kchszy061ban的作业贴

GWinner

精彩之处错误修改提议综合建议

TPO 1
The author of the reading text talks about the benefits of offering four-day workweek to employees. On the contrary, the professor of the lecture does not agree[感觉这里直接用disagree就可以了哈] with the author, and he says [syaing] that this option[这个Opinion是指offering four-day workweek吗? 感觉这么指代好像有点不舒服, 换成policy之类的会不会好一点呢] will not affect the situation as[in the way that]the author suggests in the passage.

First, in contrst to what the author says in the passage that the shortened workweek would increase the profits of companies, the professor states that doing this will costs the company more money, even a lot more.[这样强调感觉有点重复] He then explains that companies have to spend money on trainning and buy[ing] insurance for new employees, and the cost of medical insurance is same for wokers either they work five days or four days[no matter how long he or she works]. Also, companies need more office spaces and computers, [逗号不能连接两个句子, 这里最好把前半句并到前面那句里面, 最后总结说all of these...]all of these cost will quicly cut into[不知道cut into是怎么个用法...直接cut就可以了应该~] company profits.

Second, the professor argues that this option will not reduce the unemployment rate as the author says in the reading text.[这句挺简练的]The reason is that hiring new workers is so costly, so that [直接用so that句型就好啦: so costly that]companies would expect four-day workweek workers to do the same amount of work as they previously do[我咋就没想到这么表达呢~我这乱七八糟的说了一堆！]. Thus, this will not create new jobs, also it makes current jobs unpleasant. [这里有点冗长了, 可以改成用neither nor句型: this policy will neither create new jobs, nor it can maintain the pleasant working situation.大概是这个意思哈 可能用的不太对> <]This directly contradicts its counterpart in the reading text[what author said in the passage].

Third, opposite to what have [been] said in the passage that a four-day workweek will make workers enhance workers' life quality[enable workers to enhance their life quality], the professor points out some risks relating to employees who work fours days a week. He states that four-days workweek workers' work stability can not be ensured, so that [感觉这里逻辑上有点问题,后面说的那些才是stability受影响的原因吧?]they will be the first ones to lose their jobs during depression. Then, they will lose the opportunity to promotion[感觉这里有点啰嗦..可以试试not only but also句型] because companies are willing to choose five-day workweek workers as managers for the supervision for the entire workweek[这点我没听到呜呜...]. Therefore, these benefits provided in the reading text are totally unsounded, according to the professor.[According感觉一般会放在前面, 这样用有点奇怪..]

整体条理清楚, 听力也把握得很好, 没什么漏掉的点~比我的听力好多了T T~
还需要提高的是句子简练和用词, 感觉有些地方说的比较啰嗦, 简单句太多堆叠...简练的表达会让人看起来流畅和舒服一些~
加油加油哦~~~~

GWinner

8.4综合在哪里捏在哪里~~~~~~~~> <?

kchszy061ban

8月3日  arents should help children to do their work or encourage children to do their work independently

When it comes to the question of whether parents should help their children with their schoolwork, each of us place different weight on various factors. Some people would like to help their children for the reason that children can finish their schoolwork quickly and then have spare time to do other important things. On the contrary, others, hold different opinion, they believe it is good for children to work out their homework all on their own, and learn how to solve the difficulties by themselves. According to my own experience and what I had learnt from people whom I familar with, I agree with the second choice. My explainations are as follows.

To begin with, working independently can help children cultivate independence at early time, which will benefit them when they grow up. When children doing schoolwork without the help of their parents, they need to finish all the school work all on their own, and then search for information to solve some difficulties which they could not deal. By doing this, children' independence could be improved and then enhanced. One of my friends always chooses to let his son finish all the schoolwork by his own efforts, whehter it is about mathemtics or physics, and evne some more hard problems. His son becomes really independent through his farther's trainning. For example, most of the assignments become easy for him. Then, he becomes interested in solving problems, and enjoy the process of doing them. Later his son get a reward of national maths contest, which his father never had done before. As you can see, it really helpful for children to finish schoolwork independently.

