Anthony Summer的写作贴~~~互帮互助共同进步啊!~~~~~求狠狠的批~~~~~????????????????????????????

AnthonySummer

10.24Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? The government and corporation should share all their scientific discoveries with other countries in the word? Please use specific details and examples to support your opinion.


It will be a win-win solution if different countries can share their scientific discoveries with each other. We can spend less money on the unnecessary and repeat scientific investment, simultaneously we can gather the best scientist and precious resource, focus on one project such as a space ship or nuclear power technology, which one country hardly achieves by itself.


Safety problem is the most important and is the key determination. For example, scientists can use nuclear technology to build a power factory or a nuclear missile. We can solve this conflict problem through building a country or corporation union. All the members in the union can share all the discoveries they found. The members will invest the same quantity of money and other resources. Meantime they will take the responsibility to watch each other. Once one country or corporations was found to use the discoveries illegally, they will be eliminated from the union list. So the common benefits are the best solution to prevent one country only takes advantage of other countries' scientific discoveries and illegal use of the discoveries.
Other discoveries can be sharing with other counties and corporations safely. Ford was the founder of Ford Motor. The assembly line he discovered benefit whole generation of American. He increased the manufacture speed and made the price of car was acceptable to all the middle class family. More countries and corporation use the discovery of assembly line, more family and person can benefit from it. Another great scientist Edison was the father of light and power factory. His General electricity corporation produces millions of light bulbs, and his corporation share this discovery with the whole country. A female scientist Madame Curie, she discovered radium and she shared this precious with all countries. Now we can use X-ray to check our health situation.


In one conclusion, we can build a country and corporation union to prevent that the discovery would use illegally. Sharing scientific discoveries is also the most economical solution. A lotexamples and truths prove we should continue to share scientific discoveries with other counties in the world.

AnthonySummer

Tpo 10 看了你前面帮我独立的修改，不得不佩服你的知识和辩证能力很强啊！

The lecture uses some other evidence to prove the flaw of reading passage, and claims that the reason of some sea otter populations rapidly declining a few years ago which was caused by the attacking by predators, not by the environmental pollution.


First, the reading passage point that such as oil rigs and other sources of industrial chemical pollution near the location in which small mammal lives, and the water samples from the area revealed increased levels of chemicals that could decrease the otters' resistance and cause their deaths. The professor illustrated that there have no dead body found on the beach, so the result is more likely the predator eats the sea otter.


Second, the professor argues that human being hunted a lot of whales, and the numbers of whales were decreased. So orca had to change its diet habits, and preys smaller animals such as seals, Orca and sea lions. This proved the reading passage mentioned about other sea mammals such as seals and sea lions along the Alaskan coast were also declining, since the entire ecosystem was affected.


Finally, the professor object to the reading passage's pollution hypothesis about the uneven pattern of otter decline: at some Alaskan locations the otter populations declined greatly, while at others they remained stable. He contends that those locations that orca is easy accessible, so the population of otters and other sea animals greatly decreased. Other place nearby shallow and rocky area in which orca hardly accessible, and the otters and other animals' numbers are stable.

glw1900

正在修改，请稍等，抱歉哈

glw1900

It will be a win-win solution if different countries can share their scientific discoveries with each other. We can spend less money on the unnecessary and repeat（repeated） scientific investment, simultaneously we can gather the best scientist（建议加s吧，不是一个科学家~） and precious resource, （加and，或者把focus改成ing形式）focus on one project such as a space ship （space ship好像不是一个project吧，可以说building a ss）or nuclear power technology, which one country hardly achieves by itself.


Safety problem is the most important and is the key determination.（个人认为这个句子有点别扭哈，好像一般the most important 都要加个名词。。。个人观点，还有problem不应该是determination吧，） For example, scientists can use nuclear technology to build a power factory or a nuclear missile. We can solve this conflict（这个词不能做形容词） problem through building a country or corporation union（有个小歧义，建立一个国家或者联合组织？）. All the members in the union can share all the discoveries they found. The members will（这个地方表示规定用will似乎不大合适，have to 或者shall比较好吧~个人意见） invest the same quantity of money and other resources. Meantime they will take the responsibility to watch each other. Once one country or corporations（这个地方or前后你的单复数不一样，尽量一样吧，要不后面的was或者were很难确定吧） was found to use the discoveries illegally, they will be eliminated from the union list. So the common benefits are the best solution to prevent one country only takes advantage of other countries' scientific discoveries and illegal use of the discoveries.（没看错的话这是个定语从句，那and前后都该是句子吧，但是红字处不是句子，有语病，而且建议直接用prevent from doing 就可以呀，还不用从句）
Other discoveries can be sharing（为什么要用be doing ， 是 shared吧） with other counties and corporations safely. Ford was the founder of Ford Motor. The assembly line he discovered benefit（the） whole generation （这个用法好像有问题，这是一代人呢，还是所有代人）of American. He increased the manufacture speed and made the price of cars was（made做使役动词，不要was） acceptable to all the middle class families. More countries and corporations use the discovery of assembly line, （加and）more family and person（复数） can benefit from it. Another great scientist Edison was the father of light and power factory. His General electricity corporation produces（过去时吧） millions of light bulbs, and his corporation share（时态） this discovery with the whole country. A female scientist Madame Curie（这是什么成分，呵呵，不太懂）, she discovered radium and she （she可以删掉）shared this precious（这个单词作名词是珍贵的人，不合适，precious discovery吧） with all countries.（这两个句子应该有联系吧，逻辑上应该是因为她的贡献，使得我们现在能用x-ray） Now we can use X-ray to check our health situation.


