婷婷connie的作文帖~勇者创造机会，愚者等待机会

羊咩咩yw

8月26日 What is the main role of the university professor, to educate students or to do research?

Nowadays, there is a conspicuous phenomenon that professors is increasingly engaged on（in） scientific researches to pursue larger benefit on both reputation and wealth. However, professors cannot ignore their basic vocation, namely, the cultivation of students's competence. As far as I am concerned, university professors ought to pay more attention to teaching task.

First of all, to be responsible, college professors must take their duty to educate students. As students endeavored get matriculated(婷婷我觉得这里的用法有点拗口，主要是我不确定endeavor可以这样用) by universities and colleges, they should be granted opportunities to enjoy（这里用enjoy是不是有点中式滴表达？我想换成achieve, 婷婷你觉得哩？）more professional and scrupulous education on their majors in turn. Here, the relation between a professor and his students is the same as an assiduous worker in a garden. Confucius, who is a great philosopher in China, sets a good example to academics. In spite of his poorness, he always offer his students knowledge, demanding nothing. So erudite as those professors are that they also should direct students a most promising approach to the acme.   （例子用得很好，但是用在这里可能不是特别好，因为题目并没有说professor do research 是为钱，个人意见哟，你在读读看~~也许是我想太多了，呵呵）

Furthermore, professors themselves will benefit a lot from their efforts on teaching. Once an extraordinary teacher pours his time and energy on students, it pays back ultimately. According to a persuasive investigation conducted by China Education Funds(CEF), over 85% of teachers who received the interview confess that they realize the significance within their teaching career: they not only easily touch scads of approbations from his students and their parents, but also gains abundant wealth. Generally, the extent of a teacher's reputation and income is determined closely by achievements of graduates who learn from him.（感觉这段的论证不是很完整呢~主要是数据给得有点牵强~~个人意见哟）

Admittedly, I concede that someone may place considerable emphasis on researches from which the professor acquire knowledge and vast money. Odds are是不是用单数更好 that a patent or theory supported by decades of experiments make a preeminent professor rank（ranking） on the top wealth. Nevertheless, seldomly could this god's bliss come to a professor. However, a professor cannot be overwhelmed by the possible rewards rendered by his researches, thus lays down his teaching jobs. After all, the development of students is prior to the consequence of an experiment. Here, university professor must be alert to his main role.

To sum up, compelling as analysis above are, we could safely applaud the magnitude of education task of a professor, for it is advantageous to the cultivation of students as well the fame and gain of professor himself. To win reverence and benefit will university professors care for his classes consistently.

词汇运用都很高级，但论证上面给人感觉不是很完整呢~~婷婷，你再读读看，有些句子太长了有点拗口~~可能是我能力有限呢~
一起加油~~快来帮我改改我的作文吖，我都等你一天了~~

婷婷connie

8.26改改后
8月26日 What is the main role of the university professor, to educate students or to do research?


Nowadays, there is a conspicuous phenomenon that professors is increasingly engaged on in（in） scientific researches to pursue larger benefit on both reputation and wealth. However, professors cannot ignore their basic vocation, namely, the cultivation of students's competence. As far as I am concerned, university professors ought to pay more attention to teaching task.

First of all, to be responsible, college professors must take their duty to educate students. As students endeavored （to）get matriculated(婷婷我觉得这里的用法有点拗口，主要是我不确定endeavor可以这样用)(endeavor to do sth就是尽力做某事的意思，整句话就是学生们努力被高校录取~)by universities and colleges, they should be granted opportunities toenjoy achieve (恩恩，是achieve更好诶~)（这里用enjoy是不是有点中式滴表达？我想换成achieve, 婷婷你觉得哩？）more professional and scrupulous education on their majors in turn. Here, the relation between a professor and his students is the same as an assiduous worker in a garden. Confucius, who is a great philosopher in China, sets a good example to academics. In spite of his poorness, he always offer his students knowledge, demanding nothing. So erudite as those professors are that they also should direct students a most promising approach to the acme. （例子用得很好，但是用在这里可能不是特别好，因为题目并没有说professor do research 是为钱，个人意见哟，你在读读看~~也许是我想太多了，呵呵）(可能是我理解过窄了，感觉research就会有资金，所以有一部分利益的因素在里面~嘻嘻)

