话求完美改写...T^T) However, the speaker raises the issue that other evidence points to a later date. For example, a stamp on the back of picture indicated that the canvas was sold by a man who did not sold canvas in London when Jane Austen was a teenager. And the man only sold the canvas when Jane was 20 years old. As a result, the canvas was used when Jane was older than the girl in the portrait.

GJason

9.2独立修改，详细见附件，概要如下：
1.文章框架清晰，没问题
2.关于第一个论点的论述与主题略偏离
3.语法错误偶见
4.句式需要多积累
楼主的问题和我的比较类似，加油

loverony713

GJason 发表于 2014-9-3 09:54
9.2独立修改，详细见附件，概要如下：
1.文章框架清晰，没问题
2.关于第一个论点的论述与主题略偏离

谢谢！~ 我也给你改完啦~ 有问题问我！！~~

daisy333

改好啦~

loverony713

daisy333 发表于 2014-9-3 20:35
改好啦~

么么哒！！~~~~