Anthony Summer的写作贴~~~互帮互助共同进步啊!~~~~~求狠狠的批~~~~~????????????????????????????

小滋滋

1031改
The lecture disagrees about the reading passage's opinion that birds population will decrease with the increase of human settlements, agricultural activities and the use of chemical pesticides using.


First, the reading passage claims that human populations and settlements continue to expand, so birds' natural habitats will continue to disappear. However, the professor argues that urban area provided a better and larger space for some kind of birds such as pigs, so some birds' population decrease, but other birds' population will increase. 这应该是一个同步的过程，用相同时态好点吧？


Second, the reading points out that the growth of agriculture will result in the further destruction of bird habitats as more and more wilderness areas are converted to agricultural use. As contrary, the professor illustrates that the truth is less and less land will be usinged for agriculture every year. People will use more types of corps to improve production. So birds actually have more type of food to select. （这点说的不太对，生产高产crop是为了不减少wildness，建议再听下哈）


Third, the professor objects to the reading passage that the expansion of human settlements and agriculture area will increase the use of chemical pesticides that(做主语，不能省略) is poisons designed to kill pets, and more birds will be harmed because of the food chain or drink polluted water. He said that nowadays, people aware of pesticides,（要留下就加连词，删了也可以） we will use less toxic pesticides, and farm pest resistant corps.



注意下语法错误，谓语动词数=连次数+1，听力第二点有点和我听得不一样，都回去好好听听哈

我把托福踩脚下

Young people nowadays have more and more influence on decisions that determine the future of the society as a whole, because young people have （have这个词不好，换一个吧）more energy and time to involve social, economic, and political activates. The presidents of United States and Russia, Prime Minister of Britain, CEOs of Google and big company, all of them are young generation.（最后这个例子没太明白巴马可是快50了哦，你可以举Youtube的还年轻27岁）


It is a tendency that young people become a leader. （你是不是想表达年青人成为各行业领袖人物的趋势越来越明显，没说清楚哦）A very famous example is the US presidential election of 2008. A young people Obama beat senior Senator McCain who is over sixties.（他是中年人，） Obama use（过去时态）network and some new tools such media broadcast to help him win the election. Obama spend several millions of dollars on a network advertisment.（拼错） this determinatian（拼错） decision help him win the some chips. More important,(过去时态) those suggestions come from his young election team who help Obama win the election is young people. Meantime, with the developing of technologies and economics, the world economy become more and more complicit（是要表达复杂的意思吗？单词用错） than ever before, a young president has more energy to solve much more problem than senior people and work over night. Young president can accept new thing quickly than senior people and make a quick response. More and more young people become the leader （复数）of some countries. （这个例子本身用在这里是不合适的。巴马不是年青人。）


Some countries such as India and China, they（删掉）have more young people than senior people. （主句是要表达的是青年人数多于老年人的人数吗，如果是的话，后边的内容可以改一个与主题更紧密一点因为年青人的人数也很多，决策者不得不考虑他们。Young people want to （to删掉）young people改成peers to lead them, because they have more common languages and interests. More and more young people were assigned to some determination positions (decision of position) such as manager and director. They are directly evolving some economic activities. They can decide their companies' future. For example, some investment company's young leaders are more interesting in a high tech industry or such as solar power and wind power. They can change what kind of power we will use in the future. They can provide us more and more cheaper and cleaner energy. Some IT companies such as Google, Face Book and twitter, all of those companies' found father and CEO are young people, those companies provide us some new way to socialize and communicate with our friends. Google Map's street view can help me use own laptop tour beautiful city such as Washington, DC and New York. Twitter provides a new way to socialize with some celebrities.


Although some people think that senior people have more experience and knowledge than young people. Senior people can point out young people's unnecessary problem and save our precious time and money. Senior people are more qualified to drive an airplane, be(being)a capital of a ship, and other jobs require more experience and skill. (and 后面的部分结构有问题) It is true that senior people are qualified to those complex jobs. However, in the changeable, many new things such as terrorist attack, virus war, and internet bomb and online technology need us response at the first time; we need a young leader to decide what we should do the next seconds.


In one conclusion, it is a tendency that more and more young people are become the leader of some countries and companies. We need young people's fast responsibility and high energy level to solve lots of new and difficult problems at a short time, so their decision are determine to our future and society.