In one conclusion, we can build a country and corporation union to prevent that the discovery would use（use是及物动词，必须接宾语，还是建议pre   from结构） illegally. Sharing scientific discoveries is also the most economical solution. A lot（of）examples and truths prove we should continue to share scientific discoveries with other counties in the world.


我觉得还是不错的，个别地方小错误，我比较较真，希望楼主见谅，个别地方我也不确定，唉，我的结构太差了，就不给你添乱了，实在是能力不济，抱歉了。

dreamcece

蓝色为意见或建议高亮为精彩绿色为总结红色为错误


The lecture uses some other evidence to prove the flaw of reading passage, and claims that the reason of some sea otter populations单数 rapidly declining a few years ago which was caused by the attacking by predators, not by the environmental pollution. 这句话有问题。。。


First, the reading passage points that such as oil rigs and other sources of industrial chemical pollution near the location in which small mammal lives, and the water samples from the area revealed increased levels of chemicals that could decrease the otters' resistance and cause their deaths. The professor illustrated that there have no dead body found on the beach, so the result is more likely the predator eats the sea otter. 这里本末倒置了，综合写作的重点在于听力部分的细节和观点，而不是总结阅读材料。还有时态问题，建议统一为一般现在时。


Second, the professor argues that human beings hunted a lot of whales, and the numbers of whales were decreased. So orca had to change its diet habits, and preys 【to do sth.】 smaller animals such as seals, Orca and sea lions.【orca自己吃自己？？】 This proved【时态】 the reading passage mentioned about【prove 后面接的宾语有问题，你是想说它证明了在阅读中提到的有关于。。。的， 但是你的表达句子成分不完全， 应在prove 后面加what 】 other sea mammals such as seals and sea lions along the Alaskan coast were also declining, since the entire ecosystem was affected.


Finally, the professor objects/ed to the reading passage's pollution hypothesis about the uneven pattern of otter decline【 decling/declination】: at some Alaskan locations the otter populations declined greatly, while at others they remained stable. He contends that those locations that orca is easy accessible, so the population of otters and other sea animals greatly decreased. Other place nearby shallow and rocky area in which orca are hardly accessible, and the otters and other animals' numbers are stable.

AnthonySummer

10.25a/d: your job has greater happiness than you social life.


My job is a futures goods trading. I trade futures goods such as rubber, currency and gold. Every day I will buy and sell several million dollars, so I feel extremely exciting and interesting of what I am doing right now. What can bring me the most happiness and satisfaction might only be my job!


It is my dream to become a trader since I was a child. I grow up in Shanghai. Shanghai is the financial center of China, like New York to the states. My childhood was greatly influenced by the society and environment. Every day I would pass dozens of the Futures Trade Company when I rode my bike to school. Each time when I passed the trading company I can see hundreds of thousands of people stand in the lobby. From their face I can tell they were very excited about what they were doing. I knew that few people would make a great fortune from trading even become a millionaire, but others would lose almost everything even their family. Since I was twelve I made the decision: I want to use my professional knowledge and hard working to make a great fortune from the trading, become a successful man, marry a beautiful wife and have three kids. What can help my dream come true must be a trader.


Trading play a major rule in the modern financial world, and it provides liquidity to people who want to sell their goods on the market. So my job plays a very important role in this society. The most famous story is the Asian financial crisis which happened in nineteen ninety-seven. A famous but bad reputation trader, George Soros, who gathers over seven billions of dollars and took the advantage of Asian country such as Laos, Vietnam and Singapore they did not have a systematic financial law and short of foreign currency, and he made over one billion dollars from the foreign currency trading. Since then, I hope I can become a master of trading so I can defend China's financial system in case some people like Soros who want to take advantage of my country and crush Chinese financial system. I am a patriotic so I want to defend my country's wealth and dignity.


In one conclusion, my trading job can bring the most benefit to my country and help my dream come true. I feel closer to my dream every day and feel extremely happy when I am working.

