婷婷connie的作文帖~勇者创造机会，愚者等待机会

婷婷connie

9.3独立Do you agree that it is better to spend money on traveling and vacation than save money for the future.
In contemporary society, people in growing numbers are placing considerable emphasis on the their budget plan. Some people insist the cost on traveling and vacation, while others also accent the magnitude of savings for future. In my opinion, money spent on traveling and vacation enjoys the first priority.



First of all, traveling and vacation, which help release ourselves from pressure, play an essential and indispensable role in our life. Once an individual is kept too long in the work place, his working efficiency will be lowered and feel bored about the job. At this time, a journey on weekends could benefit him a lot. Meandering in nature, large opportunities are that the man appreciates the bird's light songs, beauty of a cascade and the clement sunshine. At this moment, the exhausted employee is able to refresh himself and forget about all his worries.



Besides, it is also a good chance for us to make friends via traveling and vacation. As we get ourselves out of the regular places we stay, we are offered greater opportunities to meet more people from various backgrounds. For example,  I used to tour in Tibet, where both foreigners and native residents gather. Luckily, on the way to a temple, I made friends with Lily, who is an American college student. Sharing common interests of traveling, we talked a lot during the trip. Hitherto, we have been keeping in contact. By e-mails and chatting in English, I benefit a lot and once I ranked the first place in my English lecture competition.



Admittedly, I concede that people will argue the advantage of saving money for future to some degree. As few people manage to predict the occurrence of emergencies in the future, such as fees on an operation on heart or a mint of money demanded for further education abroad, people are inclined to set aside some in case of the anxiety. Nonetheless, with the development of our national economy, the government pitches large amounts of investment on people's life. Nowadays, it is easy to apply loans from the bank. Thus, residents no longer need worry about the shortage of money when confronting a quandary.



To sum up, considering all analysis above, it is time to applaud the budget on traveling and vacation. As this expenditure could not only relax ourselves from burden, but also enable us to widen the social circle, it should be taken the preponderance.

婷婷connie

9.3综合 TPO8
The reading passage casts doubt on the memoir written by the Chevalier because of its less accuracy, while the listening confirms that his memoir is pretty precise and reliable by explaining following points.



To begin with, the writer claims that, in reality,  the Chevalier was not so wealthy while living in Switzerland.  Conversely, the speaker mentions the Chevalier's participance in parties and gamblings. Besides, she explains that the Chevalier's property at that time had to be sold first to get money, thus he failed to own enough cash, then he borrowed loans from merchants.



What is more, the writer also is skeptical about the accuracy of the conversation with the famous writer Voltaire. However, the speaker demonstrates the existence of notes which were taken down by the Chevalier, each night after conversing with Voltaire. Additionally, the Chevalier's servant assumed that the Chevalier regularly consulted these notes while writing the memoir.



Last, the writer questions the memoir's account of the Chevalier's escape from a notorious prison in Venice. Yet the speaker puts forward a fact: many people who had more powerful friends politically connected than the Chevalier did failed to be set free. Therefore, it is less likely that the Chevalier managed to offer a bribe for freedom. Moreover, it is found in the governmental documents about the prison that the ceiling had been repaired the year after the Chevalier's escape.



In a nutshell, considering all analysis presented by the lecturer, three points showed by the writer have been beate by the speaker.

婷婷connie

9.2改改后it is better to relax by a movie or reading a book than doing physical exercise.Do you agree?
嘿嘿，gre已经改的很好了，像hlep婷婷之前都没有注意过它的用法~
In this year and day, there is a heated discussion over methods of relaxation. Some people stress that an interesting movie or a pregnant（abounding in fancy, wit, or resourcefulness  : INVENTIVE这里取“耐人寻味”的意思） bookexertexerts(exerts主语是AorB，谓语就近原则) considerable influences on the relief of pressure, while others also emphasisemphasize（改成emphasize，emphasis是名词） the magnitude of physical exercise which helpsto （加上people或者加上to） build sturdy physique. The information I have collected over the last 2 years leads me to believe that movies and books ought to be taken the preponderance.

