Anthony Summer的写作贴~~~互帮互助共同进步啊!~~~~~求狠狠的批~~~~~????????????????????????????

小滋滋

1029改
If we damaged the nature environment, that(which) will be very hard to（for） us to recover it, meantime（不是连词哦,缺连词）, we will spend much more money on recovering than protecting. People are less willing（to） come to the local community to invest or consuming（consume sth.缺宾语）. Terrible environment will decrease people's investment motivation。Therefore, I agree that governments should focus its budgets more on environmental protection than on economic development.


Almost everyone likes to live and work at a good environmental city such as Hawaii and Florida. Their beautiful nature environment attractive（attract）many tourists; tourists will spend huge amounts of money on sightseeing and hotels. Those consume（consumption）activity will bring more work opportunity and increase the local tax revenues, and then the government would have more money spend on environment protection and economic development. The local economy is(will become) better and better because of the beautiful nature. That will be a win-win solution. Once we damaged the nature, it would never（有点别扭怎么。。impossible） or take a very long time to recovery. During the recovery period, other cities those（that） preserve a beautiful and magnificent nature environment will have an advantage and take a first step（take action） to attract more tourists to visit their city.


Furth more（furthermore）, most companies and factories like to build a branch at a good environment city, but different type(types) of industry will have a huge difference of taxpaying. For example, a small investment company in a financial industry, which has less than fifty employees, will generate (the)same revenue as a manufactory factory, which has one thousand employees. No doubt that a manufactory factory will greatly damage the nature, more employees mean more transportationvehiclerequirement that creates lots of traffic and tail gas,factory needplenty of water to produce products. With a huge contrast(in contrast）, a small investment company will not damage the nature environment but bring more revenue to the city, people with higher salaries who are willing to live in a beautiful environment. (people是句末同位语，但是前面没有与people相匹配的名词昂？)


In one conclusion, a good environment will attractive more tourist and financial company（+s）, they(which) will bring more revenue and tax to the local city that is（are）very good for the economic development. Therefore, the government should spend more budgets on the environmental protection

dreamcece

等10.30综合。。。

AnthonySummer

Tpo 16

The reading passage and the lecture hold different opinion of archaeology examination policy, financial problem, and career opportunity.


First, the reading passage said that many valuable artifacts were lost to construction projects because those builders often uncovered archaeologically valuable sites. However, the professor point that since the new guideline of construction was published; archaeologists need checking every old construction to define whether it has historical values, then decided whether to rebuild a new building or build around the old building.


Second, the professor argued that before the very beginning of rebuilding, the construction company would pay the examination of old construction. This against the reading passage's opinion that many archaeologists felt that the financial support for archaeological research was inadequate.


Third, the professor object to the reading passage's opinion that it was difficult to have a career in archaeology, and there were never many positions available. He pointed that new guideline created a lot of new work. Since archaeologists need to examine every construction before rebuilding. So there need many archaeologists to research, collect dates and writing papers. Actually, available position at the highest ever since.

xiaoshuo199183

独立的呢~

AnthonySummer

10.30Contributes on an enjoyable vacation, please select one of three selection. Good food, Good location and with good friends to travel.


I think that the true meaning of an enjoyable vacation is going to a different place and meet new friends. When I travel to a new place, weather condition is my first priority because I like to enjoy the sunshine and surfing in the sea. New friends can help me understand the local customs. So the location is the most important to me.


Whether the travel place nearby beach or not, the tempature is warm or cold is the most important to me. I came from Shanghai, China, and Shanghai is near sea but due to the pollution, people here cannot enjoy sunshine and clear sea, because nobody would like to swim in the dirty water. Everytimewhen I consider to travel to a new place. Whether the city nearby sea, have sunshine, warm weather, and beautiful beach becomes the first priority. I am very enjoying lied down on the beach, watching beautiful ladies and handsome boys come across, drinking some cocount juice and listening my favorite songs, surfing sometimes. That is the life I dream about everyday. I hope when I was young I can save enough money so I can chose a good location and buy a house nearby beach so everyday like living in the paradise.


Food safety becomes my first priority when I travel to a new place. At China, we can buy some delicious food at a cheap price but bad safety condition. Meantime I cannot afford live in a five-star of a luxury hotel because the renting price and the food are too expensive to afford. So I will take less care about food. Another reason is that I am a good cook, most time I would buy the most fresh meat and vegetable and cook at home. Sometimes I would invite several friends come to my home, so we can talk and have fun together. Cook at home is much cheap and economical. Every when I travel to a new place, I still like try some chain restaurant because I don't want stay in the hosptial overnight because of the food issue.