总体感觉这篇写得很匆忙，逻辑关系不是很清楚

段落里的句子逻辑要加强，能用because， so尽量用

你的文章说明了年青人影响了社会的未来，没有明确提到影响了决策者的决策。你过多描述了老年人和年青人的比较，反倒在怎么影响决策说得少。

尾段写得不好，跟我一样老是重复句子。

AnthonySummer

Tpo 18

The professor disagrees about the all three solutions in the reading passage. He thinks that Torreya trees' microclimate cannot be duplicates, the trees cannot be planted at other place, and the trees cannot survive at the laboratory.
The reading passage claims the first option is to reestablish Torreya trees in the northern Florida, because there have the same microclimate that provide for the trees. However, the professor disagrees about this option because that the climate of northern Florida is cooler now, which due to the global warming. The microclimate that suit for the trees cannot be same.


Second, the lecture used another example to illustrate that Torreya will threat some in danger species if we move Torreya to an entirely different location. The professor said that the black rock trees spread quickly at a new region because we relocated it.


Third, the professor object to the reading passage's suggestion that we can preserve Torreya in research centers. He said that the Torreya would not be resistant to disease in a long term. The research center is not big enough, and only large amounts of different trees cannot keep the diversify environment that good for Torreya, and make sure that Torreya are genetically resistant.

AnthonySummer

11.2Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? People should buy things made in their own country; even the price is higher than same things made somewhere else.


Customers can buy cheaper products with the beneficial of the global trading. Meantime, we can notice that many local small businesses were bankruptcy because their products are no longer competitive on price. Should people buy things made in their own country even the price is higher that same things made somewhere else. I think that people could use three criteria such as price, quality and good for the local economy, to choose a product. The product location should not be the important standard because of following two reasons:


First, we are much harder to judge where is the product was made with the developing of globalization. For example, Apple is an American company; it developed the most famous mobile phone - IPhone. As we all know, Steven Jobs lead his team developing a series of milestone products such as Mac, I-touch, I-pad, and I-phone. Max and I-touch were originalmanufactured at the states at later of twenty centuries, but later the board members found Chinese manufactory could provide cheaper manufacture price, so the board members shut down the American manufactory and focus on technology developing and creation discoveries. If the board members did not shut down the American manufactory, as instead, if they continue manufacture the I-Phone at the states, and sell it at a very high price, then few people can afford the I-Phone, the price would be one thousand per one instead of five hundred. Finally, Apple Company would probably bankruptcy because other mobile company such as Lenovo and Samsung can provide same quality mobile but at a much cheaper price, and more people will lose their job if the Apple Company bankrupted. Therefore, the price and quality should be only two judge standards.


Second, some organizations suggest that the government should protect the local industry from foreign company. Some companies were dumping their cheap products; therefore, they would destroy the local industry. People may consider take advantage of the price, but more and more local residents would lose their jobs, from long term consideration, the local economic will be destroyed. It is truth we would lose some jobs, but it also can become a motivation to push the local economy developing. Most of the cheap products are shoes, clothes and other low technology products. For example, China become a world factory, it provides world more than ninety percentages shoes, clothes and cheap products. America become the world creation center, some company such as Apple, Nike and Motorola, they take over seventy percentage profits but only left three percentages to Chinese manufactory. Is not Chinese worker take over American jobs, it is the American capitalists. In another way, American workers can manufacture some more value products as airplane and medical devices. Chinese company needproduce one hundred pair shoes, then they can buy one cheapest medical devices. If the local company speed up developing new technology, hire more college students, and provide high salary, that would be much more better to local people.


In one conclusion, people and company can take more advantage of cheap price product. We should only use price, quality and good for localeconomic to choose the product.

我把托福踩脚下

The professor disagrees about the all three solutions in the reading passage. （主句可以描述得具体一点，比如这三种途径的目的）He thinks that Torreya trees' microclimate cannot be duplicates, the trees cannot be planted at other place（第二点不是说不能种在其他地方， 而是种在其他地方会导致更大的伤害）, and the trees cannot survive at the laboratory.