Furthermore, professors themselves will benefit a lot from their efforts on teaching. Once an extraordinary teacher pours his time and energy on students, it pays back ultimately.According to a persuasive investigation conducted by China Education Funds(CEF), over 85% of teachers who received the interview confess that they realize the significance within their teaching career: they not only easily touch scads of approbations from his students and their parents, but also gains abundant wealth. Generally, the extent of a teacher's reputation and income is determined closely by achievements of graduates who learn from him.（感觉这段的论证不是很完整呢~主要是数据给得有点牵强~~个人意见哟）（不太明白数据的问题，求解释？）

Admittedly, I concede that someone may place considerable emphasis on researches from which the professor acquires knowledge and vast money. Odds are是不是用单数更好（这么用是对的，找来一个例句：So, when in doubt, if you're having some weird character issue, odds are you need to escape it in some way.） that a patent or theory supported by decades of experiments make a preeminent professor rank（ranking） on the top wealth. Nevertheless, seldomly could this god's bliss come to a professor. However, a professor cannot be overwhelmed by the possible rewards rendered by his researches, thus lays down his teaching jobs. After all, the development of students is prior to the consequence of an experiment. Here, university professor must be alert to his main role.

To sum up, compelling as analysis above are, we could safely applaud the magnitude of education task of a professor, for it is advantageous to the cultivation of students as well the fame and gain of professor himself. To win reverence and benefit will university professors care for his classes consistently.

词汇运用都很高级，但论证上面给人感觉不是很完整呢~~婷婷，你再读读看，有些句子太长了有点拗口~~可能是我能力有限呢~
一起加油~~快来帮我改改我的作文吖，我都等你一天了~~

回复羊咩咩：

Sorry啦，婷婷一般晚上才上网~下次早早改完



自批：

1.文章的观点论证得不够深刻

2.理解不宜太过片面~

婷婷connie

8.27Claim: Unfortunately, in contemporary society, creating an appealing image has become more important than the reality or truth behind that image.


Whether should individuals, in contemporary society, care more about their appearance or pay more attention to the reality and truth still causes a dilemma due to the problem's complexity. It is rational that we would better make our appearance intriguing to leave a good first-impression and maintain the consistency to the person who we essentially are.



To begin with, people usually endeavor to create positive kind of appearance to make them accepted by others. As an saying cites, a person can be directly judged by his cloths. A bank clerk, wearing a white suit and smiling to everyone, seems to be more professional and meticulous from whom we tend to ask help. Just imagine, if this clerk just dressed himself a dirty shirt which looks like has not been washed for days, will we still credit him as a helpful guy? The answer is absolutely no. The latest survey over residents' common view on the appearance and reality, conducted by China Society Fund, unveils that over 85% of respondents are convinced that they easily come to judge a person by the first glimpse instead of via long period touch with that person. Thus, an appealing appearance is an effective method for people to gain favor from others quickly.



Besides, people who do not care his personal image suffer a lot on some occasions. Take politicians as a good case, during the period of election, they conventionally come to public places and behave themselves in a prudent way: they come to the hospital to care for patients who catch serious disease such as cancer and AIDS, or they pay a visit to the orphanage and give children some delicate gifts. All these behaviors, making the politician regarded as a leader with kind and warm heart, helps him gain political victory. Conversely, what if a politician witnessed quarreling with his son using scurrilous words, or expressing antipathy towards those who dressed in rags? Chances are that he will be upbraided by his votaries and ultimately lose his preponderance on the election. Here, we come to realize the magnitude of the maintenance of one's image.



Nevertheless, there is no denying the fact that we will ignore the reality and keep away from people who may be ugly to some degree. When compared to the outer good looking, a wisemind obtains much more reverence. Socrates was a preeminent Greek classical philosopher. Regarded as one of the most important founder of western philosophy, he is an enigmatic figure known briefly through the accounts of especially his students Plato and his plays of contemporary Aristotle. However, his had a long face, thick lips, and unproportionable eyes and ears, which frightened people at the begging. If we unfairly comment a person by his amazing appearance, Socrates would absolutely be an exactindividual who received people's aversion and could not shine on the stage of philosophy. Luckily, he was accepted by his contemporaries,and made us appreciate his resplendent wisdom.



