Anthony Summer的写作贴~~~互帮互助共同进步啊!~~~~~求狠狠的批~~~~~????????????????????????????

bonnenuit

It is an information(这个是名字，形容词加al) society nowadays. Our young generations use Facebook or twitter to communication and social(这个是形容词，不能当动词用）with their friends. It is very difficult to educate our next generation if we only use old fashion knowledge compare to（with) those (information不可数）update information. Students would fascinate about new things and new knowledge would（用一般将来时就可以了） motivate them to study harder and well（better跟前面harder平行）.
I am majoring in economics. In this financial world, investment bank and other bank institutions will invent some new modules and rules every year, so they can re-package and resell financial products. They are so smart, so (换that)people call them "rocket sciences". Their update speeds far beyond other industries such as mine or ship transportation. So I will check their website and news every week to catch up their speed. My college teachers also keep a good connection with the local Wall Street, and first hand information would(will) provide students with best chance to find an internship at their interesting career.
The world financial crisis happened in 2008. What (去掉）if our teachers did not attend courses immediately, but waited another one year or even five years to update their knowledge. The school would lose their advantage of（不是教育产业的优势，而是在教育产业领域的优势，换In) the education industry, and the students do(过去式） not want to learn something already passed five years ago, and（缺主语） would never be used again. The school would suffer the shortage of students, and those students would waste their time to study useless knowledge.
Although other education area such like（as） basic science, chemistry and high school mathematics, they did(用一般现在时） not have an extreme requirement of information update. If a teacher can use some examples happen recently, to explain the deep meaning behind the story, that would greatly motivate students learning interesting.
In one conclusion, it is very necessary to update teachers' knowledge at least every 5 years. New knowledge will be attractive more students to learn well.


LZ写作功底比较还是有待提高啊
时态 语法问题还需要强化

AnthonySummer

10.17Most people can solve the important problem in their lives by themselves or help from their families; help from the government is often not necessary.
One of Government's duties is helping their tax payer. Otherwise citizen has no need to pay the tax. It is impossible to individual solve some major natural disaster such as earthquake or hunger. Government plays the fundamental role to prove advance education and healthcare to their people.
We can ask our relatives for helping when we at the hospital, but they are not doctor and they don't have any equipment to cure our disease. Government provides us psychical equipment such as doctors and health centers. I think when we in trouble we should ask government help first because we already paid for it. After government turns us down we can ask help from our families. We can go to a private hospital if we need better medical support. If we don't have insurance we can borrow money from our families. We must feel lonely and helpless when we at the hospital. Only families and friends can give us emotional support. Both emotional support and physical treatment are very necessary to us.
Some governments only take from it own people, but it never helps its citizen when they in trouble. Such as some corruption government at Asia: North Korea. When people face hunger or flood, they cannot rely on their government. Citizen to those governments only is chips. Sometimes government helps become a burden. Their education system is not helping the citizens become smarter and independently but a tool to fool people's eyes. People don't have any internet access to know other foreign world. They don't allow to own a mobile phone in case you want to contact other foreigners. Their people live in the hell, no food and no medical care. We can only rely on our families to solve our problems when we meet cold-blooded government.
Most of the people live in an open country. Sometimes government provides us with some other emotional service. I knew some good teacher who takes good care of their students, giving their students both emotional help and tutor. The government also provides psychology center at each university. Those psychologists can help us solve the problem better than our families. But we still need an appointment to see them and they are not 24 hours on calling.
In one conclusion, our families are always supporting us and giving some emotional help that the government does not have. But the government provides us healthcare center and university so we can learn more. We need both of them.

AnthonySummer

Tpo 3The reading passage and lecture hold opposite opinion about the realistic of Rembrandt painting. The lecture points out this painting is an original one.
Firstly, the lecture points out the inconsistency about the way the woman's dress in the portrait is because of someone add another layer over the top of original painting 100 years ago, because that person wants to increase the value of painting. Reading passage point that Rembrandt was known for his attention to the details is true.
Latterly, the passage illustrates that Rembrandt was a master of painting light and shadow but this painting there elements not fit together. The lecture mentioned it because of the layer added on the original one that has changed the reflection. If we watching without the layer, we can find the shadow appears rightly.
Finally, the lecture object to the passage that Rembrandt never uses this kind of glued together panel was faked because those words were added latterly because people can't make it look valuable. Although the painting reveals was painted on a panel made of several pieces of wood glued together, but the lecture said they found a self-patriot painted by Rembrandt used the same wood.