Moreover, solving problems on their own helps children foster their creative thinking ability. If parents tell their children how to deal with their schoolwork step by step, it would establish a formlua for children when they confront with other questions. They will use what they learnt from their parents to solve questins they face, which will do harm to their creative thinking ability. When I was little, I often asked my father to help me when I had some questions that I could not work out. Later, when I went to high school which was far away from my home, I could not ask my farther any more. Then it took me a long time to deal with schoolwork all on my own. Later, I had to find new methods to deal with them, even better, I tried to understand the knowledge in a different ways from what my teachers said, and pointed out some mistakes they made in classes. This experience really help me to form my creative thinking ability.

Finally, parents' sometimes mislead their children on some specific questions.  arents have time and patience to help their children, but it not to say that they will never make any mistakes. In order to make less mistakes, it is better for children solve problem on their own. When they make some mistakes, they will know why they make the mistatkes and use their previous experiences to correct their mistakes. In additon, parents' knowledge are limited, they may give wrong answers to some questions which they are not good at. A primary student I know once ask her parents a question about English, but her parents never learnt English before, thus they could not help their children solve this problem.

Of course, some parents are aware to help their children foster creative thinking ability, and their trainning or answers are free. However, under these conditions, children can easily develop dependence on their parents, this is harmful for their future. Therefore, based on what had been discussed above, I firmly believe that it is better for children sovle their problems independently.

GWinner

精彩之处错误 修改      提议综合建议
8月3日  arents should help children to do their work or encourage children to do their work independently

When it comes to the question of whether parents should help their children with their schoolwork, each of us place different weight on various factors. Some people would like to help their children for the reason that children can finish their schoolwork quickly and then have spare time to do other important things. On the contrary, others, hold[ding] different opinion, they[删去]believe it is good for children to work out their homework all on their own, [这里加了逗号就有点歧义了哈~to work out和learn并列嘛~更严谨的话应该是to work out and to learn(G后遗症..无视我吧~~~)]and learn how to solve the difficulties[这个"解决困难"感觉有点Chinglish了...可以用solve the problem或者face the difficulty]by themselves. According to my own experience and what I had learnt from people whom I familar with, I agree with the second choice. My explainations are as follows.

To begin with, working independently can help children cultivate independence at early time, which will benefit them when they grow up. When children[去掉] doing schoolwork without the help of their parents, they[改为children are forced to (个人感觉这样顺一点哈~)]need to finish all the school work all on their own[用了两遍啦~想想能不能换成个其他的?], and then search for information to solve some difficulties which they could not deal [+with]. By doing this, children' independence could be improved and then enhanced. One of my friends always chooses to let his son finish all the schoolwork[加在这"no matter it is mathmetics, physics, or even some harder problems" 可以显得简练一点] by his own efforts, whehter it is about mathemtics or physics, and evne some more hard problems. His son becomes really independent through his farther's trainning. For example, [这个衔接略显生硬, 可以考虑把后面并入到前面的句子里 形成一句]most of the assignments become easy for him. Then, he becomes interested in solving problems, and enjoy the process of doing them[这里加个even可以先的效果更好一点]. Later his son get a reward of national maths contest, which his father never had done before. As you can see, it really helpful for children [can really benefit the children a lot]to finish schoolwork independently.

Moreover, solving problems on their own helps children foster their creative thinking ability. If parents tell their children how to deal with their schoolwork step by step, it would establish a formlua for children when they confront with other questions. They will use what they learnt from their parents to solve questins they face, which will do harm to their creative thinking ability. When I was little, I often asked my father to help me [my father's help]when I had some questions that I could not work out. Later, when I went to high school which was far away from my home, I could not ask my farther any more. Then it took me a long time to deal with schoolwork all on my own. Later, I had to find new methods to deal with them, even better,[some of them are surprisingly even better than my father's suggestion] I tried to understand the knowledge in a different ways from what my teachers said, and pointed out some mistakes they made in classes. This experience really help me to form my creative thinking ability.