To sum up, though an extremely glorious appearance possessed by a person, it eventually yields to the time, thus what we ought to is learn how to make ourselves stand on a higher level and make our heart look purified, besides paying a attention to appearance that helps us get better concern by our surroundings.  

婷婷connie

8月27日 know a person from type of friends that he has,agree or disagree

As an old aphorism puts, birds with same feathers fly together. These words are also applicable to human beings, especially when it comes to the judgment to a person. People usually scrutinize the social circle of this person. Nevertheless, considering the camouflage, opponents question this view. In my opinion, the former enjoys more correctness.

To begin with, friends around an individual exert inevitable impacts on one's behaviors. It is convincing that people have a tendency to keep accord with people around himself. For example, in primary school where most students behave quietly and keep proper manners in class, a naughty boy's vandalism or spitting on the floor will get antipathy instead of approbation from others, for he breaks classroom rules. To be embraced by his classmates again, this boy will endeavor to surmount his mistakes and show his politeness. In this way, the boy's performance is easily refined by the joint power of his surrounding friends.

Furthermore, friends not only are able to effect one's behaviors, but also play a vital role in the cultivation of one's thoughts. As friends are individuals with whom a person spends great number of his time, more and better opportunities are offered to communicate with each other. Here takes Max as a good case. He is a genius in sociology. Obvious is the friendship Max developed with his partner Engels who, via impacts on thoughts, pitched significant influence on Max's theory of Scientific Socialism. Without Engels hardly would Max close the book on the foundation of the theory. Thus, a person will be easily accomodated with a view that owns by his friends.

Admittedly, I concede that some people will place emphasis on an occasion where a person probably disguises to a certain group of people in sake of his benefits. Odds are that a salesman pretends to be interested in art exhibition of ancient Greece to cater his most important client with whom the salesman makes friend and sign a contact. Or it is possible that a politician, to get greater number of votaries during the election, contrives some situations in which he talked with his former plebeian friends and then his humble quality is dramatically demonstrated. Is the salesman actually versed in art or the politician agreeable? We can not give confident answers. Under these circumstances hardly can we know a person from his friends.

To sum up, as a person's physical and mental performances often become influenced involuntarily by his friends, characters of his friends are convictive for us to grasp this person's qualities, even if there are some exceptional circumstances. Since all camouflage will yields to the truth ultimately, as long as we keep vigilant and careful when using this indicator can we get a rational conclusion.

喵喵了个咪

8月27日 独立改
As an old aphorism puts, birds with same feathers fly together.These words are also applicable to human beings, especially when it comes tothe judgment to a person. People usually scrutinize the social circle of thisperson. Nevertheless, considering the camouflage, opponents question this view.In my opinion, the former enjoys more correctness(比较级后边不能加名词吧).

To begin with, friends around an individual exert inevitable impacts on one'sbehaviors. It is convincing that people have a tendency to keep accord withpeople around himself(与前边单复数不一致). For example, inprimary school where most students behave quietly and keep proper manners inclass, a naughty boy's vandalism or spitting on the floor will get antipathyinstead of approbation from others, for he breaks classroom rules.To be embraced by his classmates again, this boy will endeavor to surmount hismistakes and show his politeness. In this way, the boy's performance is easilyrefined by the joint power of his surrounding friends.

Furthermore, friends not only are able to effect(affect)one's behaviors, but also play a vital role in the cultivation ofone's thoughts. As friends are individuals with whom a person spends greatnumber of his time, more and better opportunities are offered to communicatewith each other. Here takes Max as a good case. He is a genius in sociology.Obvious is the friendship Max developed with his partner Engels who, viaimpacts on thoughts, pitched significant influence on Max's theory ofScientific Socialism. Without Engels hardly would Max close the book on thefoundation of the theory. Thus, a person will be easily accomodated with a viewthat owns by his friends.