kiddy72

One of Government's duties is helping their tax payer. Otherwise citizen has no need to pay the tax.这句应该是说否则市民就需要缴税吧？ It is impossible to individual solve some problems caused by major natural disaster such as earthquake or hunger. Government plays thea fundamental role to proveprovide advanced education and healthcare to their people.
We can ask our relatives for helping when we at the hospital, but they are not doctors and they don't have any equipments to cure our disease. Government provides us psychical equipment such as doctors医生不算equipment吧 and health centers. I think when we in trouble we should ask government for help first because we already paid for it.这句逻辑有点跳跃 After government turns us down we can ask help from our families. We can go to a private hospital if we need better medical support. If we don't have insurance we can borrow money from our families. We must feel lonely and helpless when we at the hospital. Only families and friends can give us emotional support. Both emotional support and physical treatment are very necessary to us.厄 看完这段没明白你是支持哪个观点
Some governments only take from it own people,厄 不能这么说吧 but it never helps its citizens when they in trouble. Such as some corruption government at Asia: North Korea. When people face hunger or flood, they cannot rely on their government.个人认为还是最好别提到一些政治敏感话题吧～保险起见 Citizen to those governments only is chips. Sometimes government helps become a burden. Their education system is not helping the citizens become smarter and independently but a tool to fool people's eyes. People don't have any internet access to know other foreign the world. They don't allow to own a mobile phone in case youthey want to contact other foreigners. Their people live in the hell, no food and no medical care. We can only rely on our families to solve our problems when we meet cold-blooded government.
Most of the people live in an open country. Sometimes government provides us with some other emotional service. I knewknow some good teachers who takestake good care of their students, giving their students both emotional help and tutoring. The government also provides psychology center at each university. 个人认为这些举措和政府没什么关系啊 Those psychologists can help us solve the problem better than our families. But we still need an appointment to see them and they are not 24 hours on calling.
In one conclusion, our families are always supportingsupport us and givinggive some emotional helps that the government does not havecannot give. But the government provides us healthcare center and university so we can learn more.前面有center 和 university两个主体不能说从center学到很多 We need both of them.




文章的观点不够清晰，建议这位同学去看一下关于托福写作的逻辑习惯和论点叙述方法。简单句有点多，可以多用些被动、倒转、从句之类的。个人观点 可以多多讨论   加油哦～

AnthonySummer

10.18Do you agree that the best way for parents to make the children learn about responsibility is to have children to care for an animal?
Sometimes children would lack of sympathy because they did not experience the same tough things like adults or their parents. The best way to teach children how to sympathy and understand others is put the children into the others' shoes.
It is very expensive to raise a kid. Especially some parents who live in metropolitan cities like Shanghai or New York, after a long day work and traffic jam, need to pick up their kids at school, then come back home the first time and cook for their kids and spent time with the kids. Ironically, some kids just did not appreciate your hard work. Whether the kids do not like the food or ask parents to buy a new mobile phone and a computer game. If the children can understand the difficulty of raising a kid, which would be much comfortable for their parents.
To solve this problem, parents can buy a pet such as a dog, cat or rabbit. Let the children take own responsibility to take care of the pets. Day after day, child and pet would grow a friendship. It would be a great help for children mind grow up. The child need prepare food and do the clean job for pets. If someday the child forgot feeding, the pets and pets caught a cold because Child's careless. The child must take care of ill pet bythem own. After he/she experience this process, children would understand how difficult their parents were.
Although it is much easier for children take care of a pet, but after children learn about sympathy then grows up a responsibility and independent heart. Those children would learn to care about themselves and their parents.

AnthonySummer

Tpo 4The lecture object to the reading passage's opinion that dinosaurs are endotherms from three parts: the location where dinosaurs lived, leg position and blood vessels. These evidences cannot prove that dinosaurs can keep their body temperature warm.
Firstly, the reading passage points out that dinosaurs fossil was found in Polar Regions, and only endotherms can live in a cold climate. The professor argued that the Polar region used to be a warm place, warmer than today. Dinosaurs can immigrate to a warm region when the temperature becomes cold.
Secondly, the leg position of dinosaurs can be used to support the super weight of dinosaurs. Growing large would be a critical benefit to survive. This against to the passage's opinion that underneath leg allows sustained physical activity such as running.
Finally, the processor acknowledges the fact that the bone structures of endothermy have Haversian canals, but the passage failed to point out the grown ring structure. When the climate becomes cold, grown ring structure can help dinosaurs grow slowly or even stop growing. When the climate warmer, grown ring can help dinosaurs grow quickly.
Then the professor can give the reason why dinosaurs are not endotherm.

klllun

4

The lecture(用人做主语更加合适，lecturer) objects to the reading passage's opinion that dinosaurs areendotherms from three parts: the location where dinosaurs lived, leg positionand blood vessels. These evidences cannot prove that dinosaurs can keep theirbody temperature warm.

Firstly, the reading passage points outthat dinosaurs fossil(dinosaur fossil单复数要统一哈) was found in PolarRegions, and only endotherms can live in a cold climate. The professor arguedthat the Polar region used to be a warm place, warmer than today. Dinosaurs canimmigrate to a warm region when the temperature becomes cold. （听漏了一点哈，还有一个冬眠的）

Secondly, the leg position of dinosaurs canbe used to support the super weight of dinosaurs. Growing large would be acritical benefit to survive. This against to thepassage's opinion（of the author in thepassage） that underneath leg allows sustainedphysical activity such as running.