I would like to make new friends and know new things and friends are extra benefit of traveling. Two years ago, I made a trip with two friends to the states. Traveling with friends can save a lot of money on a hotel and gas fee. And solve boring time when we on the road, but what is the true meaning of traveling? For saving money or have a friends to talk when we road? I think we should appreciate the local customs, meet new friends and try new things.


In one consulion, the meaning of traveling is going to a new place, enjoying the weather and customs, meet new friends and keep safety first.

xiaoshuo199183

10.30Contributes on an enjoyable vacation, please select one of three selection. Good food, Good location and with good friends to travel.


I think that the true meaning of an enjoyable vacation is going to a different place and meet new friends. When I travel to a new place, weather condition is my first priority（first可以去掉，priority已经表示优先的意思了） because I like to enjoy（like 和enjoy感觉意思有些重复了，改成I enjoy the...会不会更好些） the sunshine and surfing in the sea. New friends can help me understand the local customs. So the location is the most important to me.（这点逻辑有点混乱呢。前一句刚说朋友能帮助你了解当地的风土人情，后一句就马上说地理位置是你最优先考虑的因素，感觉有点突兀了）


Whether the travel place nearby beach or not, the tempature is warm or cold is the most important to me. I came（最好用一般现在时）                              from Shanghai, China, and Shanghai is near （sea前边加个the，单数名词不能单独出现）sea but due to the pollution, people here cannot enjoy sunshine and clear sea, because nobody would like to swim in the dirty water. Everytimewhen I consider to travel to a new place. Whether the city nearby sea, have sunshine, warm weather, and beautiful beach becomes（become） the first priority. I am very enjoying（最好用I enjoy)lied down(enjoy
doing sth.) on the beach, watching beautiful ladies and handsome boys come across, drinking some cocount juice and listening my favorite songs, (添个or更好一些）surfing sometimes. That is the life I dream about everyday. I hope when I was young（应该用现在时呢，因为lz你现在还年轻。。。） I can save enough money so I can chose（choose，chose是过去时） a good location and buy a house nearby （the）beach so everyday （缺谓语动词，加个is）like living in the paradise.


Food safety becomes my first priority when I travel to a new place. At China, we can buy some delicious food at a cheap price but （in a）bad safety condition. Meantime I cannot afford （to）live in a five-star of a（of a可以去掉） luxury hotel because the renting price and the food are too expensive to afford. So I will take less care about food. Another reason is that I am a good cook, most time I would buy the most fresh meat and vegetable and cook at home. Sometimes I would invite several friends （to）come to my home, so we can talk and have fun together. Cook （cooking）at home is much cheap and economical. Every（改成each time） when I travel to a new place, I still like try（trying） some chain restaurant（restaurants） because I don't want（to） stay in the hosptial overnight because of the food issue.


I would like to make new friends and（后半句最好另起一句，因为主语不一致） know new things and friends are extra benefit of traveling. Two years ago, I made a trip with two friends to the states. Traveling with friends can save a lot of money on a hotel and gas fee. And solve boring time when we on the road, but what is the true meaning of traveling? For saving money or have a friends to talk when we road? I think we should appreciate the local customs, meet（meeting） new friends and try （trying）new things.


In one consulion, the meaning of traveling is going to a new place, enjoying the weather and customs, meet new friends and keep safety first.

-- by 会员 AnthonySummer (2012/10/31 18:25:42)

lz需要多注意动宾搭配。还用动词短语不能直接做主语，需要改成doing或to do 的形式。多留心语法，尽量少犯错误
文章主要观点感觉不是很清晰。每段的例子感觉不是很详细，内容可以再补充
加油~

dreamcece

蓝色为意见或建议高亮为精彩绿色为总结红色为错误

The reading passage and the lecture hold different opinion of archaeology examination policy, financial problem, and career opportunity. 表述不清。建议重写。


First, the reading passage said that many valuable artifacts were lost to【during】 construction projects because those builders often uncovered archaeologically valuable sites. However, the professor point that since the new guideline of construction was published; archaeologists need checking every old construction to define whether it has historical values, then decided whether to rebuild a new building or build around the old building. 【这里原听力部分应该有问题， 原文是说在所有新工地开工之前做检查，以及发现site以后怎么做。】 【时态啊时态。】