Admittedly, I concede that some people will place emphasis on an occasion wherea person probably disguises to a certain group of people in sake of hisbenefits. Odds are that a salesman pretends to be interested in art exhibitionof ancient Greece to cater his most important client with whom the salesmanmakes friend and sign a contact. Or it is possible that a politician, to getgreater number of votaries during the election, contrives some situations inwhich he talked with his former plebeian friends and then his humble quality isdramatically demonstrated. Is the salesman actually versed in art or thepolitician agreeable? We can not(不用分开)give confident answers. Under these circumstances hardly can we know a personfrom his friends.

To sum up, as a person's physical and mental performances often becomeinfluenced involuntarily by his friends, characters of his friends areconvictive for us to grasp this person's qualities, even if there are someexceptional circumstances. Since all camouflageswill yields to the truth ultimately, as long as we keep vigilant and carefulwhen using this indicator can we get a rational conclusion.

总结：
婷婷真心厉害呀，语法错误超级少。而且逻辑比较清晰。句式结构多样化。词汇比较高级。不是我不认真，是我真心是找不出来什么错误了。
另外有点小建议咱们讨论下，在让步那一段，你只是否定了一些人的观点。但并没有提出一个支持题目的观点。我觉得是不是可以提出一个即否认了somepeople 又支持了自己的论点来论述呢。
还想问问你语法你怎么攻克的。我实在是无力啊。。。。

婷婷connie

8.27改改后~
know a person from type of friends that he has,agree or disagree


月27日 独立改
As an old aphorism puts, birds with same feathers fly together.These words are also applicable to human beings, especially when it comes tothe judgment to a person. People usually scrutinize the social circle of thisperson. Nevertheless, considering the camouflage, opponents question this view.In my opinion, the former enjoys more tenable correctness(确实哈，疏忽这一点啦) (比较级后边不能加名词吧).

To begin with, friends around an individual exert inevitable impacts on one'sbehaviors. It is convincing that people have a tendency to keep accord withpeople aroundhimself themselves(与前边单复数不一致). For example, inprimary school where most students behave quietly and keep proper manners inclass, a naughty boy's vandalism or spitting on the floor will get antipathyinstead of approbation from others, for he breaks classroom rules.To be embraced by his classmates again, this boy will endeavor to surmount hismistakes and show his politeness. In this way, the boy's performance is easilyrefined by the joint power of his surrounding friends.

Furthermore, friends not only are able to effect affect(affect)one's behaviors, but also play a vital role in the cultivation ofone's thoughts. As friends are individuals with whom a person spends greatnumber of his time, more and better opportunities are offered to communicatewith each other. Here takes Max as a good case. He is a genius in sociology.Obvious is the friendship Max developed with his partner Engels who, viaimpacts on thoughts, pitched significant influence on Max's theory ofScientific Socialism. Without Engels hardly would Max close the book on thefoundation of the theory. Thus, a person will be easily accomodated with a viewthat owns by his friends.

Admittedly, I concede that some people will place emphasis on an occasion wherea person probably disguises to a certain group of people in sake of hisbenefits. Odds are that a salesman pretends to be interested in art exhibitionof ancient Greece to cater his most important client with whom the salesmanmakes friend and sign a contact. Or it is possible that a politician, to getgreater number of votaries during the election, contrives some situations inwhich he talked with his former plebeian friends and then his humble quality isdramatically demonstrated. Is the salesman actually versed in art or thepolitician agreeable（这个词容易让人误解是同意，其实想表达的是平易近人的意思，换成amicable）? We can not(婷婷感觉cannot 和can not 都是可以的，后面不就是can't吗？)(不用分开)give confident answers. Under these circumstances hardly can we know a personfrom his friends.
其实这种写法，婷婷是看范文学来的，根据喵的意见可以再加工一下：Nevertheless, we need not lose heart when judging this kind of people. As time goes by, a pretended virtuoso in art will show his ignorance and this feigned politician's pride may be put in the fierce light. In this way, we ultimately aware of the quality of these people.


To sum up, as a person's physical and mental performances often becomeinfluenced involuntarily by his friends, characters of his friends areconvictive for us to grasp this person's qualities, even if there are someexceptional circumstances. Since all camouflageswill yields to the truth ultimately, as long as we keep vigilant and carefulwhen using this indicator can we get a rational conclusion.