Finally, parents' sometimes mislead their children on some specific questions.  arents have time and patience to help their children, but it not to say[it is not to say] that they will never make any mistakes. In order to make less mistakes,[这样说有点太绝对, 可以说to avoid the parents' old mistakes trasfering to the next generation]it is better for children solve problem on their own. When they make some mistakes, they will know why they make the mistatkes and use their previous experiences to correct their mistakes[一个短语或者一个词汇不要密集的出现太多次...试试改成这样: try hard to figure out the reasons of them and then correct them using thier own experience]. In additon, parents' knowledge are limited, they may give wrong[inaccurate] answers to some questions which they are not good at. A primary student I know once ask her parents a question about English, but her parents never learnt English before, thus they could not help their children solve this problem.[这里又出现逗号连接一句话的问题了...可以改成: as his parents have never learnt English before, sloving problems like this is beyound what they can help.]

Of course, some parents are aware to help their children foster creative thinking ability, and their trainning or answers are free. However, under these conditions, children can easily develop dependence on their parents, this[which] is harmful for[to] their future. Therefore, based on what had been discussed above, I firmly believe that it is better for children sovle their problems independently.

整体框架没有问题~感觉让步稍微少了一点 只有最后一段的第一句..不过这也是一种写法 把三个论点写的powerful一点就好!
问题的话主要是语言..和综合写作一样太过繁琐, 建议练习一下把多个简单句浓缩成一个复杂句的能力, 这样作文会看起来漂亮很多~
另外还需要注意的就是词汇的积累啦~偶尔出来那么几个高级华丽一点的词汇总会让考官眼前一亮的 毕竟是语言类考试嘛~

加油加油!!!!~~~

hjl80959

8.4 号的在哪？。。

kchszy061ban

TPO 2
In the reading passage, the author states the advantages of working in a team. On the contrary, the professor in the lectuer is skeptical about these advantages. He then use an example of a company who used this method and after six months the project used by this company seems to be unsucessful.

First, according to the reading, a group of workers have more people to do the same project, and they also have more ways to fulfill the project. While the professor cites the project  has been done, the result shows that the same workers were likely to become free-riders when they were in a group. And when the group made some successes, they were assigned to the group.

Second, when asking about the feelings of some workers who have made insightful contributions, they just say they feel opposite to what is said in the reading. Because their contribution are belong to the group as a whole, no individual's  name is cited except the group.

Third, the reading says that because so many people involved in a group project, so that the project can be done rapidly. While the professor argues that the fact is that it takes long time to make an agreement among all the members since they need to hold many meettings in order to make consensus between group members. If some of the group members are so infulencial, they would become dictated. Most of the time they make a dicision without discussion, even when other members warn that the direction of that decision may be wrong. If their decision is proved to be a mistake,  all the group members would be blamed.

kchszy061ban

8月4日   For future career success, is relate well to other people more important than studying hard at school?

When it comes to the question of whether is important for students' future-studying hard or relating well to other people, different people have various opinions. Some people think that it is important to relate well to others, for the reason others can help them then they need. While others do not agree with these people, they believe that studying hard school is more important, they think if students know their major subjects better, then they can have a good job or they can further their education at grad school. Personally, I agree with the second choice, my reasons are as follows.

To begin with, working hard at school helps students well prepare for their future careers becasue their major subjects are the foundation of their jobs after they graduated. All of us can notice the situation that nowadays the requirement of companies become more and more strict and high. Students need to work hard at school on their courses in order to meet these requirements of the companies. Take one of my friends experience as am example. When he graduated for university, he wanted to find a job in China mobile, but he could not fulfill the requirements of the company. China mobile required its employees had a strong oral ability of English. Also the prosition he applied required him to get a high score on CET-6. On the contrary, my friend did not work hard at school, instead, he related well with professors and other classmates well, but all of this could not help him to succeed in finding a job in China moble.

