Anthony Summer的写作贴~~~互帮互助共同进步啊!~~~~~求狠狠的批~~~~~????????????????????????????

AnthonySummer

OK

AnthonySummer

11.7 Colleges or universities should offer students a better job preparation before they start working.

It is very necessary to offer college students some job or interview preparation courses. Therefore, college students will be familiar with a variety of works and careers. They even will switch their major for a much more attractive career. A career guide course will save student time and money; meantime, they also would have more work opportunity.  

Many of my classmates face an awkward situation that they can hardly have a fortune 100 company's job offer, even though their academic background is perfect and they have some internship experience at small forms. I think if the college can teach students how to impress a famous company's interviewer, let their potential employers know that the students are not only come from a good brand university, but also have solid working skill to handle the daily work. It is true that some universities only teach paper knowledge rather than train the students how to impress employers and answer interview question properly. Hence, I start a group that exchanged students' interview experience, offers mock interview and career-developing consultant at my university. Most of my group members have more job offer than the non-group-members. Due to the lacking of college support, it is impossible to invite some CEOs or human resource managers to guide us. Therefore, college's supports become much more important than ever before. Students' horizon will be great enhancing if we have some most experience people lead the lectures.

In another way, some job preparation lectures and training courses can help students to have a smooth transition to the workplace. College teachers are much more tolerant and patient than future employers. Therefore, in the job preparation courses, students can simulate a real work place, and teachers can point out the students' shortages and help them improving. Company would be much more satisfy to the graduation, and the college would have a better reputation, win-win strategy.

Although, some students would say that the job preparation courses would influence their study, so they cannot focus on academic research. In my opinion, we need more practical products than perfect theory. The courses can help students what the company want, so they can prepare in advance. Meanwhile, students can choose whether take the job preparation courses or not.

In one words, a job preparation course can help students have more job opportunity, know what the company wants, and find a better career.

lizchang1990

TPO23
In the lecture, the professor points out that the hypothesis made by the reading passage is not adequate to explain why the population of Yellow Cedar is declining. He points to several reasons to support his opinion. (这个开头很有逻辑性,语言没问题,不错!)

First, the professor claims that the yellow cedar decline is not causing(为啥用ING呀,直接 caused就好,何况你后面还是by. ) by insect parasites. In fact, health yellow cedar trees can secrete chemicals that can kill the cedar bark beetles. Therefore, they are unlikely to suffer from insect parasite. As instead, the trees that suffer from the parasites are already sick.

On the other hand, the professor objects to that brown bears cause the declining in yellow cedar population. The cedar population declined at both on the mainland an island, since there have no bears on the island.

What's more, the professor doubts the third hypothesis states that the change of climate is the cause of the cedar trees declination. He admits that the number of trees died on high elevation should be larger than that on a lower elevation because the temperature at high elevation is much colder. In fact, more trees died on low elevation, which opposite to the reading.
因为之前看过你的综合,感觉这次比上次进步好大~语言没什么错误,比较地道. 这次你听力部分写得比较多,是比较好的,力争拿高分!!! 另外,个人建议,最好都用过去式,因为说的事都发生了嘛. 继续坚持,相信会不错的!

婷婷connie

11.7独立改文
11.7 Colleges or universities should offer students a better job preparation before they start working.

It is very necessary to offer college students some job or interview preparation courses. Therefore, college students will be familiar with a variety of works(work) and careers. They even will switch their major（majors） for a much more attractive career（careers）. A career guide course will save student（students’要用所有格） time and money; meantime, they(they指代不明，前面只有a career和student，所以用students更好) also would have more work opportunity.  

Many of my classmates face an awkward situation that they can hardly have a fortune 100 company's job offer(这里没有读懂什么意思), even though their academic background is perfect and they have some internship experience at small forms（some companies）. I think（尽量不要出现I think这样绝对表示自己的句子，用I tend to believe that...） if the college can teach students how to impress a famous(这个famous是形容company还是后面的interviewer,有歧义，改成an interviewer of a prestigious company) company's interviewer, let their potential employers know that the students are not only come from a good brand university（名牌大学太中式了，或者说a university with reputation,或者brand-name university都会好一些）, but also have solid（practiced/pragmatic） working skill to handle the daily work. It is true that some universities only teach paper knowledge(theory) rather than train the students how to impress(leave a deep impression on) employers and answer interview question properly. Hence, I start a group that exchanged(exchanges) students' interview experience, offers mock interview and career-developing consultant at my university. Most of my group members have more job offer（offers） than the non-group-members. Due to the lacking（lack本身就有名词意思） of college support, it is impossible to invite some CEOs or human resource managers to guide us. Therefore, college's supports become much more important than ever before. Students' horizon will be great enhancing(enhanced被动) if we have some most（没有必要用最高级） experience（experienced） people lead the lectures.