The reading passage claims the first option is to reestablish Torreya trees in the northern Florida, because there have the same microclimate that provide for the trees.（这句话表达得不好， 改一下） However, the professor disagrees about this option because that the climate of northern Florida is cooler now, which due to the global warming.（这个观点没表达清楚： 原文--这种树需要更cool的环境， 但是全球升温不提供树需要的环境） The microclimate that suit for the trees cannot be same.


Second, the lecture used another example to illustrate that Torreya will threat some in danger（endanger） species if we move Torreya to an entirely different location. The professor said that the black rock(听力中是black locust tree) trees spread quickly at a new region because( if )we relocated it.

听力应该说的是他破坏了整个生态系统的平衡


Third, the professor object to the reading passage's suggestion that we can preserve Torreya in research centers. He said that the Torreya would not be resistant to disease in a long term. The research center is not big enough, and only large amounts of different trees cannot keep the diversify environment that good for Torreya, and make sure that Torreya are genetically resistant. (与lecture意思有出入)

总体来说， 表达的意思不够明确， 听力还有待加强。

11.2Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? People should buy things made in their own country; even the price is higher than same things made somewhere else.


Customers can buy cheaper products with the beneficial of the global trading. Meantime, we can notice that many local small businesses were bankruptcy because their products are no longer competitive on price. Should people buy things made in their own country even the price is higher that same things made somewhere else.(尽量不要使用原句) I think that people could use 改成consider three criteria such as 改成 from/buy price, quality and good for the local economy, to choose a product. The product location should not be the important standard 还足以成为标准吧， factor会好一点 because of following two reasons:

First, we are much harder- 改hardly to judge where is the product was made with the developing of globalization.(where后面，病句) For example, Apple is an American company;（apple不是公司， 是有个公司叫apple） it developed the most famous mobile phone - IPhone. As we all know, Steven Jobs lead his team developing a series of milestone products such as Mac, I-touch, I-pad, and I-phone. Max and I-touch were originalmanufactured at the states at later of twenty centuries, but later the board members found Chinese manufactory could provide cheaper manufacture price, so the board members shut down the American manufactory and focus on technology developing and creation discoveries. If the board members did not shut down the American manufactory, as instead,(无此用法. as instead of ) if they continue manufacture the I-Phone at the states, and sell it at a very high price, then few people can afford the I-Phone, the price would be one thousand per one instead of five hundred. Finally, Apple Company would probably bankruptcy because other mobile company such as Lenovo and Samsung can provide same quality mobile but at a much cheaper price, and more people will lose their job if the Apple Company bankrupted. Therefore, the price and quality should be only two judge standards.
例子拖沓冗长， 重新组织一下语言。

Second, some organizations suggest that the government should protect the local industry from foreign company. Some companies were dumping their cheap products;（中间可以加一句： 导致市场失去控制 因此destory） therefore, they would destroy the local industry. People may consider take advantage of the price, but more and more local residents would lose their jobs, from long term consideration, the local economic will be destroyed.（换个词吧， collapse, destruction） It is truth we would lose some jobs, but it also can become a motivation to push the local economy developing. Most of the cheap products are shoes, clothes and other low technology products. For example, (此句用从句更好)China become a world factory, it provides world more than ninety percentages shoes, clothes and cheap products. America become the world creation center, some company such as Apple, Nike and Motorola, they take over seventy percentage profits but only left three percentages to Chinese manufactory. Is not Chinese worker take over American jobs, it is the American capitalists. In another way, American workers can manufacture some more value products as airplane and medical devices. Chinese company needproduce one hundred pair shoes, then they can buy one cheapest medical devices. If the local company speed up developing new technology, hire more college students, and provide high salary, that would be much more better to local people.

In one conclusion, people and company can take more advantage of cheap price product. We should only use price, quality and good for localeconomic to choose the product. –

总体来说， 感觉有多处表达--词不达意，语法问题也很多，句式很单调。例子的表达还要加强一下

AnthonySummer

Tpo 19

The student and the reading passage hold completely different views toward buzzing advertisement, he points that buzzing will not hide the truth of the product, will not harm consumers' feeling even loss trust between people.

First, the passage illustrates that what you heard from the buzzing is just paid advertising that may well give a person incorrect information about the buzzed product. However, the student points out that the company hired him to buzz the phone call service because he does really like the service, so he become the buzzer, and wants everyone knows how good this service is.


