kchszy061ban的作业贴

sherryzhangh

亲， 你贴错了， 你需要改的是我的综合， 我没有写独立 昨天。。

guoyang88

修改
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement. Although science and technology will continue to improve, the most significant improvement for the quality of people's lives have already taken place

Human had fly【flied 过去分词】 to the moon in 1969 and came back safely, unmanned shpacecraft had already got out of solar system. Also, modern people use computers in their daily life to study, work or do other things. Similar changes have taken place in other fields as weel【well】, based on this, some conclude that the most considerable headways to improve people's lives have already became into reality. However, condidering problems that remain in society and environment, I think modern people have large amount of work to do.

In the first place, all kinds of pollutions happening around us need to be treated with the improvement of our science and technology. None one can deny the fact that science and technology brougt us efficiency and convenience for our daily life. One can dirve to a place far away within a few hours, or fly to other parts of the world across the ocean and[or] sea, which people in the past never imagined they could. On the other hand, science and technology cause problems to the air surrounding us, the water we drink, and also the noise made by machines is unacceptable in certain situations. Therefore, the quality of modern people's lives need to be improved with the help of science and technology.

It is euqally important to improve modern people' heath condition. With the help of advanced equipments in hospitals, some diseases which had not been noticed in the past can be detected now. For example, AIDS, and all kinds of cancers deprive people' lives, until now, there are not effective ways to cure patients with diseases[删] . In addition, in other places of the world, people do not have clean water to drink. They also do not enough food to eat, to feed their young children or support their old parents, although people in developed countries enjoy the fruit of modern science and technology everyday. In these cases, the quality of modern people's lives remain to be improved.

In the third place, social problems have not been solved in modern society, which can diminish the quality of modern people's lives. All kinds of crimes happening around us everyday, which makes us worry about the safety of ourselves. Recently, one person called Zhou in China have been killed by police officers【polices】. This person had killed tens of ordinary people who withdrawed money in the bank. He had killed police officers and escaped to western part of China in order to hide himself. During these days, people even did not go to the bank. Also, other problems such as the conflicts between two people can not be solved by science and technology[这例子不太好。可以说科技使人冷漠 缺乏亲情]. Thus. people remain to feel disturbed or have conflicts with others that make them feel unhappy. And, there are no solutions to these problmes even with the help of science and technology【现在的技术与科学】.

In conclusion, modern people have to deal with all kinds of pollutions, their health condition also need to be improved. Also, some problems in modern society have not changed yet. Based on these above discussions, I believe that the most significant improvement for the quality of people's lives will take place in the future with the improvement of science and technoligy.

第二段医学疾病类的例子相比于其他两段，可以再polish下。这样文章更好。

GWinner

8月14日
精彩错误修改提议综合
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement. Although science and technology will continue to improve, the most significant improvement for the quality of people's lives have already taken place

Human had fly[had flown这个过去分词是这么写不? 或者直接flew就好了] to the moon in 1969 and came back safely, unmanned shpacecraft had already got out of solar system[逗号不能连接句子,后面的句子单分出来吧]. Also, modern people use computers in their daily life to study, work or do other things. Similar changes have taken place in other fields [+such]as weel, [后面的句子单分出来]based on this, some conclude that the most considerable headways to improve people's lives have already became into reality. However, condidering problems that remain in society and environment, I think modern people [+still]have large amount of work to do.

In the first place, all kinds of pollutions happening around us need to be treated with the improvement of our science and technology[应该是科技来处理而不是科技的进步来处理吧...可以把improvement换成一个相同意思的形容词]. None one can deny the fact that science and technology brougt us efficiency and convenience for our daily life.[an efficient and convenient life] One can dirve to a place far away within a few hours, or fly to other parts of the world across the ocean and sea, which people in the past never imagined they could.[which is beyond the imagination of the past generation这个改的也不太好..严格来说which放在这里是有语法问题的 不过可能TOEFL没有GMAT那么严 用用也行] On the other hand, science and technology cause problems to the air surrounding us, the water we drink, and also the noise made by machines is unacceptable [这个词有点不太好]in certain situations. Therefore, the quality of modern people's lives need to be improved with the help of science and technology.[感觉这个和题目联系的不是很紧密哈 应该还要表达出"这些还需要提高的地方 为科技创造出更大成就提供了空间"这个意思 才能更贴近主题]