AnthonySummer

10.26Nowadays, it is much easier to achieve success with help from one's family what is like before.


We can use more and more modern technology such as email, social network or job hunter website to help us find a satisfied job. We can use our credit card to buy an expensive airplane ticket across the country or relocated a new city for a better and successful career. How can we image borrow huge amounts of money as before but without family's help! In this information society, it is much easier to achieve success without help from our family.


At ninety century, we can only take horse or ship to arrive the country or city. A business trip usually costs huge amounts of savings and several weeks, and few people can afford the cost and time to pursue a new opportunity and career without family help. At that time, the help from the family was very important. For example, a trip from China to the states, people usually spend two months and a yearly salary to buy a ticket. That time they did not have credit card, so we can only borrow money from family members or high rates loan. Some people who want to pursue a better life but cannot afford the cost, so they have no choice but signed an agreement to work for a train or road construction for one to two years in the states, but they were cheated by the dishonest businessmen. Eventually they had to work to dead without any pay. If people can borrow money from family, then they can buy a ticket via a legal way and would not be cheated.


Again, at the nineteen century, the only way we can get information is the newspaper because of the limited of society develop and slow information communication between different community, and there has no job website or a specific tool to help people get more opportunity. A person can hardly find some useful information without family members' connection and recommendation. The tuitionsfee such high school or specific training was not free. Only family can afford the fee then we had the opportunity to be educated and qualified to pursue a better job.


Nowadays, we can use job website to find a job, or send someone a CV via email, or visit different company by high speed train. The cost is much cheaper than before, so everyone can afford it. For example, more and more Chinese students start to study abroad; they can fill a school application on the internet. If there have any question, we can make a phone call or send an email, or just search the website to find the answer. A lot of question our family even cannot answer, and we have more opportunity than ever before. Some millionaires such as Bill Gates or Warren Buffet, they went to school to accept education, if they cannot afford the fee, they can borrow money from the bank. What can help them finally achieve success is education.


In a conclusion, we can use more and more tool such as modern financial system and advance education to help us achieve success than before.

小滋滋

1025改
My job is a futures goods tradinger(a+n.). I trade futures goods such as rubber, currency and gold. Every day I will buy and sell several million dollars, so I feel extremely excitinged and interestinged ofin what I am doing right now. What can bring me the most happiness and satisfaction might only be my job!


It is my dream to become a trader since I was a child. I grow up in Shanghai. Shanghai is the financial center of China, like New York to the states. My childhood was greatly influenced by the society and environment in shanghai. Every day I wouldpassed dozens of the Futures Trade Company when I rode my bike to school. Each time when I passed the trading company I can see hundreds of thousands of people standing in the lobby. From their face I can tell that they were very excited about what they were doing. At that time,I knew that few people would make a great fortune from trading even become a millionaire, but othersa large number of persons would lose almost everything even their family. Since I was twelve I made the decision: I want to use my professional knowledge and hard working to make a great fortune from the trading, in order to become a successful man, marry a beautiful wife and have three kids(缺连词,但如果加上我只能想到and,所以还是改成in order to楼主再想想哈). What can help my dream come true must be a trader.(这段和带来hapiness没有必然联系啊？最好建立下联系，观点不明确)


Trading plays a major rule in the modern financial world, and it provides liquidity to people who want to sell their goods on the market. So my job plays a very important role in this society. （重复）The most famous story is the Asian financial crisis which happened in nineteen ninety-seven. A famous but bad reputation trader, George Soros, (who gathersed over seven billions of dollars and took the advantage of Asian country such as Laos, Vietnam and Singapore theythat did not have a systematic financial law and short of foreign currency,)目前为止，没出现谓语 然后就进入and链接的下一句话了，或者把这句补充完整，或者将and he 删掉and he made over one billion dollars from the foreign currency trading. Since then, I hope I can become a master of trading so I can defend China's financial system in case some people like Soros who want to take advantage of my country and crush Chinese financial system. I am a patriotic so I want to defend my country's wealth and dignity. （这段也是同样问题，观点不明确）


In one conclusion, my trading job can bring the most benefit to my country and help my dream come true. I feel closer to my dream every day and feel extremely happy when I am working.



支持主论点的分论点不明确，整篇文章主体段都没有与hapiness建立联系，建议应该与hapiness建立联系，扣题，否则觉着有点偏题，然后再注意一下语法的问题。

小滋滋

楼主，昨天搞错分组了，今天才改，实在对不住啦！@@

AnthonySummer

楼主，昨天搞错分组了，今天才改，实在对不住啦！@@

-- by 会员 小滋滋 (2012/10/27 23:14:34)

没关系啊~ 谢谢你的修改！一起加油吧冲110吧！