婷婷connie的作文帖~勇者创造机会，愚者等待机会

lxc1989614

Claim: In any field-business, politics, education, government-those in power should step down after five years.

Reason: The surest path to success for any enterprise is revitalization though new leadership.



Nowadays, a heated discussion arouses among people that (I am not sure) whether leaders in enterprises should be substituted every five years or not. Some people approving the change of leaders argue that leaders may be easily depraved/corrupted, while others believe those in power are of better mastery 这个语法我不是很懂。。。of solving problems with the accumulation of experience. In my opinion, the policy on official's tenure should be balanced combined different cases.



To begin with, we have no choice but to admit that veterans own richer experiences on handling issues than novices. As an old saying goes, long time witnesses one's improvement. Since people后面是he or she啊，这里应该也用单数吧改成one spends好啦！spend a long period on doing similar things, he or she will gradually become versed of them是不是有点指代不清啦？. For example, in the government, faced with the commotion of deluge triggered by heavy rain这句是不是可以改成when gov faced with prob?, a green officer probably has trouble dealing it. Conversely, an expertise who undergoes several flood disasters before can conduct the whole salvation with aplomb and efficiency, able to avoid the most severe results. 这个句子是不是有点不对了，我来写一个， an expertise who has undergone several flood disasters before can conduct the whole salvation with aplomb and efficiency. As a result he is able to avoid the most severe result. In those situations, the longer time (this time can be eliminated since the word longer contain the meaning of time) a leader is in this position, the better will a an adversity be tackled. Thus, they ought not to be changed in short time.



Nevertheless, obstacles come when those empiricists refuse to adopt new methods to conquer problems. The Sheng mall is ana case which falls in this category. This mall once was one of the most successful ones in my town. However, its administer refused to apply new system to run the firm by hiring fresh leaders. On the contrary, an innovate shopping pattern was carried out in the JZ mall, a ,all in competition with the Sheng.我想把这句改成JZ mall 的定语,不然你这里我看不懂，于是就变成：On the contrary, an innovate shopping pattern was carried out in the JZ mall, a competitor of Sheng. It is not tough to prophesy the end-the Sheng mall was flattened. Here, considerable importance is emphasized on changing leaders every five years.



That is to say, it is crucial to inject vitality into an enterprise for the purpose to prosper. Once a community's leader level is crowded with the old, stubborn individuals, its future will surely be hampered. Given those impenitents only trusting their own experiences will not be inclined to embrace a new perspective, the community will go astray easily. However, the advent of new leaders enables the community to experience an advantageous contradiction, followed with a fusion of both traditional and innovative views. Undoubtedly, with a source of vigors, these new elites will contribute to the prosperity of the community. Therefore, new comers as well play an essential role in promoting an enterprise's success.这段好像没问题，高级词汇略多。。。



In conclusion, considering all analysis above, we may safely come to a view that any enterprise should complement a balanced stipulation on the tenure of leadership, for it needs both experienced leaders and innovated ones to realize its final flourish.

婷婷connie

8.13作文~
Universities should require every student to take a variety of courses outside the student's field of study.

Whether college students are demanded to take various courses besides their majors or merely focus on textbooks within their own fields still causes a dilemma due to the issue's complexity. Though concentration on one major promises high possibility of academic accomplishment, I accede that students should be encouraged to be involved in courses of diversity after they have a good mastery of their own majors.

To begin with, offered different courses, a university student whose vision is positively enriched likes a little fish swims in a ocean. Take Chinese university students as a case, they generally have such narrow a course schedule. A persuasive survey conducted recently by China Daily manifests that approximately 80% of respondents confess that they lack certain basic knowledge like music, astronomy, medicine and so on. To embrace the truth and appreciate the beauty of nature, effective measures ought to be taken to broaden the educational scope as well as students' eyes.

Furthermore, it is not arduous to find that curricula outside one's major field usually exert stimulative influence on his own major. Since one may feel humdrum or out of inspiration at a time in the laboratory, he needs some fresh air which makes his brain become creative later. During the period, he will come to do other things instead. Einstein sets an excellent exemplification for us. He is a preeminent physicalist who enjoys a world reputation because of his theory of Relativity,. Additionally, entitled a master of violin, he is in fond of art that much. According to him, it is art that drives him to physical success. Thus, we can advance a point that things out of one's major circle are also boost improvement in one's field.