First of all, it is conspicuous and persuasive that watching a movie or reading a book enjoys convenience, free from the interruptions such as weather and physical situations. For instance, on weekends, an individual who has already been tired of his work, grasps his chance to have a relaxation by the participance（attendance更倾向于出勤率，所以婷婷还是participance好点~） of a football game. Unluckily, it exactly rains heavily. What a pity it is. Nonetheless（Instead）, this person could choose to stay at home to do some reading. It is possible for him to find up his favorite book (or movie)online, or just get a collector's edition of a novel or CD, then sit himself in a chair at the balcony. Soconvenience convenientit is, without cost(costing) too much. In this way, people could relax themselves to the best extent via movies and books.但是这里只提到书了啊，电影的话还是要出门的啊，窝觉得在find up his favourite book online这里提到download a movie会更全面，毕竟题目说的是两个东西~


Furthermore, sinceintriguingmeaningfulepisodes emerged in the movie and book enable people to not only relax and also （to）think about life.(确实啊，这句话，当时就写懵了，哈哈,果真木有主语。。。)（这句话怪怪的，如果要并列，relax和thinkabout life，这里在think前面应该加上to，而且since这里当因为讲，后面没有主句了啊)Nowadays Currently, with the fiercer competitions among the media field, outstanding directors and extraordinary writers pay much more attention on the creation of their works which avoids to possible presence of potboilers. For instance（换个词呗，上一段用了相同的东西所以这里换一下吧to set the SR as an example神马的）, to set the Shawshank Redemption as an example, a movie describing a 20-year prison experience of a bank clerk, manages toalleviate distract（这里确实是用分心更好~）people from their pressure and even cheersthem upcheer（cheers，和manages并列）. The antagonist suffered a lot in the prison, nevertheless, he never gave up to this unfair fate. With the support of a firm hope, he escaped out of the prison ultimately（窝觉得可以删除了，和escape的意思一样啊）. Here, people who appreciate this movie must be touched and feel refreshing to move on.

Admittedly, I concede the certain positive impact on residents' health pitched by physical exercise to some degree.  Specifically,  jogging in the park practice practices people's muscles,; matches of basketball enhance individuals' agility, ;(改成；因为都是完整的句子）and swimming in a pool helps them shape good builds. Undoubtedly, relaxing through physical exercise is a good choiceto relax. However, over exercise over-exercise also brings people with some negative impacts. For example, if a person jogs for too long time, he may feel exhausted instead of relieved, ;and basketball players face hazards of some injures, ;severely,  swimming without cautious preparation might result in death due to unable the disabilityto control one's body. In these situations, it seems that movies and books, which are inclined to be sedentary activities, promise greater safety for people.

In a nutshell, considering all analysis above, it is time to applaud the method of relaxation via a movie or a book. Since movies and books grant residents large amounts of convenience and insightful perspectives on life which derive from the contents,besides and the guarantee of safety, this method certainly will make people a substantial and safer leisure time.



自评：

1.intriguing使用错误，是“引起兴趣的”的意思

2.有些地方写的不够local,想disability之类

3.抓紧不多的时间啦

婷婷connie

9.4 综合TPO9
The reading passage recommends that fuel-cell engines have several advantages over internal-combustion engines. While the lecturer casts doubt on it by offering some facts.

To begin with, the speaker contradicts the view showed by  the writer that renewable resources make this fuel-cell attractive. Though water from which hydrogen is produced is plentiful, we cannot use water directly. Instead, the hydrogen is an artificial substance, obtained from a pure  liquid state which has to be kept in minus 253 degrees. Thus, the hydrogen is difficult to produce and store.

Moreover, the speaker demonstrates an opposite perspective towards pollution problems. Even though the only byproduct of fuel-cell engines is water, manufactories which generate hydrogen require large amounts of energy by burning coal and oil. Thus the process during production must create lots of pollutions such as carbon dioxide.

Additionally, the writer asserts that fuel-cell engines will be soon economically competitive. However, considering expenditures spent on engines, the situation is even severer. As this engine is made up of an quite expensive metal, the only metal ever found, that enables the chemical reactions to undergo in the engine, the price of this engine cannot be lowered quickly.

To sum up, the writer is optimistic about the future of this hydrogen-based fuel-cell engine, while the lecturer is passive about this engine by illustrating several negative points.

婷婷connie

9.4 独立agree/disagree：an efficient leader will always try to make everyone feel that he's in part of a decision making
In this year and time, there is a heated discussion over the decision making of a community. Some people insist that the leader must consult everyone's opinions until drawing a conclusion, conversely, others argue the self-determination of a leader. As far as I am concerned, a leader need not make everyone in the part of the decision making but he has to consider their emotions.

First of all, it is formidable for a leader to reach a consensus among every members of a community. Since people's thoughts and backgrounds vary from each other, they tend to express diverse perspectives towards an issue. Thus it must take a lot of time to get the unanimity within the crowds. If a leader wants to be efficient, hardly can he relies on the debate where people argue heatedly together to reach an agreement, instead, it may cause some severe conflicts between persons who share contrary ideas, which even worsen the situation.

