婷婷connie的作文帖~勇者创造机会，愚者等待机会

lxc1989614

8.14 Educational institutions should actively encourage their students to choose fields of study that will prepare them for lucrative careers.

In contemporary society, a heated matter over education has been discussed within academics. Some people insist that universities should offer majors favored by students, while others bolter the encouragement of lucrative fields which lay foundation(because of the phrase” lay a solid foundation” I think u should put an “a” before the word foundation) for students to get well paid. In my opinion, universities are supposed to motivate students' interests but also their ambition for promising careers.

To begin with, we must come to realize that it is obligatory duty of schools to educate students on the basis of their interests and habits. Since interest is the best teacher of children, educational institutions cannot constrainedly make students take part in something they do not appreciate, which on the contrary exerts impediment on the growth of students. Wright Brothers, aviation pioneers, who were credited with inventing and building the world's first successful airplane. Born with the dream of flying in the blue sky, they have luckily been cultivated in a(an) atmosphere of encouragement to one own interests in campus. Then, they endeavored to study certain theories and ended up with a great successful in aircraft. Thus, we witness the charming of dream as well as university's significant role in promoting one's achievement.

Nevertheless, it is indisputable that individuals have to confront reality. Chance is slim that an extraordinary genius works in a laboratory lightheartedly without considering the danger of starvation and exposure. Living in this material world, everyone has to ponder the issue of wealth, so is is rational for educational institutions to boost their students' involvement in comparatively lucrative majors. For instance, nowadays, a skyrocketing number of parents become aware of the fundamentality in the option of their children's majors, which directly determine the salary in the future. Specifically, the position of attorney or physician, rendering highly income and rising reputation of schools, enjoys the first priority among universities' majors. In this way, universities have great amounts of reasons to persuade its students into those profitable majors.  

Finally, to conquer the quandary, universities would better to take both interest and reality into account. As a proverb goes, the maturity is not to see how old you, but your shoulder strong enough to see(take) the responsibilities. As mature college students, they have developed a good sense of judgment, from which they can determine a conducive(我用word查出来你这里词性好像不对) major offering high wage as well as falling into their favorites. From the aspect of the shool（school） administers, they could amend a system to grant students courses of diversity so as to enhance their interests and guide children to step on the most advantageous way of future success in career market. I believe, only in this way will shools (schools)make full use of students' gift but also earn more prestige via high employment rate in beneficial enterprises.

Considering all analysis above, we may comfortably come to a conclusion that education institutions ought to adopt a balanced approach to solve the dilemma. Within it, they are able to cultivate students' interests by various majors and educate them to make wisest choice.

婷婷connie

8月25日 In order to solve the problems of the present and the future, people should review the past.

In contemporary society, there is a general discussion over methods of solving problems. Some people are firmly convinced that it is of great importance to judge current and anticipated situations of the trouble. Conversely, the information I have collected over last few years leads me believe that we ought to place considerable emphasis on the past.

To begin with, the analysis of the past helps people grasp proceedings of the matter clearly. A problem can not emerge suddenly for it takes time to undergo from origin to maturity. To catch a better understanding of the problem, we must look through previous days before the happen of it. Take a hurricane appearing in the Southeast Asia as a good example, this disastrous natural phenomenon does not occur directly, instead, it goes through a series of evolution. Chances are that it is merely triggered by the air vibrancy due to the wing of a little butterfly in America, which is too inconspicuous to be detected. Therefore, we are not supposed to be blind to the generation of the matter.  

Furthermore, it is reviewing the past that provides us opportunities to conclude skills and experience, which account on the settlement of a problem. Everything evolves conforming its basic principles: a pig is not able to climb the tree as a monkey, or a fish makes itself survive in air. So do complex problems. An investigation conducted by China Daily, a newspaper in China enjoying high prestiges, unveils that over 80% of habitants are inclined to solve a problem by referring to their bygone experience where they faced similar one and tacked it. Additionally, the investigation exposes that nearly all issues usually get to be worked out. Here, we can fully realize the magnitude of retrospectation of the past.    

Nevertheless, we should not ignore the reality that conditions vary all the time, thus we cannot learn directly from the past without circumspections. For example, due to emergent economical situations during war times, a state carried out measures of planned economy which strengthened regulations of the government. Hence, the state gradually trudged through adversity impeding the economic growth. However, having encountered several depressions during decades, the state hitherto implements its trite economic measures. Unluckily, this actually hampers the persistent improvement of the economy. So we need to take into account shifty factors in the past and balance comprehensive situations when handling the issue.    