Admittedly, I concede that a variety of courses may render heavy pressure on students, for they have to endeavor to meet demands granted by those disparate courses. I will not walk away from my point, though these pressure is an inevitable fact. Nevertheless, students could be cultivated with a conception of time management. In this way, they can give themselves a well-organized time schedule which will help them overcome those annoying pressure flexibly. Only do students find a balance between courses of both in field of study and out of it, will students live a colorful campus life.

In conclusion, we can come to a stance that every campus students are supposed to be motivated to the enrollment of multifarious courses inside or outside the filed, for with which their inspirations and innovations will enhance together.

婷婷connie

8月18日 Nowadays, it is much easier to achieve success with help from one's family than what is like before.

In contemporary society, people in growing number tend to complain that family has exert less influence on one's success with soaring competitions emerged in society. However, in my point of view, one's family demonstrates increasingly significant impact on one's triumph.

To begin with, since family environment plays a vital role in shaping one's behavior, people's opportunity to achieve success have closer association with the escalation of parent's pedagogic skills. It is common recognized that little kid have inclination to imitate performances of his parents, so parents who are proficient in education can instruct the kids better. For example, Wright Brothers, who were credited with inventing and building the world's first successful airplane, were born in a cultivated family where the father is a big fan of mechanics. It was their father's purposive purchasing toy helicopter that enlightened Wright's approach to the acme of aviation industry. Thus, we can find that with current parent's a deeper understanding of education, people can come to success with more ease.

Furthermore, though nowadays society is filled with fiercer rivalry and the help of family seem more slight than before, we can not ignore the basic function of a family, namely, an eternal harbor. Especially faced with adversities halfway, we unavoidable may be swallowed by the feelings like weary and crestfallen. Since we are always children in eyes of out parents, they will always be waiting to give us comfort. Once coming to the warm house, with the cordial hug of mother and conversation over working experience with father, we can immediately become relieved and refreshed. In this way, we will be well prepared for the next bigger challenge and earn success.

Last but not least, though someone may complain that ordinary family will be at negative situation in terms of capital and social circle when compared to the rich one. Specifically, it is a common phenomena that the rich second-generation, with the help of their parents, live a lighthearted life without worrying the danger of exposure and starvation. Nevertheless, they feel meaningless and lonely about their life, for they have no access to experience the euphoria like a farmer reap his painstaking fruits. Only when they learn certain competence and make a different on their own, will they realize the true happiness of success.

In a nutshell, considering all analysis above, we can safely arrive at the conclusion that one in current society can seize chance to success better with the support of family both from reality and heart.

超级无敌小鹤鹤

批改~~~   (ˉ▽￣～)

In contemporary society, people in growing number tend to complain that family now has exert(我觉得可以去掉，把has作为动词，have influence) less influence on one's success with soaring competitions emerged in society. However, in my point of view, one's family demonstrates increasingly significant impact on one's triumph.(婷婷这句话没有问题，但是我觉得这样表达总觉的怪怪的~~~ 首先demonstrate这个词用这儿不是很合适，其次我觉得可以稍微升华一下，就是说家庭不止对于一个人的成功很重要，可以发散一下，他对于一个人的一生都很重要~~~ 所以，如果是鹤鹤写，鹤鹤会这么写：However, I reject this notion and instead believe that family still makes a profound impact throughout our lives and even becomes increasingly significant.)

To begin with, since family environment(这儿family environment表示家庭卫生环境，显然不对，所以索性光用一个family好啦~~~) plays a vital role in shaping one's behavior, people's opportunity(opportunities) to achieve success have closer(close，貌似这儿木有比较诶 (ˉ▽￣～) ) association with the escalation of parent's pedagogic skills(这儿我不知道婷婷为什么要用escalation和pedagogic两个词？这两个词用法都是不对的。。。escalation用于不好的事情的情况加剧的时候。。。pedagogic指教育手段。。。所以这儿其实可以没权用简单的词，没有必要用一些很高深的词~~~ 毕竟句子意思和逻辑是最重要的~~~ 不妨改为：the improvement of parents' educational skills). It is common(commonly) recognized that little kid have inclination to imitate performances of his parents, so parents who are proficient in education can instruct the kids(kid，因为前半句用的kid，所以保持一致~~~) better. For example, Wright Brothers, who were(are更好，现在还是被赞扬的~~~) credited with successfully inventing and building the world's first successful(successful一方面不怎么用来直接形容飞机，而且这儿的话，会产生first形容successful的误会，所以不妨把successful放前面~~~) airplane, were born in a cultivated family where the father is(was) a big fan of mechanics. It was their father's purposive(purposively) purchasing toy helicopter that enlightened Wright's approach to the acme of aviation industry(这儿的话，首先enlighten的用法我不是很清楚，我只知道eblighten sb about sth, 你这儿的用法我还真不清楚，所以如果你有把握的话最好，没把握的话还是换一个词吧~~~ 其次，我觉得aviation industry 航空业，用在这儿有一点点太过了吧~~~). Thus, we can find that with current parent's(parents') a deeper understanding of education, people can come to success with more ease.