总结：
婷婷真心厉害呀，语法错误超级少。而且逻辑比较清晰。句式结构多样化。词汇比较高级。不是我不认真，是我真心是找不出来什么错误了。
另外有点小建议咱们讨论下，在让步那一段，你只是否定了一些人的观点。但并没有提出一个支持题目的观点。我觉得是不是可以提出一个即否认了somepeople 又支持了自己的论点来论述呢。
还想问问你语法你怎么攻克的。我实在是无力啊。。。。



安慰喵喵：别被我shock啦，其实我贴文之前，自己polish一遍了，大概不加s之类的吧都能及时发现，所以感觉写文的速度一定要快，考试的时候留出时间检查~

其他的就是看了杨鹏的长难句了~



自批：

1.注意名词前面不要用more修饰，effect是名词，affect才是动词。

婷婷connie

9月2日 it is better to relax by a movie or reading a book than doing physical exercise.Do you agree?

In this year and day, there is a heated discussion over methods of relaxation. Some people stress that an interesting movie or a pregnant book exert considerable influences on the relief of pressure, while others also emphasis the magnitude of physical exercise which helps build sturdy physique. The information I have collected over the last 2 years leads me to believe that movies and books ought to be taken the preponderance.

First of all, it is conspicuous and persuasive that watching a movie or reading a book enjoys convenience, free from the interruptions such as weather and physical situations. For instance, on weekends, an individual who has already been tired of his work, grasps his chance to have a relaxation by the participance of a football game. Unluckily, it exactly rains heavily. What a pity it is. Nonetheless, this person could choose to stay at home to do some reading. It is possible for him to find up his favorite book online, or just get a collector's edition of a novel, then sit himself in a chair at the balcony. So convenience it is, without cost too much. In this way, people could relax themselves to the best extent via movies and books.

Furthermore, since intriguing episodes emerged in the movie and book enable people to not only relax and also think about life. Nowadays, with the fiercer competitions among the media field, outstanding directors and extraordinary writers pay much more attention on the creation of their works which avoids to possible presence of potboilers. For instance, the Shawshank Redemption, a movie describing a 20-year prison experience of a bank clerk, manages to alleviate people from their pressure and even cheer them up. The antagonist suffered a lot in the prison, nevertheless, he never gave up to this unfair fate. With the support of a firm hope, he escaped out of the prison ultimately. Here, people who appreciate this movie must be touched and feel refreshing to move on.

Admittedly, I concede the certain positive impact on residents' health pitched by physical exercise to some degree.  Specifically,  jogging in the park practice people's muscles,  matches of basketball enhance individuals' agility, and swimming in a pool helps them shape good builds. Undoubtedly, relaxing through physical exercise is a good choice to relax. However, over exercise also brings people with some negative impacts. For example, if a person jogs for too long time, he may feel exhausted instead of relieved, and basketball players face hazards of some injures, severely,  swimming without cautious preparation might result in death due to unable to control one's body. In these situations, it seems that movies and books, which are inclined to be sedentary activities, promise greater safety for people.

In a nutshell, considering all analysis above, it is time to applaud the method of relaxation via a movie or a book. Since movies and books grant residents large amounts of convenience and insightful perspectives on life which derive from the contents, besides the guarantee of safety, this method certainly will make people a substantial and safer leisure time.

fuzhengrui

9月2日 it is better to relax by a movie or reading a book than doing physical exercise.Do you agree?

In this year and day, there is a heated discussion over methods of relaxation. Some people stress that an interesting movie or a pregnant book exert considerable influences on the relief of pressure, while others also emphasis the magnitude of physical exercise which helps build sturdy physique. The information I have collected over the last 2 years leads me to believe that movies and books ought to be taken the preponderance.

First of all, it is conspicuous and persuasive that watching a movie or reading a book enjoys convenience, free from the interruptions such as weather and physical situations. For instance, on weekends, an individual who has already been tired of his work, grasps his chance to have a relaxation by the participance of a football game. Unluckily, it exactly rains heavily. What a pity it is. Nonetheless, this person could choose to stay at home to do some reading. It is possible for him to find up his favorite book online, or just get a collector's edition of a novel, then sit himself in a chair at the balcony. So convenience it is, without cost too much. In this way, people could relax themselves to the best extent via movies and books.

