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蓝色为意见或建议 红色为错误高亮为精彩 绿色为总结 When it comes to the question of whether the most important investment of a company is to improve the skills of its employees, different people hold various opinions. Some people against this point(你前面提到对于是否要提高skills,不同人有不同的看法.没有说明一个确定的看法.这里提到了this point指的是什么?) because they consider the most important investment should be spent on basic facilities and then on expanding the company so as to make it stronger.(这句话读起来怪怪的.the most important investment should be spent on basic facilities at the first place compared with expanding the company可能会更好些) On the contrary, ohters firmly believe employees are the essential part of a company, they would love to improve their imployees' skills. From my point of view, I am inclined to the second(latter可能会更好点) one, the reason is that employees play an important role in a company, they are an absolute necessity of a company. Therefore, improving their skills is obviously a wise investment. My reasons are as follows.
To begin with, improving employees' skills helps them finish their work more quickly so that they can produce more products during their working time. Experienced workers know how to do(accomplish) their works(work译为工作时为不可数;译为作品是可数) effectively(efficiently是有效率的,effectively是有效果的,有作用的). For example, a recent survey shows that experienced workers in a clothes making company can produce twice as many clothes as unskilled workers. At the same time, they make less mistakes such as break the mathines(这是什么单词?) during their working time. (survey不错,可以写的更具体些,比如XXX机构调查的survey...)Therefore, if a company invests money on a project to improve their employees' skills, it will help new workers learn more quickly. Then, new workers become experienced. They can produce as many products as experienced workers. This is very important for the company because the quantity of products are important(imperative) for a company's income.
Moreover, improving workers' skills can help a company ensure work safely so as to(楼主用了很多的so as to了可以换一下;be aimed at, in order to, with the purpose of) avoid unnecessary damages both for the workers and the company. Skilled workers have knowledge and experience of which step is difficult to control, which step is more dangerous than other steps. So, they become absorbed at the time when they come to these steps. So, by improving emloyees' skills, the company can ensure its production safety(这里两个名词了,可以换成ensure the safety of production). For instance, an increasing number of people in my country complain the safety of coal workers. Every year, some accidetns(accidents) would happen in the coal mine, which kill tens of workers. One of the problems is that unskilled coal workers do not know how to perform properly in the coal mines(前面既然有了the则mine不用复数). If workers know how to finish their work step by step, the rate of accidents could be reduced by 60% according to a goverment research. Thus, improving employees' skills is really helpful to reduce accidents.
Finally, the company can make more profits by improving their worker's(workers') skills. As what states in the second paragraph, more products mean more money for the comopany. At the same time, if the workers in the sale department are well enough to persuade their consumers to buy their products, these products will convert to cash for the company. One improtant way to help the sale workers is to improve their work skills. As a result, it is very important for a company to invest money on this aspect.
Of course, others may argue that improving company's fundamental facilities is more important than improving workers' skills. I agree with (this)point because a company can not keep its normal operation without facilities. But, facilities are the basic for all companies, and we all know the fact that facilities can not produce products without the help of workers. So, Based on what I have been discussed above(what I have discussed above), it is safe to say that improving the work skills of the worker is the(delete the) important and essential for a company.
楼主的部分句子读起来不是很nature,有点awkward.要注意一下! 其他的很不错~ |
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