Furthermore, though nowadays society is filled with fiercer rivalry and the help of family seem(seems to be) more slight than before, we can not ignore the basic function of a family, namely, an eternal harbor. Especially faced with adversities halfway, we unavoidable may(may unavoidably，unavoidable是形容词，这儿要用副词~~~) be swallowed by the feelings like weary(weariness，这儿要用其名词形式) and crestfallen(额，鹤鹤没找到这个的名词形式诶。。。所以，要不用 depression吧~~~). Since we are always children in eyes of out(our) parents, they will always be waiting to give us comfort. Once coming to the warm house, with the(a) cordial hug of mother and a conversation over working experience with father, we can immediately become relieved and refreshed. In this way, we will be well prepared for the next bigger challenge and earn success.

Last but not least, though someone may complain that ordinary family will be at negative situation in terms of capital and social circle when compared to the(前后一致，前面是ordinary family，这儿就不要the~~~) rich one. Specifically, it is a common phenomena that the rich second-generation(the Second-generation rich), with the help of their parents, live a lighthearted(light-hearted，中间的短横嫑忘啦~~~) life without worrying about the danger of exposure and starvation. Nevertheless, they feel meaningless and lonely about their life, for they have no access to experience the euphoria like a farmer reap his painstaking fruits(painstaking不能形容fruits，所以得改一下，eg：a farmer reap fruits which represent his painstaking work). Only when they learn certain competence and make a different(difference) on their own,(这儿还是不要有逗号，前后两句保持紧密联系) will they realize the true happiness of success.

In a nutshell, considering all analysis above, we can safely arrive at the conclusion that one in current society can seize chance to success better with the support of family both from reality and heart(这儿问题很大。。。一个，both and没有一致，both、
后面是介宾结构，and后面是名词；其次，support from reality？好像不能这么说啊~~~ 最后，reality和heart这两个是不同的概念，从某种角度讲，reality包括了heart~~~ 所以，索性去掉吧~~~).                                    

婷婷的文章挺好的，而且鹤鹤灰常佩服婷婷的词汇量。。。于是鹤鹤很丢脸的改作文的时候还捧着一本字典。。。~~~~(>_<)~~~~ 。。。
但是婷婷这儿有不少词确实很高端，但是好像婷婷对与这些词的用法还要下功夫~~~ 毕竟再高端的词，如果用法错了，还不如人家用一个很圡的词来的好啊~~~

婷婷connie

8.18改改后
批改~~~ (ˉ▽￣～)
改改后（感谢鹤鹤批文，潜心改正，拒绝使用不熟的词）
In contemporary society, people in growing number tend to complain that family now has exert(我觉得可以去掉，把has作为动词，have influence) less influence on one's success with soaring competitions emerged in society. However, in my point of view, one's family demonstrates increasingly significant impact on one's triumph.However, I reject this notion and instead believe that family still makes a profound impact throughout our lives and even becomes increasingly significant.(这句话用上啦~) (婷婷这句话没有问题，但是我觉得这样表达总觉的怪怪的~~~ 首先demonstrate这个词用这儿不是很合适，其次我觉得可以稍微升华一下，就是说家庭不止对于一个人的成功很重要，可以发散一下，他对于一个人的一生都很重要~~~ 所以，如果是鹤鹤写，鹤鹤会这么写：However, I reject this notion and instead believe that family still makes a profound impact throughout our lives and even becomes increasingly significant.)