Moreover. even though members are able to get a ultimate decision, chances are that this decision is less rational and meaningful since some individuals lack certain knowledge to make the wisest one. To take my father as a case. He used to be a sales manager in a corporation, and he always wanted to make everyone involved in the decision making process. Once, they discussed about the next year's selling plan, with the effort of a long period,  they eventually made the plan which however contradicted to my father's original idea. But he conformed the group's view. Unluckily, it turned out a failure. Here, it warns us that an efficient leader is supposed to depend on himself largely.

Admittedly, I concede the advantages on the more involvement of an extraordinary leader, yet we cannot totally be blind to people's willingness. Anyone, even if a genius leader, who ignores this will pay a heavy price. Since a leader is elected by group members and he must consider their emotions. As long as teammates feel that they are an indispensable part of contribution to the goal will they strive for it and the working efficiency of the group will be enhanced greatly.  

To sum up, everyone's participance into a decision making certainly costs large amounts of time to reach a consensus and may be irrational, but a team is consisted by each individual, thus an efficient leader ought to make a decision largely according to his own views as well as taking into accounts for everyone's willingness.

面具小姐

9.3独立修改稿


Thereading passage casts doubt on the memoir written by the Chevalier because ofits less accuracy, while the listening confirms that his memoir is prettyprecise and reliable by explaining the following points.



To begin with, the writer claims that, inreality, the Chevalier was not so wealthy while living in Switzerland.  Conversely, the speakermentions the Chevalier's participance（用participance好像不太恰当，他是主办这些吧）in parties and gamblings（gambling不可数额）.Besides, she explains that the Chevalier's property at that time had to be sold first to get money,thus he failed to own enough cash, thenhe borrowed (感觉thus和then不太好。。。and had to borrow) loans from merchants.



What is more, the writer also is (is also) skeptical about the accuracy of the conversation withthe famous writer Voltaire(对话应该是Chevalier和Voltaire之间的，between会更明白些). However, the speaker demonstrates theexistence of notes which were taken down by the Chevalier, each night afterconversing with Voltaire (after是谁的从句呢？converse的执行者是note？意思理解了结构不太懂额。。。). Additionally, the Chevalier's servant (这个我没听见呢，学习了嘿嘿)assumed that the Chevalier regularlyconsulted these notes while writing the memoir.



Last, the writer questions the memoir's accountof the Chevalier's escape (或者escaping) from a notorious (这个词我记了笔记都没听见额。。)prison in Venice. Yet the speaker puts forwarda fact: many people who had more powerful friends politically connected thanthe Chevalier did failed to be set free. Therefore, it is less likely that theChevalier managed to offer a bribe (总感觉后面要to谁。。。)for freedom. Moreover,（这里表转折是不是好点。。） it is found in the governmental documentsabout the prison that the ceiling had been repaired the year after theChevalier's escape.



In anutshell, considering all analysis(analyses复数) presentedby the lecturer, three points showed by the writer have been beaten(感觉beaten好像不太合适)by the speaker.（再加一句总结说Chevalier的memoir会不会比较呢~）


亲好厉害啊 都听得好全啊，而且句子结构什么的也都好~比我的好多多多了~~(*^__^*) ~~

婷婷connie

9.3综合改改后
9.3独立修改稿


Thereading passage casts doubt on the memoir written by the Chevalier because ofits less accuracy, while the listening confirms that his memoir is prettyprecise and reliable by explaining the following points.


To begin with, the writer claims that, inreality, the Chevalier was not so wealthy while living in Switzerland.  Conversely, the speakermentions the Chevalier's participance activities(婷婷换这个啦，还有活跃的意思在里面，感觉贴切一点)（用participance好像不太恰当，他是主办这些吧）in parties and gamblings（咦，这个是在阅读里抄的诶）（gambling不可数额）.Besides, she explains that the Chevalier's propertyat that time had to be sold first to get money,thus he failed to own enough cash,thenhe borrowed and he had to borrow(感觉thus和then不太好。。。and had to borrow)loans from merchants.

What is more, the writeralso isis also(is also) skepticalabout the accuracy ofthehis conversation withthe famous writer Voltaire(对话应该是Chevalier和Voltaire之间的，between会更明白些). However, the speaker demonstrates theexistence of notes which were taken down by the Chevalier, each night afterconversing with Voltaire (after是谁的从句呢？converse的执行者是note？意思理解了结构不太懂额。。。)(这句话是Chevalier的伴随状语，表时间的). Additionally, the Chevalier's servant (这个我没听见呢，学习了嘿嘿)assumed that the Chevalier regularlyconsulted these notes while writing the memoir.