Moreover, students who work hard will be given more chances by professors to do researches so that they can communicate wiht others well. In this case, working hard has the effects of helping students relating well with others instead of doing harm to it. When I was a senior students in university, I worked hard on my study and got high scores on all of the texts. Our professor witnessed my good performances and then he asked whehter I would like to join his research group which was supported by a famous company. I agreed to take part in the group and made quite a progress one year later, I kept in touch with lots of experts in this field and excellent engineers. As you can see, working hard also provides more opportunites for students.

Finally, good learnning habits can be formed by the process of studying hard, these good habits are essential for students' sucess in their future career. This benefit is obvious, if a student study hard, he/she will pay attention to what the professor's main point in the class, and how regulates his/her lecture. Meanwhile, when doing experiments or other kinds of fields work, they also can know how to to finish these work. All of these experiences are important for their future work since work is well connected to these.

Of course, it is better to relate well with others at school. The relationships with our friends and professors are important for students too. However, all of these are not as important as studying hard at school. Therefore, based on what I have discussed above, it is safe to draw the conclusion that working hard is more important at school.

lemonyhu

TPO 2
In the reading passage, the author states the advantages of working in a team. On the contrary, the professor in the lectuer is skeptical about these advantages. He then use(uses) an example of a company who used this method and after six months the project used by this company seems to be unsucessful.

First, according to the reading, a group of workers have more people to do the same project,（有点怪~不过也没错~） and they also have more ways to fulfill the project. While the professor cites the project that has been done, the result shows that the same workers were likely to become free-riders when they were in a group. And when the group made some successes, they were assigned to the group.

Second, when asking about the feelings of some workers who have made insightful contributions, they just say they feel opposite to what is said in the reading. Because their contribution are belong to the group as a whole, no individual's name is cited except that of the group.

Third, the reading says that because so many people involved in a group project, so that the project can be done rapidly. While the professor argues that the fact is that it takes long time to make an agreement among all the members since they need to hold many meettings in order to make consensus between group members. If some of the group members are so infulencial, they would become dictated. Most of the time they make a dicision without discussion, even when other members warn that the direction of that decision may be wrong. If their decision is proved to be a mistake, all the group members would be blamed.

以下为个人观点~

1、一些单词方面的小问题我都用红色的标出来啦~

2、第一段最后一句话柑橘不太通顺，首先是who不能用company做先行词，同时，后半句又感觉不太通顺，我认为变成that used this method and then the method seems to be a success. 但是感觉还是不太好，或者分开两个意思？LZ认为呢~

3、然后就是感觉句式稍微有些单一，恩恩~~还有就是如果LZ要用一些长句子，需要注意句子是不是通顺，是不是合情理，如果不，其实一些短句子也没什么不好~尤其是在综合写作上，注意到了采分点，然后句子稍微有变化，就能得到不错的成绩了吧~

hjl80959

蓝色为意见或建议高亮为精彩绿色为总结红色为错误

When it comes to the question of whether is important for students' future-studying hard or relating well to other people (whether or not 这里不应该这么用 which is more important for students’ future), different people have various opinions. Some people think that it is important to relate well to others, for the reason others can help them then they need. While others do not agree with these people, they believe that studying hard school is more important, they think if students know their major subjects better, then they can have a good job or they can further their education at grad school. Personally, I agree with the second choice, my reasons are as follows.
这段观点阐明的太长了，而且不知道你是不是用了模板，感觉有点生搬硬套不流畅

To begin with, working hard at school helps students well prepare for their future careers becasue their major subjects are the foundation of their jobs after they graduated（不应该是过去式）. All of us can notice the situation that nowadays the requirement of companies（nowadays放在这）become more and more strict and high. Students need to work hard at school on their courses in order to meet these requirements of the companies. Take one of my friends experience as am example. When he graduated for university, he wanted to find a job in China mobile, but he could not fulfill the requirements of the company. China mobile required its employees had（equip with） a strong oral ability of English. Also the prosition he applied required（换个词吧 request） him to get a high score on CET-6 （后者修改一下句式the position he applied for was so demanding that CEt-6 scores ought reach a specific level）. On the contrary,（相反？不是这个连词吧 unfortunately) my friend did not work hard at school, instead, （what he was sophisticated at was to get along with professors and classmates 同样的说法用的过多）he related well with professors and other classmates well, but all of this could not help him to succeed in finding a job in China moble.