Furthermore, since intriguing episodes emerged in the movie and book enable people to not only relax and also think about life. Nowadays, with the fiercer competitions among the media field, outstanding directors and extraordinary writers pay much more attention on the creation of their works which avoids to possible presence of potboilers. For instance, the Shawshank Redemption, a movie describing a 20-year prison experience of a bank clerk, manages to alleviate people from their pressure and even cheer them up. The antagonist suffered a lot in the prison, nevertheless, he never gave up to this unfair fate. With the support of a firm hope, he escaped out of the prison ultimately. Here, people who appreciate this movie must be touched and feel refreshing to move on.

Admittedly, I concede the certain positive impact on residents' health pitched by physical exercise to some degree.  Specifically,  jogging in the park practice people's muscles,  matches of basketball enhance individuals' agility, and swimming in a pool helps them shape good builds. Undoubtedly, relaxing through physical exercise is a good choice to relax. However, over exercise also brings people with some negative impacts. For example, if a person jogs for too long time, he may feel exhausted instead of relieved, and basketball players face hazards of some injures, severely,  swimming without cautious preparation might result in death due to unable to control one's body. In these situations, it seems that movies and books, which are inclined to be sedentary activities, promise greater safety for people.

In a nutshell, considering all analysis above, it is time to applaud the method of relaxation via a movie or a book. Since movies and books grant residents large amounts of convenience and insightful perspectives on life which derive from the contents, besides the guarantee of safety, this method certainly will make people a substantial and safer leisure time.

-- by 会员 婷婷connie (2012/9/3 10:46:08)

婷婷connie

感谢，综合fuzhengrui基础的改改后~
9月2日 it is better to relax by a movie or reading a book than doing physical exercise.Do you agree?

In this year and day, there is a heated discussion over methods of relaxation. Some people stress that an interesting movie or a pregnant（abounding in fancy, wit, or resourcefulness  : INVENTIVE这里取“耐人寻味”的意思） book exert considerable influences on the relief of pressure, while others also emphasis the magnitude of physical exercise which helps build sturdy physique. The information I have collected over the last 2 years leads me to believe that movies and books ought to be taken the preponderance.

First of all, it is conspicuous and persuasive that watching a movie or reading a book enjoys convenience, free from the interruptions such as weather and physical situations. For instance, on weekends, an individual who has already been tired of his work, grasps his chance to have a relaxation by the participance（attendance更倾向于出勤率，所以婷婷还是participance好点~） of a football game. Unluckily, it exactly rains heavily. What a pity it is. Nonetheless（Instead）, this person could choose to stay at home to do some reading. It is possible for him to find up his favorite book online, or just get a collector's edition of a novel, then sit himself in a chair at the balcony. So convenience it is, without cost(costing) too much. In this way, people could relax themselves to the best extent via movies and books.

Furthermore, since intriguingmeaningfulepisodes emerged in the movie and book enable people to not only relax and also think about life. Nowadays, with the fiercer competitions among the media field, outstanding directors and extraordinary writers pay much more attention on the creation of their works which avoids to possible presence of potboilers. For instance, the Shawshank Redemption, a movie describing a 20-year prison experience of a bank clerk, manages toalleviate distract（这里确实是用分心更好~）people from their pressure and even cheer them up. The antagonist suffered a lot in the prison, nevertheless, he never gave up to this unfair fate. With the support of a firm hope, he escaped out of the prison ultimately. Here, people who appreciate this movie must be touched and feel refreshing to move on.

Admittedly, I concede the certain positive impact on residents' health pitched by physical exercise to some degree.  Specifically,  jogging in the park practice people's muscles,  matches of basketball enhance individuals' agility, and swimming in a pool helps them shape good builds. Undoubtedly, relaxing through physical exercise is a good choice to relax. However, over exercise over-exercise also brings people with some negative impacts. For example, if a person jogs for too long time, he may feel exhausted instead of relieved, and basketball players face hazards of some injures, severely,  swimming without cautious preparation might result in death due to unable the disabilityto control one's body. In these situations, it seems that movies and books, which are inclined to be sedentary activities, promise greater safety for people.