In another way（from a different dimension）, some job preparation lectures and training courses can help students to have a smooth transition to the workplace. College teachers are much more tolerant and patient than future employers. Therefore, in the job preparation courses, students(学生怎么能simulate work place,这个是学校的事，学生是一个参与角色，所以逻辑有问题) can simulate a real work place, and teachers can point out the students' shortages and help them improving（help sb. Do sth.）. Company would be much more satisfy（satisfied） to the graduation, and the college would have a better reputation, win-win strategy.

Although, some students would say that the job preparation courses would influence their study, so they cannot focus on academic research. In my opinion, we need more practical products than perfect theory(theories和前面的products对应). The courses can(are able to) help students (acquire)what the company want, so they can prepare in advance. Meanwhile, students can choose whether take the job preparation courses or not.（这句话跟前面的内容没有太大联系，如果要保留，接下来应该论证一下）
让步段的思路很好！
In one words, a job preparation course can help students have more job opportunity, know what the company wants, and find a better career.

Conclusion:

1.注意单复数问题

2.注意各单词的名词、形容词的形式，搭配是重中之重

3.词汇是一个问题，很多表达过于中式，比如名牌大学，稳固的基础

4.第一个主段太长了，细节说的简练一点，然后和二三段平衡

AnthonySummer

2012-11-9 Do you agree with the viewpoint that people are now easier to become educated than in the past?

Well educated is the key to success, so every generation seeks an equal opportunity to be educated, because they want to have a better life. In my point of view, it is a tendency that it is easier for people to become educated than in the past, because the following reasons.

First, people who have accepted high education or training can easily find a high pay job than ever before. Since people are undergoing overwhelming competitive pressure resulting from the increasing population in China, education is the only to help them find a good job, therefore, more and more training schools and colleges start to offer education. Some training school such as New Oriental training school even raised an IPO (initial public offering) at the NASDAQ stock market. Meantime, more and more Adults want to strengthen their professional skill and knowledge in their spare, they fear that they would be squeezed out by the furious job competition; teenager have an need to improve their soft skill such as musician or painting skill for going to a better school, therefore, more school will satisfy the need of their customers.    

Despite from the stronger internal motivation to become well educated, the modern technologies such as internet, broadcast, and online-education software are providing conveniences to students. For instance, the introduction of the internet has provided people with easy access to huge amounts of information, while before the past several years people are restricted by the paper and long way drive to the schools and bookstores. When I had researched some academic information for my undergraduate paper, I used the internet to find all my research materials in a few days. It will cost several weeks even months without internet. Meantime, with the help such as an ipad and laptop, it is quite save time for students know the latest technology tendency.

Last, the relatively lower economic cost of receiving an education contributes a lot to this favorable change to people. In the past, ordinary family can hardly afford college education, or maybe just the elder kid to the school, therefore, other kids need to find a job to support their brother’s education fee and family expense, especially in a developing area and country. In my country, China, with the dramatic economic developing in the recent two decades, almost every family can send their kid to school. Meantime, centre government will support some education loans to those families who still cannot afford the education cost.  As we can see, the goal of universal education has almost been made possible through governmental efforts such as the policy of compulsory education and establishing more high schools.

In one words, with the developing of technology and economic, people have more alternative choices of education than ever before.

AnthonySummer

Tpo 24

The professor pointed three evidences that indicate the existence of actual tissue in dinosaur fossil, which was not true. (不知這樣指代可以嗎) He argued the inaccuracy of these evidences, and offered some alternative explanation for the substances found in the fossil.

First, the professor objected to the reading passage's opinion that small branching channels inside of the fossilized leg bone prove that blood vessels were once located. He illustrated the possible reason was that bacteria may occupy the hollows inside the bones. He said that long after the organ died, bacteria would colonize the moist residue, and left some trace of itself.

Second, the professor cast doubt about the red substance in the sphere, which according to the reading passage could be the remains of red blood cells. In fact, he claimed that those remains were found in some other animals, which lived in the same area but had no red blood vessels. He argues that the sphere could be red minerals.