To sum up, considering all factors discussed above, we may safely draw a conclusion that, with the assistance of looking back the past, people can recognize the development of the problem and summarize some effective solutions. As long as people consult the past deliberately will they figure out issues with ease.

婷婷connie

8.24改改后
8月24日 独立改 Movies and television have more negative effects than positive effects on the way young people behave. Do you A/D?

Nowadays, there is noinventions invention(直接用单数就可以) that receive（receives） more praises and abuses than movies and television, for chances are that they provide residents with not only positive notions but also negative contents. Here lies a dilemma choice between support and opposition on them. As far as I am concerned, advantages they possess (on juveniles)should be given preponderances over their disadvantages.我觉得首段应该强调下young people

To begin with, it is of no doubt that movies and television have become an indispensable part of people's life since they offer great amounts of information which broaden people's eyes'(多余) horizon. With the tendency of globalization, people are thrown in a world of multiple cultures. For example, a hit in Broadway in New York City will be accessible to Chinese people within days via the approach of movies and television. Conveniently do(这里是倒装，用来强调conveniently~)(没见过句首这么用的，求指点) people need not go abroad but enjoy the intriguing movie at their home country. In this movie people can appreciate charming the of(of the)(手误a )hero in the movie, as well acknowledge the certain backgrounds of America. Movies and television actually bridge gaps between people from all around the world. Movies and television actually grant diversity to people's life via presentation of various informations. (恩恩，确实有点过了，丰富大家的视野，就能大家互相了解，最终实现无gap，这样才对)段首写可以开阔视野，结尾句却是联系世界人民。这个逻辑有些牵强。

Furthermore, since movie and television exert considerable impacts on people's horizon, people's(their) views on life and world can be inevitably transformed towards more comprehensive and correct directions. And the Shawshrank Redemption is a good case which falls into this category. The movie describes a bank clerk's two-decade experience in a French prison where he maintains his hope and integrity through many adversities and ultimately gets freedom. Without surprise, audiences are touched deeply by this movie as they are infected by the hero's inspirit.(我觉得这句话有些啰嗦touched deeply和infected语义重复) Hence, spectators will be encouraged to learn from these excellent qualities involuntarily. Here,the movie movies(还是不要特指的好) and television plays a vital role in the improvement of people's thoughts.

Nevertheless, some opponents will place significant emphasis on some negative aspects, namely, pornography and violence which probably emerge in movies and television deliberately. For the sake of riveting a wider range of favors, movie makers and television might adopt unhealthy contents that greatly do harm to juveniles. Fortunately, governments have already realized this passive phenomenon and take taken(时态不对) some measures to prevent the bad behavior timely, such as the enactment of certain laws to lead the healthy development of recreation industry. Therefore, I am firmly convinced that the atmosphere of movies and television will be better with governments' meticulous supervision.

In a nut shell, considering all analysis discussed above, we may safely draw a conclusion that movies and television are able to enrich our knowledges knowledge(这里不可数) and thoughts. As long as governmental departments pitch care on contents of movies and televisions will the whole people benefit from them.(缺少谓语)(谓语是benefit啊)



总结

1 文章的语法错误比较少，都是些小错误。注意就好

2在内容上我觉得应该多突出题目中的young people

3 在逻辑结构上最好上下文，段首尾观点统一。不要出现第二段尾句那样与论述观点不一致或者无关的句子。

PS 婷婷的词汇量我自愧不如T T



喵总认真，天下无敌！！~

自批：

1.紧扣主题，比如这篇文章就要重点突出对young people的影响

2.每一段的首尾句注意逻辑一直

3.语言不要太罗嗦~

婷婷connie

8.14改改后
Educational institutions should actively encourage their students to choose fields of study that will prepare them for lucrative careers.


In contemporary society, a heated matter over education has been discussed within academics. Some people insist that universities should offer majors favored by students, while others bolter the encouragement of lucrative fields which lay（a solid）foundation(because of the phrase” lay a solid foundation” I think u should put an “a” before the word foundation) for students to get well paid. In my opinion, universities are supposed to motivate students' interests but also their ambition for promising careers.

To begin with, we must come to realize that it is obligatory duty of schools to educate students on the basis of their interests and habits. Since interest is the best teacher of children, educational institutions cannot constrainedly make students take part in something they do not appreciate, which on the contrary exerts impediment on the growth of students. Wright Brothers, aviation pioneers, who were credited with inventing and building the world's first successful airplane. Born with the dream of flying in the blue sky, they have luckily been cultivated inaan(an) atmosphere of encouragement to one own interests in campus. Then, they endeavored to study certain theories and ended up with a great successful in aircraft. Thus, we witness the charming of dream as well as university's significant role in promoting one's achievement.