To begin with, since family environment(这儿family environment表示家庭卫生环境，显然不对，所以索性光用一个family好啦~~~) plays a vital role in shaping one's behavior, people's opportunity(opportunities) to achieve success have closer(close，貌似这儿木有比较诶 (ˉ▽￣～) ) association with the escalation of parent's pedagogic skills the improvement of parents' educational skills.（认错*o*，刚背完这两个词就拿来用了，跟词不熟，韦氏上翻译是pedagogic：of, relating to, or befitting a teacher or education，这里是想突出家长现在非常持有一种正确的教育理念，就用了这个了~o~）(这儿我不知道婷婷为什么要用escalation和pedagogic两个词？这两个词用法都是不对的。。。escalation用于不好的事情的情况加剧的时候。。。pedagogic指教育手段。。。所以这儿其实可以没权用简单的词，没有必要用一些很高深的词~~~ 毕竟句子意思和逻辑是最重要的~~~ 不妨改为：the improvement of parents' educational skills). It is commoncommonly (副词修饰形容词)(commonly) recognized that little kid have inclination to imitate performances of his parents, so parents who are proficient in education can instruct the kidskid(kid，因为前半句用的kid，所以保持一致~~~) better. For example, Wright Brothers, who were are (are更好，现在还是被赞扬的~~~) credited with successfully inventing and building the world's first successful(successful一方面不怎么用来直接形容飞机，而且这儿的话，会产生first形容successful的误会，所以不妨把successful放前面~~~) airplane, were born in a cultivated family where the father is(was) a big fan of mechanics. It was their father's purposive(purposively)purchasing toy helicopter(感觉这里是purchasing作动名词，所以就用形容词了)thatenlightened(enlighten: a : to furnish knowledge to  : INSTRUCT  *enlightened us about the problem*  b : to give spiritual insight to,在这里有比喻意义，一是照亮，另一个是启蒙、启迪，及物动词，所以直接接了一个动名词) Wright's approach to the acme of aviation industry(aviation industry也是飞机制造业的意思，换成field呢？)(这儿的话，首先enlighten的用法我不是很清楚，我只知道enlighten sb about sth, 你这儿的用法我还真不清楚，所以如果你有把握的话最好，没把握的话还是换一个词吧~~~ 其次，我觉得aviation industry 航空业，用在这儿有一点点太过了吧~~~). Thus, we can find that with current parent's(parents')a deeper understanding of education, people can come to success with more ease.

Furthermore, though nowadays society is filled with fiercer rivalry and the help of family seem(seems to be) more slight than before, we can not ignore the basic function of a family, namely, an eternal harbor. Especially faced with adversities halfway, we unavoidable may(may unavoidably，unavoidable是形容词，这儿要用副词~~~) be swallowed by the feelings like weary(weariness，这儿要用其名词形式) and crestfallen(we may be swallowed by feelings like fatigue and depression. ) (额，鹤鹤没找到这个的名词形式诶。。。所以，要不用 depression吧~~~). Since we are always children in eyes of out(our) parents, they will always be waiting to give us comfort. Once coming to the warm house, with the(a) cordial hug of mother and a conversation over working experience with father, we can immediately become relieved and refreshed. In this way, we will be well prepared for the next bigger challenge and earn success.

Last but not least, though someone may complain that ordinary family will be at negative situation in terms of capital and social circle when compared tothe(前后一致，前面是ordinary family，这儿就不要the~~~) rich one. Specifically, it is a common phenomena that the rich second-generation(the Second-generation rich这个不确定耶，上网查了一下，各种翻译： rich second generation or affluent second generation ), with the help of their parents, live a lighthearted(light-hearted，中间的短横嫑忘啦~~~) life without worrying aboutthe danger of exposure and starvation. Nevertheless, they feel meaningless and lonely about their life, for they have no access to experience the euphoria like a farmer reaphis painstaking fruitshis fruits which represent his painstaking work (painstaking不能形容fruits，所以得改一下，eg：a farmer reap fruits which represent his painstaking work). Only when they learn certain competence and make a different(difference) on their own,(这儿还是不要有逗号，前后两句保持紧密联系) will they realize the true happiness of success.

In a nutshell, considering all analysis above, we can safely arrive at the conclusion that one in current society can seize chance to success better with the support of family both from reality and heart(这儿问题很大。。。一个，both and没有一致，both、
后面是介宾结构，and后面是名词；其次，support from reality？好像不能这么说啊~~~ 最后，reality和heart这两个是不同的概念，从某种角度讲，reality包括了heart~~~ 所以，索性去掉吧~~~).