It is euqally important to improve modern people' heath condition. With the help of advanced equipments in hospitals, some diseases which had not been noticed in the past can be detected now. For example, AIDS, and all kinds of cancers deprive people' lives, until now, there are not effective ways to cure patients with diseases.[这儿应该有个限制吧...什么样的disease,毕竟不是所有病都没法治] In addition, in other places of the world, people do not have clean water to drink. They also do not [have]enough food to eat, to feed their young children or support their old parents, although people in developed countries enjoy the fruit of modern science and technology everyday. In these cases, the quality of modern people's lives remain to be improved.
[is still waiting to be improved]

In the third place, social problems have not been solved in modern society, which [those unsolved social problems]can diminish the quality of modern people's lives. All kinds of crimes happening around us everyday, which makes us worry about the safety of ourselves. Recently, one person called Zhou in China have been killed by police officers. This person had killed tens of ordinary people who withdrawed money in the bank. He had killed police officers and escaped to western part of China in order to hide himself. During these days, people even did [dared]not go to the bank. Also, other problems such as the conflicts between two people can not be solved by science and technology. Thus.[That is,]people remain to feel disturbed or have conflicts with others that make them feel unhappy. And, there are no solutions to these problmes even with the help of science and technology.

In conclusion, modern people have to deal with all kinds of pollutions, their health condition also need to be improved. Also, some problems in modern society have not changed yet. Based on these above [放到discussion后面]discussions, I believe that the most significant improvement for the quality of people's lives will take place in the future with the improvement of science and technoligy.

感觉文章的三个支持点主要都在说现在存在什么问题, 作文的题目是关于the most significant improvement for the quality of people's lives, 我觉得从"目前存在的问题"到"生活水平的提升"这两个点之间逻辑上的GAP还说得不够, 所以感觉扣题有点无力...说"还有很多problem remain"没问题 但是一定要再说几句 联系到题目才好~

再就是还是要强调一下下语言问题哈~感觉LZ运用从句的能力还需要提高 可以背背好词好句神马的...另外就是特别注意不要一逗到底!!!逗号是绝对不可以连接两个句子的 这点LZ肯定清楚 打字的时候稍稍注意就好了~

加油!!!!~~~

kchszy061ban

8月15日
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement. Parents should allow their children to make mistakes and let them learn from their own mistakes

Some parents believe it is an effective way to educate their children by learning from mistakes their children mede. On the other hand, some are cautious about the mistakes their children may confront with, since these mistakes may endenger children' safety to some extent. In Chian, many couples have one child in their family, so they love their child and even spoil their son or daughter. They want to help their child about everything, from their daily life to their study, afraid of the potential danger for mistakes. Nowadays, parents and child education experts have already realized problems caused by parents' excessive love for their children. They are most likely allow their children to solve their own problems. The benefits of doing this are in many aspects.

To begin with, through making and learning from mistakes, children have the chance to cultivate their independence. Children have to learn how to live since they wil grow up someday and live alone without the help from their parents. Children will know what they can do and what are been forbidden. They also know how to sovle some problems in their life or study, so that they can work out similar question when they grow up. By learning that telling lies to someone will be punished, children will not lie to others is incrrect and will unlikely lie to other people in the future. In addition, if they miss their way in a new place and then find out how to get their destination by their own effort, next time when they go to another place they have never been before, they will not lose their way. These everyday experiences are very important for children, parents should tolerate their chlidren' mistakes in these situations and then encourage them to learn lessons from them.

Furthermore, another benefits of making mistakes and learning from them is children can avoid the limatations of their parents. Differences in values and attitudes between parents and their children make parents see everything from their own eyes, and children view things based on their perspctives. The world is changing, as well as the environment surronding us. Nowadays children are living at a different time from thier parents, so if they all obey what their parents' advices, they may be left behind by their peers.

In the end, some children are afraid of making mistakes and lack the patience to deal with difficulties. Thus, if parents let their children make mistakes and learn from these mistake, their children would not have these problems. On the contrary, children who are always want to rely on their parents would never have the opportunity to form this ability.