Nevertheless, it is indisputable that individuals have to confront reality. Chance is slim that an extraordinary genius works in a laboratory lightheartedly without considering the danger of starvation and exposure. Living in this material world, everyone has to ponder the issue of wealth, so is is rational for educational institutions to boost their students' involvement in comparatively lucrative majors. For instance, nowadays, a skyrocketing number of parents become aware of the fundamentality in the option of their children's majors, which directly determine the salary in the future. Specifically, the position of attorney or physician, rendering highly income and rising reputation of schools, enjoys the first priority among universities' majors. In this way, universities have great amounts of reasons to persuade its students into those profitable majors.

Finally, to conquer the quandary, universities would better to take both interest and reality into account. As a proverb goes, the maturity (is) not to see how old you, but your shoulder strong enough to see(take) the responsibilities.(原句就是这样的，我当时也怀疑有问题，不过加上确实更好~)As mature college students, they have developed a good sense of judgment, from which they can determine a conducive（ 是“有益的”的意思tending to promote or assist  *an atmosphere conducive to education）(我用word查出来你这里词性好像不对) major offering high wage as well as falling into their favorites. From the aspect of the shool（school） administers, they could amend a system to grant students courses of diversity so as to enhance their interests and guide children to step on the most advantageous way of future success in career market. I believe, only in this way will shools (schools)make full use of students' gift but also earn more prestige via high employment rate in beneficial enterprises.

Considering all analysis above, we may comfortably come to a conclusion that education institutions ought to adopt a balanced approach to solve the dilemma. Within it, they are able to cultivate students' interests by various majors and educate them to make wisest choice.



自批：

1.发现school总是拼错啊

2.注意单复数和a/an

Serena0710

婷婷~~~由于本人严重的拖延症。。。昨儿就应该写的作文现在都没写。。。真的抱歉啦！！！
现在强制自己一个小时内写完，写完之后就立马给你改！
不然就自己扇脸去咯

婷婷connie

8月26日 What is the main role of the university professor, to educate students or to do research?

Nowadays, there is a conspicuous phenomenon that professors is increasingly engaged on scientific researches to pursue larger benefit on both reputation and wealth. However, professors cannot ignore their basic vocation, namely, the cultivation of students's competence. As far as I am concerned, university professors ought to pay more attention to teaching task.

First of all, to be responsible, college professors must take their duty to educate students. As students endeavored get matriculated by universities and colleges, they should be granted opportunities to enjoy more professional and scrupulous education on their majors in turn. Here, the relation between a professor and his students is the same as an assiduous worker in a garden. Confucius, who is a great philosopher in China, sets a good example to academics. In spite of his poorness, he always offer his students knowledge, demanding nothing. So erudite as those professors are that they also should direct students a most promising approach to the acme.  

Furthermore, professors themselves will benefit a lot from their efforts on teaching. Once an extraordinary teacher pours his time and energy on students, it pays back ultimately. According to a persuasive investigation conducted by China Education Funds(CEF), over 85% of teachers who received the interview confess that they realize the significance within their teaching career: they not only easily touch scads of approbations from his students and their parents, but also gains abundant wealth. Generally, the extent of a teacher's reputation and income is determined closely by achievements of graduates who learn from him.

Admittedly, I concede that someone may place considerable emphasis on researches from which the professor acquire knowledge and vast money. Odds are that a patent or theory supported by decades of experiments make a preeminent professor rank on the top wealth. Nevertheless, seldomly could this god's bliss come to a professor. However, a professor cannot be overwhelmed by the possible rewards rendered by his researches, thus lays down his teaching jobs. After all, the development of students is prior to the consequence of an experiment. Here, university professor must be alert to his main role.

To sum up, compelling as analysis above are, we could safely applaud the magnitude of education task of a professor, for it is advantageous to the cultivation of students as well the fame and gain of professor himself. To win reverence and benefit will university professors care for his classes consistently.

婷婷connie

婷婷~~~由于本人严重的拖延症。。。昨儿就应该写的作文现在都没写。。。真的抱歉啦！！！
现在强制自己一个小时内写完，写完之后就立马给你改！
不然就自己扇脸去咯

-- by 会员 Serena0710 (2012/8/26 17:49:54)

恩恩，快去吧~
加油

Serena0710

In contemporary society （偷偷告诉一个很cool的用法: in this day and age）, there is a general discussion over methods of solving problems. Some people are firmly convincedthat it is of great importance to judge current and anticipated situations ofthe trouble. Conversely, the information I have collected over last few yearsleads me believe that we ought to place considerable emphasis on the past.(高亮处虽然套路较老，但是句子实在写的不错~)