婷婷的文章挺好的，而且鹤鹤灰常佩服婷婷的词汇量。。。于是鹤鹤很丢脸的改作文的时候还捧着一本字典。。。~~~~(>_<)~~~~ 。。。
但是婷婷这儿有不少词确实很高端，但是好像婷婷对与这些词的用法还要下功夫~~~ 毕竟再高端的词，如果用法错了，还不如人家用一个很圡的词来的好啊~~~



婷婷自批环节：

1.以后背过的生词，不确定的一定不要用

2.冠词使用得不好，经常用错啊a，the

3.文章立意不够深刻，有点chinglish,还是先去提高思维吧~飞了^o^

婷婷connie

海棠MM，19作文在这里~
8月19日

Do you agree or dis agree, the way a person dressed is a good indication of his/her personality or character



Nowadays, an increasing number of people pay more attention to their clothing, strengthening the importance to indicate their personality. While others also complain that sometimes well-planed appearance is able to belie one's real characters, which perplexes people's judgment. I, however, stress that proper maintenance of good appearance can demonstrate one's qualities in most occasions and even exert positive effects on one's triumph.



First of all, in proportion to daily behaviors, people's dress make it possible to offer hints of their qualities. Conspicuously, it is of slight chance to witness a person who wear glorious garment spitting in the street or talk in loud and uncivil tongue. What is more, among children, those who is dressed in clean and tidy clothing are inclined to keep quiet in class and gain approbations from their teacher. Conversely, a beggar, facing the danger of starvation and exposure, usually wear ragged ones and more likely to chat in an uncouth way. Aware of the existence of others, people usually behave themselves according to their appearance.



Furthermore, since delicacy of elites' wearings often help seize opportunities to success, those people devote greater energy and money to their appearance which contributes to show their personalities. For example, in hospital, doctors and nurses prefer to be on clean cozy clothing, which leads people to believe their medical art and feel comfortable, free fromtrepidation of illness. Additionally, bank clerks always wear career uniform so as to gain people's credit on their excellent competence on the management of capital. If dressed well, these people can get abundant benefits. Here, a good appearance plays a critical role in one's career success.



Last but not least, I concede that it is likely for most individuals to recognize one's character through appearance to some degree, cases are as well ubiquitous that contrived persons make some disguise to attract other's favor. Some politicians fall in this group of people who share this trait. A politician usually wears a suit in any situations even if they feel less comfortable compared to casual cloth, for they want to make residents deeply struck by his image of justice and discretion. Only accepted by a great number of citizens will this canny politician win over his opponents during the election. In this case, people may be easily misguided by a person's dressing style.



In a nutshell, in most situations, people can make a conclusion with ease about one's personalities from dress, even though some designed persons take good use of it. Nevertheless, I believe that truth is the only thing which bears all light. As any magic will lose its effects someday, so let us make our own appearances following the heart.

超级无敌小鹤鹤

It was their father's purposive(purposively)purchasing toy helicopter(感觉这里是purchasing作动名词，所以就用形容词了)thatenlightened(enlighten: a : to furnish knowledge to  : INSTRUCT  *enlightened us about the problem*  b : to give spiritual insight to,在这里有比喻意义，一是照亮，另一个是启蒙、启迪，及物动词，所以直接接了一个动名词) Wright's approach to the acme of aviation industry(aviation industry也是飞机制造业的意思，换成field呢？)(这儿的话，首先enlighten的用法我不是很清楚，我只知道enlighten sb about sth, 你这儿的用法我还真不清楚，所以如果你有把握的话最好，没把握的话还是换一个词吧~~~ 其次，我觉得aviation industry 航空业，用在这儿有一点点太过了吧~~~). Specifically, it is a common phenomena that the rich second-generation(the Second-generation rich这个不确定耶，上网查了一下，各种翻译： rich second generation or affluent second generation )

-- by 会员 婷婷connie (2012/8/20 1:16:26)

恩恩，鹤鹤又学到新知识鸟~~~
富二代那个应该是用 the Second-generation rich 吧，我记得好像之前在NY Times上看到过~~ 要不窝再去查一下~~

N只梨花压海棠

Do you agree or dis agree, the way a person dressed is a good indication of his/her personality or character



Nowadays, an increasing number of people pay more attention to their clothing（s）, strengthening the importance to indicate their personality(personalities). While others also complain that sometimes well-planed appearance is able to belie one's real characters, which(which指代模糊) perplexes people's judgment. I, however, stress that proper maintenance of good appearance can demonstrate one's qualities in most occasions and even exert positive effects on one's triumph(直接success，triumph有点太过了).