Finally, the processor acknowledges thefact that the bone structures of endothermy have Haversian canals, but thepassage failed to point out the grown ring structure. When the climate becomescold, grown ring structure can help dinosaurs grow slowly or even stop growing.When the climate warmer, grown ring can help dinosaurs grow quickly. (此处结尾的有点突兀，可以加入一句点评，也是lecture中有提到的，thus…这样的现象与endothermy的关系不成立)

Then the professor can give the reason whydinosaurs are not endotherm.

整体上是没有什么问题的，建议可以详细一些细节。格式上，还有每段之间空一行哈~加油的！

deanlone

Sometimes children would lack of sympathy（lack of 一般是用于名词，the lack of 或者a lack of） because they did not experience the same tough things like adults or their parents. The best way to teach children how to be sympathetic(sympathy是名词，应该用sympathetic，并且前面加be) and understand others is put the children into the others' shoes（这句话用在这我也不太清楚是否合适，但是总感觉意思和主题有点衔接不上）. 同情和负责任似乎是两码事。。可以在看看是否偏题，而且说实话开头段没有标明观点


It is very expensive to raise a kid. Especially some parents who live in metropolitan cities like Shanghai or New York
, after a long day work and the traffic jam, need to pick up their kids at school, then come back home the first time and cook for their kids and spent time with the kids. Ironically, some kids just do not appreciate your hard work（时态要多注意，整片应用一般现在时）. Whether the kids do not like the food or ask parents to buy a new mobile phone and a computer game. If the children can understand the difficulty of raising a kid, which would be much comfortable for their parents.（if条件句，但是没有主句，后面用的却是which引导的非限制定语从句）

To solve this problem, parents can buy a pet such as a dog, cat or rabbit. Let the children take own responsibility to take care of the pets. Day after day, child and pet would cultivate a friendship（grow→cultivate）. It would be a great help for children mind grow up. The child need to prepare food and do the clean job for pets（用法不对）. If someday the child forgot feeding（缺宾语）, the pets and pets caught a cold because Child's careless（整句话有很大的问题，建议重写）. The child must take care of ill pet by them own（应该为themselves）. After he/she experience this process, children would understand how difficult their parents were.



Although it is much easier for children to take care of a pet, but after children learn about sympathy and then grows up a responsibility and independent heart（没这种搭配，要么就to be independent）. Those children would learn to care about themselves and their parents.


整体而言，似乎字数太少了，只有300不到，而且文章的逻辑性不够，开头段没有标明准确的立场，后面展开的中间两段并不能有效支持作者观点，缺乏有效论证和例子来支持，结构框架比较混乱，语法错误很明显，从句使用不正确，建议可以先看看语法书籍，提高写作基础，之后再看张红岩的十天突破或者慎小嶷《十天突破新托福Essays+MP3》

AnthonySummer

Tpo 5
The reading passage purposed three suggestions of the primary function of Chaco Canyon houses, but the lectures against those opinions and purpose more specific expiations.


The lecture argues that if the Chaco structures were purely residential and housing hundreds of people. Simultaneously, residents would require hundreds of daily cooking place. But only ten cooking place was founded. So the Chaco structures could not be the residential building.


Latterly, the reading passage argues that the Chaco structures were used to store food supplies such as grain maize. As Instead, the lectures point out that if the place had been used for storing maize would have many traces and remain of maize. There have no evidences were found at the Chaco.


Finally, regarding the theory "ceremony centers theory", and use similar house called Pueblo Alto as a comparison, because the research found a surprisingly large number of broken pots as evidence to support that people gathered at Pueblo Alto for ceremonies. But the passage failed to point that they found large amounts of construction trash, so the broken pots maybe used to be worker's pots.

AnthonySummer

10.19 toefl 五段式Do you agree or disagree? It is better to work with your own computer and telephone at your home than work in your company's office.
Working at home with own computer and telephone can save us a lot of time on driving a car or waiting for the traffic jam, but working at home prevents us to communicate with our colleagues face to face and hand the working material personally. Sometimes telephone communication will bring us a lot of trouble of misunderstanding.


I am working for an investment company and my job function requires high speed internet access, but the company at my community provides low speed network access, furthermore, the network connection would crash several times per week, which extreme influence my normal work. Every time when it happens, my heart almost jumps out of my mouth because if I cannot sell the futures in my account and market going down, I would lose hundreds of thousands of money in less than one minute. I would better work at a company which provides me high speed and stable network connection.


I would use a lot of private company's papers which was highly sensitive. So I cannot bring the papers back to my home and it is impossible to me bring all of them back home. I would rather check information at the company library. Sometimes my colleagues and I would visit the company which we plan to invest. So it is impossible work home alone.


However, some industry such as: computer game industry or art industry. They might be possible work at home with computer and telephone, and they can use long distance video conference instead of a real meeting. But we should admit that a video conference would never be better than face to face communication, because we were not able to observe every detail or the atmosphere.


In one conclusion, considered our technology and support facilities were not advanced enough to compete with working at the company. I preferred to work at the office.