Last, the writer questions the memoir's accountof the Chevalier's escape （这个词有名词的意思的~）(或者escaping)from a notorious(这个词我记了笔记都没听见额。。)prison in Venice. Yet the speaker puts forwarda fact: many people who had more powerful friends politically connected thanthe Chevalier did failed to be set free. Therefore, it is less likely that theChevalier managed to offer a bribe (总感觉后面要to谁。。。)for freedom. Moreover（感觉和additionally是一个意思，这里是并且的意思啊，表并列，不是转折）,（这里表转折是不是好点。。）it is found in the governmental documentsabout the prison that the ceiling had been repaired the year after theChevalier's escape.

In anutshell, considering all analysis(analyses复数) presentedby the lecturer, three points showed by the writer have been beaten contradicted (恩恩，婷婷疏忽了，beaten太决定，感觉是自己相信lecturer了)(感觉beaten好像不太合适)by the speaker.（再加一句总结说Chevalier的memoir会不会比较呢~）

亲好厉害啊都听得好全啊，而且句子结构什么的也都好~比我的好多多多了~~(*^__^*) ~~



谢谢面具这么认真的改哦，好久没有写综合了，模版都不太记得了，再练了，一起加了个油~

gre呀gre

9.3 独立修改In contemporary society, people in growingnumbers are placing considerable emphasis on the （笔误了？）their budget plan. Some people insist（insist？笔误？insist on不能分开，而且这里意思也不对） the cost on traveling and vacation, while others also accent themagnitude of savings for future. In my opinion, money spent on traveling andvacation enjoys the first（first和priority重复了，窝觉得可以删掉，但是托福好像对重复神马的没有要求，求讨论！） priority.


First of all, traveling and vacation, whichhelp（加上to或者us）release ourselves（窝不确定这里是用us还是ourselves，因为主语是travel，但是travel又是我们在做，所以求讨论） from pressure, play an essential and indispensable role in ourlife. Once an individual is kept too long in the work place, his workingefficiency will be lowered and（加上he will，因为共用的主语是工作效率，逻辑上不成立） feel bored（这里应该用boring吧，我不确定，求讨论） about the job. At this time, a journey on weekends could benefithim a lot. Meandering in nature, large opportunitiesare that（改成the man can appreciatethe opportunities such as… 因为只有人才能漫步在大自然里，逻辑上不成立） the man appreciatesthe bird's light songs, beauty of a cascade and the clement sunshine. At thismoment, the exhausted employee is able to refresh himself and（加上to）forget about all his worries.

Besides, it is also a good chance for us tomake friends via traveling and vacation. As we get ourselves out of the regularplaces we stay, we are offered greater opportunities to meet more people from（窝觉得改成with更好） various backgrounds. Forexample,  I used to tour in Tibet, whereboth foreigners and native residents gather. Luckily, on the way to a temple, Imade friends with Lily, who is an American college student. Sharing commoninterests of traveling, we talked a lot during the trip. Hitherto（这词碉堡了）, we have been keeping in contact. By e-mails and chatting inEnglish, I benefit a lot and once I ranked the first place in my Englishlecture competition.

Admittedly, I concede that people willargue the advantage of saving money for future tosome degree（窝想了半天，觉得把to somedegree放在concede和that中间更好，用两个逗号插进去显得更地道: I concede, to some degree, that….求讨论）. As few people manage to predict the occurrence of emergencies inthe future, such as fees on an operation on heart or a mint of money demandedfor further education abroad, people are inclined to set aside some（加上money） in case of the anxiety. Nonetheless, withthe development of our national economy, the government pitches large amountsof investment on people's life. Nowadays（Currently会更好）,it is easy to apply loans from the bank. Thus, residents no longer need worryabout the shortage of money when confronting a quandary.

To sum up, considering all （加上the更好吧，有限定呢这里）analysis（应该是复数吧analyses） above, itis time to applaud the budget on traveling and vacation. As this expenditurecould not only relax（relieve更好吧）ourselvesfrom burden, but also enable us to widen the social circle, it should be takenthe preponderance.

婷婷connie

9.3 独立改改后
9.3 独立修改In contemporary society, people in growingnumbers are placing considerable emphasis onthe （笔误了？）(粗心啦)their budget plan. Some peopleinsist （on）（这里是想和前面的emphasis一直，insist: to be emphatic, firm, or resolute about something intended, demanded, or required 偏强调的意思~）（insist？笔误？insist on不能分开，而且这里意思也不对） the cost on traveling and vacation, while others also accent themagnitude of savings for future. In my opinion, money spent on traveling andvacation enjoys the first（first和priority重复了，窝觉得可以删掉，但是托福好像对重复神马的没有要求，求讨论！）(确实是重复了，之前一直以为是第一优先权的意思=o=，上网查了一下，托福作文不允许重复赘余的) priority.