First of all, in proportion to daily behaviors(in coordinating with是不是更好呢), people's dress make it possible to offer hints of their qualities. Conspicuously(很好的词), it is of slight chance to witness a person who wear glorious garment spitting in the street or talk in loud and uncivil tongue.(uncivil--换成indecent吧，听起来像非人类的舌头,婷婷这句好生动啊，脑中浮现出泼妇骂街的情形) What is more, among children, those who is (are)dressed in clean and tidy clothing are inclined to keep quiet in class and gain approbations from their teacher. Conversely, a beggar, facing the danger of starvation and exposure, usually wear ragged ones and more likely to chat in an uncouth way. Aware of the existence of others, people usually behave themselves according to their appearance.(这段例子很好，逻辑也很好，继续加油)



Furthermore, since delicacy of elites' wearings often help seize opportunities to success, those people devote greater energy and money to their appearance which contributes (单复数的问题)to show their personalities. For example, in hospital, doctors and nurses prefer to be on clean cozy clothing(s), which leads(lead) people to believe their medical art and feel comfortable, free from trepidation(of illness. Additionally, bank clerks always wear career uniform so as to gain people's credit(一般为避免歧义，用credence能更好些) on their excellent competence on the management of capital. If dressed well, these people can get abundant benefits. Here, a good appearance plays a critical role in one's career success.



Last but not least, I concede that it is likely for most individuals to recognize one's character through appearance to some degree, cases are as well ubiquitous that contrived persons make some disguise to attract other's favor. Some politicians fall in this group of people who share this trait. A politician usually wears a suit in any situations even if they feel less comfortable compared to casual cloth, for they want to make residents deeply struck by his image of justice and discretion(这词要表达的意思是？). Only accepted by a great number of citizens will this canny politician win over his opponents during the election. In this case, people may be easily misguided by a person's dressing style.



In a nutshell, in most situations, people can make a conclusion with ease about one's personalities from dress, even though some designed persons take good use of it. Nevertheless, I believe that truth is the only thing which bears all light(不错的让步关系句选择). As any magic will lose its effects someday, so let us make our own appearances following the heart. (结尾如果时间足够的话，我想还是把前面再总结一下，这种呼吁式结尾老外会认为thinking不criticl)



to 婷婷同学
1，wow，单词量惊人，有些词还需要去查词典，看得我快哭了--赞
2，文章的整体逻辑没有问题，各处的衔接也很好，需要做的可能就是结尾处
3，有些词汇的使用不在乎多难多深，而是把意思表达精确，婷婷莫忘了这点
4，单复数的问题，虽然貌不惊人，但积少成多就是个大问题了
5, good luck~

婷婷connie

8.20独立
8.20 your job has more effect on your happiness than your social life does.

Nowadays there is a growing tendency for people to pursue happiness. Some consider achievement on their career and hence pour bigger energy and time to their jobs. However, it is the over-engagement in work that makes people inclined to live in isolation and feel less cheerful. As far as I am concerned, social life exerts larger impact on one's happiness.  

To begin with, as humans are born with gregarious conviction, social life grants better chance for communication among people so as to deliver euphoria. As a saying goes "people gather in sake for joy". People communicate with each other in various ways such as conversation or speech. Devoted oneself to the laboratory work, he has to think on his own and implement experiments alone, thus he may feel crestfallen because of the narrowness of his thought. Conversely, once this guy opens his door then embraces persons around him even though a clothier or a vendor, he will reap the fruits of happiness. In this way, we come to realize the charming of social life.

Furthermore, social life plays a critic role on the enhancement of one's psychological health. For instance, generating approximately in the nineteenth century, the outside painters in America were more likely to suffer from mental illnesses, for their reluctance to others. They usually kept their painting private and refused to chat with their fellows. Unluckily, most of they died from the agony of melancholia. Whereas, how comes if those eminent artist participated in their social life-showing their exquisite work to the public, discussing certain artistic skills with them, even appreciating a respite in the clement sunlight. Hitherto, they would ultimately grin and live a life filled with pleasure. Here, we safely get to touch benefits on health from social life.