Of course, some parents like to protect their children and do not want to see their children make any mistakes. This seems natural from parents' perspective, but is harmful for their children' future. Parents will leave their children some day, their children have to live all on their own earier or later. Therefore, from what I have discussed above, it is beneficial for parents allowing their children to make mistakes and learn.  

TPO 13
The author of the reading text talks about several disadvantages of private collection of fossils. On the contrary, the professor does not agree with the author, saying that the advantages of private collection outweigh disadvantages.

First, the professor says that commercial hunting of fossils give public great exposure to the fossils, not less. Private collectors can sell their fossils to some low-income public institutions such as school and library. This will make the fossils display to public more frequently than before. This directly contradicts its counterpart in the passage.

Second, unlike what has said that scientists will lose chance to see some important fossils, the professor states that scientists may not miss anything important about these fossils. The reason is that it is scientists who examine and text those valuable fossils and identify them. Thus, those precious fossils must pass through scientists first before they are collected by private collectors.

Third, the professor points out one fact that there are not enough university operations and scientific institutions to discover the fossils which are underground. It is better to unearth these fossils with some small damages by untrained workers than let them undiscovered in the ground.

lemonyhu

TPO 13
The author of the reading text talks about several disadvantages of private collection of fossils. On the contrary, the professor does not agree with the author, saying that the advantages of private collection outweigh disadvantages.

First, the professor says that commercial hunting of fossils give public great exposure to the fossils, not less. Private collectors can sell their fossils to some low-income public institutions such as school and library. This will make the fossils display to public more frequently than before. This directly contradicts its counterpart in the passage.（这连续的两句都用this 开头，感觉比较单调）

Second, unlike what has said that scientists will lose chance to see some important fossils, the professor states that scientists may not miss anything important about these fossils. The reason is that it is scientists who examine and text those valuable fossils and identify them. （这句话说得有点奇怪，最后这个and的内容应该和前面的一起说，比如examine、text and identify those valuable fossils.）Thus, those precious fossils must pass through scientists first before they are collected by private collectors.

Third, the professor points out one fact that there are not enough university operations and scientific institutions to discover the fossils which are underground. It is better to unearth these fossils with some small damages by untrained workers than let them undiscovered in the ground.



总体来说文章的内容清楚，听力里的主要内容也都抓住了，就是句子有些小错误~

并且一些单三什么的~~~别忘了~~~

然后就没什么问题啦~

Crystaljoy

练习作文不在于篇数，要写完去横向纵向比较，甚至第二天第三天拿出来反复修改完善，别人指出的错误坚决不犯第二次。
再者，认真改作文比匆忙写作文收获大的多。平时练深功，考前提速度都可以。
加油！

kchszy061ban

8月16日  Nowadays, it is much easier to achieve success with help from one’s family than what is like before.

I love reading historical books, and find one interesting phenomenon about people lived in the past was that most of their careers were inherited from theri parents or grandparents. Such as king's suns or daughters were prince or princess, and the throne was given to them. At the same time, the nobility was aslo transmitted from one generation to the next one of the same family. However, nowadays the president of the United States is elected every four years, little government officials are inherited now. Based on all of these comparision, I believe that people are not easier to achieve success with help from their family than what is like before.

In the first palce, modern individuals are more independent than before, even if their family can help them to achieve success, they are most likely want to make their own effort to fulfill their goals or dreams. First I have to admit the fact people can easily achieve success from their family help in the beginning. Parents want to see their children' success and willing to help them. One the other hand, children may not think so, and they are willing to do something which are different from their family. One of my friends Mike's father is a successful businessman, he wants Mike to inherit his company and do the same thing as him. Mike love painting rahter than business, so he rejects his father's opinion and enter a famour art college insteand of a business school. In this case, Mike's family does not help him to achieve success. On the contrary, people in the past had no such freedom and ofthen children obeyed their parents to do the same jobs so that they were more easily to achieve success.

In addition, as the development of society, modern people concern more on personal ability than on family relationships. Severe competences in modern society cause it difficult to make profit, and may be one small mistake can result in the collapse of a famous company. Thus the mangers become more focus on the ability of their employee's ability to solve problems, to do their work effectively and the most important thing-make profits for the company. From this perspective, one's ability is more important than one's family in present. In contrast, people in the past placed heavy weight on one's social status according to one's family. The nobility's children were more likely to be succeed than others despite their differences in personal ability.