Moreover, students who work hard will be given more chances by professors to do researches so that they can communicate wiht others well （这个是什么因果关系学习用功所以和别人好交流？看后面的例子貌似是 classmates and professors all like students who work hard in school, thus, it is helpful for outstanding students to enhance relationship with others and earn more opportunities）. In this case, working hard has the effects of helping students relating well with others instead of doing harm to it.这句肯定不地道要不删了，要不换一种表达 When I was a senior students in university, I worked hard on my study and got high scores on all of the texts. Our professor witnessed（目击你的好成绩? spoke highly of） my good performances and then he asked whehter I would like to join his research group which was supported by a famous company. I agreed to take part in the group and made quite a progress one year later, I kept in touch with lots of experts in this field and excellent engineers in this field这边. As you can see, working hard also provides more opportunites for students.

例子貌似都太长了一点，不简洁，特别是这个例子也没有说的很清楚。例子不在长而在于简洁明了

Finally, good learnning habits can be formed by the process of studying hard, these good habits are essential for students' sucess in their future career. This benefit is obvious, if a student study hard, he/she will pay attention to what the professor's main point in the class, and how regulates his/her lecture. Meanwhile, when doing experiments or other kinds of fields work, they also can know how to to finish these work. All of these experiences are important for their future work since work is well connected to these.
总觉有点问题，看了半天才发现是是因果关系除了问题，学得用功就能很好注意老师的重点？是不是少了一个环节，做实验能知道怎么完成工作？这些推理细细想来是有道理的但是推理貌似都不完善，所以看起来很牵强
Of course, it is better（we had better ）to relate well with others at school. The relationships with our friends and professors are important for students too. However, all of these are not as important as studying hard at school. Therefore, based on what I have discussed above, it is safe to draw the conclusion that working hard is more important at school.



Tips：

句型的复杂化，楼主的文章不够通顺，全是是主谓宾结构，没强掉，没到装。



例子的简单化和高效化，说道点子上即可，很多信息没什么用处



作者明白不一定是读者明白的，论证过程不能省环节：用功——培养好的学习能力和方法——有助于以后的工作



结尾可以再一次点一下题，开头与复杂，我先阅卷老师不会希望千呼万唤才把论点找出来，同时转圈子过程中全是模板性的内容，毕竟托福考试不是第一天了。


楼主好好加油，你的结构已经成形了，建议你去看一些其他童鞋写的文章，这样提高起来更快，好好努力，会成功的～

kchszy061ban

TPO 3
The author of the reading text talks about some evidences that one painting was not really painted by Rembrandt. On the contrary, the professor in the lecture does not agree with the author, and she says that after carefully examining of the painting it is concluded that this painting is indeed a work of Rembrandt.

First, in the passage the writer states the inconsistency of the painting. However, the professor argues that the fur collar was not belonged to the original painting after the test of X-ray research, instead, it was added to the painting 100 years after the painting was made in order to increase its value by making the woman in the work look like a lady. In this case, the point in the reading is disputed by the lecturer.

Second, the problem of light and shadow in the paint, pointed out by the writer of the passage, is also rejected by the professor. She explains that after the fur collar was removed, the woman wears light color clothes which reflect light to part of the woman's face. As a result, the light and shadow is well fitted in the painting.

Third, in contrast to what the author said in the reading text that this painting was glued together so that it was unlikely painted by Rembrandt, the speaker gives listeners the fact that because the extra part of fur collar was added to the original painting, other pieces of wood was glued to it. People who added these wood also wanted to increase the grand and value of the painting. In addition, the speaker further provides another discovery to support this point. She says that another self-portrait of Rembrandt with a hat was painted on wood panels from the same tree as the painting of a woman. According to the professor, the arguments made in the passge are totally unsounded.