Second, the reading passage concern that those buzzers will pretend to be a private individual, so consumer will less critically about the descriptions. Therefore, the students give an opposite example that customer will ask many questions such as how is the price and quality of the buzzed products. If buzzers cannot provide details of the products, consumers would not choose the product.


Third, the student explains why we should not concern the final problem that raised in the reading material. The reading said that some people we meet might be buzzers, if we know they are hidden agenda of some companies, we would become less trustful to people. Therefore, buzzers will spread of mistrust and the expectation of dishonesty. However, the student argues that a company with a bad product cannot afford some buzzers. Evermore, consumers would not trust you if you are not sincere and only use simple words to describe the products. Furth more, if consumers love the products you buzzed, and had good service experience, customers would tend to be more trustful and open to people.

AnthonySummer

11.3
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? People today would be happier if they had fewer possessions.

I find a tendency that more and more people want to pursue wealth, good job, beautiful wife or handsome husband, and fancy house, but they feel very tired and under big pressure, they worry about someday they would lose the job and cannot pay the house loan, his/her lover would betray him/her. They have many possessions, but they feel vanity and helpless. Therefore, the vast quantity of possessions is not the fountain of happy; I think the quality of possessions is the key to be happier. People would be happier if they had fewer possessions.

Take my example: I came from a humble family, when I was in high school; my big dream is to become mind wealthy, so I spend tons of time reading philosophy books and discovering the difference of different religion. I want to solve the problem where we come from and where we would go to after died. Since I was very enjoying the time on the reading, and I neither had a house or girlfriend, my budget also is tight, so my conclusion is that reading can make me very happy. More books I read and more understand of myself, and happier I would be. That time I have only few possessions.

From philosophy standard, I found that many ancient kings spend their lifetime and uncountable wealth on searching a way to live forever, even they have a country, hundreds of servants, but they still not fulfilled. Because they have so many possessions, they need worry about their enemy who would kill them, their friends and relatives would poison them. Therefore, possessions become a huge burden to those kings. As contrary, the creator of Buddhism, a son of king, he abandoned everything and became a religion people after day after day's luxury life. His religion gave millions of people happy. He also enjoy his poverty life, he had only few possessions. His philosophy was that everything would disappear after we went to the Heaven, if we have a heart of helping people, we can be eternal happy in the heaven. I think that is right: Too many possessions will become a burden, quality is more important than quantity, spiritual happy is the true happy.

Although, some people would say that only possession would not betray me, more possession I would have, safety I would feel. They experience too many cheater and traitor, and lose confidence on people. If we lose our soul in this material society and never open our heart to new person, we would lose the chance to taste the most enjoyable thing on this world -love. Love can come from our family members, life partner, and true friends. People worship money who would never have a true friend. For example, you can receive a lot of flowers or nutrition food when you in the hospital, but no one truly care about your illness, and they would come to the hospital to take care of you. When some arrogant government officials lose their power, nobody would come to visit their home again. Therefore, too many possessions will change a persons' mind, make them become arrogant, selfish, and cold blood, because all they have in their eyes is money and power. All the love left is the love of wealth. People think they look like happy but only they know themselves are very suffering.

In one conclusion, we can be very happier if we pursue some more valuable such as science life, friendship, and love. Those things can bring our friend and ourselves true happy even we have fewer possessions.

(616 words)

AnthonySummer

Tpo 20

The professor holds opposite opinions to the reading passage, she point that fire would be good for natural plant and ecosystem. "let it burn" is still a good policy.

First, the professor objects to the reading passage's opinion that Yellowstone fires caused tremendous damage to the park's trees and other vegetation. She said that the fires were actually good for vegetation. The fires can help new plants colonize the new land, which helps keep the plants diversity. It also provided new opportunity to certain plants that cannot grow before the fires, such as some great trees disappeared, which empty the space for small plants. High temperature can help some seeds start to grow.

Second, the reading passage illustrates that the fires affected the park wildlife. Therefore, some animals that surmised the fire would not return, which cause the destruction of habitats and the disruption of the food chain. Actually, the professor argued that new and small plans provided ideal habits to some new and small animals such as rabbits. Therefore, small animals would attract some new predators that depend on the small animals. It created a new food chain.