Of course, there is a tight connection between one and one's family. Some may say the situation does not change whether it was in the past or in modern society, family plays the same important role in one's success. Past president's sons or daughters are easy to be goverment offices than other people. It is difficult for a poor country boy to become wealthy or powerful in modern society or in the past. However, no one could deny the fact that people in the past were more concern about one's family than present.

In the end, people nowadays do not want to depend their family to achieve success, and the whole society becomes more focus on personal ability than one's family. Therefore, to achieve success from one's family is a shame for one, and one's ability is more important.

TPO 14
The author of the reading text talks about several advantages of salvage logging. In contrast, the professor in the lecture does not agree with the author's opinion, and she says that these benefits are questionable.

First, unlike what has said in the text that forest can quickly recover after the removing of dead trees, the professor argues that this practice may cause damage to the development of the forest. She states that the decomposition of dead trees can enrich the soil, and provide nutrient to the trees in the forest. If the dead trees are all removed, new trees may lack necessary nutrient for growth.

Second, the passage cites that removing of dead trees helps to reduce insects infestation, while the professor points out that this is not the real situation. The spruce bark beetle have lived in the froest for hundreds of years withour causing any major damage. Furthermore, decaying wood attracts birds and other insects which are beneficial to the healthy development of the forest in the long run. More importantly, removing rotting wood would do more harm than insects do. Therefore, the benefit of salvage logging is unsounded in this case.

Third, the professor explain that removing dead trees of some severely damaged forest needs helicopters and other expensive vehicles, so it is expensive to remove these dead trees by using these facilities. Also, the economic benefits of salvage logging is small and temporary. Meanwhile, the workers are most coming from other places,  but not the native communities, because these workers have more experiences and trainning. As a result, the benefits offered in the reading text is totally rejected by the professor.

kchszy061ban

练习作文不在于篇数，要写完去横向纵向比较，甚至第二天第三天拿出来反复修改完善，别人指出的错误坚决不犯第二次。
再者，认真改作文比匆忙写作文收获大的多。平时练深功，考前提速度都可以。
加油！

-- by 会员 Crystaljoy (2012/8/16 23:44:22)

爱你niao麻麻。 坚决不犯第二次有一点难，不过我试下。

winnie98

批改：8月16日  Nowadays, it is much easier to achieve success with help from one’s family than what is like before.


I love reading historical books, and find one interesting phenomenon about people lived in the past was that most of their careers were inherited from theri parents or grandparents. Such as king's suns(→sons) or daughters were prince or princess, and the thrones were given to them. At the same time9(→感觉用meanwhile更好), the nobility was aslo(→also) transmitted from one generation to the next one of the same family. However, nowadays the president of the United States is elected every four years,(需要加conj.,逗号不可连接2个完整句子) little government officials are inherited now. Based on all of these comparision(→comparison), I believe that people are not easier to achieve success with help from their family than what is like before.

In the first palce, modern individuals are more independent than before, even if their family can help them to achieve success, they are most likely want to make their own effort to fulfill their goals or dreams. First I have to admit the fact people can easily achieve success from their family help in(→at) the beginning. Parents want to see their children' success and willing to help them. One(→On) the other hand, children may not think so, and they are willing to do something which are(→is,修饰something) different from their family. One of my friends Mike's father(同位语应该都是friend or friend’s father,前后不是同一个人) is a successful businessman, he wants Mike to inherit his company and do the same thing as him. Mike loves painting rahter(→rather) than business, so he rejects his father's opinion and enter a famour(→famous) art college insteand(→instead)of a business school. In this case, Mike's family does not help him to achieve success. On the contrary, people in the past had no such freedom and ofthen(→often) children obeyed their parents to do the same jobs so that they were more easily to achieve success.

In addition, as the development of society, modern people concern more on personal ability than on family relationships. Severe competences(→此处是想说competition吧)in modern society cause it difficult to make profit, and may be one small mistake can result in the collapse of a famous company. Thus the mangers(→managers) become more focus(focus是v.or n.,一般后跟on是v.用法) on the ability of their employee's ability to solve problems, to do their work effectively and the most important thing-make profits for the company. From this perspective, one's ability is more important than one's family background in(→at) present. In contrast, people in the past placed heavy weight on one's social status according to one's(→their) family. The nobility's(不懂) children were more likely to be succeed than others despite their differences in personal ability.