In a nutshell, considering all analysis above, it is time to applaud the method of relaxation via a movie or a book. Since movies and books grant residents large amounts of convenience and insightful perspectives on life which derive from the contents,besides and the guarantee of safety, this method certainly will make people a substantial and safer leisure time.



自评：

1.intriguing使用错误，是“引起兴趣的”的意思

2.有些地方写的不够local,想disability之类

3.抓紧不多的时间啦

gre呀gre

9.2 独立窝是错误君 窝是没错但是改了更好君 窝是结构君


In this year and day, there is a heated discussion overmethods of relaxation. Some people stress that an interesting movie or apregnant book exert(exerts主语是AorB，谓语就近原则) considerableinfluences on the relief of pressure, while others also emphasis（改成emphasize，emphasis是名词） themagnitude of physical exercise which helps （加上people或者加上to）build sturdyphysique. The information I have collected over the last 2 years leads me tobelieve that movies and books ought to be taken the preponderance.

First of all, it is conspicuous and persuasive thatwatching a movie or reading a book enjoys convenience, free from theinterruptions such as weather and physical situations. For instance, onweekends, an individual who has already been tired of his work, grasps hischance to have a relaxation by the participance of a football game. Unluckily,it exactly rains heavily. What a pity it is. Nonetheless, this person couldchoose to stay at home to do some reading. It is possible for him to find uphis favorite book online, or just get a collector's edition of a novel, thensit himself in a chair at the balcony. So convenience（convenient） it is,without cost too much. In this way, people could relax themselves to the bestextent via movies and books. 超赞！但是这里只提到书了啊，电影的话还是要出门的啊，窝觉得在find up his favourite book online这里提到download a movie会更全面，毕竟题目说的是两个东西~

Furthermore, since intriguing episodes emerged in themovie and book enable people to not only relax and also think about life（这句话怪怪的，如果要并列，relax和thinkabout life，这里在think前面应该加上to，而且since这里当因为讲，后面没有主句了啊）. Nowadays（alex说老外更喜欢用currently~）, with thefiercer competitions among the media field, outstanding directors andextraordinary writers pay much more attention on the creation of their workswhich avoids to possible presence of potboilers.For instance（换个词呗，上一段用了相同的东西所以这里换一下吧to set the SR as an example神马的）, theShawshank Redemption, a movie describing a 20-year prison experience of a bankclerk, manages to alleviate people from their pressure and even cheer（cheers，和manages并列） them up. Theantagonist suffered a lot in the prison, nevertheless, he never gave up to thisunfair fate. With the support of a firm hope, he escaped out of the （窝觉得可以删除了，和escape的意思一样啊）prison ultimately. Here,people who appreciate this movie must be touched and feel refreshing to moveon.

Admittedly, I concede the certain positive impact onresidents' health pitched by physical exercise to some degree.  Specifically, jogging in the park practice（practices） people'smuscles,（改成；因为都是完整的句子） matches of basketball enhance individuals'agility,（；同上） and swimming in a poolhelps them shape good builds. Undoubtedly, relaxing through physical exerciseis a good choice to relax. However, over exercise also brings people with somenegative impacts. For example, if a person jogs for too long time, he may feelexhausted instead of relieved, and basketball players face hazards of someinjures, （；同上）severely,  swimming without cautious preparation mightresult in death due to unable to control one's body. In these situations, itseems that movies and books, which are inclined to be sedentary activities,promise greater safety for people.

In a nutshell, considering all analysis above, it is timeto applaud the method of relaxation via a movie or a book. Since movies andbooks grant residents large amounts of convenience and insightful perspectiveson life which derive from the contents, besides the guarantee of safety, thismethod certainly will make people a substantial and safer leisure time.

婷婷不好意思，窝实在是改不出来了，只是挑出来了一些小错误，怎么写的更好窝也不知道，而且窝真想把全篇都高亮成写的赞，YM！