Third, the reading passage said that the fires compromised the values of the park as a tourist attraction, which in turn had negative consequences for the local economy. The professor point that the big fire was the accumulation of dry air and plant, and extremely strong wind helped the fires. Hence, it would not happen every year and greatly influence the tourist. Visitors came back after that year and each year.

AnthonySummer

11.4

Young people should try several different jobs before they decide which job or career they will do in the long term.

"If I have seen farther than others, it is because I was standing on the shoulders of giants." said Sir Isaac Newton. How we can use the limited time to discover more meaningful things are not wasting our precious youth on useless trial. If we use our limited time wasting on trying a different job, we would never be successful at any area. So I disagreed that young people should try several different jobs before they decide which job or career they will do in the long term.

Take my example, I have a huge interesting of corporate finance, but my undergraduate degree is vehicle engineering. Therefore, I spend most of my spare time to read accounting, financial, and economic books. I also sit in the finance class and take some financial course, talking to the professor and networking with some people who work at the financial industry. I need accumulate some necessary knowledge and connections for my future career; otherwise, I would not be able to accomplish the career job. I spent my summer break doing some internship such as a junior analyst at an investment corporation, a trader job at a trading company. Therefore, I would have firsthand experience for my future career, and some internship experience is good on my resume. As instead, several of my classmates who are also interesting in the financial industry, but they neither study in the financial courses or talk with the experience people. Finally, they only find some non-skill required jobs at financial industry, which has no help for their future career. In one word, if you have no experience, no knowledge, no connection and no network and recommendation, you would never find a valuable job at a good brand company.

Only focus and practice can make you successful, there have a genius theory called "Ten thousand hours genius theory", it means before people become the experts of some areas, they have already practiced over ten thousands of hours. Many billionaires such as Bill Gates and Warren Buffet, one comma part of them is that they stick on one career goal, practice over decades on it, and never gave up until successful. Bill Gates studied the computer language since he was twelve, and he spent all of his time in practicing the skill. He never changed his job or career before his company going to public. He never wasted his time on trying a different job because it is unworthy. Therefore, he had plenty of time and took the initially chance to discover the first civilian computer language. Time is opportunity. In today's business environment; one-day later means ten more new competitors. Warrant Buffet said that his shareholders in the past forty-five years had been enjoying the annual investment return rate of 20%. For example, if you waste another year on trying a different career, assuming you have one million dollars, then you would waste two hundred thousand dollars! The more you trying, the much you lose.

Although, some people would feel tired or want to try some new industry. Such as a programmer who tired of writing computer code and went to a career switch. I would suggest he could be an IT consultant at a consulting company. He would not waste his former solid working experience; meantime, he can accumulate much more useful working experience in the long term. However, if he wants to become a translator of photographer, I do not think he would enjoy the long-term career, because he needs to study from the ground zero, getting low pay.

In one conclusion, Young people would lose the initially opportunity and precious time if they try a different career that is one the same level, which is bad for their long-term career. Young people should use their former experience and take advantage of their knowledge and connection, after they become the experts of their area, they will have a promotion, which is much better for their long-term career.

amissrosa

11.4 綜合改 TPO20


The professor holds opposite opinions to thereading passage, she points (/ed) that fire would begood for natural plant and ecosystem. "let it burn" is still a goodpolicy.

First, the professor objects to the readingpassage's opinion that Yellowstone fires caused tremendous damage to the park'strees and other vegetation. She said that the fires were actually good for vegetation. Thefires can help new plants colonize the new land, which helps keep the plantsdiversity. It also provided new opportunity to certain plants that cannot growbefore the fires, such as some great trees disappeared, which empty the spacefor small plants. High temperature can help some seeds start to grow.

Second, the reading passage illustrates that thefires affected the park wildlife. Therefore, some animals that surmised thefire would not return, which cause the destruction of habitats and thedisruption of the food chain. Actually, the professor argued that new and smallplans provided ideal habits to some new and small animals such as rabbits.Therefore, small animals would attract some new predators that depend on thesmall animals. It created a new food chain.

Third, the reading passage said that the firescompromised the values of the park as a tourist attraction, which in turn hadnegative consequences for the local economy. The professor point (ed) that the big fire was theaccumulation of dry air and plant, and extremely strong wind helped the fires.Hence, it would not happen every year and greatly influence the tourist.Visitors came back after that year and each year.