Of course, there is a tight connection between one and one's family. Some may say the situation does not change whether it was in the past or in modern society, family plays the same important role in one's success. Past president's sons or daughters are(→were) easy to be goverment(→government) offices than other people. It is difficult for a poor country boy to become wealthy or powerful in modern society or in the past. However, no one could deny the fact that people in the past were more concerned about one's family than present.

In the end, people nowadays do not want to depend their family to achieve success, and the whole society becomes more focus on personal ability than one's family. Therefore, to achieve success from one's family is a shame for one, and one's ability is more important.

不好意思，这么晚才批改好。


整体行为流畅，例子给的很好，但例子和观点的关系阐述再加强一点会更好。
注意一下拼写错误。

kchszy061ban

8月17日 Is the most important characteristic of a good political or business leader is the ability to take responsibility for mistakes?

If you have a choice to choose for a country where the political or businees leader all have the ability to take responsibiity for their mistakes, and then in antohr one the government officials and businessman all lead their citizens develop quickly but with some of mistakes remainning to be solved, which one will you choose? Or do you think the most imporant charcateristic of a good politican or a business leader is to take responsibility for their mistakes? From my point of view, and also based what I learnt from others around me, I believe the most important characterstic of a good political or business leader is not restricted to take responsibility. Other aspencts of them such as lead the country or  the company achieve success and make more profits are also important for these persons.

In the first place, all of us live in a big society now, which is composed of people from all walks of life. Different people have different opinions about what is the most important for their politicals or business leaders. For example, students may want politicals to provide more financial support to improve the facilities in their school, teachers want to increase their salary. Also, employees in one compnay may want to have more vacations that they can have a trip to the sea beaches or natural parks with their family. People do not pay much attention to whether the politicals or business leader take responsibility or not, because it is their duty to do their work and be aware of their mistakes.

In addition, we can take a close look at other factors to judge a good political or business leader. All of us should consider president Roosevelt as a good political, but he also made a mistakes for that Japan would not start world two in 1941. Then he declared war against Japan but put all the respinsibility to Japan but not to the information system of America at that time. If he did so, there would less people died in Pearl Harbor under the attack of Japan army. On the other hand, president Roosevelt's new deal helped Americans stepped out the great depression and led American people toward victory in world war two. He is one of the great president in the history of American. In this case, other apects of a good political outweigh to take responsibility. It is not so difficult to find similar examples about a business leader.

Of courst, it is obvious to acknowledge that a good political or business leader should be repsonsible for the mistakes they made. No one can deny the important role responsibiity plays in a country or a company. But when you take other spects of a good political or business leader into consideration, such as what I have discussed in paragraph three, you may doubt: Is responsibility the most important? Isn't this attitude too narrow? Considering what I discussed in the previous paragraphs, I do not agree with the point that taking responsibility for mistakes is the most important characterstic for a good political or business leader. Other factors such as leading the country to achieve more progress and gainning more profits for company are more important for them.

TPO 15
The reading text talks about three methods to stop the spreading of cane toad in Australia. On the contrary, the speaker does not agree with the author's ideas and she says that these methods will not get rid of the cane toad, and they may cause environmental damages to some extent.

First, contrary to the idea in the reading that a national fence can prevent the spread of cane toad, the professor states that this method will not work. She explains that there are rivers or steams between one side of the fence and the other side of it. Since young toads and toad eggs can get through the fence and then spread outside the national fence, the spreading of cane toad can not be stopped in this way.

Second, the professor admits that volunteers can help to destory and trap the cane toad as what is said in the passage. On the other hand, she argues that these volunteers may also caught native frogs since these frogs are similar to cane toad especially then they are young. This directly contradicts its counterpart in the reading text.

Third, the professor points out that disease-causing virus may do harm to cane toad in Central South America. The reason is that pet collectors may bring reptile and amphibian species to South America, and researchers also will bring these animals to South America. The virus on these animals will also be brough to South America where it is the native place of cane toad. Since the virus will kill cane toad, which is one part of the local ecosystem there, the local environment and the whole ecosystem will suffer in this case.