First of all, traveling and vacation, whichhelpto（加上to或者us）release ourselves us(traveling and vacation 作为一个客体存在，感觉没有必要包含进来)（窝不确定这里是用us还是ourselves，因为主语是travel，但是travel又是我们在做，所以求讨论） from pressure, play an essential and indispensable role in ourlife. Once an individual is kept too long in the work place, his workingefficiency will be lowered andhe will（加上he will，因为共用的主语是工作效率，逻辑上不成立） feel bored（这里应该用boring吧，我不确定，求讨论） about the job. At this time, a journey on weekends could benefithim a lot. Meandering in nature, large opportunitiesare that（改成the man can appreciatethe opportunities such as… 因为只有人才能漫步在大自然里，逻辑上不成立） the man appreciatesthe bird's light songs, beauty of a cascade and the clement sunshine. At thismoment, the exhausted employee is able to refresh himself and（加上to）forget(婷婷认为refresh和forget一起接在able to后面，求解释) about all his worries.

Besides, it is also a good chance for us tomake friends via traveling and vacation. As we get ourselves out of the regularplaces we stay, we are offered greater opportunities to meet more people from（窝觉得改成with更好）（这个发现了from， with, of诡异...） various backgrounds. Forexample,  I used to tour in Tibet, whereboth foreigners and native residents gather. Luckily, on the way to a temple, Imade friends with Lily, who is an American college student. Sharing commoninterests of traveling, we talked a lot during the trip. Hitherto（这词碉堡了）, we have been keeping in contact. By e-mails and chatting inEnglish, I benefit a lot and once I ranked the first place in my Englishlecture competition.

Admittedly, I concede, to some degree,(这改法，也碉堡了！)that people willargue the advantage of saving money for future tosome degree（窝想了半天，觉得把to somedegree放在concede和that中间更好，用两个逗号插进去显得更地道: I concede, to some degree, that….求讨论）. As few people manage to predict the occurrence of emergencies inthe future, such as fees on an operation on heart or a mint of money demandedfor further education abroad, people are inclined to set aside some money（加上money） in case of the anxiety. Nonetheless, withthe development of our national economy, the government pitches large amountsof investment on people's life.Nowadays currently (Currently会更好）,it is easy to apply loans from the bank. Thus, residents no longer need worryabout the shortage of money when confronting a quandary.

To sum up, considering all （加上the更好吧，有限定呢这里）analysis（应该是复数吧analyses）(analysis做抽象名词没有复数，如果是某一次具体的分析可以用the analyses) above, itis time to applaud the budget on traveling and vacation. As this expenditurecould not only relax relieve（relieve更好吧）ourselvesfrom burden, but also enable us to widen the social circle, it should be takenthe preponderance.

这次写得快了，果然错误多了，嘿嘿，下次好好检查~

面具小姐

904 综合 改
红色错误 绿色建议 蓝色吐槽
The readingpassage recommends that fuel-cell engines have several advantages overinternal-combustion engines. While the lecturer casts doubt on it by offeringsome facts.

To begin with, the speaker contradicts the viewshowed by the writer that renewable resources make this fuel-cell attractive.Though water from which hydrogen is produced is plentiful, we cannot use waterdirectly. Instead, the hydrogen is an artificial substance,(这里有歧义，讲座中是指液态的氮气是人工产物，氮气空气里到处都有额。。)obtained from a pure liquid state which has to be kept in minus 253 degrees.Thus, the hydrogen(液态氮气哈) isdifficult to produce and store.

Moreover, the speaker demonstrates an oppositeperspective towards pollution problems. Even though the only byproduct offuel-cell engines is water, manufactories which generate hydrogen require largeamounts of energy by burning coal(糟糕 我写了可数。。) and oil. Thusthe process during (of) production must create lots of pollutions suchas carbon dioxide.

Additionally, the writer asserts that fuel-cellengines will be soon economically competitive. However, consideringexpenditures spent on engines, the situation is even severer. As this engine ismade up of an quite expensive metal, the only metal everfound, that enables the chemical reactions to undergo(这个我忘了写了T^T) in the engine, the price of this engine cannotbe lowered quickly.

To sum up, the writer is optimistic about thefuture of this hydrogen-based fuel-cell engine, while the lecturer is passiveabout this engine by illustrating several negative points (above加个更像结尾我觉得咧、、).


整体感觉很好，结构什么的也都很好呢~~