Second, the professor argued that before the very beginning of rebuilding, the construction company would pay the examination of old construction. This against the reading passage's opinion that many archaeologists felt that the financial support for archaeological research was inadequate. 【第二个点也有问题，是说如果发现了新的site, 那么construction company finance for the examination...】


Third, the professor object to the reading passage's opinion that it was difficult to have a career in archaeology, and there were never many positions available. 【这个分句应该单独成句，放在语义多的句子里面不合适。】 He pointed that new guideline created a lot of new work. Since archaeologists need to examine every construction before rebuilding. So there need many archaeologists to research, collect dates and writing papers. Actually, available position at the highest ever since.  【这个点挺好，细节也有 主题也对】
总结: 建议楼主再重新做一次这个综合写作， 听力部分出错的有点厉害。 还有就是表达一定要争取做到清楚明了无歧义。 不知道楼主有没有综合24的解析，希望每次批改别人的综合之前最好先看一下解析，一个是保证批改质量，一个是知道自己错在哪里。

我把托福踩脚下

坐等31号作业

AnthonySummer

Tpo 17

The lecture disagrees about the reading passage's opinion that birds population will decrease with the increase of human settlements, agricultural activities and chemical pesticides using.


First, the reading passage claim that human populations and settlements continue to expand, so birds' natural habitats will continue to disappear. However, the professor argues that urban area provided a better and larger space for some kind of birds such as pigs, so some birds' population decrease, but other birds' population will increase.


Second, the reading point out that the growth of agriculture will result in the further destruction of bird habitats as more and more wilderness areas are converted to agricultural use. As contrary, the professor illustrates that the truth is less and less land will be using for agriculture every year. People will use more types of corps to improve production. So birds actually have more type of food to select.


Third, the professor object to the reading passage that the expansion of human settlements and agriculture area will increase the use of chemical pesticides is poisons designed to kill pets, and more birds will be harmed because of the food chain or drink polluted water. He said that nowadays, people aware of pesticides, we will use less toxic pesticides, and farm pest resistant corps.

AnthonySummer

10.31

Young people nowadays have no influence on decisions that determine the future of the society as a whole. A\D


Young people nowadays have more and more influence on decisions that determine the future of the society as a whole, because young people have more energy and time to involve social, economic, and political activates. The presidents of United States and Russia, Prime Minister of Britain, CEOs of Google and big company, all of them are young generation.


It is a tendency that young people become a leader. A very famous example is the US presidential election of 2008. A young people Obama beat senior Senator McCain who is over sixties. Obama use network and some new tools such media broadcast to help him win the election. Obama spend several millions of dollars on a network advertisment. this determinatian decision help him win the some chips. More important, those suggestions come from his young election team. Who help Obama win the election is young people. Meantime, with the developing of technologies and economics, the world economy become more and more complicit than ever before, a young president has more energy to solve much more problem than senior people and work over night. Young president can accept new thing quickly than senior people and make a quick response. More and more young people become the leader of some countries.


Some countries such as India and China, they have more young people than senior people. Young people want to young people to lead them, because they have more common languages and interests. More and more young people were assigned to some determination positions such as manager and director. They are directly evolving some economic activities. They can decide their companies' future. For example, some investment company's young leaders are more interesting in a high tech industry or such as solar power and wind power. They can change what kind of power we will use in the future. They can provide us more and more cheaper and cleaner energy. Some IT companies such as Google, Face Book and twitter, those companies' found father and CEO are young people, those companies provide us some new way to socialize and communicate with our friends. Google Map's street view can help me use own laptop tour beautiful city such as Washington, DC and New York. Twitter provides a new way to socialize with some celebrities.


Although some people think that senior people have more experience and knowledge than young people. Senior people can point out young people's unnecessary problem and save our precious time and money. Senior people are more qualified to drive an airplane, be a capital of a ship, and other jobs require more experience and skill. It is true that senior people are qualified to those complex jobs. However, in the changeable, many new things such as terrorist attack, virus war, and internet bomb and online technology need us response at the first time; we need a young leader to decide what we should do the next seconds.


In one conclusion, it is a tendency that more and more young people are become the leader of some countries and companies. We need young people's fast responsibility and high energy level to solve lots of new and difficult problems at a short time, so their decision are determine to our future and society.