Admittedly, I concede that money gained via painstaking work as well brings people with some elation to a degree. Specifically, a relatively high-rank in hospital promises a higher level of wage which makes it possible for a physician to purchase some delicate trinket and even luxury jewelry. Nevertheless, the amount of one's wealth is not necessarily in ratio to one's happiness. Due to his assiduous work, he may be eventually awarded an invidious position in his community, while at the cost of his health. This guy probably leaves an exhausted spirit because of the overbearing working tasks. Therefore, I am an opponent who fight against the over emphasis on the efficacious influence presented by job on one's happiness.

To sum up, even if the large quantities of assets offered by one's job, he can not approach the essence of happiness. Only threw into the social life will one actually hug the warmness and comfort in his life, namely happiness.

婷婷connie

8.19 改改后
Do you agree or dis agree, the way a person dressed is a good indication of his/her personality or character

Nowadays, an increasing number of people pay more attention to their clothing（s）, strengthening the importance to indicate their personality(personalities). While others also complain that sometimes well-planed appearance is able to belie one's real characters, which(which指代模糊)and perplexes people's judgment. I, however, stress that proper maintenance of good appearance can demonstrate one's qualities in most occasions and even exert positive effects on one's triumph success(直接success，triumph有点太过了).

First of all, in proportion toin coordinating with daily behaviors(in coordinating with是不是更好呢), people's dress make it possible to offer hints of their qualities. Conspicuously(很好的词), it is of slight chance to witness a person who wear glorious garment spitting in the street or talk in loud and uncivil indecent(这个词24k改的好好~)tongue.(uncivil--换成indecent吧，听起来像非人类的舌头,婷婷这句好生动啊，脑中浮现出泼妇骂街的情形) What is more, among children, those who is (are)dressed in clean and tidy clothing are inclined to keep quiet in class and gain approbations from their teacher. Conversely, a beggar, facing the danger of starvation and exposure, usually wear ragged ones and more likely to chat in an uncouth way. Aware of the existence of others, people usually behave themselves according to their appearance.(这段例子很好，逻辑也很好，继续加油)

Furthermore, since delicacy of elites' wearings often help seize opportunities to success, those people devote greater energy and money to their appearance which contributes (单复数的问题)to show their personalities. For example, in hospital, doctors and nurses prefer to be on clean cozy clothing(s),which (这里的which是想指代之前这个事情)leads(lead) people to believe their medical art and feel comfortable, free from trepidation(of illness. Additionally, bank clerks always wear career uniform so as to gain people's credit credence(一般为避免歧义，用credence能更好些) on their excellent competence on the management of capital. If dressed well, these people can get abundant benefits. Here, a good appearance plays a critical role in one's career success.

Last but not least, I concede that it is likely for most individuals to recognize one's character through appearance to some degree, cases are as well ubiquitous that contrived persons make some disguise to attract other's favor. Some politicians fall in this group of people who share this trait. A politician usually wears a suit in any situations even if they feel less comfortable compared to casual cloth, for they want to make residents deeply struck by his image of justice anddiscretionprimness (给民众一种一本正经、公正的意思，不过感觉用primness更好)(这词要表达的意思是？). Only accepted by a great number of citizens will this canny politician win over his opponents during the election. In this case, people may be easily misguided by a person's dressing style.

In a nutshell, in most situations, people can make a conclusion with ease about one's personalities from dress, even though some designed persons take good use of it. Nevertheless, I believe that truth is the only thing which bears all light(不错的让步关系句选择). As any magic will lose its effects someday, so let us make our own appearances following the heart. we could securely make good use of this indicator .(换了一个结尾) (结尾如果时间足够的话，我想还是把前面再总结一下，这种呼吁式结尾老外会认为thinking不criticl)

to 婷婷同学
1，wow，单词量惊人，有些词还需要去查词典，看得我快哭了--赞
2，文章的整体逻辑没有问题，各处的衔接也很好，需要做的可能就是结尾处
3，有些词汇的使用不在乎多难多深，而是把意思表达精确，婷婷莫忘了这点
4，单复数的问题，虽然貌不惊人，但积少成多就是个大问题了
5, good luck~



自批：

1.结尾不要用呼吁，显得很空

2.单复数要与前后保持一直

3.Triumph用法错误， a : a victory or conquest by or as if by military force  b : a notable success  the party，还有uncivil倾向于未实现人类文明，indecent更适合表达粗鲁的意思

4.Which引导宾语从句的用法：which代替前面整个句子，而不具体指某一个东西，这只是一个方面，是特例，而修饰先行词才是它的普遍用法