To begin with, the analysis of the past helpspeople grasp proceedings of the matter clearly. A problem can not emergesuddenly for it takes time to undergo from origin to maturity. To catch abetter understanding of the problem, we must look through previous days beforethe happen （建议将happen改为rise 或者 advent，婷婷觉得呢？） of it. Take a hurricane appearing in the Southeast Asia as a good example, （一直有个疑惑，举例的时候这个take是原形还是taking啊？后面不是还有主句的谓语吗？会不会有语法上的错误？）this disastrous natural phenomenon does not occur directly, instead,it goes through a series of evolution. Chances are that it is merely triggered by the airvibrancy due to the wing of a little butterfly in America, which is too inconspicuousto be detected. Therefore, we are not supposed to be blind to the generation ofthe matter.
（背了以后我也用~~嘻嘻~）  

Furthermore, it isreviewing the past that (强调句！cool！) provides us opportunities to concludeskills and experience, which account on（用在这里怎么解释呢？） the settlement of a problem. Everything evolves conforming its basic principles: a pig isnot able to climb the tree as a monkey, or a fish makes itself survive in air.So do complex problems. An investigation conducted by China Daily, a newspaperin Chinaenjoying high prestiges, unveilsthat over 80% of habitants are inclined to solve a problem by referring totheir bygone experience where they faced similar one and tacked it.Additionally, the investigation exposes that nearly all issues usually get tobe worked out. Here, we can fully realize the magnitude of retrospectation(历史回顾！好厉害的一个词儿) ofthe past.    

Nevertheless, we should not ignore the reality that conditions vary allthe time, thus we cannot learn directly from the past without circumspections.For example, due to emergent economical situations during war times, a statecarried out measures of planned economy which strengthened regulations of thegovernment. Hence, the state gradually trudged through adversity impeding theeconomic growth. However, having encountered （having+ done这种结构是错误的， having一方面有正在进行的意思，另一方面有是个havedone的完成，两者矛盾） several depressions duringdecades, the state hitherto implements its trite economic measures. Unluckily,this actually hampers the persistent improvement of the economy. So we need totake into account shifty factors in the past and balance comprehensivesituations when handling the issue. （考虑的很周全，第三个论点给的很好）  

To sum up, considering all factors discussedabove, we may safely draw a conclusion that, with the assistance of lookingback (这里要不要加个into？) the past, people can recognize the developmentof the problem and summarize some effective solutions. As long as people consult the past deliberatelywill they figure out issues with ease.（倒装！句式很多样）
总评：
1.      逻辑结构什么的很好。观点清晰论证完整例子详实
2.      词句都很好。话说看婷婷的作文我这边还得用着有道。。。。
3.      没有了，写的真的很好。希望，这么多高级词汇都是婷婷真正掌握的，而不是边写边查的（我就是这么猥琐。。。边写边查。。。）
问一下，570+的字数，多久写完的呀~~~
To sum up: 太强大了！膜拜~~

婷婷connie

Issue1: As people rely more and more on technology to solve problems, the ability of human to think for themselves will surely deteriorate.

Currently people are at accelerating tempo of the society, followed by the advent of thousands of technological devices such as telephone and automobile.. We have being witnessing thousands of inventions coming out and influence our life everyday. Certainly, people become increasingly rely on those technologies, while their thinking competence will not surely deteriorate.

First of all, since tech-inventions are easily accessible nowadays, people are inclined to depend on technologies to a greater degree these days. Specifically, an economic automobile, with the help of GPS, enables one to reach any remote places within hours; a delicate telephone makes the contact with others by sounds and videos anytime and anywhere possible; an air conditioner supported by the converter technique helps one keep away from frost in winter and sweat in summer. No longer spending unnecessary time and energy considering about quotidian trifles, thus residents get more time to think complex matters. It is technologies that emancipate people from onerous physical labor.

Furthermore, the use of technologies does not impede people's thinking, but essentially activates people's power of thought. Take the online-hospital as a good case. As a combination of medicine and internet, this original idea is a giant breakthrough in human's history. It is the online-hospital that makes timely medical assistance available to people who lives in a deserted area where lacks doctors and nurses. Effectively and conveniently as the real medical institutes, a experienced doctor, sitting in front of computer, make a diagnosis of a certain patient. Therefore, we can figure out that the significant role of technologies in the development of innovation/

Admittedly, I concede that marids of people probably gradually lose the ability to think as with the  improvement of technology to some degree. For example, with the advent of microwave oven, people are released from the oily and disgusting kitchen housework: whenever they feel hungry, they could put some instant food into the oven, then they could savor delicious food within minutes. Nevertheless, this by no means prevent the capacity of people's thinking. On one hand, it is the duty of inventors to create devices with more additionally convenience and pleasing functions such as a both-soup-dish microwave oven. On the other hand, ordinary customers could as well think up with better ways to make more inviting with the same ingredients. In this circumstance, people's thinking ability will not hampered by the reliance of technology.