前輩，除了動詞型態有寫小誤，但整體上內容含括到大部分speaker所提及的points,而且邏輯上都很流暢,架構精簡,我得向前輩學習！--------------------------------------------------------
11.4 獨立改


"If I have seen farther than others, it is because I was standing onthe shoulders of giants." said Sir Isaac Newton. [注1]How we can use the limited time to discover more meaningful things are (is) not wasting our precious youth on useless trial. If we use (spend) our limited time wasting on trying a different job, wewould never be successful at any area. So I disagreed thatyoung people should try several different jobs before they decide which job orcareer they will do in the long term.
[注1] How句跟IF句之间的关系非正向
[注4]Take my(me) for example, I have a huge interesting of (am very interested in; interesting是形容词) corporate finance, but my undergraduate degree is vehicle engineering.Therefore, I spend most of my spare time to read (reading) accounting, financial, andeconomic books. I also sit in the finance class, and take some financial courses, talking (and talk) to the professor and networking with some people who work at thefinancial industry. I need to accumulatesome necessary knowledge and connections for my future career; otherwise, Iwould not be able to accomplish the career job. I spent my summer break doingsome internship, such as a junior analyst at aninvestment corporation and a trader jobat a trading company. Therefore, I would have firsthand experience for myfuture career, and some internship experience is (are also) good on my resume. As instead (On the contrary), several of my classmates who are also interesting (interested) in the financial industry, [注1]but they neither study in the financial courses or (nor) talk with the experienced people. Finally,they only find some [注2]non-skill required jobs at financial industry, which has no help for their future career. Inone word, if you have [注3]no experience, noknowledge, no connection and no network and recommendation, you would neverfind a valuable (long-term) job at a good brand company.
[注1]此句建议改成they neither study….. , but spendtheir time on part-time jobs..更能凸显出主题认为年轻人不应浪费时间换工作

[注2]non-skilled jobs有点抽象,不是很懂为何对future career没有帮助
[注3]建议删除no experience,因为尝试各种工作能赚经验,会与板主论点冲突
[注4]建议版主可用主题句,开宗明义说明此段的论点,这样此段的论点和主题的关系会比较清楚明了
Only focus andpractice can make you successful. There have (is) a genius theory called "Ten thousand hours genius theory", it means (which means) before people become the experts of some areas, they have alreadypracticed over ten thousands of hours (on particular fields). Many billionaires, such as BillGates and Warren Buffet, (have a common part)one comma(common) part of them is that they stick on one career goal,practice over decades on it, and never gave (give) up until successful. Bill Gatesstudied the computer language since he was twelve, and he spent all of his timein practicing the (computer) skill. He never changed his job or career before his company going topublic. He never wasted his time on trying a different job because it isunworthy. Therefore, he had plenty of time and took the initially chance todiscover the first civilian computer language. Time is opportunity. [注1]In today's business environment; one-daylater means ten more new competitors. Warrant Buffet saidthat his shareholders in the past forty-five years had been enjoying the annualinvestment return rate of 20%. For example, if you waste another year on tryinga different career, assuming you have one million dollars, then you would wastetwo hundred thousand dollars! The more you trying, the much you lose.
[注1] 和 don’t seek several jobs before deciding lifetime career有gap
Although, somepeople would feel tired or want to try some new industry. Such as a programmerwho is tired of writing computer code and went to a career switch. I wouldsuggest he could be an IT consultant at a consulting company. (because) he would not waste hisformer solid working experience; meantime, he can (could) accumulate much more useful(related) working experience in the long term.However, if he wants to become a translator of photographer, I do not think hewould enjoy (find) the long-term career, because he needs to study from the ground zero, gettinglow pay.

In one conclusion, young people would lose theinitially opportunity and precious time if they try a differentcareer (keep trying different careers) that is one the same level (and always be positioned in the basic level), which is bad for their long-term career. Young people should use their former experience and(experience容易让读者联想到先前不同工作的经验) take advantage of their knowledge and connection, and after they become the experts of their area, they will have a promotion,which is much better for their long-term career.
前辈的独立作文篇幅较长，建议每段开头可下一个主题句，每段的主题句能凸显段落和主题的关系。

第一次改前辈的，如有改错的地方，还请前辈指出纠正>”<