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蓝色为意见或建议高亮为精彩绿色为总结红色为错误 8月2日 Do youagree or disagree with the following statement?It is often not a good thing tomove to a new city or a new country because of the lose of old friends
When it comes to the question of whether it is goodto move a new city or a new country at the cost of the lose of old friends,each of us place different weight on various factors. Some people would like tochoose live in the same place throughout their life because of their concern ofthe lose of old friends, while others prefer to experience new things and enjoya new environment. Considering my own experiences and what I learnt from myfriends and other people, I believe that it is indeed a good thing to move to anew city or a new country, and this does not always lead to the result of thelose of old friends. My reasons are as follows. (这段是模板么…)
To begin with, moving to new places does notalways means the lose of old friends but, sometimes even the other way round, Even better, it can helps us to make making new friends for us(原话是两个主句). With therapid development of communication technology, people nowadays can connect withtheir friends with(using? 可以避免with的重复) cell phones, internet,. and various Morden transportations also can help people (make it possible) to movefrom one place to another within only a few hours. Therefore, moving to a newplace does not means the lose of old friends. Meanwhile, the new environmentcan give people opportunities to make new friends. As time passes, these newfriends will become old friends.
Moreover, moving to a different place far frompeople' hometown can give them a broad understanding of the society anddifferent perspective about their own life. They can enjoy a different culture andlifestyle which are strange to them at the beginning, but as time moves on,they will become familiar with the new environment. (这个but转折在逻辑上不太通。他们enjoy了本来陌生的culture和lifestyle, 但是他们会熟悉新环境?People may feel lonely in a new environmentwith different culture or lifestyle at the beginning, but as time goes on, theywill become integrated into the new community.) Then people know (learn) something brand new to them, this(which) obviously can help them to expand their horizon. Take my experience asan example,(“:”不是”,” 否则又是一个句子中出现两个谓语动词)when I left my hometown and went to theuniversity, I felt all the things around me were so strange and different, (.) I became homesickand missed my home family and my oldfriends there so much in my hometown. However, just (only) one year later, I began to adapt(adapted) to the campus life and felt comfortable to live there(I adapted to the new city and felt quiteenjoyable of campus life only one year later.). When I shared my experiences with my old friends,they all said it was interesting, were so interested that they wanted some of them evenwanted to moveto a new places (又用a又用复数?)just as me. (本来的句子含了三个主句?这样改有从句有递进J) In this case, people such as me can sharetheir experiences with their old friends, and this helps to strengthen theirfriendship. (In this case, our friendship wasstrengthened, rather than weakened, by sharing interesting experiences in newplace.)
Finally, if people stay in one place for a longtime, they will lose chances to improve themselves, which are very importantfor their future. Nowadays, the society is changing quickly beyond people'imagination. In order to adapt to the always changing society, it is necessaryfor people to have (obtain/gainis better?) the experience ofliving in an entirely new place. One of my friends once had an opportunity tostudy abroad, but hisparents did not want him to be so far away from them, and they worried abouttheir son's safety, also, there were no friends there could help him(还是主从句问题。原句看得我凌乱了but his parents were so worried about his safety in such a far awaycountry that they did notwant him to leave). Myfriend, who also did not want to lose his old friends in my hometown, decidedto reject the chance finally. However, several yearslater, when he had(got) an opportunity to promotion(be promoted), he found that he did not(failed to) meet the requirement, which stated that oneneed to have the experience of studying abroad in order to fit the position. Asyou can see, what a pity that he did not grasp the opportunity years before.
Of course, live in the place where we were bornmeans that we know other people in our community deeply, this(which) makes us feel harmony and gives us a great sense ofbelonging. However, after deliberately thinking on this topic, and based onwhat I have been discussed above(模板?感觉很突兀而且拗口), it is easy to find that the benefits to move to a new place orcountry are so many(numerous). As aresult, it is safe to say that moving on to a new city or country is better forourselves and does not mean the loss of old friends. 668…好长啊。作为一个独立作文fair的人,心里底气不足啊。 有些明显的单词拼写错误我没有更正,word自动更正下很方便。全篇friend打错的最多… 个人感觉主要是句式上需要改进。经常出现一句话里两个主句。基本上都是Sb. do sth. ,其实稍微改一下变成sth is done by sb就丰富句式。还有经常用this,把剧中的this想办法都换成which,who,where就可以了。 感觉模板的词汇以及句式明显比正文高级,不知道是不是我的胡乱猜测。 文章的结构,论证的展开都比我强太多了。惭愧啊。学习了J |
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