In a nutshell, considering all the analysis above, we can finally arrive at the point that relying on the technology will not enable people's thinking ability to deteriorate, even though people show a significant dependence on technologies. Conversely, it encourages people's thoughts go further in a complex and salutary direction.

婷婷connie

8.25改改后
8月25日 In order to solve the problems of the present and the future, people should review the past.



蓝色建议，高亮经常，红色错误

In contemporary society （偷偷告诉一个很cool的用法: in this day and age）(哈哈，谢啦，学走了~), there is a general discussion over methods of solving problems. Some people are firmly convincedthat it is of great importance to judge current and anticipated situations ofthe trouble. Conversely, the information I have collected over last few yearsleads me believe that we ought to place considerable emphasis on the past.(高亮处虽然套路较老，但是句子实在写的不错~)

To begin with, the analysis of the past helpspeople grasp proceedings of the matter clearly. A problem can not emergesuddenly for it takes time to undergo from origin to maturity. To catch abetter understanding of the problem, we must look through previous days beforethehappen advent（建议将happen改为rise 或者advent，婷婷觉得呢？）（恩恩，婷婷觉得advent很好~）of it.Take(here takes) a hurricane appearing in the Southeast Asia as a good example, （一直有个疑惑，举例的时候这个take是原形还是taking啊？后面不是还有主句的谓语吗？会不会有语法上的错误？）(查了一下，正确的是： for example,或者是here takes ...for an example)this disastrous natural phenomenon does not occur directly, instead,it goes through a series of evolution. Chances are that it is merely triggered by the airvibrancy due to the wing of a little butterfly in America, which is too inconspicuousto be detected. Therefore, we are not supposed to be blind to the generation ofthe matter.
（背了以后我也用~~嘻嘻~）

Furthermore,it isreviewing the past that (强调句！cool！) provides us opportunities to concludeskills and experience, whichaccount count(记错了，应该是count重要的意思，相当于matter) on（用在这里怎么解释呢？）the settlement of a problem. Everything evolves conforming its basic principles: a pig isnot able to climb the tree as a monkey, or a fish makes itself survive in air.So do complex problems. An investigation conducted by China Daily, a newspaperin Chinaenjoying high prestiges, unveilsthat over 80% of habitants are inclined to solve a problem by referring totheir bygone experience where they faced similar one and tacked it.Additionally, the investigation exposes that nearly all issues usually get tobe worked out. Here, we can fully realize the magnitude of retrospectation(历史回顾！好厉害的一个词儿)ofthe past.

Nevertheless, we should not ignore the reality that conditions vary allthe time, thus we cannot learn directly from the past without circumspections.For example, due to emergent economical situations during war times, a statecarried out measures of planned economy which strengthened regulations of thegovernment. Hence, the state gradually trudged through adversity impeding theeconomic growth. However, having encountered(恩，用在这里确实多此一举了，直接encountered)（having+ done这种结构是错误的，having一方面有正在进行的意思，另一方面有是个havedone的完成，两者矛盾）several depressions duringdecades, the state hitherto implements its trite economic measures. Unluckily,this actually hampers the persistent improvement of the economy. So we need totake into account shifty factors in the past and balance comprehensivesituations when handling the issue. （考虑的很周全，第三个论点给的很好）

To sum up, considering all factors discussedabove, we may safely draw a conclusion that, with the assistance of lookingback (这里要不要加个into？) the past, people can recognize the developmentof the problem and summarize some effective solutions. As long as people consult the past deliberatelywill they figure out issues with ease.（倒装！句式很多样）
总评：
1.逻辑结构什么的很好。观点清晰论证完整例子详实
2.词句都很好。话说看婷婷的作文我这边还得用着有道。。。。
3.没有了，写的真的很好。希望，这么多高级词汇都是婷婷真正掌握的，而不是边写边查的（我就是这么猥琐。。。边写边查。。。）
问一下，570+的字数，多久写完的呀~~~
To sum up: 太强大了！膜拜~~



回复serena:

1.单词是因为婷婷在备考GRE，所以积累的多点

2.另外这篇作文写了35min...写让步段的例子卡了一下~不过你看到的是婷婷polish之后的



自批：

1.不要犯语法错误，have done的用法要注意

2.写作文的时候还是有点拖