Third, the professor doubts the existence of collagen in the fossils. On the contrary, he pointed out that the earliest collagen that has ever been found in fossils was one thousand years ago. It is unlikely to find some collagen older than 70 million years old. As a result, he suggested that collagen might come from skin of researchers who handle the fossils.

辛苦批改了！

amissrosa

11.8 TPO 24改



橘色建议　红色错误

The professorpointed three evidences that(to) indicate the existence of actual tissue in dinosaur fossil, which was not true (misunderstood). (不知这样指代可以吗[注1]) He argued the inaccuracy of these evidences, and offered some alternative explanations for the substances found in the fossil.
[注1]我本来也不太会分辨到底哪个词可指代整个句子、分词或人物，查到这个网站后，分析之下，楼煮这样写应该是可以的！http://club.topsage.com/thread-411861-1-1.html
但其实这句可直接写成→to indicates that the existence of actual tissue in the dinosaur fossil wasmisunderstood.

First, theprofessor objected to the reading passage's opinion that small branchingchannels inside of the fossilized leg bone prove that blood vessels were oncelocated. He illustrated the possible reason was that bacteria mayoccupy the hollows inside the bones. He said that long after the organ died,bacteria would colonize the moist residue, and left some trace of itself.

Second, theprofessor casts doubt about (on) the red substance in the sphere, which according to the reading passage, could be the remains of red blood cells. In fact, he claimed that thoseremains were found in the same places of some otheranimals, which lived in the same area but these animals had no red blood vessels when they are alive. He argues that the spherecould be reddish minerals.

Third, theprofessor doubts the existence of collagen in the fossils. On the contrary,(上句与此句关系并非反向) he pointed out that the earliest collagen that has ever been found infossils was one hundred thousand years ago.It is unlikely to find some collagen in the remains of T-rex which was older than 70million years old. As a result, he suggested that collagen might come from skinof researchers who handle the fossils.

学长的综合一直写的不错，难免会漏掉细节，但继续加油喔！

AnthonySummer

(字數越多越好! 儘量還原聽力中的意思，不要照搬文章裡的

小滋滋

Well educated is the key to success, so every generation seeks an equal opportunity to be educated, because（because和so不要出现在同一句话呀） they want to have a better life. In my point of view, it is a tendency that it is easier for people to become educated than in the past, because（because是conj.后面要加句子加个of吧接短语） the following reasons.

First, people who have accepted high education or training can easily find a high pay job than ever before. Since people are undergoing overwhelming competitive pressure resulting from the increasing population in China, education is the only way to help them find a good job, therefore(不是连词，不能连接两句话), more and more training schools and colleges start to offer education. Some training school such as New Oriental training school even raised an IPO (initial public offering) at the NASDAQ stock market.（感觉有点扯远了）Meantime（adv.）, more and more Adults want to strengthen their professional skill and knowledge in their spare, they fear that they would be squeezed out by the furious job competition(缺连词); （这个还是另起一句话吧）teenager have an need to improve their soft skill such as musician or painting skill for going to a better school, therefore, more school will satisfy the need of their customers.    

Despite from the stronger internal motivation to become well educated, the modern technologies such as internet, broadcast, and online-education software are providing conveniences to students. For instance, the introduction of the internet has provided people with easy access to huge amounts of information, while before the past several years people are restricted by the paper and long way drive to the schools and bookstores.(没懂？)When I had researched some academic information for my undergraduate paper, I used the internet to find all my research materials in a few days. +In contrast,It will cost several weeks even months without internet. Meantime, with the help such as an ipad and laptop, it is quite save time for students to know the latest technology tendency.

Last, the relatively lower economic cost of receiving an education contributes a lot to this favorable change to people. In the past, ordinary family can hardly afford college education, or maybe just the elder kid to the school, therefore,(adv.缺连词) other kids need to find a job to support their brother’s education fee and family expense, especially in a developing area and country. In my country, China, with the dramatic economic developing in the recent two decades, almost every family can send their kid to school. Meantime, centre government will support some education loans to those families who still cannot afford the education cost.  As we can see, the goal of universal education has almost been made possible through governmental efforts such as the policy of compulsory education and establishing（用名词吧，对称点）more high schools.

In one words, with the developing（development）of technology and economic, people have more alternative choices of education than ever before.

1.感觉第二段不太能支持论点，说的有
2.语法错误：adv.不能连接两句话点乱

AnthonySummer

抱歉今天要晚提交了。 7點多才OK.